


never let go

by clexawarrior



Category: Runaways (TV 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Childhood Friends, F/F, Forbidden Love, Mutual Pining, Romance, a bit of a slow burn, dance, just two girls with big dreams and even bigger hearts, sort of enemies at the beginning to friends to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:28:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 94,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21672229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clexawarrior/pseuds/clexawarrior
Summary: Dancing was Karolina’s entire world when she was 13. Her world and the world of her dance partner, Nico Minoru, who she loved more than anything else. But all their wild dreams were crushed when Karolina’s father tore her out of the world of dance and set her on the path to business.Six years later, and dancing is nothing but a distant memory. Karolina attends Harvard University in preparation to work at her parents’ Fortune 500 company, the Dean Corporation. Until Nico unexpectedly drops back into her life and shows her that her passion for dancing might not be as hard to unearth as she thought, and Karolina realizes that some things in life are worth fighting for. Even her resurfacing feelings for the girl she used to love.Or the Deanoru dance AU
Relationships: Karolina Dean/Nico Minoru
Comments: 198
Kudos: 379





	1. running from truth

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again, Deanoru fandom! I'm back with another Deanoru fic that I've been working on for a bit of time now, and I'm finally ready to start posting it. I truly love these versions of the characters so much, so I'm very excited to start sharing this story with all of you. I hope you guys will love reading it as much as I love writing it!

Karolina Dean enters Timely Coffee and is immediately greeted by the usual barrage of sensations. People talking. Baristas calling out orders. The scent of coffee and baked goods all around her. What she doesn't expect is to see Nico Minoru standing in the line that leads up to the register, waiting to place her order.

She hasn't seen Nico since the night her father caught them together and forced them apart. She never thought she'd see Nico ever again.

There were many nights she dreamed of this exact moment, of what she would say to Nico in the event they ever saw each other again, but those nights were long gone now.

She needs to get out of here. She needs to turn right back around, leave this coffee shop, and pretend nothing ever happened. There is no room in her life anymore for Nico. But the other girl locks eyes with her before she can even begin to turn.

Those familiar brown eyes widen in recognition, and Karolina hopes Nico's gaze will dart away, that she'll have the same thoughts Karolina is having and pretend she hasn't seen Karolina at all. But she doesn't.

Instead, Nico crosses the coffee shop as if drawn toward Karolina by an invisible magnet, and Karolina finds herself caught in the magnet's pull as well. She wants to run, to flee from this place before this person who was once so important to her can try to make awkward small talk, but she can't move a muscle. She's frozen in place.

"Karrie." Nico stops in front of her, a mixture of awe and surprise in her eyes.

Just like that, Karolina is broken out of the spell that seemed to come over her the minute she saw Nico again. Her name is Karolina. She's not a kid anymore.

"Nico." She nods coolly, voice clipped.

"Wow. You're so…tall."

The last time Karolina saw Nico, they were almost eye level, but now Karolina stands half a foot taller. Further proof they're not kids anymore. Further proof they shouldn't be wasting their time talking when nothing good can come of it.

"Yes. It's been a while," Karolina says.

Nico's eyes soften at Karolina's icy tone, and Karolina has never been more confused. "What's going on, Karrie? Is your dad here? Should I not be talking to you?"

"No, my dad isn't here." Karolina laughs incredulously. How old does this girl think she is? "But that doesn't mean you should be talking to me. It's been six years, Nico. I don't know what you want me to say."

"How about we sit down and catch up?" Nico suggests. "We didn't really get much closure, considering your dad literally dragged you away from me. What happened that night?"

"He dragged me home, Vaughn got fired for driving me to see you, and I started getting more serious about my future," Karolina says. She doesn't dare mention all the days she spent crying nonstop, the way she wanted to run away to be with Nico the first chance she got, the threats her father made to keep her from doing just that. "I'm going to Harvard for business now. Surely you've put all our silly dreams behind you as well."

For the first time since Karolina saw Nico today, a flash of anger appears in Nico's eyes as she responds. "The only thing that was silly about those dreams was me thinking you'd be there to share them."

Her deflection of the question could only mean one thing.

"You can't be serious." It's the only thing Karolina can think to say. She doesn't even know how she feels about it. Is she disappointed that Nico's still hellbent on wasting her life? Or is a tiny part of her jealous because she still wishes she could be right there with her? She quickly pushes that thought away, though. She put that dream behind her for good reason.

"I go to Boston Conservatory for dance, and it's a great school." The hard glint in Nico's eyes falls away a bit. "I wish you could go there too."

"You think I still have any desire to be a dancer?" Karolina laughs at the mere thought. "Why would I want to waste my time and effort on something completely useless?"

Hurt flashes across Nico's face for a moment, but it's gone almost immediately as she schools her features to accommodate this girl she clearly didn't expect to find when she wandered over here to talk. Karolina is surprised when she feels a tiny twinge of remorse, and she quickly discards it.

She wanted to dance more than anything in the world at one point. Accepting that she would never be able to make a real career out of it is one of the hardest things she's ever done. It took her years to make peace with it. She doesn't need Nico to come back into her life now and tell her that all the crazy, unrealistic dreams of her youth are actually still attainable. Karolina feels embarrassed at even the thought that she ever used to believe she and Nico would dance in front of millions of people in sold-out theaters.

"Those are the kinds of things your dad used to say," Nico says. "The Karrie I knew never believed that."

"Because she was thirteen years old." Karolina doesn't know why Nico can't understand that. "She had no idea who the hell she wanted to be in life. I mean, what child doesn't have some crazy dream they never actually end up wanting to pursue?"

"Thirteen isn't that young. You knew exactly what you wanted back then." Nico takes a step closer to Karolina, brown eyes never leaving blue. "I think you still do."

Karolina feels anger pulse through her veins. Nico has no right to talk to her like this. No matter what she may have wanted in the past, dance isn't an option for her, and she has finally, _finally_ accepted that. The last thing she needs right now is somebody coming into her perfectly crafted life and destroying everything she's fought so hard to create.

"Let me put this in a way you'll understand," Karolina says slowly, as if talking to a toddler. "I don't want to dance. My dad was right. It's a waste of time. I want to work for the family business, where I'll actually be able to make a living. I don't want to struggle to make ends meet. My dad was right about everything."

"Oh, really?" Nico's anger is back tenfold. "So he was right about your sexuality then?"

"Yes, he was." It's a low blow, but Karolina only shrugs it off. She won't let Nico get a rise out of her. "I have a boyfriend now, and I don't regret any of it. Now, I would appreciate it if you would leave me alone. This isn't catching up; this is you attacking me."

"Wow." Nico crosses her arms over her chest. "I always thought you were so different from your dad. But I was wrong. You've turned out to be exactly like him."

It stings. As much as Karolina loves and admires her father, she knows he's not a very good person. She listens to him because she knows he has her best interests at heart, but he certainly could've communicated things better to her as a child. Not to mention, he can be rude and selfish at times. Is Karolina actually becoming like that?

"Whatever, Karolina," Nico says when she doesn't respond, and Karolina is surprised to find she prefers it when Nico doesn't use her full name. "Just go. I'm sorry I even tried to talk to you in the first place."

Karolina has never turned around so fast, and she eagerly hurries out of the coffee shop and out onto the sidewalk. Her pace is quick. She doesn't want to feel like she misses having Nico in her life. She doesn't want to feel any sort of attachment to the other girl anymore at all. She wants to get as far away from that place as she can.

As much as she wants to disregard everything Nico has said, she can't help but wonder if any of it is true. Is she becoming rude and stuck-up like her dad? Is she pursuing the career she truly wants, or is she only pursuing the career her dad talked her into wanting?

She pushes Nico from her head as she pushes past a crowd of people gathered outside of a cookie store. She can't let Nico get into her head. Karolina has spent way too long making this life for herself for some girl she knew when she was a kid to come back and ruin everything in one day. Nico doesn't know anything about her anymore.

"Wait!" she hears behind her, and she easily recognizes the voice as Nico's.

She should ignore Nico, quicken her pace to keep the other girl from ever catching up to her. She most definitely should not turn around and stop walking. She isn't proud to admit which of the two she ends up doing.

"What?" Karolina turns to face Nico with a scowl.

As much as she wants to run off and never look back, something inside of her won't let her. She can't remember the last time she was so disappointed in herself.

"I don't want you to leave again."

The look in Nico's eyes is so raw and devastated that Karolina's disappointment vanishes like dew in the sunlight as she is immediately transported through time. All her years of aging and development are gone in a second. She is thirteen again. This is her Nico looking back at her, and she is hurting. She's hurting, and Karolina wants nothing more than to make her hurting stop, to cheer her up the way Nico always does for her.

Instinctively, she reaches for her phone, turning to plug it into Nico's portable stereo so they can dance. And that's when she comes back to reality. There's no stereo, and they haven't danced in six years. And now Nico is staring at her in confusion, clearly curious as to why she wordlessly reached for her phone.

Karolina shakes her head, dispelling her thoughts as she settles back into reality. Nico's not hers anymore. And she is not Nico's.

"I'm not the girl you used to know, Nico." Karolina says softly. It's the first thing she's said all day without sounding angry or full of herself. "I really am sorry, though."

She doesn't know what she's apologizing for, but she's sorry all the same. Sorry she can't be the person Nico remembers maybe.

"Okay, so you're not the girl I used to know," Nico finally agrees. "But that doesn't mean we have to be strangers. And it doesn't mean you have to keep lying to yourself. You've changed, I can see that. But you haven't changed that much."

"What do you want me to say, Nico?" Karolina sighs in exasperation. She's tired of arguing with Nico, and she wishes Nico would just tell her what she wants so they can move on.

"How about you say you'll try to dance again? I'll give you free dance lessons for a week, and if you like them, we can talk about continuing for pay."

"What if I don't like them?" Karolina blurts out.

"Then I'll never bother you again," Nico says easily, confidently. She's certain of herself that Karolina is going to fall right back into the girl she once was the minute she sets foot on a dance floor.

She doesn't know that Karolina's already tried to dance again, in high school. She told her dad she joined the debate team, and she danced with the school team every afternoon, but it wasn't nearly as great as she remembered. She enjoyed it, but dancing brought a certain sadness with it that she wasn't able to shake. So she dropped out the year after to focus fully on her career, thinking her dad might have ruined dancing for her forever, and never looked back. Doing so now would only serve as a setback.

"I can't," Karolina says. "I don't need to waste any more of my time on dancing. It's just not what I want anymore."

"Then this should be easy for you." The challenge in Nico's eyes is clear. "Dance with me for a week and then I'll never bother you again."

"I know you think I'm lying to myself, but I was just a stupid kid back then." Karolina tries one more time to convince Nico of what she already knows. She wanted to dance when she was younger, she can't deny that, but she isn't that person anymore. She doesn't want to be.

"I never thought you were stupid," Nico says softly. "I thought you were brave."

"I've been working so hard to get ready to take on a job at my family's company, and I'm not giving up on that," Karolina says with some confidence of her own.

Nico gives her a knowing look. "But is that your choice, or your father's?"

"It's the practical choice."

The words slip out before Karolina can stop them. Any other day, to any other person, Karolina would have said the choice is hers. The more she listens to her father talk about his career, the more she wants to be as successful as he is. She isn't choosing to be a businesswoman just because her father wants her to. So what is it about Nico that suddenly makes her so unsure?

"Listen, just think about it." Nico grabs a pen from her bag and scribbles something down on a napkin before holding it out to Karolina.

A phone number. Nico's phone number.

"Text me if you change your mind." The sadness in her eyes is clear. She's looking at Karolina like she knows that little girl she used to dance with is still in there somewhere, and it pains her that Karolina won't set her free.

"I won't," Karolina says, but she takes the number anyway. She takes it because she can't bear not to. She takes it because she knows too.


	2. for worse or for better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance for the lack of Deanoru interaction in this chapter, but I needed to introduce all of the other characters who will be important in this fic haha. Also, the word count for this chapter is twice as long as for the first, so I really hope you guys will enjoy it! Thank you to everyone who left kudos on the first chapter and commented on it. I really appreciate that so much! I can't wait to hear what you guys think about this next installment! :D

"Something happened at Timely," Nico says the minute she is in the door of Gert's family's apartment.

Gert glances down at Nico's empty hands. "You forgot the coffees?"

"Well, yes, but that wasn't what I was going to say." Nico collapses onto the couch.

"Are you okay?" Gert sits beside her. "You look pale."

She feels worse than pale. Nico hasn't been able to get Karolina's blue eyes out of her mind since she looked into them earlier. Karolina looks so different now, but her eyes are still the same.

"I saw her," Nico says. "At Timely. I was standing in line to get our coffees, and when I turned my head, she was just there."

"By her, you don't mean…?" Gert trails off, but Nico doesn't need her to say it.

She nods. "Karolina."

Gert's eyes widen, even though she must have expected it. Nico understands her surprise, though. She hasn't completely gotten over the shock of seeing Karolina again herself.

Silence stretches between them for several seconds. Nico knows what Gert must be thinking. She's angry. It's no secret that she hates Karolina, for being rich as well as for breaking Nico's heart. She probably wants Nico to hate her just as much; Nico certainly has every right to. But she could never fully bring herself to hate the girl she used to love.

"You haven't talked about her in a while," Gert finally says.

"Because she isn't in my life anymore," Nico says. "The only way I could move on was to stop thinking about her, so I did."

"What did you do today? When you saw her." Gert looks skeptical, as if she already knows the answer.

When she saw Karolina again, Nico wanted to ignore her. She wanted to get away from that coffee establishment as fast as she could. But her heart wouldn't let her. For a moment, Nico looked at Karolina and all their years apart fell away. For a moment, it felt like they were untouchable again. Then Nico said Karrie's name, and reality crashed back down upon them.

"I talked to her," Nico admits. She knows Gert will see right through her if she tries to lie.

"Are you out of your mind?" Gert exclaims. "Have you forgotten how much she _hurt_ you?"

"Only for a minute." Nico prickles with defensiveness. "It wasn't hard to remember when she opened her mouth."

"What did she say to you?" A steady anger comes to a smolder behind Gert's eyes.

"She didn't say anything awful to me outright. It was the way she said things. Like she didn't care anymore. Like she thought she was better than me."

"Because she does." Gert rolls her eyes. "I've been trying to tell you that for years."

"I know." Nico sighs. "And I know it took me a long time to get over her, but the point is that I did. I started to believe the things you said because she proved them to be true. She didn't come back for me, not when she got a car, not when she turned 18, and she's with someone else now. I know that. She's not a good person, but she used to be, and that's what kills me."

Gert narrows her eyes in suspicion. "What did you do, Nico?"

Somehow Gert has figured out that Nico didn't just tell Karolina to go away, that she couldn't bear to let her go again, even after everything she did, or didn't do in this case.

"What makes you think I did anything at all?" Nico deflects.

"I know you, Nico." Gert gives her an exasperated look. "Now will you stop dancing around the question? I know you didn't tell her to get lost and walk out, so I guess what I should be asking is what did _you_ say to _her_?"

"I did tell her to get lost." Nico feels anger rise inside of her at the haughty way Karolina was acting before Nico went after her outside. "She was snobby and rude, so I told her she turned out exactly like her father, and I told her to leave."

Gert's eyebrows jump up in surprise, and Nico knows her best friend is impressed. She clearly didn't think Nico had any malice in her at all when it came to Karolina, as insulting as that is. But, as much as Nico has despised Karolina at times in her life, she doesn't hold any true hatred for her. Because the second Karolina turned her back, as much as Nico wanted to get away from her and be done with whatever once existed between them once and for all, she couldn't bear to watch Karolina walk out of her life again.

"And so she left. But I went after her, and I'm sorry," Nico says. "I know I should've just let her go, okay? I _know_ that. I don't owe her a second chance. But I couldn't let her leave without telling her the truth, that I didn't want her to."

"Nico." Gert gives her a disappointed look.

"Something happened when I said that." Nico pushes on before Gert can argue with her. "She stopped being all snippy and entitled and just _talked_ to me. And of course, it still wasn't favorable. She told me she isn't who I used to know. But I'm not sure I believe her. She basically admitted to me that working at the Dean Corporation isn't her choice."

"You brought up dancing again, didn't you?" Gert sighs.

"Yes." Nico's shoulders slump. It's times like these where she wishes her best friend couldn't read her so well. "And she told me she doesn't want to dance again. So I offered her free lessons for a week."

"If she told you she didn't want to dance anymore, you shouldn't have pushed it." Gert shakes her head.

"This isn't about dancing. Gert, I knew Karolina once, before you'd ever even heard of her, and she had the purest soul of anyone I've ever known. She may be stuck-up now, but that's only because she had all the kindness beaten out of her by the world she grew up in. If nothing else, I want to let her know that she does have a choice in life. That being pure, being _herself_ , isn't a bad thing."

Gert's mouth twists in distaste. "I wish you would just let this one go. I don't want you getting hung up on Karolina again. She had a chance to do the right thing when you were younger, and she never did. You deserve to be with someone who's going to treat you right, and Karolina is never going to be that person."

As much as she doesn't want to admit it, Nico thinks Gert is right. Karolina may have once been a gentle soul, but she's grown up in a world with no place for gentleness, and so naturally Karolina became cold. Nico may have seen a glimpse of Karrie in those eyes, but maybe there's no way to save her. Maybe Karolina truly is destined to work for the family business like her father and his father before him.

"I'm not in love with Karolina anymore, but that doesn't mean I don't care about her," Nico says, and she realizes it's true. She misses that girl she used to know, but that doesn't mean she wants to trust her with her heart again. "I just want to help her."

"How can you be so sure she'll even want you in her life again?" Gert asks.

"How can you be so sure she won't?" Nico returns easily. "Listen, I only agreed to dance with her for a week. I'll give myself one week to see if I can get through to that girl I used to know, if there's even anything left of her. And if I can't, then I won't waste any more time on her again. At least I'll finally have the closure I never got as a kid."

"And if, by some off chance, she likes these lessons?"

"Then I'll continue them for pay, and it'll stop being an act of charity. It'll be a job for me, nothing more. She has plenty of money, and you and I both know how hard it is to pay for college on our own."

"I guess that's not a completely crazy idea." Gert sighs, the hard look finally falling away from her eyes. "Get her hooked so you can get her money. What did she say when you asked her? Did she already agree to these lessons?"

"Well, no," Nico admits. "She told me she doesn't want to waste any more of her time on dance, but I gave her my number in case she changes her mind."

"And what makes you so sure she will?" Gert looks genuinely curious, despite her obvious bias against Karolina.

"Because she loved it," Nico says. It sounds stupid, but it's her answer. Karolina's love for dance was unmatched, and Nico knows there's no way it's vanished completely. "She always knew she wanted to be a dancer, all her life. She may have pushed that away now, but it's not gone. Her passion for dancing was too strong to just disappear. Can you imagine wanting one thing all your life only for your parents to dismiss it like it's nothing? A stupid waste of time? No one deserves that, Gert. Not even someone like Karolina."

"No, she doesn't deserve that," Gert finally concedes, "but why do you have to be the one to help her see that?"

Nico shrugs sadly. "No one else is going to."

"I just don't want you to get hurt again." Gert laces her fingers through Nico's, giving her hand a squeeze.

"I know." Nico squeezes back. "I'll be careful, I promise."

Nico doesn't know if Gert believes her or not. All she knows is that she doesn't believe herself. Saying she'll be careful around Karolina is like promising to stay safe before running out the door into a category 5 hurricane.

* * *

Karolina hasn't been able to get Nico's words out of her head since she left the coffee shop. Is she really only choosing business because she knows it's the only career her father will accept? Is there any possibility left that some part of her might still want to dance?

It's been a long time since she truly wanted to make a career out of dancing. She danced in high school, it wasn't the same, and that was that. If her dad ruined dancing as a passion, she might as well do something she can make a good living at. But what if dancing didn't feel different because it brought up the memory of her dad ripping her away from it but because it felt wrong to dance with anyone other than Nico?

No. Karolina isn't meant to dance. She's way too smart for that. It would be a shame to waste her talent on something she may never make decent money doing. Her dad is right. He has to be. She won't accept that she gave up dancing for nothing.

Logically, she knows she could rip up the napkin that houses Nico's phone number, and this will all be over, but she can't bring herself to do it. As much as she wants all of this to be over, she isn't sure which way she wants it to end.

When she pulls up to the gate in front of her house, she almost cries in relief when she sees Chase's car parked in the driveway. Chase is the one person she can talk to about this, the one person she can trust to be completely honest with her. He'll reassure her that she's doing the right thing by refusing Nico's offer.

She is through the gate and up the driveway in record time. After hopping out of the car, she makes her way into her house and up to her room faster than she ever has before.

"Chase!" She smiles happily, pulling her boyfriend in for a hug before kissing him on the lips.

"Hey, babe." Chase smiles, but it quickly turns into a frown. "What's going on?"

"How do you know something's going on?" Karolina is perplexed. She hasn't even said anything yet.

"Well, you're holding onto that napkin so tightly that I'm surprised you haven't torn through it." Chase gestures to the object in her hand. "So I'm guessing something has you feeling tense."

Karolina opens up the napkin so he can see. "A girl gave me her number at the coffee shop."

She suddenly feels shy at the prospect of telling him everything that happened today, hence the sudden vagueness. Of course, he knows about Nico and how she used to dance with Karolina, but Karolina never told him anything about their feelings for each other. It was too painful to talk about for a long time, and afterwards, too awkward. Can Karolina really tell Chase she turned him down the first time he asked her out in seventh grade because she was already falling for the very person whose number she's holding now?

"I'm not seeing the problem here," Chase sits down on the bed.

Karolina can't bring herself to sit. She can barely stop herself from pacing around the room.

"It was Nico, the girl I used to dance with before my dad dashed my childhood dreams to hell? I mean, I haven't seen her in years, and she walked right over and started talking to me like no time had passed at all."

"Does she want you to start dancing again?" Chase's eyes widen at the realization.

"She offered to give me free lessons for a week if I want them," Karolina grumbles.

"What did you say?"

Karolina's mind reels at his response. She's telling him about all of this because she wants his advice, wants him to think the offer as ridiculous as she does, but instead he goes and asks a question like that. What's worse, he seems genuinely curious, as if he really doesn't know what Karolina's answer was when it should be incredibly clear.

"I said no. Obviously." Karolina resists the urge to roll her eyes. Chase doesn't deserve to serve as the outlet for her frustration.

"Why?" Chase asks, and Karolina can feel her patience slipping away by the second.

She wants Chase to confirm she's doing the right thing so she can put all of this behind her, but instead, he's grilling her with a million different questions. She doesn't understand why he's not laughing with her right now about how silly even the notion of dancing is. She knows he wouldn't give up his own future career for anything, so why should he expect her to?

"As if I would want to waste my time on dance." Karolina scoffs. "I need to be focusing on school and my future, not twirling around in a tutu like I'm five years old. Surely you understand how important it is to prepare for my career without distractions."

"Yeah, I do," Chase says easily, "because it is important to me. I've always looked forward to taking over my dad's company one day and making it better. But you? You haven't always wanted this, Kar. And I'm not completely convinced you want it now."

_Why does everyone keep saying that today?_

"What do you mean? I'm going to Harvard for business. Why the hell would I do that if I didn't want to be a businesswoman?"

"Because it's what your dad wants you to be. I've known you your whole life, Kar. I remember what you were like when you used to talk about dancing. It was one of the reasons I started crushing on you in the first place. You were so vibrant and full of life, like nothing could stand in your way. I've never once heard you talk about business like that."

Karolina remembers exactly how she used to talk about dance, and even that paled in comparison to how she used to feel while dancing. She doesn't remember the exact ecstatic feeling she got when she and Nico began to move together to a melody, but she remembers that it was a great one. She remembers how excited and free she would feel on the dance floor. But she doesn't want to remember. For the past six years, she's been trying her hardest to forget.

"I've grown up since then," Karolina says, but her defense sounds flimsy at best. "I'm not going to make up unrealistic fantasies about how I'm going to be the very best businesswoman in the world like I did about dancing."

Chase sighs. "Maybe you've lost your passion for dance, but I don't think you've ever even had any for business. I understand that you want to make your dad proud, but that isn't worth your happiness, Karolina. I promise you that."

"So you're saying I should take the lessons?" Karolina gives him one final chance to say no, one final chance to set her world back on its axis and keep it spinning the way it has for the past few years.

She hopes with everything in her that he'll start saying words that make sense again.

"I'm saying it won't hurt to take them." Chase nods. "It's only for a week. I think it'll be good for you to take time to figure things out. You'll be doing yourself a big favor."

Karolina feels like she's being torn in two. She's been both waiting for this day to come and dreading the moment it would be breathed into existence. She wanted to hear Chase's honest opinion, but now she doesn't think she was ready to. She didn't consider that he might see sense in taking Nico's offered lessons.

"Why are you telling me this now?" she asks. "Why not tell me the day I told you I wanted to go to Harvard?"

"Because you wanted to go to Harvard. It didn't matter that business didn't interest you one bit. You wanted to go, and nothing I said or did was going to be able to talk you out of it when your dad was saying the opposite. You never doubted his plan for you then. But I think you did today, or you wouldn't be so upset over this. And I agree with every doubt you've had."

"I'm not doubting anything." Karolina is growing frustrated at his persistence in fighting her. "I know I don't want to dance anymore. I was just a dumb kid back then, and I didn't know what I wanted."

"Well, I think that dumb kid knew exactly what she wanted." Chase stands from the bed, taking Karolina's hand in his. "I think it's the girl in front of me now who doesn't know what she wants."

It's almost exactly what Nico said earlier, and Karolina wonders if it's true. Maybe Chase is right, and she should take these lessons, if for nothing else than to prove him wrong. If she's truly convinced her passion for dance is gone, what has she got to lose?

Karolina's reluctance to take the lessons, though, has already proved everything anyone needs to know. She's afraid she'll prove herself wrong, and she won't find the lessons as useless as she thinks she will. Maybe a tiny part of her even fears she'll find that dancing isn't the only thing she still loves.

"If I dance again, I can't do it with Nico." Karolina pulls her hand away. "We had a falling out when we were younger, and it would just be awkward to spend a week with her now."

"Come on, Karolina. You were what? Thirteen years old?" Chase asks exasperatedly. "You need to get over it, like she clearly has, and just do what's best for you because you might never get another chance."

He's right about one thing. This could be her last chance to dance. She hasn't finished her schooling, and it's certainly not too late for her to change her major. She won't be uprooting her entire life if she decides she wants to switch tracks now.

But she knows her dad won't see it that way.

It doesn't matter what she wants. Her dad made sure she knew that. She can't dance again without bringing Nico down with her when her dad inevitably finds out about it. And she won't bring Nico down with her. She decided that years ago.

"You don't know what's best for me," Karolina finally says.

"Neither does your father," Chase answers immediately.

It's too far, and they both know it. Karolina can tell he knows it in the way his eyes widen, almost as if he didn't mean to say it. But he said it. There's no taking it back now.

"This discussion is over," Karolina says icily. She's made her decision, had made it many years ago, and she's determined not to go back on it now. "If you can't let it lie, you can leave."

He looks hurt for a moment, and Karolina instantly regrets what she said. Chase didn't do anything wrong. All he did was give her his honest opinion, just like she wanted.

He shakes his head, frustration clear in his eyes. "Maybe I will."

"Chase, wait," Karolina calls after him as he pushes past her and stalks over to the door. She didn't mean to offend him, and she certainly didn't want the only person who is ever truly in her corner to be mad at her.

He turns back to face her, but the hard glint never leaves his eyes.

"I'm sorry, but I care about you, and I'm tired of watching you throw your life away to become something you'll never be proud of."

He walks out the door, and Karolina fights the urge to go after him. Doing so will only prove to further shatter the beliefs she's spent so long convincing herself are hers. She goes over the familiar thoughts in her head. _Dancing is nothing but a waste of time. I will make a good living as a businesswoman. I want to be a businesswoman. I don't need anything to distract me from pursuing my career to the best of my ability._

The thoughts don't sound as convincing as they normally do. Today, they sound forced and fake, so she eventually gives up and collapses back onto her bed. The minute she does, though, she's bombarded by Nico's words again, and now Chase's too. The worst part is that their words don't feel fake in the slightest. Their words sound true.

She can't give in. This is out of her control, has been since the night her dad found her and Nico dancing almost six years ago, and she can't go back to that way of thinking now. It will only destroy her and Nico, and she'd rather live a life she doesn't particularly enjoy than be robbed of any sort of life at all. So she pushes every single thought from her head and instead focuses all of her mental energy on counting the leaves on the tree outside her window.

Silence has never felt so loud.

* * *

Only once she goes downstairs to dinner does Karolina begin to feel like herself again. As always, the dinner conversation is all about business, and Karolina has never been so grateful for anything in her life. No one mentions dancing. No one would even dream of mentioning it. Dance is a ridiculous topic here, and Karolina finally feels like she can breathe again.

Her mother and father tell Karolina all about their day at the company, and she in turn tells them about her day at school, minus the crazy mishap from her coffee break and her unsettling conversation with Chase. She doesn't even have to tell her parents about it. She already knows what they will say. Exactly what anyone should.

This feels right. This feels real. Karolina feels like she can finally let go of all her childish doubts and questioning.

"Karolina," Frank Dean says to draw her attention to him. He pauses for a moment to share a look with her mother, who gives him an encouraging nod, before continuing. "We have a new project for you to work on."

"One we think you'll be excited about," Leslie chimes in.

"Really?" Karolina feels her eyes go wide with delight. "What is it?"

She only works with the company over breaks because her parents don't want her getting distracted from her schoolwork, but she knows she can handle working with school. This will be her chance to prove it to them.

"We don't have an official social media manager, so we thought you might like to try taking charge of the company's social media pages for a while." Her dad smiles as if he's offering her the job she's always wanted.

Chase is wrong. She does want this. She wants to help out at the company as much as she can, and she certainly knows how to work with social media. It won't take her long to figure out the basics of the position, and she knows her dad will be impressed.

"That would be great." Karolina smiles widely. "When can I start?"

Her dad frowns. "You're not even going to ask what this job will entail? You're simply going to take it without question?"

Her smile immediately falls away at his irritated words. _Shit_. She messed up already.

"You should never accept an opportunity without knowing what will be required of you," he continues. "This is your future we're talking about."

"Yes, sir." Karolina looks down at her plate of prime rib. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," her mom answers, the more lenient of the two. "You're still learning. But you never want to take a job that will be too much for you or that you don't have the proper skills to perform well at."

Karolina nods. "So what will I be doing?"

"We don't need much," Frank says. "Just a few posts a day will do, on Twitter and Instagram, and of course we will send you the things we want you to report on. We just want you to present the information in the best way possible and put it out to the public. I assume that won't be an issue for you."

"Not at all," Karolina says easily. "I'm looking forward to it."

She knows it won't be the most exciting of jobs, but it certainly won't be hard for her, and she wants a chance to prove herself as an integral part of the company. Her parents will be trusting her with their entire social media platform, and she knows there's no greater honor than earning their trust. Not to mention, it will be best for her to stay busy right now. Less time for her to think about…other things.

The conversation continues, and Karolina falls easily back into it. It's nice to talk about the future she wants to have instead of the one Chase and Nico are trying to force upon her. She belongs right here at this dinner table, talking about business and sales and marketing techniques. She does not belong in a ballroom with Nico wasting her talent and intelligence away.

She's confident of this in the dining room, but the further she gets from it, the more that confidence wavers. She showers and gets ready for bed, trying to wash away the events of the day. No matter how hard she scrubs, though, it feels like Nico's words have been tattooed into her skin: _I thought you were brave_.

Is she a coward for wanting the same things her dad does? Is she lying to herself about her interest in business, or has she truly just grown up?

When she gets to her room, she sees the napkin where she left it on her bed. She wishes she had the nerve to just throw it out the window earlier. Now it taunts her from where it sits, but she knows she has to pick it up if she wants to get it out of her sight.

After grabbing the napkin, she turns to stuff it far down in her bottom desk drawer, but her hand doesn't seem to want to do it. For the second time that day, her hand is itching for her phone.

Chase was right when he said this might be her last chance to turn back, but it's also her last chance to prove to herself once and for all that she doesn't want this. If she refuses the lessons, Chase will be mad at her for weeks, and she'll never truly know whether Nico was right about everything or not. If she just takes the lessons and gets them over with, she'll never have to talk to Nico again, and Chase will admit he was wrong and move on.

Everything will go back to normal after a week. A week isn't a long time to waste, considering the loose ends and doubts she'll have to deal with for the rest of her life if she doesn't just suck it up now and do this.

Karolina opens her messaging app and types the number on the napkin into the text bar. She quickly taps out a short text to Nico before she can ruminate on whether or not this is actually a good idea.

_I'll take the lessons._

It's short. It's simple. It's nothing personal. If she wants to sound indifferent about this, then it's the perfect text. So why does she still hesitate to hit send?

Maybe it's because she knows she needs to focus on her career and nothing else. Sure, she'll only be dancing for a week, but her parents just gave her a new job, and she wants to make sure she gives it the attention it deserves. Maybe it's because she knows her father will be furious if he finds out. If he catches her and Nico together again, she'll be lucky not to get disowned, let alone take over the company one day.

Or maybe it's because she's afraid, in the deep recesses of her heart, that it might not be as easy for her to prove she's done with dancing as she thinks it will. Maybe she knows there's a chance she will rediscover her love for dance instead of dismissing it once and for all. Maybe it's because she knows she won't ever be able to go back from that.

If she finds out Chase and Nico are right, and she still wants to be a dancer, then these lessons will completely uproot the life she's been building for herself these past six years. Is she really ready for that?

_I'm tired of watching you throw your life away to become something you'll never be proud of._

Chase's words echo through her head again. If there's a chance she'll regret the life she's chosen for herself, does she really want to choose it? No. It doesn't matter who's standing in her way. She wants to live a life _she_ can be proud of.

She hits send before she can think about it any longer.


	3. you make me feel on fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder, please don't leave any season three spoilers in your comments. I've only seen the first episode so far. I hope you enjoy the new chapter and can't wait to hear what you think! :)

_Meet me on Monday at 4. You know where._

It's all Karolina's thought about since it first appeared on her phone. She didn't respond to it, of course, but she has her read receipts on, so Nico knows she got it.

As much as she tried to focus on literally anything else this weekend, all she could think about is going back to the abandoned art museum with Nico, the very one whose parking lot she's standing in now. She parked in the neighborhood down the street, briefly thinking it an inconvenience she no longer has a chauffeur since Vaughn got fired, and then she climbed the fence, relieved when no sirens or anything went off. So there's still no surveillance then.

She remembers the first time she brought Nico here, how wide-eyed the other girl was the whole time, so scared they were going to get caught. But there was no surveillance, despite what the signs on the gate said. Vaughn assured them of that. He apparently used to hang out here when he was younger. And so it turned from Vaughn's hangout to Karolina and Nico's dance studio. At least the ballroom part of it. Karolina's surprised it's still left standing after all these years of no use.

When she walks inside, she is slightly afraid she might find squatters or the like, but it doesn't seem like anyone is there, at least not that she can see. It seems the signs outside have been serving their intended purpose.

She also notices that Nico isn't here yet, and she considers for a moment that maybe this isn't where Nico intended for them to meet after all. She immediately shakes that thought off, though. Where else would they dance?

Karolina enters the ballroom, and it's clear no one has been here in years. The floor is coated in a thick layer of dust, and the carcasses of one too many species of bug litter the ground. Nico and Karolina used to keep this place well-swept and clean, but it's been left alone for so long that it finally matches the rest of the museum again.

Other than the obvious lack of use, though, everything is the same. The same paintings of ballerinas and ballroom dancers line the walls. The same elaborate chandelier hangs from the ceiling. The same decrepit baby grand stands in the far-left corner. Even the candles she and Nico used to light to be able to see at night are still sitting atop the piano and the windowsills.

Being back here feels wrong. All she can think about is the last time, her father tearing in here and literally dragging her away from Nico, the tears streaming down her face as she lost the person she cared about more than anyone else in the world, the subsequent threats her dad made to ruin Nico's family if he ever caught Karolina with her again. She hated him once. She hated him, and she wanted this, and it's almost too much for her to bear.

She thinks about leaving. It's not too late for her. Nico isn't even here yet. She can be out of here and gone in a minute, without a single glance back at any of this ever again. She already has her answers. If dancing truly doesn't matter to her anymore, then she should feel indifferent about being back here.

Before she can even begin to move, though, she hears the main doors open, and Nico is rushing into the ballroom a moment later, gushing apologies.

"Sorry I'm late. My class ran late, and then I ran into traffic, and I really did plan on being here at 4."

Karolina glances at her phone. "You're only five minutes late. Calm down."

Now that Nico is finally here, Karolina feels a sour mood settle over her, the same mood that had come over her when she first ran into Nico at Timely. Nico's the reason Karolina's been feeling so out of sorts lately, and Karolina suddenly wants to prove to herself and to Nico that this doesn't matter, that she's only here because the lessons are free and nothing more.

Disappointment flashes across Nico's face for a moment, but she easily brushes it off, face twisting in disgust as she finally turns to survey the floor. "I guess we should probably sweep before we do this, huh?"

Reluctantly, Karolina nods. She has to agree with Nico on this one unless she wants to spend her time dancing on dead bugs, feet coated in dust.

She walks out to the hallway closet and tries not to feel surprised that even their old cleaning supplies are still there. Of course they are. Who would have been around to take them? Wordlessly, she hands a broom to Nico and grabs another one for herself.

They don't say a word to each other as they sweep and mop the entire floor of the ballroom, and Karolina can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing. The last thing she wants to do is talk to Nico, but being left alone with her thoughts isn't a particularly favorable outcome either.

The candles in the ballroom. The brooms in the closet. Nico's even brought the same damn portable stereo with her, as if she hasn't had ample time to get a new one. It feels to Karolina like she's stepped back through time. Everything has changed outside of these walls, but here, nothing has. In this museum, everything is exactly the same as it was when they were kids. Except they're not kids anymore. Karolina hates that, for a second, she wishes they were.

When the room is finally clean, and they've stored all their cleaning supplies in the closet once more, Nico awkwardly clears her throat. "We should probably start with some warmups."

"Warmups?" Karolina scowls. "I danced for years. Is this your way of insinuating I'm never going to be as good as you again?"

"It's my way of ensuring you don't end up hurting yourself." Nico's voice takes on an annoyed undertone. "I need to warm up too. Every dancer does."

Karolina knows this. She learned it in her first dance class when she was four years old. There's just something inside of her that tells her she needs to be difficult, needs to keep up a guarded front so Nico doesn't even know there's a possibility there might be something else underneath.

A fire is burning inside her, and she's much too afraid to see what will happen when it goes out.

"So…I was thinking today we could maybe just run through some classic ballet moves to ease you back into dancing again." Nico doesn't sound so calm anymore. There's a certain tension to her words, like she's finding out that she might not want to be here after all. "I know technique isn't everything, but it's still important."

"Fine." Karolina rolls her eyes. She was always more of a contemporary dancer, but she supposes it will only help her case to do something she's not as into.

"Great," Nico says, sounding like she thinks Karolina's answer is anything but. "Do you remember the positions?"

"Obviously." Karolina huffs.

Despite her answer, they run through the five positions again anyway, and Karolina is surprised at how natural it feels, even after at least two years away from anything that had to do with dance.

When they actually start to go through dance moves again, she thinks she should feel stiff, but she doesn't. She thinks dancing should feel weird, but it doesn't. It feels like dancing is what her body is made to do, like she never even stopped at all. It feels good.

It scares her.

She falls out of her third _pirouette_ halfway through, getting dizzy. Stumbling to regain her footing, she watches the world sway around her until her eyes come back into focus directly on Nico.

"You have to focus on something to spot yourself each time you go around, remember?" Nico says, a small smile on her face. "You liked to use the painting of the two ballerinas because it reminded you of us."

On instinct, Karolina's eyes shoot to the very painting. Two ballerinas, one blonde and the other brunette, stretch next to each other at the barre. Nico always used to say they were holding hands because you can't see their hands in between them and prove for sure they're not, and Karolina would follow that up by saying of course they were holding hands because she would always be holding Nico's hand. Even now, she sees the two of them when she looks at that painting, but instead of filling her with warmth and happiness like it used to, now it just makes her uncomfortable. Karolina hasn't felt that way about Nico in a long time.

"I know what I'm doing," Karolina snaps. "You don't need to flaunt my mistakes any chance you get."

"I'm not flaunting anything," Nico says incredulously. If Karolina is trying to push Nico away with her behavior, she thinks it's probably working. "Maybe it was out of line for me to say that, but there's no denying we had a past together, Karolina. Ignore it all you want, but that doesn't make it any less real."

"I'm not ignoring anything." Karolina is immediately on the defensive. "You're ignoring me when I say that I'm nothing like that now. I used to feel a certain way about you, Nico, but I don't anymore, and that's not gonna change."

"You say that as if I'm expecting it to." Nico sighs. "Maybe you think I still have feelings for you, Karri—Karolina, but I don't. Yeah, I still care about you, but not like that."

Karolina never knew it was possible to feel both relieved and disappointed at the same time. Relieved that Nico isn't going to come on to her, and disappointed because…well, she doesn't know why she feels disappointed, or she doesn't want to acknowledge it anyway, so she does what she does best. She pushes it to the back of her mind where it can hopefully remain ignored and forgotten for the rest of her days.

She also pointedly chooses a different portrait to spot her on her _pirouettes_ from there on out. Ballroom dancers, male and female this time.

It isn't until they get to _arabesques_ that Karolina starts to feel uncomfortable again. When Karolina gets into position, Nico immediately falls out of her own _arabesque_ to come over and help Karolina with hers.

"Keep your leg out straighter, like this." Nico straightens Karolina's leg out for her, the first physical contact they've had in six years, and Karolina's first instinct is to lean into the touch. Nico's touch feels right in all the ways it no longer should, and Karolina breaks her position two seconds later when she jumps out of Nico's grasp.

Nico watches her curiously, and Karolina hopes she didn't notice her initial reaction, knows that she did. For a moment, she's speechless. She doesn't know what to say, how to fix this. All she knows is that the fire inside of her is so intense, it could burn her alive.

"If you only gave me these lessons to get into my pants, then forget I accepted them. I have a boyfriend."

"Oh, get over yourself, Karolina." Anger springs up into Nico's brown eyes. "I already told you I don't have feelings for you anymore. I was only trying to help you with your technique."

As hard as Karolina has fought to keep the fire inside of her burning, it goes out at the sincerity in Nico's words. She's over Karolina. This is only about dancing. Did Karolina think it might be about something else? Did she hope it would be? How does she feel to know that Nico's moved on from her?

"I'm giving you these lessons because I believe in dance," Nico says when Karolina doesn't answer. "And you used to believe in it too."

She did. There's no denying it, and it hits her hard. She used to be as in love with dance as Nico is, to dream of dancing on a stage in front of thousands of people with Nico and only Nico. The two of them wanted that dream more than anything, wouldn't let anyone stand in their way. So what happened? What changed for Karolina? Because it's clear now that the only thing that ever changed for Nico is the person she'll be dancing with.

"Yeah, I did." Karolina looks at the ground. It's the first thing she says all day that doesn't come out hostile. "But my dad made a good point. I'm too smart to be a dancer. I need to choose a career where I won't constantly be worried about money."

"We never used to worry about that," Nico says.

Time may have passed, but Nico is every bit the girl she used to be. So much may have changed for Karolina, but so much is still the same for Nico. Nico is still every bit as committed to dancing as she used to be, and Karolina almost feels ashamed that she's not.

A traitorous voice in the back of her head that sounds suspiciously like Chase argues that she could be. And oh, she could. All she has to do is tell Nico that, ask her to stick around, ask if there's any chance they can be dance partners again, not just now, but in the future.

"Maybe we were onto something back then," she admits.

It's the closest Karolina has come to admitting maybe she screwed up in caring so much what her father thinks. Maybe she screwed up in choosing the career she did to make him proud. But she doesn't ask Nico to be her dance partner again, doesn't express any desire to change her current career at all. She can't. Chase may think she still has time to change her mind, but it's already too late for her.

Nico only smiles at her, and what else is there to say really? Like Karolina gave Chase one more chance to say what she wanted him to the other day, Nico did the same for Karolina today, and like Chase, Karolina didn't say it. It's as good of an admission as any. This is only for a week. It can't go on any longer.

They go back to dancing, but it's different this time. Nico makes sure to give suggestions from a distance. She doesn't dare touch Karolina again. The tension between them is replaced by the same melancholy sadness that made Karolina believe she'd moved on from dancing in the first place.

They dance side by side, a considerable distance between them, and it feels like they're two girls dancing to different melodies rather than two girls dancing to the same. They focus on technique and only technique. They don't try dancing together, really together, even once.

Karolina can't stop thinking it's a shame.


	4. call a truce

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos this fic has been receiving. I really appreciate it!

That night, Nico is lying on her bed, focusing all her energy on her homework and pointedly ignoring the expectant eyes that are being trained on her by the girl sitting at her desk. She knows why Gert is here. She wants to know how Nico's lesson with Karolina went, but it seems she wants Nico to be the one to broach the subject. So Nico is content not saying anything as she works on her psychology worksheet.

"Soooo." Gert finally breaks the silence after what had to be twenty minutes, "how was the lesson?"

"Kind of awful," Nico admits. "Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"Of course not." Gert sits up straighter in the chair, anger taking over her features. "What did she do?"

"Other than act like a spoiled brat?" Nico sighs. "Nothing much. Only accused me of still having feelings for her when I made the mistake of mentioning a painting that used to remind her of us, and then she freaked out when I touched her."

"That bitch. If I ever have the misfortune of seeing her, I'll kill her."

For some reason, Nico still feels a small urge to defend Karolina. Sure, she's acting like a brat, but Nico's not convinced that's who she is. Nico thinks it's her defense mechanism, her way of hiding what she's really feeling. Karolina's afraid they'll fall right back into their own ways if she doesn't make sure they don't. Nico doesn't dare say any of that to Gert, though.

"I wouldn't go that far." Nico tries her best to sound indifferent. "She will be my greatest source of income pretty soon."

"Is it really worth the money if she's going to continue to treat you like that?" Gert argues.

"I don't know. Will it be worth it to completely turn her life upside down? Because that's what will happen if she finds out she still loves dancing."

Gert scoffs. "It sounds like she still loves more than just dancing."

"What do you mean?" Nico asks, confused.

"It sounds like she still loves you."

Nico immediately shakes her head. If Karolina still loved her, it would make this whole lessons thing a lot easier, even if Nico never wanted to trust the other girl with her heart again. At least Karolina would be more pleasant to be around.

"Yeah, right," Nico says. "You wouldn't be saying that if you'd been there. She seemed disgusted by even the thought of being with me."

"You are so clueless sometimes, Nico." Gert shakes her own head. "She started accusing you of having feelings for her after you brought up some presumably gay painting. If she didn't feel anything for you whatsoever, she wouldn't have made such a big deal out of it. She immediately got onto you about it because she didn't want you to see that _she's_ the one who still has feelings for _you_."

Is it possible that Gert's right? It would explain why Karolina reacted so harshly today. Are Karolina's old feelings for Nico buried deep down underneath with her love of dancing, and what will Nico do if they are?

"Whether or not she has feelings for me doesn't matter." Nico dismisses the topic of conversation before she can think too much about it. "I'm doing this because I want to help her find her way back to dance again, not her way back to me. Nothing's going to change that."

"Maybe it should." Gert has a faraway look in her eyes that she only gets when she's plotting something. Nico isn't sure she wants to know what it is.

"What are you talking about?"

Gert turns to Nico with hard eyes. "Maybe you should shatter her heart like she shattered yours."

"And how do you suggest I do that? Are you devising a plan to get her boyfriend to break up with her?"

"Of course not." Gert rolled her eyes. "Although I have to admit that would be good. No, if what I said before is true, then let it happen. Be your usual charming self and make her fall in love with you again, the all-consuming kind of love, the kind of love you had when you were kids. And then stop the lessons. Never contact her again."

"That's just petty and mean." Nico rolled her eyes right back at her best friend. "Not to mention childish."

"Isn't that exactly what she did to you?" Gert asks with a challenging glint in her eyes.

Nico wants to protest that there were more factors at play back then, that Karolina's dad found some way of forbidding her from ever seeing Nico again.

But that's the thing. She doesn't know. Karolina never gave Nico an explanation, not even now. And Nico deserved one.

No matter what happened back then, there had to have been a way for Karolina to meet with Nico one more time, just to tell her what happened, to explain why she couldn't come back. But she never did.

So maybe Gert's right, and Nico does deserve to break Karolina's heart like Karolina broke hers. But she never could. Karolina might have been okay with breaking the heart of someone she loved, but Nico isn't going to be that person. Tearing someone else down, especially someone she loved so much in the past, isn't going to make her feel better. That will only serve to make her miserable.

"You know I can't do that, though, Gert. I don't like hurting people. It's the only thing that makes me feel worse than getting hurt myself."

"I know." A small smile appears on Gert's face, her anger at Karolina finally subsiding. "She doesn't deserve a friend like you. I don't think anyone does."

"That's not true." Nico laughs. "But I appreciate it all the same."

Gert climbs into bed beside Nico and closes the book Nico was working out of, setting it aside. Nico doesn't protest, though. She wasn't all that focused on her homework anyway. Nico settles against Gert, enjoying the feeling of just being together with someone who loves her, who appreciates her, who isn't going to bite her head off for one second of physical contact. It's nice.

As much as Nico doesn't want to hurt Karolina, she knows there's still some truth to Gert's words. Karolina doesn't deserve to have Nico back in her life, so why does Nico insist on being in it? Young Nico would never have given up on young Karolina, but maybe young Karolina is gone. Maybe it's time for Nico to stop wasting time on the seemingly miniscule chance that she might bring her back.

 _One week_ , she tells herself. _One week, and then this can all be over._

* * *

"I fucked up, Chase," Karolina says when she gets to her boyfriend's house the next day.

"What do you mean?" he asks as he pulls her in for a hug and a kiss.

"I did something yesterday, and now everything's awkward between me and Nico." She pulls back to look at him but not too far, arms still wrapped around him.

Yesterday, she couldn't help slightly regretting the way she acted by the end of the lesson, and today even more so. She and Nico are dancing again, but it seems like Nico doesn't really want to be there anymore. Karolina doesn't even know why it matters to her, but Nico's been walking on eggshells around her for two days now, and she wants it to stop.

Originally, she wanted nothing to do with Nico. She wanted to leave the museum before Nico even had the chance to show up. But she's not so sure it's what she wants anymore. Being around Nico again feels nothing but awkward, and Karolina knows it's entirely her fault. She's supposed to be giving dancing a real, fair try, but the way she and Nico are dancing right now isn't going to prove anything to anyone. She's already made the decision to dance again, so maybe it's time for her to own up to that decision and try dancing again for real, without any resistance, without holding herself back in the slightest.

"What did you do?" Chase's facial expression is unreadable for once, and Karolina wonders if he's mad or if he's waiting to decide that.

"I was moody and unagreeable, and when she tried to help me with my technique a bit, I told her not to touch me. And yeah, maybe I overreacted, but I couldn't help it. I felt like I was a firecracker, and Nico was the flame."

Chase's mouth settles into a thin line, and Karolina can tell he's disappointed with her. She knew he would be, but he's also the only person she can talk to about this, so she prepares herself for the lecture that's sure to come about how she needs to take this opportunity seriously and start acting like an adult.

It never comes, though. Instead, Chase only asks, "And how did you feel today?"

"Relieved at first that she wasn't pushing my boundaries," Karolina admits, "but it didn't feel right, and that frustrates me. If I'm only going to dance this week, then maybe I should make the most of it. Nico and I aren't solo dancers. Our dream was always to dance together. There was nothing separate about it, almost like the dream didn't matter as much if the other wasn't there to share it."

Karolina waits for Chase to ask her why it was so important to them to dance together. She waits for him to connect the dots and figure out exactly what she hasn't told him all these years. But he doesn't. Karolina's rejected the very idea of being gay enough times that Chase would probably never even consider the possibility that she might have once had feelings for Nico.

"I'm sorry your dad ruined all of that for you guys." Karolina could easily see the sympathy in Chase's brown eyes. "You used to be really good friends, didn't you?"

"Best friends." Karolina doesn't mention that they were more than that. "I just wish there was a way for us to dance together again now without me having to admit I was wrong."

"Kar, you're not twelve years old anymore." Chase frowns. "Just tell her you want to dance together again, and you can. It's as easy as that."

"No, it's not," Karolina says. "You wouldn't understand."

He sighs because he doesn't understand. He thinks she's being dramatic again. He doesn't understand the pain she went through when she lost Nico and her future of dancing in the same night. He doesn't understand how hard she fought her attraction to girls because her father told her he was not going to have a daughter-in-law. He doesn't understand how much she wants to be herself, what it feels like to not even know who that is anymore. She's spent years trying to convince herself that the life she's been leading is the very one she wants. Chase will never understand what it feels like to find out that might not be the truth anymore.

"You know what this means, don't you?" Chase looks at her expectantly, and she nods for him to continue. "You're still passionate about dance. You want to dance with Nico again now, and I wouldn't be surprised to hear that's what you want to do in the future again too."

"I don't know that, Chase," Karolina immediately says. "What if I mess everything up?"

"You'll never know unless you try it. That's the thing about life. There is no right or wrong choice."

The words coming out of Chase's mouth may finally be starting to make sense again for the first time in the past couple days, but Karolina isn't sure she can risk everything on a whim, on a feeling she hasn't even had for a week. She can't give up everything she's ever known for a life she may only think she wants. She's too afraid she'll regret it.

"Okay." Karolina can't bring her voice much higher than a whisper. "I still enjoy dancing."

A wide smile spreads across Chase's face at her words. "Now the only question is, what are you gonna do about it?"

"I'll tell Nico I want to dance with her again." Karolina can feel a small smile of her own spreading across her face. "Just because I want to dance again doesn't mean I can't still pursue business as my career. Dancing will be my hobby so I can do both. Dad'll never have to know."

It still doesn't feel right—there's no room in her life anymore for dancing—but it's the only solution she can come up with that feels doable. There's no denying that there's still a bit of room for dancing in her heart, at least for the time being. Denying it thus far has only been making her life difficult, so maybe it's time for her to stop. Dancing doesn't have to uproot her entire life. She can still devote the majority of her time to her career.

She tries not to think about what will happen when Nico is ready to make a career out of dance. Karolina knows she can never follow her childhood dream and dance with Nico in front of people. She can't risk getting recognized. Will Nico really be content to dance behind closed doors with Karolina forever? Of course she won't, and Karolina would never ask that of her. Nico doesn't even seem happy to be dancing with Karolina now.

"Okay, Karolina." Chase is still smiling at her. "I think you'll be a lot happier now, and that's all I want. For you to be happy."

Tears prick the corners of her eyes, and she wonders what she ever did to get such a good person in her life. She's always been around people like her parents, who seem to care about the perfect image of her, the idea of her, more than they care about her as a person. Nico may have told Karolina she's just like her father, but that can't be farther than the truth. All he cares about is money and power. Maybe Karolina's ready to stop pretending she's just like Frank and Leslie and all of their business partners.

She's different, she knows, so maybe it's time for her to finally allow herself to just _be_ different.

* * *

Dinner that night feels different than usual. Her parents talk about their days and further discuss the project she will be working on again, but this time, she finds herself wishing she could mention dance. Now that she's well on her way to her career, she wishes she could express her want to dance as a hobby without getting shut down immediately. Her father encourages her to read whenever she expresses interest in it. She doesn't understand why spending time in some fictional world that has nothing to do with business in the slightest is more acceptable than spending a bit of time dancing.

She longs for the time when she was a little girl, when her mother had put her in ballet classes because she thought it would be cute. She thought it would teach Karolina good manners and to behave like a lady. She clearly never counted on Karolina falling as in love with dancing as she did. Karolina herself hadn't either. She'd never expected to be so heartbroken when her parents pulled her out of dancing when she turned nine, because she wasn't a little girl anymore and it was time for her to grow up.

Her returning interest in dancing doesn't mean she's not still excited about the new job her parents are starting her on, though. She can't wait to get into it, and she wants nothing more than to do well on it. She just wishes it would be okay to have slightly different interests than her parents, especially when her main interest is the same.

When she gets back upstairs to her room that night, Karolina can feel an itch inside of her to dance again, this time on her own. After the emotions of a long day, all she wants to do is put one of her playlists on shuffle and just dance to it, no focus on technique or choreography or anything other than the way the songs make her feel.

She hasn't longed for that in a very long time. It scares her, but she quickly pushes that fear away. Instead, she tries to embrace her sudden urge to dance, even though she knows she can't fulfill it right now.

 _I can dance again tomorrow,_ she thinks. _Which reminds me._

Grabbing her phone, she types out a quick text to Nico and sends it before she has time to overanalyze it or erase it altogether. She's tired of wasting time.

_I'm sorry for the way I've been acting. Can we pretend none of this ever happened and just dance together like we used to?_

The minute Karolina sends it off, she regrets it, which is exactly why she didn't give herself the chance to read back over it again in the first place. She knows this is something she can't go back from, but she doesn't want to go back from it. She wants to give herself no choice but to start making an effort to enjoy these lessons for real. And now that she's apologized to Nico, she has to do just that.

It doesn't take long for the delivered message under her text to turn to read, and Karolina feels a wave of nervousness wash over her when those three little dots appear almost immediately. Her nerves only grow when the dots disappear, then reappear, then disappear again. That's not a good sign, right?

What if Nico's decided she doesn't want to dance with Karolina anymore beyond this week? What if she's so fed up with the way Karolina's been acting that she doesn't even want to continue the lessons through the end of the week at all?

Karolina's heart is pounding so hard that she can feel it everywhere, can even hear it in her ears, when Nico's response finally comes through. She sighs in relief when she sees the five-word answer appear on her screen.

_I thought you'd never ask._


	5. lighting up a spark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a bit of trouble writing this chapter, but I think I like the way it turned out. I hope you all enjoy the update! Please let me know what you think in the comments :)

It's the last lesson of the week.

When Karolina and Nico danced together again for the first time on Wednesday, all the awkwardness and tension between them dissipated the minute they fell back into their old rhythm of dancing. Even though Karolina feels differently about Nico now than she did when they were kids, dancing with Nico again felt perfect. At first.

Despite the fact that Karolina and Nico rarely ever danced to classical ballet music together in their lives, Nico is now insisting that be all they work on. It's weird. They've danced to songs from Tchaikovsky's _Swan Lake_ in the past few days more times than Karolina has even heard them in her life, and she's ready to dance to something contemporary, something closer to what they used to dance to. Now that it's the last lesson, it's also her last chance to do so, and she knows it's a bad idea. But she wants to try it. Even if it is the last time.

Multiple times throughout the lesson, Karolina wants to bring it up, to ask if they can dance contemporary even if only for a minute, but she can't. What if Nico says no? What if she questions it? What if she accuses Karolina of having feelings for her because of it?

It's not that Karolina wants to dance to a more emotional song with Nico specifically. It's that she wants to be able to completely give herself over to the music in a way that she's only ever been able to do during a contemporary song.

She waits until she can't possibly wait any longer. She waits until there are only fifteen minutes left of their lesson, and they've just finished another run-through of "Swan Theme." She waits until she has to ask, until it is her last chance.

"Can we dance to something contemporary?" She says it, and it's out there. There's nothing she can do to pull it back in. And she doesn't want to. At least, she doesn't think she wants to.

Nico freezes, and Karolina immediately regrets it. She should have known better than to ask that question, should have known it would make Nico uncomfortable. Now it will be Nico's turn to feel like Karolina is coming onto her. It will be Nico's turn to put distance between them again.

This isn't about Nico, though, not to Karolina. This is about dance, just like it had been for Nico when she'd made Karolina uncomfortable during their very first lesson.

Karolina hadn't meant for dancing to matter so much to her again, but what if Nico decides she doesn't want to continue the lessons? What if Karolina never has anyone to dance with ever again?

When this is all over, Nico will still have her classmates at the Conservatory to dance with her, but Karolina will have no one. So, yes, there is a lot riding on this one simple question, even though Karolina would never admit that to anyone.

"I think it's better to stick with classical right now," Nico says slowly. "It's the best way to perfect your technique."

"That's all we've been doing this week," Karolina protests. "I understand why it's important, but this is our last lesson, so wouldn't it be okay to dance to one contemporary song together?"

It's a dangerous question, one Nico seems hesitant to answer, and Karolina knows exactly why. It's the main reason she's waited until now to ask the question in the first place. She wants to dance to a contemporary song before the lessons are over, but she's also afraid to. She's afraid, just as Nico appears to be, that she'll get caught up in the music and the girl she's dancing with and do something she'll regret. She's afraid she'll forget that it's here and now and not there and then.

Karolina can't tell what Nico is going to say, and she's not even sure what she wants her to say anymore. Will it be better if Nico refuses and leaves it at that, or will Karolina always regret missing out on her last opportunity to remember exactly why dancing used to matter to her more than anything else?

Nico looks at her phone and sighs. "Fine. We'll do one song, Karrie." Nico's eyes widen the minute the familiar nickname leaves her tongue. "I mean, Karolina. I'm sorry."

The stricken look on Nico's face makes Karolina feel guilty. Sure, she wanted Nico to call her by her full name originally, but maybe she was too hard on her when she first requested it. Besides, something about the nickname feels right now in a way it didn't before. Karolina doesn't feel quite like the girl she used to be, but she definitely feels different whenever she's in this museum with Nico. Maybe it won't matter so much if Nico calls her by her old nickname if it's only Nico and only here.

"Karrie is fine," she says simply.

She doesn't miss the look of surprise on the other girl's face, and she hopes that Nico doesn't question her. If she questions her, it will make everything awkward, make Karolina feel like she needs to explain something she's not even sure she can. If Nico questions her, she knows she'll feel like she has to take it back.

Karolina doesn't want to take it back.

A tiny smile curls the corners of Nico's lips, but she doesn't say anything as she walks over to the stereo to select a song. Karolina is grateful for that. She would rather die than admit that it feels nice to finally be called Karrie again.

When a song begins to play, Karolina easily recognizes it as Billie Eilish's "you should see me in a crown." Perfect. Karolina can't express how grateful she is that Nico picked a song that has nothing to do with love or relationships, that doesn't remind Karolina of Nico and what they used to mean to each other at all. It's not exactly the kind of song they used to dance to, but Karolina can definitely get more into it than any classical piece.

At first, Karolina and Nico dance apart more than they dance together, but it still feels good. It feels good to be moving to a song with more of a beat. It feels good to be moving in time with Nico, even without touching her. It feels good to no longer be worrying about technique or choreography or anything else at all.

And then Nico jumps into Karolina's arms, and Karolina catches her like it's the easiest thing in the world, like it's something she's been doing all her life. She spins Nico around before lowering her back down to the ground, and it's like the barrier between them has been broken after that. Nico took the first leap, literally, and now they are barely letting go of one another.

The chasm is crossed, and they are dancing like they never stopped, like they never will stop. The song may not invoke any personal feelings inside Karolina, but she is feeling it all the same. The rhythm of the music and Nico's body against hers as they use every inch of space they have. They are finally dancing. Karolina is really, truly dancing again for the first time in six years.

She never wants to stop. She wants to keep jumping and spinning and _flying_ with Nico for the rest of her life.

This is what she's been missing out on all these years. This is everything dancing is supposed to be. Just them and the music and the floor beneath their feet. Just them and the electric sparks that have always pulsed between them.

* * *

Music thrumming through her veins. Her feet pushing off the floor as she leaps into the air. Nico always feels on cloud nine when she dances, but there's something about dancing with Karolina that makes the activity even more intoxicating.

She thought she would be saving herself the trouble of feeling anything at all if she chose a song about a tyrannical queen, but it seems she was wrong. It doesn't matter what the song is about. There is something different about the way Karolina dances contemporary. There is something different about the way Karolina and Nico dance it together. Their movements are wild, unchoreographed, but they're also raw and emotional, and the two girls are able to predict each other's movements so well, even after so much time apart.

Nico never wants it to end. She may no longer have romantic feelings for Karolina, but she certainly still has feelings for dance.

And Karolina is good.

It's a shame her parents pulled her out of dancing so early in her life. She could really be something by now. She can still really be something in the future if only she decides she wants to.

When the song does draw to an end, Nico wishes she'd put it on loop, as she usually does with the songs they dance to. She knows why she didn't, though. Their time is up.

As much as Nico wanted the lessons to end after the first one, she now finds herself wishing they could go on forever. Nico has never had a dance partner who works as well with her as Karolina does, and she knows she can only improve by continuing to dance with her. But continuing to dance with Karolina will allow Nico to grow closer to her again. And she's not sure if that will prove to be a good thing or not.

Originally, she told Karolina she would continue the lessons for pay after the first week, but does she still want to? Does she really want to get attached to someone, even if in a strictly platonic way, who she knows might leave her on the turn of a dime if her father finds out about this again? Will Karolina even want to continue dancing beyond today, or was the whole point of asking to do contemporary because she knew she would never be dancing with Nico again?

"We can continue lessons for pay if you want." Nico says it because she needs to know what Karolina's answer will be, but her eyes dart away from the other girl's face. She can't bear to look at Karolina's reaction. She doesn't want to see the warring emotions on her face as she decides and then ultimately turns Nico down, doesn't want to see the lack of any emotional war at all as she rejects Nico immediately.

"I'd love to," Karolina says after only a few seconds, and Nico's eyes dart back up to her face in shock.

"What?" she asks.

"I said, I'd love to." Karolina looks a bit uncertain, but she's still watching Nico with the same shy smile.

"Really?" Nico knows she sounds like an idiot, but she has to make sure this isn't all one huge, cruel trick.

"I want to." Karolina nods. "If that's okay with you."

"Yeah." Nico quickly nods in return, relief and nervousness shooting through her body all at once. "It's more than okay."

* * *

"Where have you been, Karolina?" The high that the blonde in question has been experiencing since finally dancing contemporary with Nico again, since finding out there will be many similar opportunities to come, dies immediately when she hears the accusing tone of her father behind her.

She's been caught. She's only been dancing again for one week, and she's already been caught. Her dad's going to be furious with her before she's even had a real chance to enjoy the benefits. She should have known better than to get herself mixed up in all of this again.

"I've been at school." Karolina turns around with an innocent smile on her face.

If her dad already knows what she's been up to, then he's going to have to accuse her of something before she says a single word on the topic. She's not thirteen years old anymore. She's not going to confess anything to her father that he hasn't already confirmed he knows.

"I know your class schedule, Karolina." Frank Dean arches an eyebrow at her as if he knows exactly what she's been doing. Icy fear shoots down her spine at the thought that he might. "Your mother and I have been waiting on you for dinner, and you've never gotten home this late before on a Friday."

Karolina curses internally when she realizes she's come home after dinnertime for the second time in two nights. Yesterday, she texted her parents saying she would be at Chase's after her last class, so she wouldn't be home until later. It seems the thought to do the same today or make up a different lie hadn't even occurred to her. Her mind was too preoccupied with her internal struggle on whether or not to voice her desire to dance contemporary again.

"I joined a club on campus." Karolina says the first thing that comes to mind. "Women in business. I'm sorry I didn't let you know sooner, but it was kind of a spur of the moment decision."

"Women in business," Frank repeats, sounding intrigued. "When does it meet?"

"Every day," Karolina says before she can stop herself. Now that she's going to be continuing lessons with Nico, she needs a solid lie about why she'll be home later every day. This one she's already created might just work perfectly. "I know it's a lot, but the club adviser said it'll help prepare us to work in the business world."

An impressed smile spreads over Frank's face as he claps her on the back. "That sounds like an excellent club. I'm so proud of you, Karolina."

"Thanks, Dad." A relieved smile spreads over Karolina's face at his words.

He bought it.

She wants to feel good, but she can't help but feel guilty no more than two seconds later. He's her father, and she shouldn't be lying to him. It feels wrong. Then again, he's the reason she even feels like she has to lie in the first place. If he hadn't threatened her when he caught her dancing before, hadn't threatened Nico's _family_ , she would have no reason to lie at all. So maybe she has every right to be dishonest with him.

For a moment, she feels proud of herself, although not for the same reason her father is proud of her. For a moment, she feels powerful. For a moment, she feels like maybe her life truly is her own now.

The moment passes quickly, though. Her father may not have caught her this time, but that doesn't mean he won't in the future. Maybe he'll get suspicious. Maybe he'll follow her again and drag her away from Nico for the second time in her life. And who knows what he'll do after that? He'll probably ruin her life and her future and Nico's too. Can she really risk all of that on something that's only a hobby to her?

Or does she know, not so deep down anymore, that dancing will always be anything but?


	6. anything's possible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year, everyone! I really hope 2020 is a great year for all of us. Thank you again for all the kudos this story has received, and I really hope you like the new chapter!

Lessons for pay aren't exactly what Nico expected. Karolina pays her well over her asking price, and when Nico tries to refuse, the blonde insists she take it. They also don't dance to classical ballet music again even once.

Now that they have started dancing to contemporary again, it's as if they can't stop, and Nico doesn't particularly want to. Everything feels so much like it did when they were kids, yet there's something different about it as well. For one thing, they don't talk as much as they used to. It seems as if their relationship is strictly about dancing now; they are partners but not friends. Nico misses the long conversations they used to have when they took water breaks or cooled down for the day, but she understands why Karolina might not want to have them anymore, and she intends to be respectful of that.

What Nico doesn't understand is why Karolina has started acting skittish.

It starts with nervous glances cast in the direction of the door, as if she's expecting her father to burst in here at any moment and drag her away again as he had when they were thirteen. Nico understands where the fear might come from, but she doesn't understand why it's only starting now. Karolina didn't appear to be afraid of anything at all last week, or if she did, then Nico didn't notice.

She notices now, but she doesn't comment.

The reason why Karolina has suddenly become afraid of being caught again is none of Nico's business, and she knows this. She is here to dance with Karolina and nothing more, regardless of what the two of them shared in the past. As much as Nico wants to be respectful of Karolina's boundaries, though, she also wishes she could talk to Karolina like she used to, that she could be the one Karolina _wants_ to talk to.

When whatever is bothering Karolina begins to affect her dancing, Nico finally gets up the courage to ask the blonde if she's all right. For a moment, Nico thinks Karolina might be about to tell her what's wrong, hopes she will open up to her, but she only brushes off the question by insisting that she's fine. And Nico is forced to let the subject drop.

A few minutes later, a siren sounds from somewhere outside, a passing ambulance or cop car maybe, and Karolina shoots straight up into the air, completely coming out of the dance and causing Nico to run right into her. Nico isn't sure what's gotten into Karolina lately, but she knows they can't go on like this. If Karolina is so afraid of her dad catching them, then maybe this isn't such a good idea after all.

"Karrie, are you sure you're okay? What's going on?"

It feels weird using her old nickname for Karolina, but it also feels right in a way Nico can't explain. Maybe if she addresses the girl she used to know, she'll be able to get through to her. But Nico has accepted by now that Karolina has changed—they both have—and she isn't sure how this new girl in front of her will react.

"My dad questioned me last week about why I was getting home later every day," Karolina admits, and Nico is surprised she's even answering. "So I made up some bullshit about joining a club on campus, and he bought it, praised me even. But I can't stop feeling like he's going to show up here at any second."

"He won't, Karrie. You're not a little girl anymore. He's not going to follow you to see where you're going because he doesn't have any real control over you."

Karolina shakes her head. "Yes, he does. He literally holds my future in his hands. One wrong step, and I'll be out of a job before I even really get one. He'll never let me do what I want to do."

"Which is dancing?" Nico knows she shouldn't ask the question, but she has to. Does Karolina wish she could dance again for real, as her career?

"I do want to dance," Karolina says as if it should be obvious. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't. But only as a hobby."

"Right." Nico tries her best to keep the disappointment off her face. "And that's why you shouldn't be afraid. You're committed to business now and have been for years. I don't think your dad would ever suspect you're dancing again."

"Why not?" Karolina still isn't convinced, but Nico thinks she sounds less sure of herself now. "I loved dancing before. Does my dad seriously believe I'll never want to dance again?"

"Yes," Nico assures her. She wishes she could touch Karolina like she used to, but she can't bring herself to try. "Your dad is the kind of person who believes in the cold, hard world of business. He believes passion is for children, so he probably thinks your love for dancing died when he killed it. He doesn't think there's a possibility of you getting that back now that you've grown up, and he will continue to think that way until you give him a reason to think otherwise. So don't."

"But…" Karolina trails off. It's clear that she wants to argue, but it seems like she's run out of things to say.

"But nothing," Nico says for her. "Your dad isn't coming here."

"You're probably right." Karolina's shoulders slump, and she gives Nico a small smile. "The only reason he followed me the first time was because he questioned Vaughn about our whereabouts one time the same way he questioned me last week, and Vaughn was a shit liar. This could actually work, couldn't it? We can actually dance again like we used to?"

"Yeah." Nico nods, her lips turning up into a smile of her own. "Yeah, I think we can."

Karolina bites her lip. "I just get so scared sometimes, you know? I mean, is this really worth jeopardizing my future over?"

Nico knows the answer is yes, suspects this is the future Karolina actually wants, even if she won't admit it aloud, even if she won't admit it to herself. But she can't say that. Karolina has to be the one to arrive at that realization all on her own.

"I don't know," Nico says instead. "It depends how badly you want it."

She's talking about dancing, but she's also talking about business. Does Karolina want to be a businesswoman badly enough to give up her one true passion? Does she want to dance badly enough to uproot this comfortable life she's been building for herself? Nico doesn't know. The only person who can answer that question is Karolina herself.

This is the first time they're really talking, though, since coming back into each other's lives, and Nico doesn't want to push Karolina. She's just happy the blonde is finally opening up to her, finally talking to her about something other than what they're going to dance to.

An idea pops into her head, and she is already walking toward her phone, where she left it on top of the piano, as she speaks. "I have a song for you."

"To dance to?" Karolina's face is a mixture of surprise and confusion.

"Yes." Nico grabs her phone and unlocks it before scrolling through her playlist to find the song she has in mind.

"With you or…?"

"By yourself this time."

Karolina looks even more confused at Nico's words. The two of them rarely ever danced separately, and Karolina is surely wondering why Nico is insisting she dance on her own now. She could make up some excuse about wanting to watch Karolina's form or something, but Nico doesn't want Karolina to dance self-consciously. She wants Karolina to dance to the song just like she would if she were dancing with Nico. But Nico doesn't want to ruin the mood by inserting herself into the performance. She means this song for Karolina and only Karolina.

"Do I know this song?" Karolina asks curiously.

"I don't know," Nico answers truthfully. She doesn't know what kinds of songs Karolina listens to anymore, what kinds of songs she likes and what kinds of songs she hates, but she wants to. She wants to be in Karolina's life again, if only the blonde will let her. It's finally starting to seem like she might.

"I don't think so, though," Nico says after a moment of contemplation.

It's not a song you'd hear on the radio. Nico herself heard it in a TV show she wasn't even all that interested in in the first place. But if Karolina heard this song before, really listened to it, Nico thinks she might have at least questioned her father's plans for her a bit more.

"How am I supposed to dance to a song I've never heard before?"

"Just try it," Nico encourages. "It can be rough. You don't even have to try to make it good at all. I just want you to listen to it and let your body react however it wants to, like we do when we dance together."

Blue eyes drop down to look at bare feet, and Karolina shifts nervously. Nico wonders if she's already self-conscious about her dancing, if the thought of Nico actually sitting back and watching instead of dancing with her will make her uncomfortable. Nico is about to take it back when Karolina speaks.

"Why?"

The question is simple enough, but there are so many things Nico wants to say in response.

"Because you're good," she settles on saying, "and I think this song might help you understand why it doesn't matter what your dad thinks. About anything."

Karolina looks unsure, and Nico wonders if maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe she should have offered to dance the song with Karolina anyway. Maybe she shouldn't have decided to make such a big deal of her song choice at all.

"I don't want you to think about me being here," Nico says when Karolina doesn't respond. "I just want you to dance to the song. I don't even have to watch if you don't want me to. I can leave the room or turn around."

"That's okay. I'll do it." Karolina nods and moves to the middle of the floor, closing her eyes and taking a few deep breaths before looking over to Nico. "Ready when you are."

Last week, Karolina never would have agreed to do something like this, and Nico wouldn't have dared to ask. Last week, Karolina would have snapped at Nico or flat-out refused, and things would've become awkward again. Today, though, Karolina is much tamer and more agreeable, and Nico wonders if it has something to do with their previous conversation, if Nico's reassurances caused Karolina to trust her a little more.

Realizing she's staring, Nico shakes her head and draws herself out of her thoughts, not even stopping to consider why Karolina doesn't question her or why she stares right back. Instead, she taps the song she wants Karolina to dance to and turns her eyes back to the girl in the middle of the floor as the first few bars of piano flow through the speakers.

It's clear that Karolina is struggling to find her rhythm at first. She's moving to a beat she's unfamiliar with while trying to grasp the meaning of the song at the same time. Her movements are choppy at times when she pauses to find the beat again or to listen more closely to the lyrics, but that's how Nico knows she's trying. Karolina is really trying to dance to this song, to _feel_ something as she does, and Nico is surprised she's even letting her see this. A week ago, maybe even a day ago, Karolina would never have allowed Nico to see her attempt to dance so emotionally.

Once the refrain hits, Karolina's movements become more fluid as she catches onto the rhythm of the song. It's still clear that Karolina hasn't planned a single step of the dance, but Nico can't tear her eyes away. Karolina's movements are wild and spontaneous, and Nico thinks this is when Karolina dances her best. When choreography isn't a thought in her mind. When it's just Karolina and the music.

By the time the song reaches its second refrain, Nico wonders if Karolina has forgotten she's even in the room. She's jumping and twisting to the music like it's all she'll ever do, like it's all she even knows how to do, and Nico is entranced by her powerful, graceful movements.

As she watches, Nico can see the words of the song through Karolina's performance, through the expressions that cross her face. She is determined. She can be anything she wants to be as long as this song is playing. She doesn't have to pretend to be anyone other than who she is.

Nico wants Karolina to realize that the emotions she's experiencing right now are not the song's emotions. The music may have helped to unearth them, but those emotions are Karolina's own. She doesn't need the song at all.

When the song reaches its end, it takes everything inside of Nico not to put it on repeat so she can watch Karolina dance to it over and over and over again. She doesn't, though. She doesn't even know if that's something Karolina would want. So she pauses it.

The silence is a stark contrast to the melody that was flowing through the speakers moments before.

The only sound in the room is Karolina's panting as she finally stops to catch her breath.

"How did that feel?" Nico pushes tentatively through the silence.

No matter how it felt for Karolina, it certainly felt good for Nico to watch it. She wants nothing more than to watch Karolina dance like that for the rest of her life.

Karolina meets Nico's eyes with no trace of her earlier uncertainty. "Can we do it again?"

* * *

_I push to the limits/ I climb every wall/ I keep on believing_

Karolina doesn't know how long it's been since she first heard the song, but she knows she has to have danced to it at least ten times by now. She doesn't want to stop, and Nico doesn't ask her to. Maybe Nico likes watching Karolina dance as much as Karolina loves dancing. To this particular song at least.

She knows her performance today is more emotional than it's been since she started dancing again. She's been creating characters for herself as she dances, pretending to feel emotions she doesn't feel, but these emotions are real. These emotions are hers. She wonders what Nico sees as she watches her.

As long as this song is on, she doesn't have to think about her dad or her future or anything like that. She only has to think about dancing. She's surprised at how refreshing that feels.

Her choreography is different each time the song starts over, but this isn't about the choreography. This is about the music and the lyrics and the emotions they invoke. Her body reacts in the only way it knows how. She wonders how she ever kept it from doing this for so long.

Dancing is natural. Dancing is beautiful. Dancing is _possible_. She didn't know it for so long, didn't fully believe Nico's words from earlier, but now she does. She knows it. She can feel it in the words of the song, in the way she moves, in the way Nico watches her as if she's never seen a single person dance before in her life.

Karolina can do anything she wants to do, and the thought is so invigorating, so different from everything she's been told, that she almost wants to drop out of Harvard on the spot. She almost wants to go home right now and tell her dad all the reasons why she can't live her life doing the things he wants her to do.

And now she sees why Nico chose this song for her, why their earlier conversation brought it to the forefront of her mind, why she wanted Karolina to dance to it alone. Karolina feels something she hasn't felt in a long time. Gratitude for Nico.

She appreciates Nico for bringing dance back into her life and for introducing her to this song. She appreciates Nico for caring about her, for believing in her, for not allowing Karolina to push her away. Karolina is so glad Nico didn't allow her to push her away.

Karolina dances until her muscles burn, and even then, she doesn't stop. She pulls Nico into the dance with her. She expects the other girl to protest, but she doesn't. She throws herself into the dance as passionately as Karolina had, working off of Karolina's movements to turn her solo dance into a duet.

The consequences of pulling Nico into the dance hadn't crossed Karolina's mind, but it changes the message slightly. A future of dancing isn't the only thing that's possible for Karolina. She can still have a future of dancing with Nico if she wants it, maybe even exactly as she used to imagine it.

No matter how many people Karolina and Nico may dance for in the future, Karolina knows it will always feel just like this. Whether it's one person watching them or a million people, it will always feel like it's only them up on that stage. Only Nico and Karolina. Losing themselves in each other has always come easily to them.

But what about Chase? Where does he fit into Karolina's old dream? Does he even fit into it at all? Karolina knows she wouldn't feel half as devastated if Chase broke up with her now as she had when she and Nico were forced apart when they were younger. Doesn't that say something?

It does. It says everything in the world that should matter to her right now.

But Karolina doesn't listen.

She pushes it away.

* * *

The song stays with her for the rest of the night. It stays with her throughout dinner, where she tells her dad all about what she did at her fictional club meeting. It stays with her while she tries and fails to focus on her homework long enough to fully complete it. It stays with her while she gets ready for bed, and it's the only thing she hears when she closes her eyes to go to sleep.

She needs to listen to it. One more time.

The only problem is, she doesn't know what it's called. It doesn't prove hard to find out, though, as she remembers all the words. She doesn't think she'll ever forget them.

She types the words into Google, and the song comes right up. She immediately pulls it up on Spotify, and suddenly the song she hasn't stopped thinking about since hearing it is playing again.

It hits her as hard as it did the first time she heard it, and her body itches to dance, to give itself over to the intense feelings the music gives her. She realizes that maybe listening to this song again right before bed wasn't such a good idea after all.

She settles on doing some light choreography in her room, not wanting to work up a sweat again after she showered. When the song ends, she collapses on her bed, finally satisfied now that she's gotten the chance to hear it again.

The next song begins, but Karolina makes no move to change it or switch it off. She needs a minute to catch her breath and come down from the high the previous song created for her.

The longer she lets the new song play, though, the more she realizes it reminds her of Nico. Of how she used to feel about her. It's everything they used to talk about, everything they used to want. To run away and never come back. To be free. To just be together.

She feels the sting of tears in her eyes, but she does her best to blink them back. She doesn't need to cry tonight; she's supposed to be feeling good. What she needs is to turn this song off and never listen to it again, but she can't bring herself to do it.

_We'll change our names/ make friends in new places/ be anyone we want_

At that line, the tears that have been building in her eyes fall loose, and it feels good to finally cry, even if she doesn't want to. It feels like any last ounce of resistance is running out of her, down her cheeks and into oblivion. She and Nico may not be anything more than friends now, if she can even call them that, but they had something special when they were kids. There's no point in pretending otherwise anymore. Karolina's not sure what the point of refusing to acknowledge the past had even been in the first place.

She and Nico had shared a special kind of connection, a once-in-a-lifetime kind of connection. Is it wrong for Karolina to miss it now, to regret that it had to end?

She doesn't know.

As the song goes on and her tears continue to fall, the only thing Karolina knows is that she doesn't want this song to end. She wants it to go on forever. It's a piece plucked right out of hers and Nico's past, and it's as close as she's ever going to get to being back there, in the time before her father came in and ruined everything, in the time when she truly believed that the only person whose opinion mattered was her own.

No matter how hard she tries to fight it, Karolina knows there's no denying it anymore. Not to herself at least. Somewhere, deep down, she still has feelings for Nico. She doesn't know what that means for the future, whether it even means anything at all, but she knows it to be true. It's there in the song, and it's there in her heart.

Karolina has feelings for Nico.

Repeat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song that Karolina dances to is Anything's Possible by Lea Michele, and the song she listens to at the end is Getaway Car.


	7. we don't have to lose

_"That was amazing." Nico grabs her water bottle from the piano bench. "I can't wait till we can perform for real. I bet people will come from all over the world to see us."_

_"We'll sell out entire arenas," Karolina agrees._

_They've just finished dancing for the day, and the high of it is thrumming through Karolina's veins. Her muscles burn from the exercise, but she barely even notices._

_After finishing what is left of her water, Karolina flops down onto the ground, sprawling out on the ballroom floor and staring up at the coffered ceiling. Nico laughs and flops down beside her before continuing the fantasy._

_"We could have people vote for the songs they want us to dance to when they buy tickets," Nico says. "That way, we keep the show exciting."_

_"Or we could take requests right there on stage and make up the choreography as we go."_

_Excitement bubbles through Karolina as she thinks of it. She can't wait till she's older, and she can dance with Nico in front of everyone, till dancing no longer has to be a secret. Because this is what she wants to do for the rest of her life. She's never been more certain of anything._

_"I want that so bad." Unexpected tears spring to Karolina's eyes at the thought that she may never have this, that her father might stop her from doing the only thing she's ever truly wanted to do._

_"And we'll have it." Nico is as confident as she always is, brown eyes sparking with happiness and determination at the same time. "Screw your dad. We'll move so far away that he'll never find us."_

_"How?" Karolina asks. "If we're going to be so famous, he'll be able to find us anywhere."_

_"Then we won't be famous." Nico says it easily, like she's talking about giving up an hour of free time. "We'll only dance at the local theater in whatever town we move to. That way, only the people that live there will know us."_

_"You'd really give up being famous?" Karolina turns to look at Nico with wide blue eyes._

_"If I can't be famous with you, then I don't want to be famous. I'll be so much happier dancing with you."_

_Karolina can see the sincerity in Nico's brown eyes, and it shocks her. When she first met Nico over a year ago, the girl had been dead set on becoming a famous dancer. Dancing was what she cared about most. That doesn't seem to be the case anymore. It seems her dream is something else now._

_"You're my dream too," Karolina says. It feels good to finally be able to say it out loud._

_She leans over to kiss Nico, and while the kiss doesn't last for more than five seconds, it's enough to make Karolina's heart soar._

_When Karolina pulls back again, Nico springs to her feet, pulling Karolina up with her as her eyes gleam with excitement._

_"We can run away right now," she says before Karolina can question her. "We can be miles and miles from here before your dad even notices you're gone."_

_Karolina wants to. Nothing has ever sounded more appealing to her in her life, but she knows in her heart it isn't possible. Not yet anyway._

_"We can't, Nico," she says. "We're too young to live on our own right now. We don't even have a car."_

_"Okay, you're right." Nico sighs, but she's only defeated for a moment before she perks back up again, grabbing Karolina's hands in hers. "We'll go the day you turn 16. You can come pick me up, and we'll drive away and never look back."_

_It's crazy. Karolina knows it's crazy, but she wants it. Something about the earnest look in Nico's eyes, her grip on Karolina's hands, her infectious excitement, convinces Karolina that it might not be so crazy after all._

_"Okay, Nico," Karolina agrees. "When I turn 16, we'll run."_

* * *

"Since you picked the song yesterday, I think it's only fair that I get to pick a song today," Karolina says once she and Nico have finished their warmup stretches.

"For me to dance to?" Nico asks.

"For us to dance to together." Karolina is slightly nervous to be asking about this, but it's what she's wanted all day.

"What song?" Nico grabs her phone.

"'Getaway Car.'" Karolina doesn't give an artist. She doesn't have to.

Nico's carefree expression falls away, but she doesn't respond. Karolina expected a reaction similar to this. She's perfectly prepared for Nico to turn her down, because she knows dancing to this particular song is probably not the best idea she's ever had. But that doesn't stop her from wanting to. It also hasn't stopped her from coming up with plenty of reasons to convince Nico of why they should, in fact, dance to the song.

"You know, I cried so hard the day you turned 16," Nico finally responds, and it's not at all what Karolina was expecting. "I waited by the window all day for you to drive up so we could run away. I was an idiot to think you would still show up after all that time, but I wanted you to."

"You think I didn't want to?" Karolina says before she can even think about it. She doesn't even miss a beat. "Your family's apartment was the first place I wanted to drive my new car. I almost did. But then reality crept in. I didn't know if you still lived there or if you'd even want to see me if you did. And I think I knew in my heart that our plan was never going to work."

"You could've at least come talk to me." Nico says it so quietly that Karolina almost doesn't hear it.

But she does. The words tear through her heart like a sword.

"I'm sorry," Karolina says, but she knows it isn't enough. "I was afraid my dad would find out, and I didn't want him to do anything to hurt you. He's a powerful man, Nico, and he…isn't very nice sometimes."

"I know." Nico sighs, and her shoulders slump.

"I listened to 'Getaway Car' last night, and all I could think about was us." Karolina changes the subject slightly. "We would've loved that song as kids."

 _I love it now,_ Karolina thinks, but she doesn't dare say it.

Nico nods, and Karolina can see the glisten of tears forming in her eyes. "We would've danced to that song every goddamn day."

"Can we dance to it now?" Karolina asks. "Just once?"

Nico is silent for several long seconds, and Karolina prepares herself to argue, to tell Nico all the reasons why she thinks it will be okay for them to dance to the song one time, why she thinks they should. But Nico doesn't refuse.

She nods. "Just once."

When the song begins to play, a shiver runs through Karolina as the music flows through her veins. She comes alive, every single part of her, as she begins the dance, and Nico falls right into her rhythm. She is thirteen again, and she is dancing the song with Nico as if no time passed at all, as if she means every word. And maybe she does.

_If I got you, if you got me/ We don't need nothing else at all_

She is sixteen again. This time, when she sits in her brand-new Lexus ES 350 for the first time, she drives it straight to Nico's family's apartment. She still remembers exactly how to get there. She's imagined going back so many times before that the route is burned into her brain. She pulls up in front of the building, and it doesn't matter how much time has passed. Karolina knows now it wouldn't have mattered. Nico gets into her car without question, and they drive off together as they'd always planned to do.

As she dances, Karolina pretends that's exactly what happened. They're far away now, and they're free. They're dancing on stage for a large crowd like they always talked about. She looks into Nico's brown eyes as they flow together and apart again like waves crashing into the shore, and she allows herself to think that maybe they really don't need anything else as long as they have each other.

It's a scary thought, but it's also a comforting one. Nothing can hurt Karolina as long as she has Nico.

Once the song ends, another comes on, and Karolina immediately recognizes it. She listened to the entire album that features her two favorite songs of the moment in her car today, and she assumes Nico has that very album called up on her phone right now.

Karolina's body moves almost of its own accord, beginning to dance to this next song too. Right now, she is feeling too good to stop dancing. She wants to dance to all the songs on the album. She's drawn to the emotion of them, the way she can find bits and pieces of herself in each and every one.

Nico moves to turn the music off, but Karolina doesn't let her. She grabs her hand and pulls her right back into her, right back into the dance. Nico's eyebrows shoot up in surprise as Karolina leads the dance, clearly not having expected the blonde to know the other songs on the album, but she doesn't resist. Karolina feels a burst of happiness.

Dancing to these songs with Nico makes her feel better than she has in a long time. It makes her feel like she finally is truly free.

After the last song on the album ends, Karolina expects the playlist to loop back around to the first song, but it doesn't. Another song begins to play, and Karolina doesn't recognize it, but it's still the same singer. Perhaps this is a different album.

"It's a Target exclusive song," Nico explains, clearly sensing Karolina's confusion. "If you buy the album at Target, you get two extra songs. I can set it back to the beginning if you want."

"No." Karolina shakes her head. "You don't have to do that. I'll learn as we go."

At first, Nico does most of the dancing, and it becomes clear to Karolina after only a few seconds that this is also a song that Nico loves. She dances to this song almost as passionately as she danced to "Getaway Car."

Nico moves with Karolina as if she's singing the song to her. Maybe she is.

As Karolina listens to the lyrics, she realizes that this song also reminds her of herself and Nico, only not when they were kids. This song has nothing to do with when they were kids and everything to do with who they are now. Nico dances the words, and Karolina understands them. Karolina dances them back.

_You don't have to be the son of a warrior/ I don't have to be the blood on the battleground_

In that moment, every word of the song is true, and Karolina believes in it, just as she had with the song from yesterday. She throws every ounce of herself into the dance, ignoring the ache of her muscles in favor of the emotion of the song.

_We can call a truce/ And breathe_

Maybe Karolina doesn't need to keep Nico at arm's length anymore. Maybe she can truly allow Nico to be a part of her life again, can talk to her about everything the way she used to. Maybe she can let go and just breathe like the song says.

As the song intensifies, so do Karolina's emotions, and she stops dancing. She stops letting her body react and instead allows her mind to. Closing her eyes, she lets the lyrics flow through her.

She only opens her eyes again when Nico runs into her, not having noticed she stopped dancing, and blue eyes meet questioning brown ones. Karolina doesn't say anything to explain herself, though, finds she can't as she stares into Nico's captivating dark eyes that look right back into hers.

Suddenly, Karolina is pulling Nico into a hug, holding her tightly against herself, and Nico returns the hug just as fiercely a split second later. Karolina hasn't held Nico outside of dancing, hasn't even touched her, in years. So many years.

Too many years.

She holds Nico now, though, and everything feels right again. She brings her hand up to cup the back of Nico's head and clutches her tightly to her, as if this is the first time she's seen her in years. It feels like she's been underwater for far too long, and now she's finally come back up to take a big gulp of air.

She has no idea how she's managed to hold her breath this long.

The intensity of the music fades, and Karolina comes to her senses just as quickly, jerking out of Nico's arms. What was she thinking? Sure, a hug can be friendly, but that hug was anything but. She needs to keep her emotions in check if she wants any of this to work out. It isn't possible for her to let Nico in anymore, not the way she used to. Her father made that quite clear.

The song is wrong. It has to be.

She turns around, wanting to walk away from Nico, to get out of this room and clear her head of the emotions the song drew forth in her, but a hand on her arm stops her before she can even take a single step.

Karolina turns back to look into Nico's eyes, waiting for her to speak, but she doesn't say anything. She only cups Karolina's cheek and lets the song speak for her.

_Don't turn away/ Don't shut me out/ Face to face/ We can just lie here_

Nico nods along with the words, and Karolina realizes that maybe the song isn't so wrong after all. Maybe the song is only wrong if she tells herself it is.

_Yeah, we can just lie here_

Karolina nods as well, slumping back into Nico's arms and allowing Nico to hold her. Her father's wishes only matter to her if she lets them matter, and she can't do that anymore, not about this. If she wants to dance with Nico, then she can dance with Nico. If she wants to let Nico into her life again, then she can let her in. Here, in this museum, she and Nico can be themselves in their purest, most unhindered forms. Here, she can be with Nico in whatever way feels most natural.

She can breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Nico and Karolina dance to at the end is called Truce. Like Nico said, it's a Target exclusive song, so you can't listen to it on Spotify, but you can listen to it on Youtube!
> 
> Here's a link for anyone who wants it :) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=870s2KpP25E


	8. make no mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a bit of a longer chapter this week, and as requested, Gert makes another appearance. Enjoy!

It’s been two weeks. Two weeks since Nico and Karolina first danced to "Getaway Car" and the album it’s from. Two weeks of dancing to at least one song from _Places_ every day, if not the whole album. Two weeks of pure bliss and two weeks of absolute torture.

Karolina’s emotions inside of that museum and her emotions outside of it have taken two different sides, a fine line drawn down the middle in the shape of the museum’s double doors. When Karolina is dancing with Nico, she thinks no one gets her the way Nico does. No one understands what it’s like to be so connected to music that reality fades away, to forget there’s even a world to return to when the music stops. No one except Nico.

When she steps outside those double doors, though, Karolina realizes Nico doesn’t get her at all. She doesn’t understand what it’s like to live in a world where business is the only option, doesn’t understand what it’s like to have parents who will only accept her if she’s with a man. Nico comes from a world where she isn’t expected to be anyone other than herself, and she’ll never truly understand what it’s like for Karolina to have such heavy expectations placed on her all the time.

When Karolina is dancing, she feels free, as if the world is full of possibilities and choices and love for Nico. But the minute the music stops, she immediately sees all the ways in which it’s not.

Even if Karolina does decide to be a dancer, her parents will disown her, if her dad doesn’t hunt her down and put a stop to her dancing altogether. And even if she does allow herself to act on her growing feelings for Nico, she knows the two of them won’t stay together for long. They come from two completely different worlds, and a future between the two of them is an impossibility.

Karolina and Nico are like two puzzle pieces that look as if they should go together but don’t quite fit. They can stay together for a while, but they eventually have to come apart for the picture to be completed.

“And what about the company Twitter page?” her father asks, and Karolina is pulled back into the dinner conversation.

Once she finished updating him on the Instagram page, he launched into a speech about how well she’s doing and then started talking about the company itself. Karolina tried her best to pay attention, but it seems she hadn’t been able too. She’s been finding it harder to care about the achievements of the company lately, probably because of the emotional war going on in her head, and she doesn’t know what to do about it.

“We got 700 new followers, 2100 retweets, and 6700 total likes on our posts this week.” Karolina reads the data from her phone before her father can realize she wasn’t paying attention. “That’s a ten percent increase from last week.”

“Well done, Karolina.” Her father smiles proudly at her.

Karolina glows under his praise, pushing away the twinge of guilt she felt for zoning out. “I think I can get it even higher if I start posting a meme or two here and there.”

“A meme?” It’s clear she’s lost her father at the word.

“A meme is a picture you caption for humorous purposes,” Karolina explains. “I could present some of the company information in the form of memes to try and increase our ratings further.”

Frank’s impressed smile turns to a disapproving frown. “That doesn’t sound very professional.”

“I’m not suggesting we do it a lot,” Karolina argues, “but memes will make the company pages seem more approachable, especially to younger viewers, and will present company policies and updates in a way that’s easy for everyone to understand.”

“Spoken like a real businesswoman.” Frank’s smile is back, and Karolina is relieved. “I’ll admit I had misgivings about allowing you to take on this project at first. It was mainly your mother’s idea. But now I think you’re actually going to do incredibly well with the position.”

“Thanks, Dad.” Karolina beams.

She feels accomplished. She’s been running the social media pages successfully for weeks now, and that’s no small feat. But she wishes she could tell her dad about her other achievements too, wishes he would compliment her on the uniqueness of her and Nico’s choreography the way he compliments her on her work for his company. She wants her dad to be into dancing as much as he wants her to be into business. Why does it always have to be her and only her who gives in?

“We’re very proud of you, Karolina,” Leslie chimes in. “I’m sure Chase will be too when he hears about what you’ve been doing for us.”

Karolina may feel accomplished with her achievements, but it isn’t because of what she’s been doing. Not really. She mainly feels accomplished because of the praise she receives from her parents. Her mom actually expects her to be so excited about her new business achievements that she’ll run to tell her boyfriend about them the first chance she gets, but she doesn’t even do that about her dancing achievements with Nico. Come to think of it, she hasn’t talked to Chase about much of anything significant lately.

“I actually haven’t seen Chase around as much as usual,” Frank comments. “Are things okay between you two?”

Karolina knows her dad doesn’t actually care about her feelings as much as he cares about the wellbeing of her relationship. He’s been good friends with Chase’s dad for years, and Karolina knows he wants her to marry Chase. Right now, though, with the way she’s been feeling lately, the thought of marriage sounds more akin to a death sentence than the blessing it’s supposed to be.

“Things are fine,” Karolina answers easily. “We haven’t been fighting or anything. We’ve just been busy with school.”

“That’s good to hear.”

Karolina can see the relief in her father’s features. What would he do if he knew the truth? That Karolina hadn’t been hanging around Chase as much lately because of all the time she’s been spending with Nico? He would be furious.

Guilt settles in the pit of Karolina’s stomach and not because of her father. She may be busy these days what with school and dance and work, but Chase is her boyfriend. She should be spending time with him, no matter what, making time for him if she doesn’t have any already. Instead of spending every afternoon with Nico, Karolina should be taking an afternoon off to spend it with Chase. So why doesn’t she want to?

It’s not that things are starting to feel awkward with Chase. It’s that they don’t feel quite right anymore. Kissing Chase, holding hands with Chase, even just talking to Chase, feels different now. Because Karolina wants to be with Nico.

She shouldn’t want to be with Nico.

She has a boyfriend who has never been anything but kind to her, someone whom both her parents love and approve of, someone who’s supportive of her love for dance. In theory, he’s perfect for her. She’s never going to find a man like him again. So why does she feel so differently now?

The minute she gets back upstairs after dinner, Karolina pulls out of her phone, scrolling through her contacts. She needs to talk to someone about the way she’s been feeling, about all the confusing and unwanted thoughts that have been swirling through her head. She needs to talk to Nico.

She dials Chase instead.

* * *

When Chase appears in the doorway to her room, Karolina’s guilt comes back tenfold. His eyes are full of love, and she can see in his face how much he’s missed her, can feel it in the way he kisses her hello.

He’s her boyfriend, and she’s hurt him by choosing to spend time with Nico over him, Nico who she knows isn’t really an option for her.

“What’s up, Karolina?” Chase sits beside her on her bed. “You sounded kind of upset over the phone, but your parents said you have good news for me?”

“They’re just excited about some stupid idea I had for my social media project.” Karolina resists the urge to roll her eyes at how ridiculous her parents are being right now. In their defense, though, they don’t actually know anything else is going on.

“Okay.” Chase places a hand on Karolina’s knee. “Then what’s this about?”

She knows it’s supposed to be comforting. She does find it comforting. That doesn’t stop her from wishing he was Nico.

She wants to tell him what’s going on, the complete truth, wants to tell him what Nico meant to her in the past and what she’s starting to mean again in the present, but she finds that she can’t. Anything she says on that subject will hurt Chase, and he doesn’t deserve that. He deserves someone who’s going to love him as much as he loves her. He deserves someone who’s loyal and trustworthy. And Karolina’s been anything but.

“I just wanted to apologize,” she says, “for not being around as much as I should have been lately.”

“Is something wrong?” Chase’s brow furrows.

“No.” Karolina shakes her head. Nothing is wrong, and nothing is right. Karolina doesn’t know what she feels anymore. “I’ve just been focusing a lot on dancing, and it’s been hard for me to do much of anything else.”

That much, at least, is true. Karolina is hung up on dance, and maybe that’s why she’s been so drawn to Nico lately. She feels like Nico is the only one she can talk to about the subject, the only one who will truly understand her. But maybe she can talk to Chase about it too. She knows he would listen to her talk about anything she wanted to, and the realization only makes her feel again like she doesn’t deserve him.

“Hence the annoyance at your parents,” Chase says.

“Yeah, I just…really wish my mom and dad would make more of an effort to be interested in what I am. I work so hard to be what they want me to be, so why can’t they at least try to let me be who I am as well?”

“They’re not exactly parents of the year.”

“This is why I’m never having kids,” Karolina mumbles.

She didn’t mean to say it, but now that it’s out there, she finds herself watching Chase’s face for a reaction. It’s something she’s thought a lot about, but she has no idea how Chase feels on the topic. It’s not something they’ve ever talked about, but she hopes he won’t see it as a problem.

“Because of your dad?” is all Chase asks.

Karolina nods. “I don’t want my kids to know him, and the only way to make sure that happens is to never have any.”

“I understand that,” Chase says easily. “No one deserves to grow up around him, and I’m truly sorry you had to.”

“So you’re really not upset then?” Karolina steers the conversation back onto its original course. “About not seeing me as much this week?”

“Of course not,” Chase says with a lopsided grin. “I know you didn’t do it intentionally. I love you, Kar.”

“I love you too,” she says.

And she means it. She loves Chase, and whatever has been going on between her and Nico needs to stop. She may have been in love with Nico in the past, but it’s been six years, and she’s already committed to Chase now. He doesn’t deserve to be dumped because Karolina’s lost her ability to distinguish between the present and the past. She’s not a little girl anymore. She can be friends with Nico without breaking Chase’s heart.

And Chase is the sensible option. He lives in the same world she does, has all his life, and no matter how much Karolina wants her to be, she knows that Nico can never be a part of it. And as much as Karolina doesn’t want to be a part of it, she knows that she is, and there’s nothing she can do to change it. Nico isn’t a realistic choice for her, and Karolina needs to stop pretending she is.

* * *

“We haven’t talked about your little dance sessions in a while. Things still going well with Karolina?”

Gert and Nico have been on the couch watching Netflix for two hours when Gert asks the question, and Nico wonders if that’s why Gert decided to invite her over so abruptly tonight. Karolina is not a topic Nico readily talks about, and she’s sure Gert has been curious about how things have been playing out between the two of them. Gert loves Nico and most likely wants to make sure her best friend is not getting hurt.

And she’s not. Things between Nico and Karolina have improved so much in the past two weeks, and Nico could not be happier. She and Karolina are finally friends again, and Nico feels like she doesn’t have to walk on eggshells around her anymore. She can reach out and touch Karolina without fear of Karolina shying away from her, and Karolina has even started giving Nico friendly touches too—a hand on her arm, a squeeze to her shoulder. Nico can relax around Karolina, the way she used to, and she doesn’t think she’s been this happy in a long time.

“So well,” Nico answers. “We’re friends again now, so I can finally stop worrying that every single thing I do is going to offend her somehow. She hasn’t snapped at me or had any kind of attitude in weeks, and I never hear her talk about being forbidden to dance anymore. I think she really wants this.”

Gert frowns in distaste, but Nico doesn’t let that stop her. She hasn’t talked to anyone about what’s been going on between her and Karolina, and it’s nice to finally be able to voice her thoughts out loud.

“I just wish she’d talk to me more, you know? I mean, she talks to me about school sometimes, and she’s told me about the work she’s been doing for her dad’s company, but…she doesn’t really talk about what’s bothering her anymore.”

“Maybe because nothing is bothering her,” Gert says.

“I don’t know, Gert. Sometimes she gets to the museum, and she looks so sad, like something’s troubling her or maybe her dad put her down again or something, but she never talks about it. And she always used to tell me about those things. Some days, she’d just show up in tears.”

“You’ve only been friends again for two weeks,” Gert points out. “It might take time to build up a trust like that again.”

“I guess so.” Nico sighs.

Maybe Gert is right. Nico and Karolina haven’t even spoken in years. She can’t expect them to pick back up right where they left off. They’ve made so much progress since they first saw each other again, and Nico is more than happy with that. She just needs to give them time and eventually they’ll get back to where they used to be. But without the whole dating thing this time.

“I kind of want to hang out with her sometime,” Nico admits, “outside of dancing. We never really got a chance to do that before.”

Gert shoots her a skeptical look. “That sounds like a bad idea.”

“Not like _that_.” Nico scowls, realizing what Gert is thinking. “I don’t want to date her. This would just be a hangout. A strictly platonic hangout.”

“Convince me,” Gert says immediately, and Nico sighs again.

Convince Me is a game the two of them made up in their high school world history class to pass the time. One would come up with an outlandish fact and try to convince the other of its truth, and then they would switch. Nice to know Gert finds Nico’s idea outlandish.

“Karolina and I may have loved each other in the past, but it’s been six years now, Gert. I’ve moved on, and as much as I wanted a future with her before, I don’t anymore. Maybe we’ll be dance partners again if that’s what she wants, but that’s all we’ll be. I’m not going to give my heart to her just for her to decide two years later that she misses her boyfriend or her family or her money that she’s sure to be cut off from if she chooses dance, and then she leaves again. I’m not stupid. I know how important it is to her to be someone her father can be proud of. So I trust her with my friendship. But I don’t trust her with my heart.”

“Consider me convinced.” Gert nods, impressed. “That’s pretty much exactly what I tried to tell you when you were refusing to get over her for years, but you wouldn’t listen to me. You always worshipped the ground that girl walked on. What changed?”

“I did,” Nico says, “and so did she. I may still want to dance professionally, but I don’t need some great romance to go along with it. I’ll dance with anyone or by myself, any way I can make it. And she doesn’t even want to dance professionally anymore at all. Well, I mean, she does, but she’s not choosing to. She’s choosing to be a businesswoman and dance as a hobby. I would never be happy doing that.”

“And it’s only taken you six years to see that.” Gert ruffles Nico’s hair.

Nico swats her hand away. “Oh, fuck off. I’ve been over her for years, and you know it.”

“I know,” Gert says with a teasing smirk. “I just like messing with you.”

Nico’s smile falls away. “If our futures are going to pull us in different directions eventually, should we even keep dancing together now at all?”

“Only you can decide that, Nico. It depends on what _you_ want to do. If you want to dance with her, then make the most of it now, but if you don’t, you don’t need anyone’s permission to stop.”

“I think I want to keep dancing with her.” Nico leans her head against her best friend’s shoulder. “For now.”

Gert shifts slightly underneath her, and Nico wonders what’s running through her head. Is she disappointed in Nico for choosing to put time and effort into this girl who, in her opinion, is only going to break Nico’s heart? If she is, she doesn’t say anything, and Nico is grateful for that.

“So, if I do invite her over to hang out, what should we do?” Nico asks.

“I don’t know, Nico.” Gert sounds slightly exasperated. “What do you mean, what should you do? Ask her over to watch Netflix or do some homework. The kinds of things we would do. Don’t put too much thought into it. If she’s the kind of person who will hate you if it’s not perfect, then she doesn’t deserve you in her life anyway.”

“She’s not,” Nico says immediately. “Sorry. We’ll just watch Netflix then. If she even wants to come over in the first place.”

“For the record, I still don’t think she deserves you.” Gert puts her arm around Nico and pulls her closer.

“I know.” Nico playfully rolls her eyes, even though her friend can’t see her face.

She doesn’t think Karolina will ever deserve her in Gert’s eyes, and she understands why. Nico didn’t meet Gert until high school, so Gert never got to see Nico when she and Karolina were actually together, never got to meet Karolina and witness the immense love that flowed between her and Nico. Gert had only gotten to see the aftermath.

Hating Karolina for what happened all those years ago isn’t fair, though. Nico’s heart may have broken into a million tiny pieces the night Karolina’s father came in and dragged her away, but she knows now that Karolina’s heart shattered just as much as her own did.

* * *

Nico gets to the museum early the next day, her nerves about asking Karolina to hang out with her having grown throughout the day. She honestly has no idea how Karolina will react to the question, but it’s not rejection that Nico is afraid of. If Karolina doesn’t want to hang out, then she’ll accept it and move on. She’s more worried about Karolina assuming Nico wants more and freaking out. She’s more worried about Karolina deciding she doesn’t want to dance anymore after all.

When Karolina arrives, though, all of Nico’s worry flies out the window, immediately replaced with concern. It’s clear by the frown on her face that something is bothering Karolina today. There isn’t even a question about it.

And Nico wants her to talk about it this time. She doesn’t just want her to dance it away.

“Hey, Karrie,” Nico greets her, but Karolina cuts her off before she can say anything more.

“I need to talk to you about something.”

Nico falls silent immediately, turning hopeful and attentive eyes onto Karolina.

“It’s just… We’ve kind of fallen back to our old ways, and I’m not sure that’s such a good idea. We’re being too intimate with each other again too quickly, and I think it’s confusing for both of us. I want to be friends with you again, Nico, but I only want to be friends. So maybe no more of the hand holding and the soft smiles and those kinds of things outside of dancing.”

Whatever Nico had been expecting Karolina to say, it had not been that. Nico isn’t even entirely sure what she’s talking about. She and Karolina have acted nothing but friendly toward one another since they came back into each other’s lives. Sure, they may have talked about their past feelings, but they’ve never even hinted at feeling any sort of romantic attraction in the present. Nico has never once thought of their gestures as holding deeper meaning. So why is Karolina reading further into their interactions?

Maybe it’s because Karolina’s afraid of Nico developing feelings for her again, but she doesn’t think that’s it. No, Nico’s starting to think that maybe Gert wasn’t so wrong when she suggested that Karolina still loves her. Maybe Karolina is the one who’s developed feelings again, and she’s finding it harder to fight them whenever she and Nico exchange friendly touches.

Nico doesn’t dare say any of that, though. Those are the kinds of things that will make Karolina want to stop dancing with her for good. Instead, Nico finds the thought comforting. If Karolina truly is fighting back feelings for her, then she’s choosing to address the issue head on instead of simply running away from Nico. The realization gives her the courage she needs to say what she’s been planning on saying all day.

“Maybe we need to spend time together as friends then,” she suggests. “Dancing probably makes things feel more romantic than they are, so maybe it would be good for us to do other things too. You can come over to my place this weekend, and we can watch a movie or something.”

The minute the words are out of her mouth, Nico knows Karolina is going to turn her down. The look in her eyes says it all. It seems to Nico as if everything inside of Karolina is screaming at her to say no.

But she doesn’t.

“Okay, Nico,” she says instead.


	9. it's taking over you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

"So, Karolina's back." Nico's been waiting to say it all day.

Amy has finally come back from Stanford for the weekend to celebrate their dad's birthday, and Nico doesn't want to waste the limited time they have together. She wants to talk to her sister about what's really going on in her life right now, although she's not completely sure what that is anymore after what Karolina said yesterday. Either way, she and Amy have finally stolen away to Nico's room for a few minutes to catch up, and Nico doesn't want to miss this perfect opportunity to mention what's been on her mind.

"Karolina the dancer?" Amy's eyes are wide.

And this is what Nico loves about Amy. Karolina is not Karolina Dean, the snobby rich girl whose parents own a Fortune 500 company, nor is she Karolina, the girl who broke Nico's heart when they were thirteen. She's just Karolina the dancer. If anyone is going to give her an honest, unbiased opinion about the events of late, Nico knows it's her sister.

"Yeah, that one," Nico confirms. "Not that she's really gone anywhere, but I ran into her at Timely a few weeks ago, and we've started dancing together again."

"She's not worried about her dad anymore?" Amy asks. "I thought she was going to school for business."

"She is, but she wants to dance again, and honestly, everything's been kind of confusing lately. Or she thinks it is at least. We've grown closer again in the time we've spent together, but she told me yesterday that she thinks we've gotten too close and that it's been confusing for her. But we haven't done anything friends wouldn't do. So why is she confused unless she still has feelings for me?"

"You think she still has feelings for you?"

Nico sighs. She doesn't know what she thinks. Two days ago, she thought she had everything figured out, but now she's not so sure. She doesn't want to be with Karolina for fear her heart will get broken again, but what if Karolina decides she wants to be with Nico? Will she want to stop dancing together if Nico refuses?

"Gert does. I don't know what I think. I guess I think it makes sense if she's been reading so much into our interactions, because I haven't once had the thought that we've been acting anything other than friendly. But clearly she has."

"And what about you?" Amy asks. "Do you still have feelings for her?"

"I can't, Amy." Nico is surprised when she doesn't flat-out say no. "Karolina and I aren't going to work out. I learned that years ago. Eventually, her father will find out about her dancing again, and she'll go right back to pretending I don't exist. She and I just…aren't mean to be."

"Don't be so pessimistic, Nico." Amy shakes her head. "I've never seen you as happy as you were when you were dancing with K. And I've never seen you as in love with anyone as you were with K. I'm not asking you what the realistic choice would be. I'm asking you how you feel. If there were no extenuating circumstances, would you want Karolina?"

"I want her to be my dance partner," Nico admits, and Amy looks disappointed.

Nico knows it's a dangerous thing to want Karolina to choose dance over business, maybe even more dangerous than wanting to be with Karolina again romantically, but Nico is surprised to realize how much she wants it. She wants to dance with Karolina again in front of an audience, wants to make a future of dancing with her.

"Then be her dance partner," Amy tells her, as if it will be easy to do.

"But what if she doesn't want that?" Nico hates the way her voice cracks when she says it.

This isn't supposed to be such a big deal. She's supposed to dance with Karolina as extra practice, a way to escape the rigid technicalities of her ballet classes. So why is Nico starting to feel like a career without Karolina won't be nearly as satisfying?

"Some things are worth taking a chance on. You of all people should know that."

"And I of all people know what happens when that chance doesn't turn out favorably. I wanted to dance with Karolina and be with her before, and look where that got me. She broke my heart, and Gert says I have every right to do the same to her now."

"That won't get you anywhere." Amy frowns. "Karolina's dad is the reason you got your heart broken all those years ago. Hers broke just as much, and you know it. As I'm sure you also know she wouldn't be the only one getting her heart broken if you walk away from her now."

"What are you even talking about?"

But Nico knows what she's talking about. If Nico walks away now, she'll lose a friend that she's only just started to get back, lose a partner that dances with her like no one in her classes will ever be able to. Nico thinks Karolina will always be important to her in a way no one else quite will, and she wonders if maybe she's had lingering feelings for Karolina all this time, if maybe feelings like that never completely go away.

"You care about her. It doesn't matter in what way. I can tell she's already become really important to you again, and I don't think you'd throw all of that away for some petty revenge plot. Especially when what happened back then wasn't her fault."

"Then why the fuck didn't she ever come back?"

Tears burn Nico's eyes, and suddenly she's feeling the heartbreak of Karolina leaving all over again. It's almost as if she's a little girl again who's just starting to realize Karolina isn't going to try to reach out to her, and it hurts. Regardless of how she feels now, she loved Karolina. Nothing will ever make the pain of losing her go away.

"Why do you think?" Amy gives Nico a knowing look. "Her dad had a very distinct idea of the kind of woman he wanted his daughter to grow up to become. And back then she had very little choice in the matter."

Nico is surprised. She's not used to someone sticking up for Karolina, but she finds it refreshing. An unbiased view of the situation is exactly what she needs, and she finds herself finally starting to consider the possibility that maybe taking a chance on Karolina wouldn't be all bad.

"I'm not going to listen to Gert's advice," Nico says. "I'm trying to do the opposite and make an effort to continue being friends with Karrie. I've actually invited her over to watch a movie tonight."

"A movie, huh?" Amy waggles her eyebrows. "Sounds datey."

"It's not," Nico says immediately. "And don't you dare say anything like that to her. That's not my intention, and I don't want her to think it is."

"Don't worry. I won't act like that around her," Amy promises, "although I would like to see her again before I make myself scarce. And I hope you know I'll always be rooting for you two."

Nico smiles. Leave it to her sister to support her and Karolina now just as much as she always had. Of course, it makes sense, since she knew Karolina when she was younger and had watched her dance with Nico on countless occasions, but Nico is still grateful to her all the same for not letting Nico and Karolina's fallout ruin her perception of Karolina.

"I miss you so much when you're at Stanford," Nico says.

"I know it's far." Amy's own smile falls away a bit. "But you know you can call me any time. I'd love to talk about K with you if Gert's being a grumpy old lady about it, and I'd love to see you guys dance again, even if it's only in video form."

"Really?" Nico's lips curl up in a smile.

"I wouldn't have asked otherwise."

"I think that can be arranged then." Nico's smile grows impossibly wider. "Any song requests?"

* * *

When Karolina arrives at Nico's that night, Nico's nerves almost rip right through her skin and tumble out onto the floor. Sure, she'd been the one to invite Karolina over in the first place, and she knew logically that Karolina's acceptance of the invitation meant she'd be showing up, but there was still a tiny part of her that thought Karolina would dodge it, would come up with some excuse as to why she could no longer come.

Now, though, Karolina is standing in the doorway, and everything is significantly more real.

"Are you going to say hello and invite her in, or are you just going to stand there all night?" Amy asks from her place on the couch.

"Right." Nico steps out of the way and gestures for Karolina to come inside.

"Amy's here?" Karolina looks surprised.

"Yes, but she won't be staying out here with us." Nico glared at her sister, and Amy rolled her eyes as she got up off the couch.

"And Mom and Dad rented a hotel for Dad's birthday." Amy made a face. "A gross little tradition of theirs. But the good news is that you and Nico will pretty much have the place to yourselves."

"What she means to say is that we can have the TV," Nico tells Karolina.

"Before I go, though, at least come give me a hug, K." Amy holds out her arms. "I haven't seen you in forever."

Karolina falls into Amy's arms with an easy smile. "It's great to see you again, Amy."

"Same," Amy easily agrees. "You've gotten so goddamn tall."

"I had a growth spurt at the end of eighth grade." Karolina blushes a bit as she pulls out of the hug, almost as if she finds her height embarrassing.

Nico could not disagree more. She may not really be able to pick Karolina up for lifts anymore, but she definitely finds her height to be attractive, no matter how much she doesn't want to.

"My sister promised to send me videos of what you guys have been working on lately, and I can't wait to see it. But I'll leave you alone for now. I know you guys want to hang out just the two of you tonight."

"Thanks, Amy." Nico shoots her sister a grateful smile.

When the door to Nico's room, where Amy is staying, shuts behind her, though, Nico begins to regret asking for time alone with Karolina in the first place. Usually, the conversation flows easily between the two of them, but after what Karolina said yesterday and Nico's talk with Amy today, Nico suddenly finds herself at a loss for words. Karolina looks equally uncomfortable as she plays with the hem of her yellow shirt.

"So…what do you want to do?" Karolina awkwardly sits on the couch.

Nico remains standing, afraid of making Karolina uncomfortable by sitting too close to her. She gestures to the TV. "I thought we could watch a movie."

"A movie sounds fine." Karolina shrugs. "What did you have in mind?"

"Let's see what we have."

Nico moves over to rummage through the drawers in the TV stand, relieved to finally have something to do that doesn't involve her talking to or making eye contact with Karolina. At first, she thought this would be a good idea, something that would bring them closer, but now she's not so sure. Maybe their relationship is more built around dancing than Nico thought. Maybe it always has been.

As Nico flips through the limited number of DVDs her family owns, she hopes Karolina will actually like whatever movie she chooses. She stops flipping when she sees _The Greatest Showman_. Nico loved that movie when she first saw it two years ago, and she thinks it might be the perfect movie to watch with Karolina now.

She pulls it from the drawer. "How about _The Greatest Showman_? I haven't seen that in a while."

"Isn't that the movie about the circus?" Karolina's nose scrunches up in distaste.

_So she's never seen it then._

"It's not _just_ about the circus. It's a musical. It's not, like, a documentary or anything."

"A musical?" The intrigue is clear in Karolina's eyes, and a spark of hope swirls around in Nico's stomach.

They're going to watch a movie together. They're going to hang out just like any friends would, and Nico wonders why she feels so nervous. She supposes it could be because she's afraid Karolina won't like spending time with her or won't like the movie, but a tiny part of her wonders if it's something else entirely.

"You'll love it. I promise." Nico pushes away her nerves and answers in a confident tone.

"And if I don't?" A smirk settles across Karolina's face, and Nico can already see the challenge in her eyes.

She supposes she shouldn't have promised anything if she didn't want Karolina to react this way, but she's just glad the awkwardness is starting to dissipate. Not to mention, as much as Nico is going to pretend she hates Karolina's challenge, she secretly loves it.

"Then you can pick all the songs we dance to this week," Nico says easily.

"And if I do like the movie?"

There's something in Karolina's tone that gives it away: she knows she's going to like the movie. Which is crazy because Nico doesn't even know for sure that she'll like it. But Karolina does, and Nico wonders, for a brief moment, if that's because they're going to be watching it together.

"If you like it, then I get to pick the songs."

It probably won't matter, though. Nico has a sneaking suspicion that, after watching this movie, they might both want to dance to the same songs anyway.

"You're on," Karolina says with a smile.

As Nico puts the DVD into the player, she feels much more at ease. Karolina is enjoying herself, and Nico knows she will as well. It's easy for Nico to settle onto the couch beside Karolina as the movie loads up, and she's relieved that whatever tension had developed between them when Karolina arrived has finally dissipated.

Once the title screen loads up, Nico hits play, and the two of them are immediately entranced. Nico forgot about how much this movie reminded her of her and Karolina at the beginning. The first scene of Phineas and Charity when they were kids is strikingly similar to Karolina and Nico's own childhood situation, and the song they sing hits Nico even harder than it did before. However, when Charity's father forces her and Phineas apart, she still finds a way to write to him.

Nico wishes Karolina had done the same.

What Nico doesn't expect, though, is to see herself and Karolina in Phillip and Anne, especially when they sing "Rewrite the Stars." The first time Nico watched the movie, she hadn't found any personal meaning in the song, but now she feels as if she is in the exact same situation as the characters.

Nico doesn't understand why they can't just dance together, why Karolina can't choose dance over business once and for all. And maybe Karolina is trying to protect Nico from criticism by pushing her away, as Anne does with Phillip, but Nico doesn't need protection. She wants to dance with Karolina, no matter what the cost, and as she watches this movie, she realizes that maybe she might like to try something else with her too. Maybe it's time to finally stop hiding her heart away because of what happened six years ago and allow herself to want again, allow herself to give Karolina a second chance.

She feels Karolina's hand slip into hers about halfway through the movie, and she smiles but doesn't react. She isn't entirely sure that Karolina even realizes she's holding Nico's hand, and Nico doesn't want to ruin the moment. It feels different, holding Karolina's hand like this, and Nico wonders if this is how Karolina has been feeling every time they've held hands or touched in the past couple weeks. Maybe Nico truly is ready to stop playing everything safe.

When the movie ends, Nico makes no move to turn it off, and Karolina doesn't ask her to, both of them instead watching as the credits roll and listening to the music play. Some of the songs in this movie touched Nico in the same way that some of the songs from _Places_ do, and Nico wonders how many songs like this she can hear, how many songs like this Karolina can hear, without finally letting go of any fears and doubts and giving their romance a second try.

Once the movie finally rolls all the way to its end, Nico pauses it and turns off the television, staring at her reflection for a moment in the newly black screen. Two seconds later, Karolina is pulling her hand away from Nico's as if she's been burned. So she wasn't aware of what she'd been doing then.

"What did you think of the movie?" Nico tries to keep any traces of a smile off her face, but she knows she isn't entirely successful.

"It was amazing," Karolina says softly.

Nico allows herself to smile fully when Karolina doesn't lie. Part of her expected Karolina to pretend she wasn't affected by the movie at all, but it seems this movie might have helped her to continue down the path that "Anything's Possible" had set her on.

"Could we try dancing to the songs from that movie?"

Nico knows she doesn't need to ask. Karolina liked the movie, so Nico gets to pick the songs for the next week. She still feels like she needs to run it by Karolina first, though. Some of these songs seem as personal as "Getaway Car" is.

"You remember that you get to pick the songs now, right?" Karolina's voice holds no trace of teasing, as it usually would.

"I know," Nico admits, "but I don't want to make you do anything you're not okay with."

"Those songs are perfect," Karolina assures her. "So many of them made me think of us."

"I mean, when we were younger. They reminded me of us when we were younger." Karolina amends, but it's already too late. Nico knows exactly what she meant the first time. "Our past selves could have written some of those songs."

" _A Million Dreams" maybe_ , Nico thinks, _but those other songs apply to us now, and we both know it._

"Right. Of course."

Nico extends the words like an olive branch. She doesn't believe what Karolina said any more than Karolina herself does, but she'll pretend, as long as it means they can remain friends. She'll pretend because it's clear to her that Karolina isn't quite ready to start anything between them again. She's still figuring things out with her career path, and she still has a boyfriend, but the minute she doesn't? Well, Nico's not entirely sure what will happen then, but she thinks she might just be okay with that.

The more time she spends with Karolina, the more Nico is starting to believe Amy instead of Gert.


	10. doors that we can't walk through

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the shorter chapter this time. This scene just feels best to me as its own chapter, but I think you guys will like it because it's completely Deanoru. Thank you to everyone who's continuing to read this! I hope you enjoy the update!

When Karolina agreed to watch a movie with Nico on Saturday night, she didn't know what she was getting into. She didn't expect it to feel so personal, didn't expect the songs to hit her as hard as the songs from _Places_.

The characters in the movie went after the things they wanted, no matter what. They didn't care about what anyone thought, didn't care what the world thought, and Karolina wishes she could do the same. The characters' courage was so inspiring to Karolina. But Karolina isn't brave. She doesn't think she can be.

She arrives at the museum on Monday to find Nico already there starting on her warmup stretches. Karolina falls wordlessly into place beside her. She hasn't forgotten their little agreement from this weekend, and she hasn't forgotten what Nico said she wants to choose. Before, Karolina had been dying to dance to the exact same songs, to take those feelings she experienced during the movie and let them run all throughout her body. Now, though, she's not so sure. Now, though, she thinks she would rather dance to anything else.

"So, have you decided what song you want to dance to first?" Karolina tries her best to sound lighthearted, but she doesn't think that's quite the way her voice comes off.

Nico shifts nervously at the question, and Karolina thinks this might be a good sign. If Nico is feeling half as apprehensive as Karolina herself is, then maybe she's decided she doesn't want to dance to the songs from the movie anymore either.

"I was thinking 'Rewrite the Stars,'" Nico answers. "I actually already have it pulled up on my phone."

Karolina's heart sinks. She understands now why Nico looks nervous. Not because she thinks Karolina will be disappointed that she no longer wants to dance to _The Greatest Showman_ soundtrack but because she's worried about what Karolina will think about the song she's chosen to start with.

"Rewrite the Stars" is the most emotional song of the movie, in Karolina's opinion, and it's also the song that applies most to her current situation. Allowing herself to dance freely to it threatens to unearth and amplify every single emotion that stirred inside of her during the movie last weekend, but what can she do? She made a deal with Nico, and she lost. It doesn't matter that she had no way of knowing the movie would hit her this hard.

"Okay," Karolina reluctantly agrees.

It's clear that Nico picks up on Karolina's discomfort when she frowns two seconds later and suggests, "Maybe we should choreograph this one first. That way, we have a sense of how we should execute the performance and make sure we're only doing things the other is okay with."

Karolina recognizes the words for what they are: an out. Nico is providing her with a way to dance to this song without completely giving themselves over to the emotion of it. And that is all Karolina needs to realize that no matter how much she should, she doesn't want to take it. If she and Nico choreograph the dance, then there's no point in even dancing to this song in the first place. And Karolina wants to dance to it even more than she doesn't.

"No." Karolina shakes her head. "We should do it like we always do."

"I don't know, Karrie. I think it will be better for both of us if we plan the dance beforehand."

"No choreography." Karolina barely even gives Nico the time to finish her sentence.

Nico looks uncertain, gaze dropping to the floor. "You sure?"

"Just play the song, Nico." Karolina doesn't want to give herself time to think about her decision. As much as she wants to, she can't deny the fact that part of her has wanted to dance to this song since the minute she heard it, even if she knows she shouldn't, and she doesn't want to give her mind time to go through all the reasons it's a terrible idea.

She wants their dance to be real, authentic, nothing holding them back.

For a moment, she is brave.

After grabbing her phone, Nico clicks the song, and then Zac Efron's voice is coming out of the speakers. Karolina knows it's too late to back out now. She begins to move with the music, and suddenly the same rush she got upon first hearing the song comes back to her all at once. She is flooded with the want to just be with Nico and dance and dance and dance.

She wants Nico to be her destiny, wants to rewrite the stars so they can be together, wants to believe the choice is truly theirs, and she thinks Nico wants it too. The look in her eyes is unmistakable. She's looking at Karolina exactly the way she used to. Karolina isn't sure if the look has always been there or if this is something new, but it's incredibly evident to her now. Nico still has feelings for her. If Karolina wants to be with her, then she can.

That's when the second verse starts, and Karolina remembers there's a world outside of this museum, one that isn't so welcoming of her love for Nico and dance. It's as if Zendaya is singing inside Karolina's head. The song perfectly portrays how she's been feeling for the past couple weeks, and she wants nothing more than to be free.

She isn't free, though. If she chooses Nico, she renounces her family. She would be cutting all ties with her parents, and she doesn't want that. She doesn't want her father to be disappointed in her, and she certainly doesn't want him to hate her. Unfortunately, she has to keep dancing and Nico a secret if she wants to keep her parents' support for her, and she would never ask Nico to commit to a relationship that has to remain hidden away behind closed doors.

When the song reaches its bridge, though, some of Karolina's resolve shatters. All she's ever wanted is to dance with Nico. She doesn't have Nico's confidence and surety about her desired profession, but that doesn't stop her from wishing she did. That doesn't stop the song from granting it to her, however briefly.

_Say that it's possible._

It's clear that Nico believes it is. Maybe Karolina does too.

_It's up to you/ And it's up to me/ No one can say what we get to be._

As Karolina spins Nico around, she knows that nothing else has ever mattered this much in her entire life. There is only this moment. Only now. Only Nico.

Karolina pulls Nico against her as the intensity of the music dies down, the two of them holding their position as they wait for the words to start up again. Nico is so close to Karolina that Karolina can feel Nico's breath on her skin. Karolina is high on the adrenaline and the closeness and the words of the song.

She wants the world to be hers and Nico's.

She wants Nico.

Questioning brown eyes look into Karolina's blue ones, and Karolina knows her face says yes. Her face says she wants this. She does want this.

As she starts to lean in, though, warning bells ring in her head so loudly that she immediately jerks away. What is she thinking? She can't kiss Nico when she still has a boyfriend.

No. She can't kiss Nico. Period.

As Nico opens curious brown eyes, Karolina can easily see the love in them. But these aren't the only brown eyes that look at her this way. She chose Chase, whether she likes it or not. He's her significant other, not Nico, and she needs to stop acting as if the opposite is true. Her only other option is to break up with him, and she doesn't want to do that. So nothing can happen between her and Nico.

"I'm sorry." Karolina shakes her head and backs out of Nico's arms. She needs to put some distance between them, no matter how cold the air feels against her skin as opposed to the warmth of Nico. "I shouldn't have done that."

"Why not?" Nico asks earnestly.

She wants this just as much as Karolina does. Which makes it all the harder for Karolina not to give in and crash her lips to Nico's right then and there.

But she can't.

"It's… It's not fair," Karolina says.

Nico opens her mouth to push further, and suddenly the room feels much too small. Karolina can't talk about this, doesn't want to talk about it. She doesn't want Nico to make this any harder than it already is.

So she hurries out of the room before Nico can say a single word, hurries out the double doors and down the steps, out into the open air that is devoid of unrealistic dreams and chock full of reality.

She may not have offered Nico much of an explanation back there, but the words she spoke were the truest words she could offer. Kissing Nico wouldn't be fair. Not to Nico. Not to Chase. And certainly not to herself.


	11. within these walls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is much longer than the last one and features Amy and Gert, so I know some people will be excited about that. Also, prepare yourselves for some angst. I can't wait to hear what you think!

Nico's mind is still reeling from the events of earlier when her phone starts to ring. She's been sitting on her bed watching Netflix on her laptop, but she's been paying so little attention to it that she couldn't even say what show she'd been watching for the past couple hours.

After flipping her phone over, she sees Amy is requesting to FaceTime. The last thing she wants to do right now is talk to her sister about what happened between her and Karolina, but she also knows it's the only thing that's going to help her right now, so she answers the phone.

"Hey, Nico, where's that dance video you promised me?" Amy is all smiles and lightheartedness.

Nico doesn't even bother to hide her disappointment and frustration. "I didn't get to film it since Karolina left after one song."

Amy's smile falls away. "Did you guys get into a fight?"

"Not exactly." Nico sighs. "I almost kissed her. Or she almost kissed me? I'm not entirely sure."

"I did not see that one coming." Amy lets out an astonished laugh. "So what happened? Why the almost?"

"She pulled away at the last second and told me she shouldn't have done that."

"And then she just…walked out?" Amy looks confused, and Nico can tell she expected better of Karolina. So did Nico. She thought they were finally going to take their relationship in a different direction, that Karolina was finally going to open up to her, only for Karolina to close herself off again before their lips could even meet.

"Pretty much," Nico answers. "I asked her why she couldn't go through with it, and she said it's not fair and just ran out on me."

Nico knows her anger shows through, but she can't help herself. She is angry. She finally opened herself up to Karolina again for the first time since they were kids, and Karolina didn't even have the decency to talk things through with her. She'd run away, just as she had when they first saw each other again a month ago, just as Nico was starting to hope she was never going to do again. Nico isn't even sure Karolina is going to show up to dance again tomorrow afternoon, and it frustrates her. All she wants is to finally be able to talk to Karolina for real, no walls up between them.

"Don't be so hard on her, Nico." Amy props her phone up against something as she lays down in her bed on her stomach. "She still has a boyfriend, doesn't she? You can't really blame her for not wanting to cheat on him."

"I can't blame her for that, but I can blame her for not talking to me about it." Nico runs a hand through her hair before letting it fall back around her face. "This involves both of us, and we're adults now. It's time for her to stop running away from all her problems."

"I agree." Amy nods. "But I also know how hard this has to be for her. So if you're serious about this, Nico, you'll give her a bit of time to figure everything out. And if she's serious about you, then she'll tell you how she feels."

Nico is starting to think Karolina will never say anything to her on the topic of feelings, but she doesn't say that, instead listening as her sister continues.

"You have to realize that she has a lot on her plate right now. She had her entire life planned out about a month ago. She was going to become a businesswoman to make her dad proud, and she was probably planning on being with Chase forever, and all was well. Then you came back into her life and uprooted every single piece of that plan in one day. I'm not saying you shouldn't have done that; I completely agree that she needed it. And I'm not saying you should wait for months for her to give you an answer. I'm just saying none of this can be easy for her, and I think you need to give her at least a day or two to figure things out again."

"You're probably right." Nico's shoulders slump, and she wonders how long she has been so tensed up. "I wish I could do something to help her."

Not a day has gone by when Nico hasn't wished she could take away some of the burden that Karolina feels. Even after they split up, there were days Nico wished she could switch places with Karolina, that she could take all the pressure off the blonde's shoulders for a little while so she could finally feel what it's like to be completely free. And Nico knows things are only ten times harder for her now than when she was younger.

"You are helping her." Amy gives her a small smile. "I promise you that. You're encouraging her to dance, and you're helping her see that she is the person in control of her life, not her father."

Nico gives Amy a small smile in return. She's been so caught up in her own emotions for the past few hours that she hasn't once stopped to consider things from Karolina's perspective. She appreciates the way Amy stomps out her frustrations with Karolina instead of fueling them the way her best friend surely would.

"I can't tell Gert about any of this," Nico says.

Amy frowns. "Yes, you can. If things get serious between you and K again, then Gert will find out eventually, and she'll only be hurt at knowing you purposefully kept this from her."

"But I haven't even told her I have feelings for Karrie yet in the first place. In fact, the last time I saw her, I spent a good amount of time convincing her that I _don't_ have feelings for her. She's gonna be so disappointed in me."

"Then let her. That's why I'm here." Nico thinks Amy would reach out through the phone if she could to squeeze Nico's arm, and she wishes, for what feels like the millionth time, that Amy didn't go to school so far away. It would be nice to have her around more often right about now. "Don't let Gert demonize Karolina. That girl has a big heart, and she doesn't deserve to go through anything like this."

 _No one does,_ Nico thinks.

"I just wish I could do something more to nudge her in the right direction, maybe talk to a theater around here about possibly allowing us to do a show one night. But Karrie would never agree to that even if I did."

"Start small." Amy shrugs. "Invite her to dance with you in one of your ballet classes. Or if your teacher doesn't allow you to bring in a partner who's not in the class, then maybe you can dance with her in a busy public area. There are plenty of places you can dance outside of that museum where you don't need permission, especially considering it's illegal for you two to even be in that museum in the first place. And dancing outside of the museum will probably help her feel more comfortable considering dance as a real possibility and then choosing it."

"That sounds like a great idea." Nico smiles again, wider than she has all day. "Thanks, Amy."

Her sister always knows exactly what to say.

* * *

"So I don't really want to ever tell you this, but Amy says I should get it over with now." Nico drops her backpack by the door as she enters Gert's apartment after their shared Gen Ed psychology course.

"Tell me what?" Gert shoots Nico a suspicious glance as they settle down on the couch together.

"That Karolina and I almost kissed yesterday." She just says it. She doesn't want to skirt around the topic, and she doesn't want to sit on the knowledge for hours waiting for the right time to drop it. She doesn't think there ever will be a right time with Gert.

"You what?!" Gert's eyes widen with shock. "But you don't even want to be with her anymore. You told me yourself."

"Yeah, I didn't," Nico admits.

"I know. You convinced me." Gert looks baffled, and Nico can tell she doesn't doubt how serious Nico had been when she did the convincing. "What happened to all those things you said last week?"

"I talked to Amy last weekend when she was in town for Dad's birthday, told her everything that's been going on. And she stuck up for Karolina, helped me see things from a completely different point of view. She even said she's rooting for us to get back together again if we decide that's what we want to do."

"Why the hell would she do that?" Gert frowns. "She's your sister. She's supposed to stick up for you."

"She is sticking up for me," Nico says. "She knows exactly how I used to feel about Karrie and how Karrie used to feel about me. She knows what we had, and she thinks it's worth fighting for, that we can still be good for each other. She also knows what Karrie's going through now, and she gave me the fresh perspective I needed to really be able to see it too."

Gert is silent for so long that Nico starts to get a little bit worried. Is she so angry she doesn't even know what to say? Maybe Nico's about to get a long speech about how disappointed in her Gert is or maybe she's going to get thrown out of this apartment altogether.

"I haven't heard you call her Karrie in a long time," she finally says.

Nico hadn't been expecting that, but she's relieved at least that Gert isn't mad at her. "I couldn't."

"And now?"

"Now I can." Nico shrugs. "And she lets me. I think she likes it when I call her that."

"Are you really sure this is a good idea?" Gert's expression isn't easy for Nico to read, but Nico thinks she looks sort of confused. "I mean, you told me just last week you didn't think you and her were meant to be."

"You think I meant to develop feelings for her again? That I wanted to?" Nico doesn't know what Gert wants her to say. "She held my hand the entire time during the movie we watched on Saturday, and she almost kissed me today, and maybe I'm starting to believe in us again. Maybe I'm starting to believe that it doesn't matter if we're meant to be or not, that we're the only people who can decide if we get to be together again. Maybe I just don't care what anyone else thinks anymore."

"Do you even hear yourself right now?" Gert crosses her arms over her chest, looking as unimpressed as Nico has ever seen her, but Nico isn't going to let it affect her. Not today.

If Amy can stick up for Karolina all the time, then so can Nico.

"Do you even hear _yourself_? You want me to shut someone out of my life because of something she did when she was _thirteen years old_ , something her father _forced_ her to do. You're actually going to sit here and tell me Karrie doesn't deserve a second chance because she was afraid of her emotionally abusive father when she was a little girl? Because that's bullshit. I guess I can't expect you to understand, but Amy's right. Choosing to do what she wants to do will completely uproot the life she's been building for herself these past six years, and I need to give her a chance to sort through all of her emotions and figure out exactly what it is she wants."

"Okay, okay." Gert holds her hands up in surrender. "She's important to you. I get it. I just want to go on the record as saying this isn't going to end well, that's all."

"Maybe it won't," Nico admits, "but that doesn't stop me from wanting to try it. I think it's already too late for me to back out now."

"Then I won't argue with you about it anymore." Gert bites her lip nervously. "Just…please promise you'll be careful, okay?"

"I will," Nico assures her.

She knows, though, that she already went well past the point of being careful the moment she turned on that movie.

* * *

All throughout the day, the only thing on Karolina's mind is what almost happened last night. The way it felt to be so close to Nico again, to almost completely give in to her. How badly she screwed up. Her feelings for Nico are supposed to be dead and gone, a thing of the past. But the more time she spends with Nico, the more she realizes she might never have been as over her as she thought she was.

The answer to her dilemma is simple. Stop dancing with Nico, and her feelings will go away again. She can put all of her childhood dreams back in the past where they belong and get back on track to lead the future she's setting herself up to lead.

She doesn't know if she can do it, though. Now that she's gotten a taste of dance again, she doesn't think she can ever fully go back to business. It took her long enough to convince herself that's what she wanted the first time. She doesn't have the time to convince herself all over again. She wants her parents' approval, so she'll be a professional businesswoman, but she knows it's much too late for her to give up dancing again.

She's not ready to face the consequences of her actions from yesterday, though. If she faces her feelings head-on, chooses Nico over Chase, then she has to break up with him, and she's not ready to do that yet. She's not ready to make such a definitive choice. Maybe the best thing to do right now would be to text Nico and ask her if they can take a break for a while so Karolina can get some time to think things through.

If Nico even still wants to be friends with her at all anymore. Karolina almost kissed Nico yesterday and then ran out on her without saying much of anything at all. If Nico had done that to Karolina, she'd be frustrated to say the least. How must Nico be feeling about all this? Does she want to be with Karolina again, or is she also regretting what happened yesterday? What if Nico doesn't even show up today?

As much as Karolina doesn't want to face the consequences of her actions before she's ready to, she has to know what Nico's thinking. She wants to talk to Nico at least, even if there's no dancing involved, even if they come to the decision that no dancing should be involved for a little while. If Nico even shows up to have the conversation.

Out of all the possibilities for this afternoon, Karolina thinks the worst is for her to arrive at the museum and find that Nico isn't coming. The worst thing is for Nico to have moved on without Karolina.

Karolina is relieved to find Nico already inside when she enters the ballroom. She can tell Nico's happy to see her by the smile on her face and the soft tone of her voice when she greets her. Is that good? Is that bad? Karolina's been such a whirlwind of emotions today that she doesn't know the answer.

Nico doesn't say anything all throughout their warmup stretches, and Karolina wonders if she should be the one to break the silence, if Nico's waiting for her to explain herself, why she'd run out yesterday and why she'd decided to come back today.

"I'm sorry again about what happened yesterday." Karolina breaks the silence. "It was a mistake. I just…got so caught up in the song that I forgot we're not thirteen anymore."

It's a bullshit excuse, and it's clear Nico knows that as well as Karolina does. But she doesn't say anything. Thankfully, she only nods and lets it go. She's giving Karolina a reprieve, and Karolina finally feels some of the tension that's been building in her body all day leave.

That's when Nico turns the music on, and Karolina hears the same damn song they danced to yesterday. Maybe Nico's not giving her a reprieve after all. She's not going to force Karolina to talk about her feelings or tell the truth about what had been going through her mind yesterday; she's only going to play the very song that caused those thoughts so Karolina has no choice but to work through them. She thinks this is much, much worse.

Nico knows as well as Karolina does that her emotions will be much too hard to fight when the song is on, when they're _dancing_ to it. That's why she's doing it. She wants Karolina to confront her feelings head on instead of running from them.

As the song plays on a loop and they move through a choreography that is different every time, Karolina wants to scream. The more times she relives every feeling she's ever had since running into Nico again, the more she wants to give in to each one. She wants to stop dancing, to tell Nico to choose a different song, but she made a deal with Nico, and she intends to honor it, no matter how much she feels like she wants to cry right now.

Every single word of this song resonates within her with every jump, every spin, every time her body comes into contact with Nico's. Their passionate dance makes Karolina want nothing more than to come undone and kiss Nico, to finally make a choice for herself and tell the world to fuck off, as she had when she was thirteen. But she's not a kid anymore, and that hadn't turned out so well for her back then.

The more times they dance to the song, the more times they look into each other's eyes during that last refrain, after a dance of hope and possibilities, the harder it is for Karolina to keep fighting what she knows by now she truly wants. The song is too much, and her emotions are too much, and Nico is too much, and she's tired of fighting it all. A logical girl would walk away from all this and never look back, but Karolina is so tired of being a logical girl. She doesn't want to stop dancing with Nico.

She loves Nico. Even if she shouldn't. Even if she can't.

During the 10th run-through of "Rewrite the Stars," Karolina finally breaks down, and Nico is by her side in an instant. It's clear she doesn't know what to do with herself. She hasn't seen Karolina cry since they were kids, and she stops herself from wrapping her arms around Karolina an instant before touching her, instead letting her arms drop awkwardly back to her sides.

But Karolina doesn't want her to stop herself. She doesn't want Nico to feel awkward around her, and she doesn't want to feel awkward around Nico. Not here. So she slumps against Nico, giving her all the permission she needs to hold her, and Nico doesn't waste a second before wrapping her arms around Karolina and pulling her close.

Karolina finally allows herself to fully cry, finally allows herself to feel the pressure of everything she's been holding in these past few weeks bubble up and out of her. She wants Nico, but she respects Chase too much to break his heart. She loves dancing but desires her father's approval more. She wishes the most important things in her life weren't complete contradictions of each other, that she could have them all at the same time. She wishes the world around her would disappear so Nico could hold her forever.

"I'm so sorry, Karrie." Nico's voice is heavy with guilt.

"It's not your fault." Karolina shakes her head.

"Yes it is," Nico says. "I looped the song. I really didn't mean to make you upset."

"You just wanted to make me feel." Karolina sniffles, wiping at her eyes.

"Yeah."

"Well, feeling makes me upset right now. Everything's just so hard. The choices I have to make."

"I know, Karrie." Nico runs her fingers soothingly through Karolina's hair.

She doesn't say anything else, doesn't press any further, and Karolina wishes she could allow the motion of Nico's fingers in her hair to lull her to sleep right here. But she can't stay here any longer than she usually does because her parents will be waiting up for her for dinner. The last thing she needs right now is for her dad to be suspicious of her whereabouts. But he shouldn't have to be suspicious in the first place. He should already know she's out dancing with Nico and be supportive of her love for both.

"I hate this," Karolina mumbles after a few seconds of silence.

"I know," Nico says again. "I wish I could make things easier for you."

A few tears escape Karolina's eyes again at the words. She knows she's been difficult to be around these past few days, yet Nico is still right here beside her. Karolina doesn't deserve her, she knows. Nico deserves someone who can actually allow themselves to be with her, and Karolina doesn't know if she can ever be that person.

Karolina sighs. "Everything was so much easier when we were kids."

Nico lets out a derisive laugh. "You can say that again."

"I wish I could go back to that, to believing I could dance without any sort of consequences, that we could be famous dancers and no one in the world could stop us. So maybe I don't know exactly what I'm feeling, but I'm sure about that. Maybe I want to pretend, while we're here, that I truly believe in everything we believed in when we were kids. I don't want to think about the real world or the real future or any of it. This can be an alternate dimension. Our dimension."

She doesn't know why she says it. She's bitter and upset, and she wishes there was a way for her to go back in time, to choose Nico over her father and run away from home so she could face the consequences of her actions with Nico. Together. She feels silly the moment the words are out of her mouth, though. Of course Nico doesn't want to go back to that. She's too committed to her future to spend any more time in the past.

"I want to pretend too." Nico says it so quietly that Karolina almost doesn't hear her.

And Karolina is taken aback. If she said any of that last week, she's sure Nico would have smiled and let it go. She's actually getting the future she wants. There's no reason for her to want to live in the past. Clearly, something changed since then, and Karolina knows it has everything to do with her. Is she affecting Nico's dream for the future again? Does Nico want a future with her?

She doesn't ask. Bringing up that topic of conversation will only lead to a choice Karolina isn't quite ready to make. Besides, talking about a future together with uncertainty wouldn't be pretending. If they truly want to pretend the outside world doesn't exist inside this museum, then a future together is unquestionable.

"Then we better get back to dancing." Karolina finally pulls out of Nico's arms and gives her a wobbly smile. "If we're going to have our own show, we need to practice."

Nico smiles right back. "We'll be dancing for millions in no time."

It's not true. They both know it. But for the first time, Karolina pushes that knowledge away instead of pushing away her dreams. It may not be real, but oh how nice it is to pretend.


	12. we’re bound to break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! I'm super pumped because I'll finally be finishing season three tonight with my girlfriend, and I am so ready to collect my Deanoru endgame! I hope the episode slays me in all the best ways XD
> 
> Anyways, I hope you all enjoy your day and this new update. I'm sending love to all of you <3

It takes almost three days for Karolina to realize she's been doing more than just pretending with Nico. She's having lunch with Chase at Timely, but she's finding it hard to think about anything other than where she'll be going afterwards.

Nico's invited Karolina to her school's dance studio to give her feedback on a number her and her dance partner, Alex, have been preparing for class. Karolina's not sure what advice she'll be able to give, as she hasn't taken an actual ballet class since she was eight years old, but maybe Nico wants to add a bit more emotion to the dance. Maybe she wants Alex to watch her dance to whatever song she's chosen with Karolina, so he can copy her movements. Or maybe Nico just wants an excuse to see Karolina again. A week ago, that thought might have freaked Karolina out, but now she finds herself thinking the same.

"And then Brandon suggested we go cliff diving, said he knows this amazing place—"

Luckily for Karolina, Chase is talking about what he and his friends have been up to, which doesn't require much of a response from her. It's not that she finds the topic boring. Usually, she loves listening to tales of his crazy adventures with his friends, but today she's finding it hard not to get distracted. All she can picture as she looks into Chase's excited brown eyes are Nico's excited brown eyes as she talks about a new idea for a dance. All she can feel when she looks at Chase's hands as he gestures while he speaks are Nico's hands against her back as they bring a passionate dance to an even more passionate ending.

And that's when Karolina starts to wonder if maybe she's never been pretending with Nico at all, if she truly believes they can have everything they used to have again.

These past couple days have been amazing. Letting go of every burden and reservation about dancing the minute she walks into that museum has made Karolina feel alive again in a way she hasn't in years. Talking with Nico about a future of dance as if there is no chance of any other future is refreshing and invigorating and, more than anything, freeing. She feels as if nothing can stop her. And maybe nothing can. Her father may not want anything to do with her anymore if she chooses dance, but can he really stop her? Maybe the only person standing in Karolina's way is herself.

Naturally, Karolina knows she needs to talk to Chase about this. He understands her situation, and he might be able to help her figure out what she should choose. But if she tells him about this internal struggle, then she needs to tell him the truth about her history with Nico and how it's affecting her now. She needs to let Chase go if she wants to be with Nico or put an end to this fantasy world she and Nico have been living in if she wants to be with Chase.

The only problem is that she doesn't know what she wants. Chase is the more practical option for her, as is business, which brings her right back to her original dilemma. Dance or business? Nico or Chase? As much as she feels as if she can make a future of both dancing and business work, she knows there's no future with both Nico and Chase. No matter how much she wishes otherwise, as long as Nico is in Karolina's life, Karolina's heart is always going to choose her.

That's when Chase leans in to kiss her, and Karolina's cheeks burn when she involuntarily jolts in surprise. She's been so focused on her inner turmoil that she hasn't been paying an ounce of attention to what's been going on right in front of her.

Guilt floods through her when she sees the hurt look in Chase's eyes as he pulls away, and the worst part is, she has no idea how she can explain her out of character reaction to him. She can't exactly say that she was too busy thinking about Nico.

"Okay, what's going on?" Chase asks.

"Nothing's going on," Karolina answers right away, cringing at how unbelievable she sounds. "I'm just really tired today. I must have zoned out by accident."

"Did something happen with your dad?" Chase's eyes soften with concern. "You've seemed kind of out of it all week."

"Nothing happened with my dad," Karolina assures him. "He thinks I'm doing great with my social media project, and he doesn't suspect a thing about me dancing."

For a moment, she regrets not lying to him. Chase knows Karolina can be hurt by the slightest disapproval from her father. He wouldn't have suspected a thing if she made up something hurtful her dad had said at dinner or something. But the moment passes quickly. She can't keep lying to Chase if she wants to keep him in her life. It's not fair.

"Then what is it?" Chase looks confused. "You can talk to me about anything, you know."

 _Not this,_ Karolina thinks. _Not yet._

"I will tell you about it," she agrees, "when I'm ready."

She doesn't think she'll ever truly be ready, but she knows she needs to be. The people in her life deserve answers. Chase deserves to know what's been going on in Karolina's mind lately, and Nico deserves something realer than pretending, even if it's an admission that Karolina can't keep dancing with her. If she needs time to think, then she actually needs to sit down and do some thinking. She needs to sort through her feelings instead of constantly running away from them.

"Okay, Kar." The disappointment in Chase's eyes is almost enough to make Karolina spill her guts to him right then and there, but she holds her tongue. She needs to figure things out for herself first. "I've gotta head to class. I'll see you later."

She nods, and he leans over to kiss her. This time, she returns it. Right now, she's going to watch Nico and her partner dance the performance they've been preparing for class, but tonight Karolina resolves to sit down and really think about what it is she wants the most, to make a decision, no matter if it's the right decision or not.

"I love you." Chase gives her a small smile as he gets up to leave.

"I love you too," Karolina answers easily.

She's not lying about that at least. Even if she knows by now she doesn't love him in the way he wants her to.

* * *

Nico arrives at the dance studio a half hour early. She tells herself it's because she doesn't want Karolina to show up before her and feel awkward, but she knows it's because she's just excited to see Karolina again. Excited and nervous.

When Nico enters the studio, Alex is already stretching at the barre, so Nico sets down her bag and easily falls into place beside him.

"Hey, Alex," Nico greets him. "Thanks for agreeing to come in and practice today."

"I wouldn't miss it. It's not everyday Nico Minoru invites a friend to watch her dance," Alex teases.

"Maybe I don't want my friends to feel inferior to me," Nico teases right back.

"Sure," he says.

They devolve into silence again, and Nico's mind immediately goes back to playing its soundtrack of Karolina. Pretending to have what they used to have these past few days has made Nico happier than she's been in a while, but it's also been hurting her more than she cares to admit. When she talks about wanting her old dreams, she's not pretending, and it feels as if Karolina isn't either. But she knows it's not real. She wishes it was.

She wants Karolina to choose her, to want her more than anything else, but she's not sure she ever will, and that's what makes the pretending so difficult. It's clear that Karolina still has feelings for Nico, and Nico wishes she could confront her about them. But she can't. She doesn't know how strong those feelings are, and she'd rather have Karolina like this than not have her at all. She knows what Karolina will choose if she pushes her.

"I never knew you had any other dancer friends." Alex draws Nico out of her thoughts. "You said your friend was in a cultural studies program."

"I have more than one friend, you know." Nico hits Alex playfully on the arm.

Alex shrugs. "You only ever talk about the one."

"This is an old friend," Nico says carefully. "I actually just reconnected with her about a month ago."

"She must know a lot about dancing. I've never seen you doubt your choreo before."

"I don't doubt it. This isn't really about getting her opinion of the dance. It's more like, I just want to show her what we've been working on."

Now that she thinks about it, though, what if Karolina doesn't enjoy watching this at all? What if she thinks the dance is too technical, too stiff? What will Karolina think about the way Nico dances with someone else?

"Maybe we should run through the dance once before she gets here?" Nico wipes her suddenly sweaty palms on her black leotard. "As a sort of warmup?"

Alex gives her a questioning look, clearly wondering the cause of her sudden nervousness, but Nico doesn't say anything. He nods in agreement, so she switches on the music and gets into her starting position.

The way Nico dances with Alex is nothing like the way she dances with Karolina. Her movements aren't emotional and wild; they're practiced and methodical, just as they're supposed to be in ballet. Hers and Alex's classical _pas de deux_ is great, and she knows their instructor will give them outstanding marks on it, but receiving top marks solely for sticking to technique doesn't feel quite right to Nico. She wants to receive them because her performance is truly the best that it can be.

Glancing in the mirror, Nico sees how beautiful and put-together the performance is, but she knows it would be a lot better if Karolina were the one dancing with her. She wonders what it would be like to watch herself in the mirror as she dances with Karolina. She's never actually seen any of their dances from a third person point of view before, but she's heard they're nothing short of amazing.

Nico tries to pour all of her emotions into this dance as she does with Karolina, to wear every feeling of the song on her face as if it's a canvas made for the brush of the lyrics to sweep across it. But she finds it hard to do so when she has to stick to a strict choreography, when her dance partner doesn't know how to read her the way Karolina does and allow his body to flow with hers. She's acting when she dances with Alex, and it's different, forced. She's never acted with Karolina a day in her life.

When she and Alex enter their end position, Nico knows their dance was almost perfect, and she can't wait for Karolina to see it, can't wait to see how different it feels when she dances to the same song with Karolina. She doesn't have time to continue that line of thought, though, because Alex leans down at that moment and presses his lips to hers. Her eyes go wide. She's been so infatuated with Karolina these past few weeks that it seems she's missed another potential suitor who's been right in front of her the whole time.

Her first instinct is to push him away, but she doesn't. She's never kissed anyone other than Karolina in her life, has never even really thought about it, and only now is she realizing that maybe she should. If Karolina doesn't want to be with her, then there will be plenty of other people who do. Alex's lips may not be as soft as Karolina's, and Nico may not feel half the spark she used to feel when she kissed Karolina, but kissing Alex actually feels good, refreshing in a way.

For a moment, she allows herself to imagine what it would be like to date Alex. He clearly likes her, and best of all, he isn't afraid of anything. He wants to be a dancer just as Nico does, and he doesn't have anything holding him back from that goal. And he'll choose her. He won't have to keep his relationship with Nico a secret from his family. Alex will be with Nico and dance with her without constantly looking over his shoulder, worried someone will find out. The dreams Nico and Karolina used to have, the dreams Nico still has now, will actually be possible to achieve with Alex.

When Alex pulls away, Nico doesn't get a chance to think about whether she wants to pull him back in or talk to him about the possibilities of where they can go from here, because she blinks her eyes open to see Karolina standing in the studio doorway. Her entire fantasy life with Alex disappears in an instant. Karolina may not be willing to choose dancing with Nico over the life her father has envisioned for her, but she wants to. The heartbreak in her eyes is unmistakable. Clearly, Nico means a lot more to her than she'd dared to let herself hope.

And as much as Nico wants to be in an open, committed relationship, she wants Karolina more. She feels foolish now for even thinking about giving up on her. What she used to have with Karolina, what she still has with Karolina, will never be matched by anyone.

Before she can even say a word of her realization to Karolina, though, the blonde shakes her head and hurries back down the hall.

"Karrie!" Nico calls after her.

But she doesn't turn back.


	13. we'll make it through

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are probably going to love and hate this chapter at the same time. I can't wait to hear what you think!

Nico's first instinct is to tear off down the hall after Karolina and catch up to her before she's able to leave. Luckily, Alex speaks before she can, saving her from absolutely embarrassing herself.

"She's not just a friend, is she?" He looks shocked by the events of the past couple seconds, but he's also got a knowing glint in his eyes.

"She is," Nico tells him, no matter how much she wishes it wasn't true. "But she was a lot more than that in the past. And maybe she's becoming more than that again? I don't know."

"I'm sorry, Nico." Alex looks genuinely upset. "I never would've kissed you if I'd known you had someone else in your life. I didn't mean to mess things up for you."

"You didn't mess anything up." Nico is quick to reassure him. "Karolina and I aren't actually together, so I'm not sure why she's so surprised I might kiss someone else. And I wanted to kiss you. If I didn't, I wouldn't have kissed back."

For a moment, Alex is quiet, and Nico worries that he's upset. Maybe he's hurt that she's choosing Karolina over him, and now things are going to be awkward between them for the rest of the semester. Just what she needs. Drama with another dance partner.

"Why did you want to kiss me?" he finally asks.

_Ah. So he's curious. He's wondering why I kissed him when I have feelings for her._

"Because…" Nico hesitates, her gaze dropping to the floor. She's always found it difficult to talk about her feelings, especially with people she doesn't know all that well. But it might be beneficial for her to talk to Alex about this. He's the only person in her life who has a completely unbiased opinion of Karolina. "Because things with Karolina are complicated right now. She doesn't want to be together because of her parents, and I don't want to wait around for something that might never happen. I mean, I've never even thought of being with someone other than her before in my life. So maybe I thought it was finally time to."

When Nico finishes talking, she brings her gaze up to meet Alex's once more to find him watching her with a mixture of curiosity and sympathy.

He nods to himself. "You thought it was time to think about being with someone else, and so you did. But it didn't matter because you're still in love with her."

No one has ever spoken those words aloud to Nico, although Gert and Amy have certainly implied it, and all Nico wants to do is deny it. She's not still in love with Karolina Dean. She moved on from her a long time ago, and she never looked back, devoted herself to dance and her family and Gert. Those are the only things that have been important to her for years. But that doesn't explain the way she feels now, or the way she knows she felt the minute she saw Karolina walk into that coffee shop. Whether she's always been in love with Karolina or she's fallen for her again does nothing to change the fact that she is. In love with her.

Nico wants Karolina to stop running from her feelings and actually talk to her. Maybe it's time for Nico to do the same.

"Yeah… I'm still in love with her," Nico finally admits out loud.

"Then what are you waiting for?" Alex smiles at her. "Go tell her that."

Nico cracks a smile at Alex in return. She's thankful to him for being so supportive and okay with all of this. He doesn't have to be. He could've left the minute he realized Nico was into someone else, too hurt to stick around, but instead he's encouraging her to be with the very person who's standing in the way of her being with him.

Alex has only said what Amy's previously told her, but maybe now Nico is ready to actually listen. Maybe it's time for her to finally let go of all her fear and be honest about what it is she truly wants.

She's never been pretending, and she's starting to think Karolina hasn't either.

"Better hurry if you want to catch up with her." Alex gestures to the door when Nico doesn't respond.

"I don't need to catch up with her." Nico makes no move to leave right away. "I know exactly where she's going."

* * *

Karolina tosses her bag to the ground the minute she walks into the museum's ballroom, immediately connecting her phone to the stereo and scrolling through her playlists until she finds a song she feels a connection with. After stabbing the song she chooses, she hurries over to the middle of the floor and gets into first position as Demi Lovato's voice flows out of the speakers.

She doesn't run from her emotions this time. Instead, she lets herself feel.

As she moves with the music, she pours every ounce of her hurt and betrayal into the dance, trying to wring it all out of her with each turn and jump. All this time, Nico has been dating her dance partner. And she didn't even think to tell Karolina about it. Karolina's been allowing herself to start feeling for Nico again, thinking Nico's been feeling the same way, but she hasn't. So why did she agree to pretend? Does she know Karolina still cares about her? Did she only agree out of pity?

Karolina can feel the familiar burn in her muscles as she lands a _grand jeté_ at the end of the first refrain. It usually takes longer for the burn to settle in, but Karolina has been pushing herself much harder than usual already, and she hasn't even taken the time to warm up. She knows this increases her chances of injuring herself, but right now, she doesn't care.

The intensity of her emotions easily transfers over to the dance, and she doesn't stop, doesn't think she could stop even if she wanted to. Now that she's finally allowing herself to deal with exactly what she's been feeling, she knows it's far too late to stop her emotions from pouring out of her like rain from a thundercloud.

_I was your amber, but now she's your shade of gold._

Karolina supposes she can't really blame Nico for wanting to be with Alex. All she herself brings to the table is everything they can't have. Alex, on the other hand, can give Nico everything she's ever wanted. He can be with her without having to worry about his parents finding out. And he wants to dance, is going to school for it, will fully commit himself to it in a way that Karolina doesn't think she ever can. Nico can have everything she's ever dreamed of with Alex, so really Karolina can't think of one single reason why Nico should choose her over him.

That doesn't stop her from wanting her to.

And so she dances. She dances for all the things she and Nico could have had, all the things Nico will now have with Alex. She dances to try to make peace with it, to try to tell herself she'll be okay watching Nico move on with someone else. Karolina didn't choose Nico, and now it's too late.

_If happy is her, I'm happy for you._

Suddenly, the music switches off, and Karolina falls out of a _fouetté_ to find Nico standing by the stereo with a scowl on her face. She tosses the unplugged phone back into Karolina's backpack, but all Karolina can think about is that she's surprised to see the annoyed look on Nico's face. Is she annoyed that Karolina ran out on her back at the dance studio? Is she annoyed that Karolina even cares that she kissed Alex at all? What is she even doing here?

"Well, this is the most dramatic thing I've ever seen," Nico says.

"How could you not tell me you're dating your dance partner?" The words are out before Karolina can even really think about them. Her emotions are already on high from the song that she didn't even get to finish dancing to, and they easily flow right out of her now that she's in Nico's presence. Karolina cringes when she hears the hurt in her tone. "I thought… Well, I don't know what I thought, but how can you come in here and talk about how we're going to dance together forever and then go right back to him? Do you even care about me at all?"

Nico's frown only deepens as Karolina speaks, and the anger growing in her eyes lights them aflame. "Who I date or don't date is none of your business, and you have no right to tell me otherwise. We're not actually together, Karolina." She uses Karolina's full name for the first time in a month, and Karolina's surprised at how much it stings. "Last time I checked, you were the one who was stringing me along without any intention of ever making anything real between us."

She takes a deep breath, looking as if she's trying her best to get her anger under control. "For the record, though, I'm not dating Alex. We were practicing, and he kissed me at the end of the dance. That's it. I wasn't even all that into it."

Embarrassment washes over Karolina at the realization that she didn't even once stop to think that Alex and Nico might not be dating. She saw what happened and immediately jumped to conclusions, making a big deal out of what was nothing more than a simple kiss.

She feels even worse when she realizes that Nico's right. Karolina's been doing exactly what she just accused Nico of. She's the one who's in a relationship with someone else. Not Nico. Nico would never do that to her, whether she and Karolina were together or not, and the guilt washes over Karolina in waves, threatening to drown her.

"You know what I think?" Nico takes Karolina's silence as a cue to continue. "I think you're still just as in love with me as you were when you were a kid. You're just too scared to admit it."

Karolina opens her mouth to respond, to tell Nico that she doesn't know what she wants yet, but Nico cuts her off before she can even make a sound. "Deny it all you want, but you didn't see the look in your eyes when you caught me kissing Alex. I did. And if you don't love me, you wouldn't give a damn about who I'm kissing anyway."

There's a harshness to Nico's tone that Karolina's never been on the receiving end of before, and Karolina knows she's right. Nico's had enough. The way Karolina felt when she saw Nico kissing Alex is the way Nico's been feeling all week, maybe even all month. But unlike Karolina, who jumped at the first chance she got to accuse Nico of hurting her, Nico hasn't said a damn word about it. She's been suffering silently this whole time, and like always, Karolina's been too selfish to see it. She's constructed her own perfect world to escape the decisions she needs to make without even once stopping to consider how doing so might be affecting Nico.

She needs to tell Nico the truth. Now. By the look in her brown eyes, it doesn't look as if Karolina's going to get another chance to.

Tears spring into her eyes as her throat closes up, trying to choke off the words before she can get them out. But she says them anyway. For Nico. For herself.

"You're right. I am still in love with you."

The surprise is clear on Nico's face, but Karolina doesn't wait for her to respond. Now that she's finally said the words aloud, she has to continue, no matter what the consequences will be.

"I don't think I ever really stopped. When I was younger, my dream was to be with you. Even if we couldn't make it as dancers, I thought it wouldn't matter so much as long as you were beside me. And no matter how hard I try to fight it, I still think that. I still want to be with you. More than anything."

"Then be with me." Nico's eyes are shining as well, the corners of her lips curling up in the beginnings of a hopeful smile. "Because I still love you too."

"It's not that easy." Karolina sighs. "If it was, do you really think I wouldn't have told you this by now? As much as I know what my heart wants, I don't really know what I want yet. And even if I do choose to be with you, I can't ever tell my parents without them disowning me, and I can never be a dancer either without getting the same result. You deserve someone who can be all in with you, someone who has their shit figured out. And that someone isn't me. You deserve a whole lot better than me."

"What if I don't care?" Nico's voice is soft. "If we both truly want this, then we can make it work."

Karolina emits a bitter laugh. "Haven't you been listening to the song we've been dancing to all week? It's not up to you, and it's not up to me when everyone tells us what we can be."

"Yeah, I have." A bit of Nico's earlier fire returns to her eyes. "But Anne and Phillip, the people who sang the goddamn song in the first place, still end up together at the end of the movie."

But that's just the thing. This isn't a movie. Things won't work out so perfectly for them. Karolina wants to believe the way that Nico believes, wants to take the jump with her and hope she won't be destroyed by the fall. But she can't. They aren't characters in a movie. They're very real people with very real breakable hearts, and Karolina won't risk breaking Nico's again. She tries her best to convince herself that her own heart isn't already well on its way to being broken beyond repair.

"Yeah, Nico, they do." Karolina nods. "But we don't."

Only when she turns to leave the ballroom do her tears finally escape from her eyes and carve paths down her cheeks, leaving invisible scars she doesn't think will ever heal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Karolina dances to in this chapter is Stone Cold by Demi Lovato :)


	14. the good in letting go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are getting a longer chapter this week, and I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Thank you to everyone who continues to read and comment and leave kudos! It means a lot to me <3

She tries. She really tries to let Nico and everything they had between them go, but the more days that pass, the harder it is for Karolina to think she didn't make a mistake by saying what she said to Nico the last time she saw her.

Nico doesn't show up to dance again after that day. No matter how many times Karolina herself goes back to the ballroom, she always arrives to find it empty. She can tell Nico hasn't been back at all because her stereo is still there, and Karolina is starting to think Nico may never be coming back.

She doesn't let that stop her, though. If she's learned anything from her time with Nico these past few weeks, it's that she doesn't ever want to give up on dancing. Even if she can't make a life out of it, she wants to keep dancing, no matter what. And Nico's not being there with her should have no effect on that. It's a good thing, she tells herself. This way, she can forget about what's been going on between them and things can go right back to normal. What matters is that she's dancing again. It doesn't matter whether or not Nico's there beside her to share it. At least, it shouldn't matter.

There's something about dancing without Nico, though, that makes the act feel undeniably incomplete. Although Karolina sometimes wonders if it's she herself who isn't complete without Nico, not dancing.

Over the next week, Karolina tries her best to push the other girl out of her mind and focus on the things in her life. She tries to pay attention in her classes, but she can't stop her mind from wandering. She tries doodling to keep her thoughts on the lecture at hand but stops quickly when she finds herself sketching the outline of a ballerina who looks suspiciously like Nico.

She tries to focus on dancing and Chase and business, but none of those things seem to be working either. She chooses music she doesn't think she'll connect to at all, yet still manages to find some connection to her current situation with Nico. She spends much more time with Chase in this one week than she has all month, and yet all she can do when she looks at him, when she kisses him, is imagine Nico doing the same.

Worst of all, though, is her lack of posts on the company's social media pages. No matter how many times she pulls up the accounts, it's as if her mind has gone blank, and she doesn't know how to word the posts, even though she has all the information she needs. She knows this is supposed to be her life, her future, but she finds that she can't bring herself to care. Her heart truly isn't in it.

Her parents haven't noticed her lack of participation, as they have plenty of other things to worry about during the week, but she can't avoid revealing it to them any longer when they ask her for an update on the week's social media activity at dinner one night.

"That's a big reduction in post interaction," Leslie says once Karolina gives her parents the statistics. "What's the reasoning?"

"I haven't been posting as much this week." Karolina shrugs. There's no point in lying when her mom can easily call up the pages right now and see for herself.

"That's not like you," Leslie says with a disapproving frown. "Is something troubling you?"

"You could say that."

_No matter how hard I've tried letting go of Nico this week, because it's the right thing to do, I haven't been able to,_ she thinks, but she doesn't dare say it. Not for the first time, Karolina wishes she could tell her parents the truth. She could certainly use an outside opinion, regardless of how unemotional her parents' advice would probably be.

"I'm very disappointed in you." Frank speaks up, mouth twisted in a distasteful scowl. "You know better than to let your emotions affect the way you perform at a job. The business world isn't going to care if you're having a hard time, and neither do I. Grow up, Karolina."

"Yes, Father." She stares down at her mashed potatoes, pushing them around with her fork.

Although she can feel the beginnings of tears pricking the corners of her eyes, she won't let them fall. Her father doesn't deserve to see her cry. Not tonight.

The way she feels things so intensely might mean Karolina isn't going to make it in the business world, but that doesn't mean her dad should beat it out of her. Maybe it means she isn't made for the business world at all. Her strong emotions make her exceptional at dancing, and for the first time in a long time, she wonders why she can't focus all of her efforts there. Doesn't it make the most sense, to choose the profession you have the most talent for, the most passion for? Why does her father consider dancing a waste of time when Karolina already performs much better at that than she ever thinks she'll be able to at business?

She doesn't entirely know. Maybe it's because she's the only heir to his oh-so-precious company. Maybe it's because he sees business as the elite profession, anything else falling far beneath it. Maybe it's because dancing doesn't involve the usage of any of the skills Karolina's learned at school, so he thinks it's a profession for those who aren't very intelligent. She thinks it's probably a mix of all three, but in that moment, she's finding it hard to care what he wants for her.

What about what she wants for herself? Shouldn't that be important too?

If her father cared about her half as much as she cares about him, he wouldn't try to influence what she does with her life. So why _does_ she care so much? He's her father, but that's all he is. He doesn't have any control over her, especially now. So why does she let his opinions matter so much? For the first time in her life, she doesn't have a good answer.

After dinner, Karolina goes upstairs to work on homework until she hears a knock on the door, and after gaining approval from Karolina, Chase peeks his head in, and she smiles. She may not love him romantically, but he's still her closest friend, and she could certainly use one of those right now.

"Kar, I think we need to talk." Chase sits down on the bed beside her after kissing her hello.

Her stomach drops. Is he breaking up with her? Isn't that exactly what she wants?

"Okay," she says uncertainly.

"You've been acting really, really strange lately, and…I guess I just… Did I do something wrong?"

Guilt swirls through Karolina at the hurt in his tone. She's still upsetting him, even though she's been trying her best not to. If the whole point of staying with him is to prevent hurting him, then what does it mean that she's managing to do it anyway?

"You didn't do anything wrong, I promise," Karolina assures him. "This is all on me."

"But you're not going to elaborate." He sighs. "Of course you're not."

For a split second, Karolina considers making up some lie as to why she's been acting differently as of late, but she pushes the idea away before she can even come up with a single made-up scenario. No one is benefitting from the decisions Karolina is making right now. Her parents are disappointed in her, and she's hurting Chase. And Nico. And even herself. She may not know exactly what she wants, but she knows what the right thing to do is. Tell the goddamn truth. All of it.

"Nico and I aren't dancing together anymore," she starts.

"What happened?" Chase's hurt is gone in an instant, replaced by care and sympathy, and it only makes Karolina feel worse.

She takes a deep breath. "So, I haven't exactly told you the truth about how Nico and I met."

"You didn't meet her at Vaughn's cousin's dance recital?" Chase's eyebrows knit together in confusion.

"No, I did. I just…didn't talk to her because of the way she danced. I mean, don't get me wrong, she was way better than any of the other girls up there, but I talked to her specifically because I thought she was pretty. Of course I wasn't really aware of it at the time, but I had a crush on her. That's why I chose to go over and talk to her instead of staying with Vaughn and his cousin. I felt drawn to her, and that's why I didn't even hesitate to say yes when she offered to dance with me."

"And you still do? Have a crush on her?"

Karolina wishes it was as simple as that.

"You know that I used to dance with Nico in middle school, and that's the truth, but it's not the whole truth. I was in love with her, Chase." Karolina looks directly into his eyes as she says it, knowing hers are swirling with the truth of her statement. "And she was in love with me. That's why I was so hesitant to let her back into my life. But I didn't say anything about it because I thought it was over. Done. In the past. I didn't think it was important or relevant in any way."

"And now?"

Tears cloud Karolina's vision, and Chase's heartbroken face is blurry through the warping water. His pain is mirrored in Karolina's own chest. She knows it isn't quite the same in nature, but it's still the pain of what Karolina knows will most likely be goodbye.

"The more I dance with her, the more I realize those feelings might never have truly gone away. And I know it was stupid of me to keep dancing with her. I know I should've put an end to everything the minute I realized Nico still meant something to me. But I didn't. I couldn't. And I can tell myself now that I don't want to be with her, shouldn't be with her, as many times as I want. But I do. And I don't think there's anything I can do to change that."

She's spent the past several days, the past several weeks really, trying everything she could to change it. She knows there's nothing she can do. Not at this point. She loves Nico, and there's no denying it or stopping it.

She doesn't say any of that aloud, though. She doesn't dare.

* * *

Nico doesn't go back to the museum. She can't go back. Not after what happened. Karolina finally admitted her feelings for Nico, and yet nothing changed. Stupidly, Nico had thought Karolina would choose her if only she realized she was still in love with her, or at least decide she wanted to make a change. But Karolina hadn't been denying her feelings for Nico. She'd known about them all along. Nico had pushed her, and she'd reacted in exactly the way Nico had expected.

Only she admitted her feelings. Which made everything worse.

Karolina's acknowledging her feelings for Nico makes everything feel more final. She's not running away from them. She's not lying to herself. She's looking the truth fully in the face and still choosing to go against it. And so Nico can't go back there, won't set herself up for another heartbreaking conversation with the girl she loves. Karolina knows where Nico lives, so she knows where to find her if she changes her mind.

Nico starts to give up hope when a week has gone by, and she hasn't heard a thing. Karolina's not coming back, and Nico needs to stop waiting for her anyway. As much as she loves Karolina, she's tired of the blonde leading her on. Karolina was right about one thing last week. Nico deserves to be with someone who has their shit together.

When Nico hears the door opening, she thinks for a split second that maybe it's Karolina. But Karolina doesn't have a key.

"Hey, Nico." Gert comes over to sit beside Nico on the couch. "I haven't heard from you in days, and so I can only assume that something's happened between you and Karolina. Whether it's a good something or a bad something, though, I'm not sure yet."

Nico only nods to her, pretending to be really invested in the episode of _Shark Tank_ that's playing on the TV. She doesn't need to hear Gert lecture her about how she should've listened to her. Nico may have been wrong about Karolina, but she doesn't need someone to tell her what she already knows.

"Definitely bad then." Gert softens. "Come on, Nico. I care about you, and I don't want to see you hurting."

"Fine." Nico sighs. "Karolina admitted she's in love with me."

"And?" The surprise is clear on Gert's face, but she doesn't say anything else, waiting for Nico to respond.

"I told her I'm in love with her too, and even though I told her I wanted to be together, she basically said she couldn't. Which is ridiculous because she freaked out about me kissing Alex for like three seconds at school, so obviously she wants to be with me. But she won't let herself. And I can't take this back and forth anymore. I'm done."

Nico braces herself, gathers up her nerve to deal with the disappointment that's sure to follow, but Gert doesn't look disappointed in the slightest. She doesn't even look angry. She just looks concerned.

"How long has it been since you last talked to her?"

"A week," Nico mumbles.

"Are you okay?"

Nico's tough exterior almost breaks at the question. There's no 'I told you so,' no judgment at all from her friend who's usually so quick to find fault with Karolina's every move. No, for now Gert doesn't say a single negative thing about the blonde. All she wants to know is how Nico is feeling.

"No." Nico shakes her head. "But that doesn't mean I'm going back there. I can't. I'm tired of letting Karolina play with my emotions. She either wants me or she doesn't."

* * *

Karolina doesn't think she's ever seen Chase cry before this moment, but a tear escapes his eye as he responds. "Was any of this ever real between us?"

"Of course it was." Karolina is quick to respond. "I wanted to love you the way that I said I did, and I thought I did love you that way. I really, truly thought I was in love with you for years. And then I saw Nico again at Timely, and… I don't know. I guess I just remembered what that kind of love is supposed to feel like."

"So that's all it took? One look at her, and I was nothing to you?"

"You're not nothing to me, Chase." Karolina wraps an arm around his waist, knowing full well that he may jerk back out of her hold, but he doesn't. "You'll never be nothing to me. You've been my best friend all my life, and I think you always will be. I've just been really confused about a lot of things in my life for a really long time."

"Because of your dad?" Chase looks at her with understanding in his eyes.

Karolina nods. "The night he forbade me from dancing again, I admitted to him that I was in love with Nico. I didn't think there was anything wrong with that, but he told me I wasn't going to tarnish the Dean name by marrying a woman, that I was to marry a man. So I believed him. Just like I started to believe I didn't want to dance anymore. I thought I loved Nico because she loved dance so much, and both my dream to be with her and to be a dancer were nothing more than silly childhood fantasies. I never thought I was suppressing that part of myself by choosing what I chose. I truly thought I was making the choices that I wanted to make."

Tears track down Karolina's own cheeks as she's speaking, and she quickly does her best to wipe them away. She shouldn't be crying right now, doesn't deserve to be, not when she's the one who's breaking Chase's heart. She just feels so confused. She's doing the right thing, but where is she supposed to go from here? How is she supposed to tell her father about this? Does she tell Nico? What would she even say to her if she did? That she changed her mind? Nico probably doesn't want anything more to do with Karolina. And for good reason.

"I understand," Chase finally says, after taking a few moments presumably to process her words. "I don't like it…but I understand."

"Thank you, Chase." She leans her head against his, and he mirrors her position, letting her know that they're okay or at least that they will be in the long run.

"So this is it then?" he asks. "We're over?"

The question scares her. Karolina's not ready for her relationship with Chase to come to an end. She's starting to realize, though, that she'll never be ready until she actually does it. She feels the same way she felt when she attempted her first _grand jeté._ She thought she'd never be able to jump as gracefully as Nico did, not even close. She didn't think she'd ever be ready to take that first leap, but she just had to jump. And she has to do the same thing now.

Fresh tears escape her eyes as Karolina nods. This time, she doesn't bother to wipe them away. "It's not fair for me to be with you when I have feelings for someone else, no matter how much I want to be. And I think I know in my heart by now that I'm not interested in men that way."

Chase nods back at her, and Karolina still hasn't gotten over her surprise of how well he's taking all of this information. She didn't expect him to be so understanding right off the bat. Yet here he is listening to her and respecting her. It makes her feel guilty for waiting so long to tell him in the first place.

"Then maybe you should tell that someone else you have feelings for her." There's no malice in Chase's voice, and Karolina can barely respond in her surprise.

"What?"

"You heard me." Chase gives Karolina a wobbly smile, finally reaching up to wipe away the few tears that fell from his eyes. "Go tell Nico you're in love with her. You deserve to do things that make you happy for a change."

"I already told her," Karolina admits, "but I also told her we can't be together. And we can't. My dad will never allow it."

"Karolina, who cares what your dad thinks? This is _your_ life."

"I know, and I deserve to be honest with myself. That's why I'm doing this. But I can't risk being with Nico again. Not after last time."

"Isn't it worth the risk?" Chase asks. "From the way you just talked about her, it seems like it is. Besides, your dad has better things to do than keep track of your every move. You're not a little girl anymore, and he truly believes he talked you into actually wanting to be a businesswoman."

"He almost did." Karolina sighs.

She has to admit that Chase has a point. Before her dad threatened her when she was a kid, the consequences of dancing with Nico were rarely a thought in her mind. Sure, it upset her that she couldn't tell her dad about something so important to her and that he would never be proud of her for it, but she never really feared him. She believed in her passions with her whole heart, and she can do that again now. She doesn't have to be afraid of her father. He can threaten to throw her out, disown her even, but maybe Chase is right and being with Nico is worth that risk.

"Okay," she agrees, "I'll talk to Nico."

"For what it's worth, I think you should drop out of business school too. Be a dancer. Go wherever Nico does and work on something you're actually good at, actually _interested_ in. Screw what your dad thinks. Anyone can see that you don't belong in the business world."

"Thanks, Chase." Karolina blinks back tears as she smiles at him, hugging him close to her for what she knows will probably be the last time in a while. As much as she wants to stay friends with him, the decision is ultimately up to him, and she knows she needs to give him a bit of space right now regardless.

But that's not the only thing she needs to do.

Karolina grabs her keys the minute Chase leaves, providing her dad with the excuse that she's going to Chase's house to finish a project. Instead, she steers her car in the direction of Nico's apartment, setting off on a drive she hasn't made in years.

_Anyone can see that you don't belong in the business world_. Chase's words play over and over again in her head.

Is it true? Has she never belonged in this world she's been born into? It's not like she doesn't do well with the subject matter. She's never struggled much in any of her classes, and so she thought she must be a natural. But that doesn't matter, does it? Not when she has zero determination to actually pursue a career in business.

All this time, Karolina has thought it made no sense for her to be with Nico because they live in two completely different worlds. But maybe she was wrong. Maybe Karolina's heart has been a part of Nico's world all along.

* * *

"Good for you, Nico." Gert gives her a proud smile. "If she can't get her shit together, then she doesn't deserve you."

"I know," Nico says, "and it shouldn't have taken me so long to see that."

"Don't you dare blame yourself for this for one minute, Nico Minoru." Gert's protective anger sparks up at Nico's self-deprecation. "There's only one person at fault here, and that's Karolina."

"I still went along with everything she wanted me to, though, Gert," Nico points out, "and I shouldn't have."

"You should never have been put in this position in the first place," Gert argues. "Karolina knows better than to lead you on when she's dating someone else. She's not a good person, Nico, and I'm sorry she turned out like this."

Sometimes Nico finds it easy to forget Karolina's with someone else, to forget about Chase entirely. Karolina almost never talks about him, and the way she dances is not the way of a girl who is in love with, or has any sort of feelings for, her boyfriend. It's almost as if she doesn't even care at all. _Doesn't care about Chase or doesn't care about me?_

Nico doesn't want to know the answer to that question, although she knows what she wants the answer to be.

But maybe she shouldn't want that anymore. Maybe it's finally time for Nico to accept that Karolina isn't the girl she dated in middle school, that she'll never be that girl again, no matter how much Nico longs to have her back. Instead, Karolina is every bit the selfish, spoiled brat that Gert has made her out to be, and Nico doesn't deserve to date someone like that, doesn't _want_ to. Nico's Karrie would never have willingly given up on the dreams she and Nico had together so she could work for the family business, would never have allowed Nico to hurt like this at all, let alone be the cause of it. Maybe it's high time for Nico to accept that Karrie is gone.

Nico deserves to be treated so much better than Karolina's treated her ever since they came back into each other's lives, and she thinks that maybe it's time for Karolina to drop back out of her life. She has all the confirmation she needed that the girl she used to love is gone, so maybe she can finally fully move on. For real this time. Nico doesn't want to date Karolina, and she doesn't want to dance with her. In fact, she's starting to think she never even wants to see her again.

Nico will continue going to school for dance and become a famous dancer all on her own someday. She doesn't need anyone else beside her, and if she decides she does want a partner to dance with, she'll ask Alex or someone else who dances well with her. Maybe she'll even find a new significant other one day to share in all of her old dreams as they become reality.

She doesn't need Karolina to make something out of herself. Everything will work out for Nico, with or without the blonde, and she's honestly starting to think that maybe everything will work out so much better without her.

"You're right," Nico finally admits. "My life will be so much easier without her in it."

As soon as she says that, the doorbell rings, and Gert shoots Nico a questioning glance.

"It's probably my neighbor," Nico explains. "Mr. Monterrey loves baking, and sometimes he makes little treats for everyone in his near vicinity."

"I'll get it." Gert plasters on a smile for the old man as she heads over to get the door.

She easily pulls it open, and Nico cranes her head to get a better look. Her heart stops when she sees who's standing in the hallway. It isn't Mr. Monterrey. It's the very person Nico was starting to hope she would never see again. The last person she wants to see right now.

Karolina.


	15. give love another life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The long awaited chapter is here, and I love the way it turned out! It's my favorite chapter so far. Enjoy ;)

"Get the hell out."

Karolina is greeted by the sight of an angry purple-haired girl whom she can only assume to be Gert. Judging by the tone of her voice and the look on her face, Nico's already told her everything, and she probably hates Karolina's guts. Off to a great start then.

A past version of Karolina might have backed down right then and there, but this is too important to her. She can't back down now.

"I just need a minute to talk to Nico. Then I'll be gone."

Gert scowls. "You've had plenty of time to talk to Nico. You missed your chance."

She starts to shut the door in Karolina's face, but Karolina catches it, holds it open. Gert's eyes widen for a moment, clearly surprised at Karolina's strength or maybe her determination, before they harden again as her mouth settles into a thin line.

Karolina knows she deserves to have the door shut in her face, that she doesn't deserve to say a single word to Nico. She's wasted enough of Nico's time. But she wants Nico more than anything else in the world, and she'll never forgive herself if she doesn't at least take the chance to tell Nico every bit of the truth.

As much as Karolina hopes Nico will forgive her, that they can figure things out the way they used to, she will respect Nico's wishes, no matter what she decides. If she doesn't want anything more to do with Karolina, then Karolina will leave her alone. At least she will have given Nico the closure she didn't get when they were younger and allowed her to make the choice this time.

"I know I don't deserve this chance, but please let me in. I have something really important that I want to say to Nico."

Gert doesn't shut the door, which Karolina takes as a good sign, but she also doesn't open it wide enough for Karolina to fit through.

"Nico's not taking visitors right now, so you can either give your message to me and I'll pass it on to her, or you can get lost. Your choice."

Karolina shakes her head. "Gert, she deserves to hear this from me."

Gert only arches an eyebrow at Karolina, arms crossed over her chest. Her decision is final. Karolina's not speaking to Nico today. She'll have to tell Gert what she came here to say and hope she passes it on. She can't really blame Gert, though. None of what she's doing right now is in any way unfair.

Karolina tries not to allow tears to form in her eyes at the thought that she may never see Nico again, and it will be entirely her fault.

"Just tell her…I know I'm an idiot. I keep telling her we can't be together because of things that shouldn't even matter, and I keep thinking that the less time I spend with her, the more my feelings for her will fade. But that's not true. The truth is that I love her. And I'm always going to, no matter what choices I make. So I might as well start making the right ones. Tell her I'm sorry it's taken me so long to see that and that I'm so, so sorry for everything I put her through, now and when we were kids."

"Very sweet," Gert says sarcastically, and Karolina doesn't know why the tone stings so much. "But I think it's taken you a little too long to see that. Nico just got done telling me she never wants to see you again."

Karolina tries her best to keep her face a mask of indifference, but her vision blurs as tears cloud her eyes. And now Gert's going to think she's a crybaby on top of everything else. Maybe her dad is right. Maybe she is too emotional.

"Let her in," a voice says from inside the apartment.

Karolina would recognize that voice anywhere. Nico. She's here, and she's been listening to everything Karolina has said. She wants Gert to let Karolina in, which means she does want to see her again. Karolina tries not to let herself get too hopeful, though. She knows Nico could very well only be inviting her in so she can tell her to go away and show her that she means it.

Regardless of the reason, Karolina steps into the apartment the moment Gert pulls the door open and stands aside. She instantly spots Nico sitting on the couch, face unreadable, and mentally prepares herself for whatever Nico is about to throw her way. Good or bad, she knows by now that she'll always take anything Nico is willing to give.

* * *

Nico doesn't mean to say it, but she can't take it back now. Karolina is already heading in the direction of the couch, and Gert is looking at Nico as if she's gone mad. Maybe she has.

She knows she has every right to send Karolina away right now. But she doesn't want to. If nothing else, she wants to give Karolina the chance to talk to her one last time. Karolina may not have given Nico that same chance when they were kids, but Nico intends to be an adult about this situation now.

When Karolina stops beside the couch, face a mixture of nervousness and uncertainty, Nico shoots Gert a look. Gert nods in understanding, slipping out of the apartment and pulling the door closed behind her. Whatever happens here in the next few minutes is between Nico and Karolina. Only Nico and Karolina.

"Did you really say that?" Karolina asks. "That you never want to see me again?"

"Not exactly," Nico says. "I said my life would be so much easier without you in it."

She's not going to lie to spare the blonde's feelings. This may very well be the last conversation the two of them ever have, and Nico fully intends to tell the truth.

"Do you really think that?"

"I'm starting to." Nico nods.

Karolina's face crumples, and Nico has to resist the strong urge to get up from the couch and wrap Karolina up in her arms. She's so used to comforting Karolina when she's upset that it's almost ingrained in her brain. And for the first time, she doesn't want it to be. Karolina may look like the girl Nico used to know, those clear blue eyes exactly the same, but she isn't. She can't be.

"I guess I can't disagree with you." Karolina's gaze drops to her feet. "Your life will be a whole lot easier without me in it. Like I said before, you deserve better than I will ever be. But you told me a week ago that you didn't care, that you wanted to try to make this work anyway. Do you still want that?"

"No." Nico doesn't even need to think about it. "I'm tired of this back and forth with you, Karolina. I can't put myself through this anymore. I can't keep going along with your decisions like you know what's best for us. Because you don't. What we've been doing has caused me nothing but pain, and I'm done feeling that way. I'm done trying with someone who's made it quite clear she doesn't want me to."

"What if I told you I do want you to?" Karolina brings her eyes back up to meet Nico's. "If there's anything this past week has taught me, Nico, it's that I'm never going to stop loving you. I don't think I even can. I still feel exactly the same way I did when I was a kid, and I'm tired of fighting it. My dream isn't to be a businesswoman or even a dancer. My dream is to be yours. For as long as you'll have me."

These are the words Nico's been wanting to hear from Karolina since she first ran into her again at Timely, the words she'd been hoping to hear last week when she confronted Karolina about her feelings. If Karolina had said these words then, Nico would have kissed her right then and there. Now, though, she's hesitant to believe her. If Karolina truly felt this way all along, she would've done something about it long before this, right? Surely, she would've at least come to speak to Nico again before an entire week had gone by.

"What about your dad?" Nico asks. "You said it yourself. He'll never let you be with me."

"Then he never has to know," Karolina says earnestly.

Nico scoffs. "And when he inevitably finds out? I'm not going to be with someone who's going to run away the minute she gets into trouble with her dad."

"I'm not going to run away." Nico can detect a spark of determination in Karolina's blue eyes. "I can't live my entire life doing what my dad wants me to. I'll never be happy that way."

"Wow. It's only taken you nineteen years to see that."

Nico's been telling her the same thing since they first met, and she's bitter that Karolina never truly believed her. Bitter that Karolina never tried to put up a fight for them when they were kids. Bitter that Karolina never came back for her.

The sheen of tears glistens in Karolina's eyes, and Nico doesn't think she's ever made Karolina cry before. But she won't allow herself to feel bad for it. Feeling bad means giving in, and that's not something Nico can do. Not right now anyway. Not yet.

"I don't know what you want me to say. I tried pushing you out of my mind all week and focusing on school and business like my dad taught me, but it didn't work. He's wrong, Nico. I'm not like him. I can't push away my emotions the way he wants me to. All I want is you. And I don't think there's anyone who's ever going to be able to change that."

The sincerity in Karolina's eyes is unmistakable. There's no trace of the pessimistic girl Nico's been dancing with for weeks, the girl who thinks her life has already been written for her. There's only optimistic Karrie, pen tip poised and ready to glide across the page as she writes her own story. But even Karrie was afraid of her father.

"That doesn't matter, though, does it?" Nico finally stands from the couch, stepping in front of Karolina. She notices Karolina take a tiny step backward, but she doesn't let it faze her. "You know what your father's like. He'll throw you out the minute he finds out about us. Are you seriously going to stand here and tell me you're not afraid of that?"

"I'm terrified of that." Karolina swallows, but her wide eyes never leave Nico's. "But I'll take the risk. If he finds out, then we can figure it out together."

It's all Nico's wanted to hear for the past month and a half now, but she won't let herself believe it. She can't.

"I really want to believe you, Karrie." Nico doesn't miss the hopeful glint that springs up in Karolina's eyes when she hears the nickname. "But I don't know if I can."

"You don't have to believe me," Karolina says with confidence. "I just want you to listen. I'm sorry for every single thing I've ever done to hurt you, Nico. I was trying to protect and please the other people in my life, but you're the most important to me, and I'm an idiot for not seeing that sooner. I'm always going to love you. And maybe you don't believe me today, but I'm willing to spend the rest of my life trying everything I can to prove that to you. I want to be in your life, Nico, in whatever way you'll have me. I'm sure of that, because the way we feel about each other is special. And now that I've felt it again, I don't ever want to give up on it. No matter what."

Maybe Karolina is right. Nico can tell herself she doesn't want Karolina until the day she dies, but that will never stop her from loving Karolina in a way that she doesn't think can ever be matched. Romance wasn't even a thought in Nico's mind before she met Karolina, and it hasn't been since.

Maybe it's true that Nico's life will be so much easier without Karolina in it, but an easy life isn't really worth living, is it? The dreams worth having are the ones you have to fight for, and Nico knows that she can't achieve every single one of her dreams without Karolina, not the one that matters most anyway.

All this time, she's been afraid to open her heart up to Karolina again because of the possibility of getting hurt, but Karolina's finally ready to take that risk. And Nico was starting to think she never would be. So maybe Nico's ready too. Maybe it's time for her to go after what her heart has always wanted the way she used to, without thinking about the consequences.

"What about Chase?" Nico's voice doesn't have nearly as much conviction as it held before, and she can tell Karolina notices it by the way her eyes light up. Her facial expression doesn't change much, but those blue eyes say it all.

"I broke up with him," Karolina admits, and Nico ignores the way her heart skips a beat. "I told him the truth about us. All of it. And you know what he said? He told me I shouldn't let anything stop me from being with you. And I don't intend to."

Nico believes her. She knows it's dangerous and probably against her best interests, but her heart is done fighting her love for Karolina. She can see the truth of Karolina's statement in her eyes and hear it in her voice. The girl standing in front of her now is the girl she's always known, has been ever since she showed up at this apartment, and Nico realizes she was wrong before. Her Karrie is still here, and Nico will never stop wanting her.

Nico stands on her tiptoes and finally presses her lips to Karolina's again for the first time in years. Karolina stiffens at first, clearly not having expected it, but she relaxes two seconds later, slouching a tiny bit so Nico can fall back onto her feet. It's weird at first. The last time, they kissed, Nico and Karolina were almost the same height, and now Karolina stands a good half a foot taller. Nico barely has time to think about it, though, before Karolina turns Nico's gentle, almost shy kiss into something more intense.

Karolina's fists curl into Nico's shirt, pulling her forward, and Nico complies, bringing her hand up to grip the back of Karolina's head and groaning when their bodies press into each other. A flick of Karolina's tongue against Nico's lips, and Nico is eagerly opening her mouth to accept it, completely giving into her emotions the way she does on the dance floor. Only this time, there is no music playing. There is no excuse for the emotions flowing between them, no 'I got caught up in the song.' There is only getting caught up in each other.

Nico doesn't even realize she's been backing Karolina up until Karolina's back hits the door, and there's nowhere else to go. Nico presses further into her, tilting her head to deepen the kiss when Karolina moans in satisfaction. Nico's never kissed Karolina quite like this before, and she's drunk on the sounds Karolina is making.

Karolina kisses Nico back with a passion that steals the breath from her lungs, but Nico would rather let them burn than come up for air.

* * *

Kissing Nico again has Karolina on cloud nine, and she never wants to come down. Nico's pressing into her so hard, she's sure she's going to bruise somewhere, but she doesn't care. The way Nico is pinning Karolina between her body and the door to her apartment has desire shooting through Karolina's veins. She has the strong urge to lead Nico back onto the couch, but she doesn't think she can move even if she wants to. And there's something so incredibly sexy about that.

As much as Karolina wants to keep kissing Nico like this for the rest of her life, she doesn't want it to lead to anything she isn't ready for yet. And she knows it isn't fair to continue this without telling Nico everything she came here to tell her. She intends to tell her every bit of the truth this time. Lying by omission is still lying. Karolina only hopes Nico still wants to be with her after listening to what she has to say.

Reluctantly, Karolina moves her hands from Nico's neck to her shoulders, gently pushing her back just enough to separate their lips. She doesn't miss the whine of disappointment that Nico emits at the loss of contact or the pleasure that shoots through her body at the sound.

"I want to keep kissing you, Nico," she says, "but I have to tell you something first."

Nico nods for Karolina to speak, but she doesn't move back an inch, and Karolina is very aware of the way Nico's body is still pinning hers to the door. She almost tells Nico to forget it in favor of crashing their lips back together again, but she knows she needs to say this.

"Just because I'm ready to be with you again doesn't mean I'm dropping out of Harvard to become a dancer. I want to, someday, but I don't know if I can."

"Why not?" Nico asks.

Karolina doesn't see a single trace of disappointment in her eyes. Only curiosity. She loves her all the more for it.

"Because. Doing that will mean giving up everything I've ever known. I want to dance. I really do. But you're right, Nico. I am afraid, and I'm just not ready to do that right now."

"I'm not asking you to." Nico finally relaxes her grip on Karolina's blonde hair to run her fingers through it. "But I just want you to know that, when you are ready, you'll be giving up everything you've ever known for everything you've ever wanted. That sounds like a pretty good trade to me."

"I love you, Nico." Karolina knows she's said it about a thousand times today alone, but she doesn't think she'll ever say anything truer. She never wants to stop saying it.

A tiny part of her had thought that Nico might rethink her decision to be with her after hearing this, but of course she doesn't. Nico never pushes Karolina to do anything she isn't ready for, and Karolina knows she's lucky that Nico still cares about her, even after all this time.

"I love you too, Karrie." A wide smile breaks out on Nico's face, and Karolina is happy to see it.

It feels weird to tell Nico she loves her again and even weirder when Nico says it back, but it also feels good. As if her dad bound her in invisible manacles all those years ago and she is just now breaking free.


	16. all i do the whole day through

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is over 5,000 words long, which might be the longest one I've written so far for this story. I spent pretty much all day on Tuesday working on this, so I really hope you will enjoy it! :D

"Dad, can I please talk to you about something?" Karolina stands in the doorway of her father's office, doing her best not to wring her hands or show any other displays of nervousness.

It'd taken her two days to work up the courage to have this conversation, and now that she's finally standing in the doorway, she thinks maybe she should have given herself a day or two more. She's never going to be ready to talk about this with her dad, though, and she needs to before he finds out about the breakup from Victor Stein or social media. Karolina can't put this off any longer.

She just has to jump.

"What is it, Karolina?" Her dad doesn't even lift his head to look at her, sounding annoyed at the interruption.

For a brief moment, she considers putting this off until dinner at least, but she quickly pushes the idea out of her mind. She doesn't want to wait anymore. Waiting only gives her more time to worry and picture every other possible outcome of this conversation than the actual one. Not to mention, she doesn't want to deal with both her parents' disapproval at the same time.

"Chase and I broke up." She doesn't dance around the subject, and she sounds a lot more confident than she feels. She doesn't want to act afraid this time, even if she is.

Her dad finally looks up from his papers with a stern expression. "This had better be a joke."

"It isn't." Karolina doesn't shrink away from his gaze.

A surprised look crosses her father's face for a second before his eyes harden again, and Karolina has to resist the urge to smile at the sight. She's never been so sure of herself around him before, at least not when talking about something she knew he would disapprove of. Of course, her confidence probably won't last very long in the face of what she knows is likely to come, but she's proud of herself for even doing this much.

"What the hell happened?"

"We want different things in life, that's all." Karolina tells the truth, but nothing too specific.

"What kinds of different things?" Her father's eyes narrow. "You both go to Harvard, and you're both dedicated to business. It seems to me as if you'd be a perfect match."

Now she's stepped in it.

_Yes, Karolina. What kinds of different things? Could it be that you're in love with Nico? That you don't actually have any interest in becoming a businesswoman at all?_

"I…don't want to have kids. And he does." Karolina blurts out the first thing that comes to mind. Even though Chase said he'd sacrifice having children to be with Karolina, he still wants them and she doesn't.

Her father is silent for several long seconds before speaking in a low tone. "I want you to call Chase back right now and tell him there's no reason for you to split up."

"What?" Karolina expected her dad to be disappointed, but surely he can't expect her to get back together with Chase. Doing so wouldn't be fair to either of them. They're over.

"I'm beginning to think you don't understand one of the most important rules of running a business empire." Frank's voice is dangerously calm. "You need someone to pass it on to. An heir. So you are going to have a child, Karolina."

"But I don't want to." Karolina is afraid of the consequences of saying so, but she's trying her hardest not to back down this time. "Shouldn't this be my choice?"

"What you eat for breakfast and wear each day should be your choice." He stands from his chair, raising his voice as he continues to speak. "Something that affects _my_ company is not your choice. I will be giving you an entire business free of charge, Karolina, providing you with a job that pays extravagantly and passing on my entire fortune to you. The least you can do in return is provide me with an heir. Preferably a male one this time."

The words slice through Karolina's skin, crumbling her tough exterior. She's known for a while that her father wishes his firstborn child, his heir, had been male, knows he envies the Steins that, but that does nothing to diminish the hurt she feels every time he makes a comment like this. She doesn't want to feel as if she's not good enough because of her gender, because of something she can't change.

She tries her best to blink back the tears that form in her eyes. Why can't her father ever just accept her for who she is?

"I'm sorry," she says quickly, earnestly. "I was being foolish before, and I see that now. I'll have a child if I need to. I promise."

"Yes, you will." Her father's tone leaves no room for argument. "And you will also call Chase right now and tell him that."

"I can, but I don't think it will change anything. I doubt he'll want me back now."

It's true, if not for the reasons her father thinks. He'll never want her back because she's already told him she can never love him romantically. She hopes her father will leave it at that. The last thing she wants is to have to call Chase right now about the solution to something that was never even an issue in the first place.

"I suppose he has good reason for that," her father concedes. "Chase has a bright future ahead of him. I wouldn't want him to throw it away on someone like you."

It takes everything in Karolina to choke back a sob at his words. They drive through her heart like a sword, and the tears she was trying so hard to get rid of finally fall. As much as she wants to respond to him, she knows she can't. Not without breaking down.

She's worked so hard to be the person her father has always wanted her to be, to make him proud, and he still thinks she's worthless after one mistake.

"Don't be such a baby, Karolina." Her dad shakes his head as he sits back down, clearly done arguing with her. "Why can't you be more like Chase? Now there's a fine young man. Strong, determined, mature. All things I'm starting to think you're never going to be."

That's when Karolina finally sees it. Her dad wants her to marry Chase not just because he admires him but because he wants Chase to be the true heir to his company. Frank Dean will feel a lot better about handing his company over to his daughter if he knows he'll be handing it over to his son-in-law as well, someone he sees as much more qualified for the position.

Why can't her father see that she works just as hard as Chase does? She takes the same classes, gets the same grades, does the same amount of work for the business. But she knows in her heart exactly what makes all the difference to her father. That drive Chase has to be a businessman, that determination? It's missing in Karolina. And she knows it always will be.

"I'm sorry, Father." Karolina hangs her head. "I'll try harder. I didn't mean to mess this up."

Her father flicks a dismissive wrist at her, eyes already back on the papers splayed across his desk. "Sometimes I think I should've never even tried with you. Should've saved all my time, money, and effort and let you just throw your life away dancing with that girl when you wanted to."

Apologies bubble up in Karolina's throat again, but she doesn't say anything more. She knows her father will only be more disgusted with her if she keeps saying she's sorry without actually doing anything about the situation, but what can she do? She doesn't love Chase. So she leaves. She's said everything she needed to say.

As much as she wants to slam her door the minute she enters her room, she doesn't. Doing so will only get her into further trouble, and that's the last thing she needs right now. She's done everything she tried her best not to do, disappointed her father in one of the worst ways possible, and she hates herself for it. Her father's never going to trust her again. She's going to have to spend weeks working back into his good graces, and who knows if she ever even can? At this rate, she may not even have to drop out of business school to get her dad to throw her out of his company and his house. She's doing a fine job of being incompetent already.

She screwed everything up with her dad in breaking up with Chase, but she knows in her heart the alternative was much, much worse. Leading Chase on is wrong, and cutting Nico out of her life completely is the worst possible thing Karolina can imagine. No, as much as her father disapproves, Karolina made the right choice. Even if it doesn't feel that way at the moment.

The last thing her dad said before dismissing her from his office bounces around the inside of Karolina's brain now. Even though she knows it was just a jab to make her feel worse, that he would never have actually considered doing what he said, she wishes he had given up on her all those years ago and allowed her to 'throw her life away' with Nico. Then at least one of them could have been happy in life. The whole point of holding herself back from dancing now is to make her father proud, but she can't even do that right anymore. Maybe she truly is every bit the failure her father thinks she is.

Karolina throws herself onto her bed, grabs her pillow, and screams into it. Maybe she really is worthless. Maybe her father is right in saying that she's a waste of time. She'll never actually make a career of dancing. He's probably right about that too. She'll fail at dancing like she fails at everything else in life, only she'll no longer have him or any sort of money at all to support herself. She's been foolish to think she's ever going to make anything of herself on her own.

It's been years since her father yelled at her like this, and Karolina hates the way it makes her feel. So small. So insignificant. As if her dreams will only ever succeed if they align with the dreams he wants her to have.

She can't keep thinking like this. Her father's gotten into her head, but he doesn't know everything. Those things he said about her are only his opinions. That doesn't make them true. That's what Nico would tell her. She needs to get herself to believe that.

When Karolina feels like this, it's incredibly hard for her to drag herself out of it. Her father sucks all the hope out of her world, and that's why she always used to go to Nico in situations such as this when she was younger. Nico would always know exactly how to breathe that hope back into Karolina. So maybe that's how her father ultimately convinced her she actually wanted everything he wants her to, by taking Nico out of the equation. Because right now, Karolina's feeling like a real idiot for thinking that dancing professionally or having any sort of relationship at all with Nico is ever going to work.

Grabbing her wallet and her car keys from her nightstand, Karolina is out the door of her room in an instant and on her way to the garage. She won't sit alone with these negative thoughts and self-doubts for another instant. She'll go straight to Nico, who she knows will remind her of all the reasons she started believing in herself again. She's not alone anymore.

"Where are you going?" her father calls out as she passes his office.

"Out." Her voice is strangled with tears, but Karolina doesn't care anymore. Let him think whatever he wants about her.

Her father rolls his eyes, not giving her exit more than a passing thought, and she breathes a sigh of relief as she continues down the hall. He's annoyed, but he's not interested or suspicious in the slightest. He isn't going to follow her. He probably thinks she's going off to cry somewhere and dismisses her because he thinks she's weak. And maybe she is weak. Or maybe 'weak' is only a negative word for 'sensitive.' And maybe being sensitive isn't such a bad thing. Nico doesn't seem to think so.

_Can we dance?_ Karolina texts Nico the minute she gets in the car.

_Be there in 15._ Her phone buzzes with Nico's reply before she even makes it out of the driveway.

Karolina has no doubt in her mind that Nico knows dancing isn't the only thing she needs right now.

* * *

Nico appears in the ballroom door only ten minutes after Karolina herself arrives, and Karolina doesn't think she's ever been more relieved to see anyone. This time, there's no smile on Nico's face when she sees Karolina, only concern, and Karolina knows she must look a mess. She hasn't stopped crying since her conversation with her father.

"What did he say to you?" Nico may not know exactly what happened, but it's clear she has a general idea.

All of the horrible things Karolina's father had said earlier rush through her mind, and she doesn't even know where to begin. She only shakes her head as tears well up in her eyes again, but she doesn't try to fight them. Instead, she lets herself fully break down the way she's wanted to since the minute her dad started attacking her with words.

Nico doesn't say anything, only pulls Karolina into a tight hug, and Karolina holds Nico against her. What she wouldn't give to be small enough to bury her face into Nico's chest the way she used to. She's way too tall now, easily able to rest her chin on the top of Nico's head, and she hates it. It makes her feel awkward, as if she doesn't fit with Nico the way she used to, and she longs for the time before all of the hurt and pain and anger flowed between them. The reminder of everything that's happened only makes her cry harder as she clutches tightly to the girl in her arms, afraid she'll slip away if Karolina doesn't hold on tight enough.

Somehow, Nico senses exactly what Karolina wants—or maybe this new way of hugging feels wrong to her too—because, a few seconds later, she gently lowers the two of them to the ground before pulling Karolina into her. Karolina gasps in relief as she buries her face into Nico's chest, falling against her and taking immense comfort in the feeling of Nico wrapped around her. Nico makes Karolina feel safe, and Karolina wishes she never had to be without her.

Now that she's started crying, it's as if she can't stop, her sobs coming so quickly and uncontrollably that she almost can't breathe. She thinks maybe she isn't just crying about her father anymore. She's crying about choosing not to reach out to Nico again as well, all the lost years between the two of them that were entirely her fault.

Karolina feels she should be embarrassed in the way she's crying, but Nico doesn't seem to mind. She holds Karolina securely against her, rubbing her side soothingly with one hand and tucking her hair behind her ear with the other as she murmurs, "It's okay, Karrie. You're okay. I've got you. Just let it all out."

It surprises Karolina how much Nico still loves her, even after all this time. She doesn't deserve it, not after leaving Nico with no explanation when they were kids, and she knows it will take her a long time to stop feeling guilty about that. Nico loves her so much more than her dad ever will, and Karolina wishes she'd put up some kind of a fight for them, tried her hardest to find a way around her dad, even if it took her months, years. She will always regret every minute of the time she spent without Nico.

An immense comfort envelopes Karolina at the continued feel of Nico's warmth against her, the continued sound of Nico's voice in her ear, and it doesn't take her long to finally settle down. She slumps against Nico. She has half a mind to suggest they run away right now and never look back, but she knows that idea isn't reasonable. Instead, she focuses on wiping away her tears as best she can.

Nico presses a kiss to the top of her head. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Karolina nods, but she doesn't pull out of Nico's hold. "I told my dad I broke up with Chase today. He was already disappointed in me enough for saying that, but then I lied and told him it was because Chase wants kids and I don't, and that only made things worse. He's basically forcing me to have a kid if I want him to give me the company."

"Whether or not you want kids is your decision, Karrie. Not his," Nico says firmly. "Don't let him force you into anything you don't want."

For a moment, Karolina thinks about what it would be like to have a kid with Nico, far away from this city and her father, but she quickly shakes it away. This isn't the time to be thinking about something like that, even if she finds the thought isn't a particularly unwelcome one.

"I don't even know what I want." Karolina sighs. "My dad is right about one thing. I'm not determined. I don't have everything figured out the way I should. I'm weak, aren't I? I'm never going to be strong."

"You already are." Nico doesn't even miss a beat. "You are so, so strong. Breaking up with Chase the way you did, telling me exactly how you feel? Both of those things took a lot of courage, so I think that makes you strong."

"But I feel like I'm always crying." Karolina laughs, sniffling as she does.

"So maybe you're a bit emotional." Nico runs her fingers through Karolina's hair. "But that's the thing I love the most about you. You grew up in a world where emotion is discouraged, where it's all too common to turn out selfish and cruel, but you didn't. You are every bit as sensitive and sweet as you've always been. And I don't ever want to see that go away."

Karolina feels the corners of her lips twitch up in a small smile. She wants nothing more than to pull back and kiss Nico, to spend the rest of the day forgetting everything her father said. She knows she needs to talk about it, though. Avoiding what happened has never worked well for her. "My dad says he wishes I could be more like Chase, that he can see why Chase wouldn't want to throw away his future on someone like me. I think… I think he only ever wanted me to marry Chase so he could have a child he could be proud of. I don't think he'll ever be proud of me."

"Maybe not." Nico squeezes Karolina tighter. "I'm sorry he can't see how amazing you are. But I do. And I'll always be proud of you."

"Really?" Karolina finally pulls back so she can look into Nico's eyes.

Nico nods. "I promise."

"I love you so much," Karolina says.

There's a delighted awe present in Nico's eyes, as if she still hasn't quite wrapped her head around the fact that Karolina loves her back. "I love you too."

Karolina can't stop herself from kissing Nico any longer, so she grips the side of Nico's neck and brings their lips together, wanting Nico to feel just how much she means to her. She tries to keep it short, but she finds it hard to pull back right away. Now that she's finally kissed Nico again, there's a part of her that never wants to stop. Nico's fingers tug at Karolina's hair, and Karolina can't hold back a groan.

As much as she wants to turn her head and deepen the kiss, she knows that isn't what she came here for. When she texted Nico about dancing, she meant it, even if she knew she would need to talk about everything first. Now, though, her body is itching to move in the way she thinks it was always destined to.

Nico presses their foreheads together once Karolina parts their lips, closing her eyes and presumably just taking in their closeness before she opens them again and pulls back to look at Karolina.

"Wanna dance?" she asks.

"I'd love to." Karolina fully smiles for the first time that day. She doesn't think she'll ever get tired of hearing that question from Nico.

Kissing is great, but it will always come second to dancing.

"What song?" Nico asks.

"You pick." Karolina feels much better than she has all day. "I'll dance to anything with you."

"Maybe we can make a video for Amy then," Nico suggests. "She's been asking for a while now."

"Or we can FaceTime her. Does she know we're back together yet?"

"I called her right after you left," Nico admits. "She's ecstatic. She's been rooting for us."

Karolina's happy Nico's sister is so supportive of her, and she wonders if maybe things would have been easier for her growing up if she'd had a sibling. Especially if that sibling had been the firstborn heir to the company. For a few years, she felt as if she did have a sister in Amy, and she hopes with everything in her that she can get that feeling back now.

"Has she picked out a song she wants us to dance to?" Karolina asks hopefully.

"Not quite." Nico laughs. "She only requested we dance to a Camila Cabello song. She wants us to pick the exact song, says it'll help us dance better."

Karolina shrugs. "She's right."

"I'm not really familiar with Camila's music, though, so maybe we can listen to some of her songs? Unless you have a song in mind."

"The only one I know is 'Havana.'" Karolina grabs her phone from her wallet. "I'll pull her up on Spotify."

"Most recent album?" Nico asks once Karolina pulls up the page.

" _Romance_." Karolina taps on it and selects the first song.

It's a poppy upbeat song, but Karolina doesn't really think it's their style. She gives it a fair chance, really listening to the lyrics, and while she likes the song, she doesn't feel the desire to dance to it. After the first refrain, she hovers her finger over the skip button and looks questioningly at Nico. Nico nods in answer, clearly having similar thoughts, so Karolina skips it.

The two of them go through several more songs in this manner before they find one they like enough to listen to it all the way through. This is a song Karolina feels she can dance to, one she sees herself in. Realistically, Karolina knows she and Nico can dance well to any song they're given, but for the dance to be exceptional, as Karolina wants their dance for Amy to be, they have to really connect to the music on a personal level. Karolina looks over to Nico who shrugs. It seems Nico isn't finding as much of a connection to the song as Karolina is.

That's when the song ends and the next song comes on, and Karolina knows before the first verse is even finished that this is the one. She glances over at Nico to find Nico already looking at her with a wide smile on her face. Karolina nods to her, and Nico nods right back. They're on the same page about this song.

Karolina sets the song to loop, and then she is off the floor, pulling Nico up with her as they begin to dance right in the middle of the refrain. Karolina knows they should start the song over, knows they should stop and call Amy, but she's too enamored with the song to want to do anything other than dance to it.

She and Nico move slowly at first as they haven't done their warmup stretches and don't want to hurt themselves, but it doesn't take them long to stretch out their muscles and find a good rhythm. Karolina allows the music to wash away all the pain and sorrow of the day and replace it with the warmth and love she feels for Nico.

This song is less intense than the songs they usually dance to, more lighthearted, but Karolina thinks it's perfect. As awful as she felt after talking to her dad, Karolina feels exactly the opposite now, as if no dream will ever be too hard to achieve if she wants it enough. Being with Nico has that effect on her. And this song feels incredibly right for her and Nico too. Now that they're officially together, there's nothing holding them back from each other. It's freeing to dance to a song about nothing more than just wanting to be with Nico. That's all she'll ever want. Nico is her dream, and not a single second Karolina spends achieving that dream will ever be a waste of time. Not to her.

Consequently, as grateful as Karolina is to Amy for indirectly leading her and Nico to this song, she and Nico kind of forget that Amy is the reason they're even dancing to it in the first place. They dance to the song five times before they remember, and Karolina feels as if she's in a daze the entire time Nico sets up the FaceTime call, itching to dance the song at least one more time. Amy is excited at the prospect of seeing Karolina and Nico dance again, and so Nico props her phone up against the music desk of the baby grand before starting the song up again and falling right back into the dance with Karolina.

If it's even possible, Karolina pours even more emotion into the song this time than she previously did. She means almost every single word in the deepest parts of her heart. She's always dreamed of Nico since the moment she first saw her, and she thinks she always will.

Only when Amy claps at the end of the song does Karolina remember she's even watching, and she can't help a small twinge of disappointment when she realizes they aren't going to get to dance to the song again. She quickly pushes it away, though, as she and Nico head back over to the phone. She's excited to hear what Amy thought of the first dance she's seen them perform in years. She also knows she and Nico can dance to the song again as many times as they want later.

"That was amazing!" Amy beams. "You're even better now than when we were kids."

Karolina shares a proud look with Nico. She realizes this is how it's supposed to feel when someone praises her accomplishments. She's not supposed to feel good simply because she's receiving praise. She's supposed to feel good because she's truly proud of what she's done, and she wants nothing more than to be great at it.

"Thanks, Amy," Karolina responds. "That means a lot to me."

"Of course," Amy responds before turning to her sister. "Did you ask Karolina about what we talked about yet?"

"Ask Karolina what?" Karolina turns to look curiously at Nico.

"Not yet." Nico's eyes drop to the ground. She's nervous, but Karolina has no idea why.

"Well, you should, and when she does ask, you should seriously consider it, K," Amy says earnestly. "You two are much too good at this to not do anything about it."

Nico looks uncertainly at Karolina, and Karolina wonders what it is she's not telling her. Or asking her, she guesses.

"Well, I'm going to go and leave you guys to it." Amy smirks, and Karolina knows she's well aware that Karolina won't let whatever this is drop until Nico tells her about it. "Congrats on kicking ass at dancing and on finally getting back together. I really hope you'll like my suggestion, K."

Amy winks at Karolina, and then she's gone, face disappearing from Nico's phone screen.

"What was she talking about?" Karolina asks. "Does she want me to drop out of Harvard?"

"No." Nico shakes her head. "I know you're not ready to do that, and she does too. All she suggested was that we dance in some sort of public area. That way, we can dance for an audience, but we don't have to commit to dancing professionally."

"Where?" Karolina bites her lip. It's a good idea in theory, but she can't help but be worried about it all the same.

"Maybe we could dance outside a grocery store or something," Nico suggests, "or at a farmers market. The one my family goes to has live musicians that perform there. What if we wait until they go on their lunch break and then dance to one song? It can be like a trial run. We dance to a song we're already comfortable with and see what people think."

The excitement in Nico's eyes grows as she speaks, expanding with each new development in her idea, but Karolina doesn't know if she shares it. She wants to dance with Nico, sure, and dancing for an audience is something they've always dreamed of. But it feels much too good to be true.

"What if someone sees me?" Karolina asks. "Someone could easily recognize me from class."

Nico raises an eyebrow at her. "I'm highly doubting your classmates are going to be talking to your dad anytime soon."

_Fair point_ , Karolina thinks, _but there are plenty of people who will._

"What about my dad's business partners or a customer or something? What if one of them sees me there and mentions it to my dad?"

"At the farmers market? Karrie, when was the last time your dad even went out to the grocery store?"

She can't even remember. Certainly not since Postmates was invented.

"It had to be a few years ago," she admits. "He has everything delivered now."

"Exactly," Nico says. "No one is going to recognize you. So. Are you in?"

Karolina wants to say yes, needs to say it, can feel the word scorching into her throat in its desperation to get out, but she can't. It's far too risky to do something like this so soon.

"I don't know, Nico," she says instead. "What if someone takes a picture of us and posts it on social media? And what if that picture gets back to my dad somehow?"

"Seriously, Karrie?" Nico laughs.

"Okay, fine. I'm being ridiculous," Karolina concedes with a sigh.

"You're being _cautious_ ," Nico corrects her, "and I understand. We'll have to get outfits to perform in if we want to go through with this, so maybe we can wear masquerade masks with them. Just to be safe."

Wearing a mask would admittedly make Karolina feel better about all of this. A mask would make it harder for her father to recognize her, even if he does see a photo of her and Nico online. If the picture doesn't show Karolina's whole face, then that gives her plausible deniability in the event her father questions her about it. Besides, he has no reason not to believe her about this. He truly thinks she's left her dreams of dancing in the distant past.

She tries to think of any more concrete reasons why she and Nico shouldn't do this, but her mind comes up blank. She's all out of cons, so maybe it's time for her to open herself up the field of pros that awaits her. She's waited for this opportunity all her life, and now the possibility is finally in front of her. Sure, she and Nico had dreamed of dancing in front of an audience in a theater, but dancing to a song at the farmers market might be the thing that sets them on the right path. If Karolina truly wants to dance, if she truly wants to dance with _Nico_ , then she needs to seize this opportunity now instead of letting her dreams fizzle out as she did in the past.

She's tired of being so damn cautious all the time. She wants this. And she deserves to take it.

"Okay, Nico." Karolina nods determinedly. "I'm in."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Nico and Karrie dance to in this chapter is Dream of You by Camila Cabello.


	17. this world is ours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who continues to read and leave kudos and comments on this story. Each and every comment truly makes my day. Enjoy!

Karolina can't help but feel absolutely ridiculous as she walks beside Nico down the concrete pathway where the farmers market is held. When she dressed in her white leotard and tights and her see-through pink skirt this morning, she hadn't been able to stop smiling. And she'd fallen in love with her half-white and half-pink mask the minute she'd seen it at the store. She looks like she's always wanted to look, like a dancer. This morning, she felt as if she were about to perform the biggest show of the year. Now, though, she feels as if she lost her way to a costume party.

People bustle up and down the pathway, stopping at various different stalls and barely sparing Karolina and Nico a second glance, but Karolina can't stop feeling as if everyone is staring at her. She knows what her parents would think if they saw people dressed like this at a market. Her father would comment on how out of place they were and then probably insult their profession. Karolina can't help but feel as if everyone here is thinking the same thing.

She squirms under the imaginary stares, smoothing her skirt out and wishing she hadn't even chosen to wear one at all. Why did she have to choose pink? Would it make her look kiddish? Should she have gone with the white skirt she had been looking at instead?

Nico looks so much better walking slightly ahead of her in her own all-black ensemble. She moves with a purpose and confidence that Karolina doesn't know if she'll ever be able to possess. Nico isn't afraid to be doing this, and she isn't embarrassed of the way she looks. She is a dancer, as she has been all her life. This is exactly how she's supposed to look.

For a moment, Karolina feels like a fraud. She's not a dancer. She's not anything. She shouldn't be here dancing with Nico. Someone who actually knows what they're doing, who actually feels confident in who they are, should.

Karolina tries her best to push all of her negative thoughts away as she focuses on Nico walking ahead of her. What would Nico say if Karolina told her everything she's thinking? Karolina doesn't even have to ask her; she knows exactly what Nico would say. Nico would tell her that she's as much of a dancer as Nico herself is, that she belongs here just as much as Nico does. And she doesn't look ridiculous. She looks like she's about to dance, which is exactly what she's going to do.

When she hears music coming from somewhere nearby, Karolina relaxes even further. Nico was right. There are musicians here, sharing their art form just as Karolina and Nico are about to do. Why should she feel embarrassed about it just because she and Nico have dressed up to perform? If anything, their outfits will only draw more attention to them, which is exactly what they want. Right?

Karolina's nerves begin to creep back in as the gravity of what they're about to do really sinks in for her. Of course, she's danced in front of people before, but she's never done so with _Nico_. So she's never truly danced in front of people at all. Not in the way that matters.

Will she be able to sink into the emotions of the song with so many people looking at her? Will she be able to tune into Nico the way she does when they're alone? They don't have choreography that's set in stone, so what if Karolina can't keep up? What will it feel like to put her heart on display in front of everyone?

Realistically, Karolina knows there won't be that many people watching. People will stop by for a few seconds at a time to appreciate their performance the way they do with the musicians. People are here for the market, not for Karolina and Nico. There probably won't be very many people who even pay attention to them anyway.

Or just the right person could pay attention. This could be Karolina and Nico's big break, and Karolina can't stop her nerves from tearing her insides apart at the thought that she might be the one to mess it all up.

As Karolina and Nico watch the band of four graying middle-aged men play, Karolina feels Nico's hand slip into hers and squeeze. She turns to find Nico looking at her with concern from behind her elegant black mask, and Karolina thinks that, if nothing else comes of this, at least Nico looks stunning in her dance outfit. At least Nico is hers. No matter what happens here today, that won't change.

"We're going to be fine," Nico says softly. "We're going to be just as great today as we always are. The only difference is that, this time, people are actually going to get the chance to see it. We're supposed to dance in sold-out theaters, remember? This should be nothing."

Karolina laughs at the mention of their childhood dream. "You and I both know that might never happen. But this will. This is happening _right now_ , and I'm so damn afraid I'm gonna mess it up."

"You won't." Nico rubs circles on the back of Karolina's hand with her thumb. "You're the best dancer I've ever seen, Karrie. You're not going to mess anything up."

Karolina nods, trying to allow her nerves to leave her body with every minute she looks into Nico's calm eyes, every circle Nico's thumb traces on the back of her hand. She can do this. _They_ can do this.

That's when the musicians begin putting aside their instruments and excusing themselves for a few minutes to grab something to eat.

This is their moment.

Nico pulls Karolina into the area the musicians just vacated, and they set to work moving chairs out of the way so they will have ample room to dance. Then Nico begins to set up the portable stereo, the same stereo they always use when they dance in the museum.

Karolina longs for the music to wash over her and free her from everything she is feeling, longs to take on the emotions of "Rewrite the Stars" and leave all her fear and nervousness behind. She only hopes she can find that level of emotion and comfort when unknown pairs of eyes are watching her.

This is what she's always dreamed of, and she's always known that people will have to be watching her in order for her to be a dancer. So why does it feel so different now that she's finally standing in front of people? She and Nico have already started to draw some curious stares, and Karolina isn't sure she likes the attention. Maybe it's because she thinks every person here is looking at her through the same judgmental gaze as her father would. Or maybe it's because she's afraid of becoming exactly what her father thinks she is: a failure. This is the one thing she wants to be good at. What if she's not?

Karolina doesn't notice Nico's finished setting up the music until she's right in front of her. All she has to do now is press play.

Nico reaches up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind Karolina's hair. "Focus on me, Karrie. It's just us here, okay? Just like it always is."

Karolina knows this, knows that once she and Nico find their rhythm, every pair of watchful eyes, if there even are any, will completely disappear as Karolina experiences the song to the fullest. People may not even stop to watch, but Karolina realizes for the first time today that that's not what she wants. She _wants_ people to notice this dance, wants to come back to reality at the end of the song to find that people enjoyed what she and Nico have worked into existence. She wants to be good at what she does, maybe even exceptional.

It's a strange feeling, one she hasn't felt in a long time. She's spent so long doing everything she can to make her parents proud that she's almost forgotten what it feels like to do something entirely for herself. Karolina's dancing to make herself proud, and that knowledge feels more freeing than she could've ever imagined.

She doesn't think she'll ever get enough of it.

"Just us." Karolina gives a confident nod.

Nico nods back at her before moving over to her phone and pressing play.

And just like that, Karolina realizes she should never have even been worried in the first place. The minute she hears that opening note, the minute she catches the look in Nico's brown eyes, the world fades away completely, and it's only her and Nico.

Just like it always is.

* * *

It's fascinating how much can be going on as countless people walk around the market area one moment, and then the next moment, all of it is gone. All of it except Karolina, the music, and the feeling of Nico's feet against the ground.

The dance comes almost as second nature as breathing. Nico and Karolina jump in perfect unison. Karolina easily lifts Nico and spins her around before placing her back on the ground. Each part of the dance is comfortable and familiar, and Nico doesn't think anything else will ever feel this good.

All her life, Nico has danced for an audience, aware they're watching her every move, and tried her best to perform well. This time, though, there is no audience. There is only Karolina. There is no performance. There are only the emotions running deep within her. She's experiencing dance in the truest way possible, in a way she knows she'll never be able to without the beautiful blonde in the pretty pink and white mask as her partner.

She never wants to spend a single second without Karolina in her life ever again. It's plenty possible for Nico and Karolina to be together if they want it badly enough. And Nico does. She wants it with everything in her.

When the song ends, Nico grips Karolina's hand in hers as they bow for the audience, and only when Nico tears her gaze away from Karolina's does she finally come back to reality. Nico is alive with the buzz of the performance as she surveys the crowd, and she realizes that people have actually gathered around to watch. There are over ten people in front of them, clapping and cheering, and also a considerable amount of dollar bills piled up next to their stereo.

People didn't just admire their dance in passing. They loved it enough to stick around and watch it, enough to give Nico and Karolina money for their performance. Maybe people are just intrigued to see a new form of entertainment at the farmers market, or maybe Nico and Karolina truly do have a special kind of talent. Either way, Nico is finding it hard to believe that this is actually happening right now.

Someone starts cheering for an encore, and Nico can't help the awe she feels that someone wants more, even if it is only one person. One person turns into two, though, and soon the entirety of the small audience is chanting for Nico and Karolina to dance to another song.

A blaze of worry alights in Nico's stomach. Should they dance to another song? What song would they even dance to? Nico knows she and Karolina have danced for hours to countless different songs, but right now, she's finding it hard to name even one they're familiar with.

All of Nico's worries flutter away on the breeze, though, as she looks over to Karolina and sees the wide grin on her face; she's clearly experiencing the post-performance high that Nico doesn't think she'll ever get used to. Energy is thrumming through her veins, and all she wants is more, more, more.

"Can we do another song?" Karolina asks. "Maybe 'Getaway Car?'"

It's a risky choice. If Nico designed a setlist for their performance, she would never dance to something so emotional right after the intense "Rewrite the Stars." She would choose something more lighthearted to balance out the performance. But Nico knows emotional songs are what she and Karolina dance to best. These people loved their dance to "Rewrite the Stars." They'll love "Getaway Car" just the same.

Nico nods in answer to Karolina and moves to start the song.

She and Karolina haven't danced to this particular song in weeks, but it doesn't matter. They fall right back into it. This song is the embodiment of their dreams, not of dancing, but of each other, and Nico wants nothing more than to make it a reality one day.

This time, when Nico launches herself off her feet and into Karolina's arms, she feels as if she's flying. She's flying with Karolina, and no one can ever make them come down.

When Nico dances with Karolina, she feels as if nothing will ever come between them again. Nothing can destroy this magnetic energy that constantly pulls the two of them into each other's orbits. The entire world is theirs.

As the song ends, Nico looks out over the crowd once more to see, she thinks, even more people gathered to watch them. She's never felt more accomplished in her life, not in any of her classes and not after any of her recitals. Nothing can possibly compare to this.

She meets Karolina's eyes as they bow, and she sees her own smile reflected there tenfold. This may not be exactly what they always dreamed about, but they've done it. They were dancing, and now people are cheering, so that's good enough for Nico. By the ecstatic look on Karolina's face, Nico knows it's good enough for her too.

Nico's elation falls a bit when she catches sight of the musicians standing off to the side. They're smiling and clapping, but Nico instantly regrets dancing to more than one song without asking for their permission. This is their spot, their opportunity to share their music, and Karolina and Nico came in and took over without a single thought for what the musicians might think. Who would want to come back to their performance area only to find their spotlight stolen by a couple of kids?

Nico can see the exact moment Karolina notices the band as well because her own smile falls away, and she hurries over to them, regret written all over her face. Nico is surprised at how quickly she runs off, but she follows her anyway. She knows they need to apologize, if nothing else. She doesn't know if there's some sort of rule in place against performing where someone else is being paid to perform, but in hindsight, she does think that maybe it wasn't the nicest thing for her and Karolina to do.

"We're so sorry for taking your place," Karolina says the minute she stops in front of the guitarist, a man with long gray-brown hair and a gray beard. "We really didn't mean any harm by it. We just wanted to dance to one song for an audience, but we didn't expect people to like it, and then they did, so we thought maybe we would have time to do one more song. I promise we won't do it again."

Nico feels sick at the sound of Karolina's fearful apology. She looks as if she expects the musicians to be incredibly angry with her, and Nico knows it's because of her father. Karolina is so used to the reaction her father has whenever she makes a mistake that this has become her automatic response. She shouldn't have to feel this way. Not for the first time, Nico wishes there was something she could do to get Karolina's father out of her life.

"You don't need to apologize to me." The guitar player holds up his hands with a chuckle, drawing Nico out of her thoughts. "You two have quite a bit of talent. I'm happy to share the floor with aspiring artists."

"Still," Nico says, "we didn't think people would pay any attention to us. Thank you for letting us have a bit of your time."

"You didn't do anything wrong by dancing here," he says. "The people loved you, and I'm sure they would love it if you came back sometime. And I would too. I'd be happy to give you guys a bit more floor time next weekend. If that's something you'd be interested in."

For a second, Nico thinks she must have heard wrong. Is it possible that people not only loved her and Karolina's performance, but now this man is asking them if they'd like to come back, saying people will love it if they do? Not even two weeks ago, Nico thought she might never dance with Karolina again, and now she's being asked to dance with her in front of an audience. Will this become a regular thing? Will Karolina even want it to? Nico doesn't know. All she knows is that she'll be just as happy to dance to a couple songs with Karolina at the market each weekend as she would be to dance a full show at a theater. There's something about dancing with Karolina that makes Nico happier than she's ever been before.

"Really?" She has to ask. She can't possibly have heard correctly.

He only shrugs. "It'll be nice to see some fresh faces around here."

Nico wants nothing more than to accept right away, but she knows she can't do that without making sure Karolina will be okay with it as well. She told Karolina they would just dance to one song to see what people would think, and the last thing she wants to do is make a decision that will make Karolina uncomfortable.

Nico turns to look at Karolina just in time to see her nodding enthusiastically, her long blonde ponytail bouncing as she eagerly replies, "Thank you so much. We would love that."

The musicians are smiling, and Karolina is smiling, and she's accepted their offer. She and Nico are going to continue dancing here on the weekends. People want them to. People _loved_ them.

The roaring in Nico's ears sounds almost like the cheers of an awestruck audience in a sold-out theater.


	18. this life we choose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys get a mostly fluffy chapter this week, so I really hope you'll enjoy it! I don't really know how I feel about this one. I struggled a bit with it, but hopefully it came out good, so yeah, let me know what you think!

"And then they asked us to come back again next weekend! I still can't believe it." Nico can't contain her excitement.

After filling Amy in on every detail of the afternoon, Nico immediately called Gert and told her everything as well. Nico doesn't think she'll ever truly believe what happened, no matter how many times she repeats it. Not until she shows up at the market next weekend, and the musicians welcome her and Karolina back to dance. That doesn't mean she'll get tired of talking about it, though. In fact, it's the only thing she wants to talk about right now.

"So she actually showed up." Gert sounds surprised, and Nico's good spirits fall a bit.

"Of course she showed up," Nico says. "Did you really think she wouldn't?"

Gert sighs. "She's been running away from everything lately. How was I supposed to know she wouldn't run away from this too?"

"How about because she told me she'd be there?"

Nico's stomach sinks at Gert's accusation. Now that she and Karolina are finally together, she hoped Gert would put her hatred behind her and actually give Karolina a chance. It seems that isn't going to happen, though, and Nico wonders what she'll have to do to prove to Gert that Karolina isn't the person she thinks she is. Karolina has already proved that to Nico countless times over the past week alone.

"Can you really blame me for doubting her, though? After everything you've told me, this didn't seem like something she'd be brave enough to do. To be honest, when I saw your name on my phone, I thought you were calling me because she _didn't_ show up."

"But she did," Nico says earnestly. "Doesn't that say something about her?"

"Maybe it does." Gert sounds as if she's never considered the possibility before. "Or maybe it just says she's fine with dancing and you as long as it remains anonymous. And you shouldn't have to settle for that."

"I thought you were happy for me and Karolina." Nico can't help a bit of hurt from creeping into her voice. Karolina is extremely important to her, but so is Gert. What her best friend thinks of Karolina is always going to matter to her.

"I'm happy for _you,_ Nico," Gert corrects. "I'm happy because you're happy, but I'm also worried about you. I don't trust Karolina."

Nico scoffs. "Because of what happened when we were thirteen? I think she deserves a second chance, Gert."

"Not because of what happened when you were thirteen." Nico can picture Gert rolling her eyes. "Because of what's been happening now. She's been playing with your emotions for months, and I know she says she's choosing you this time, but how long will that really last?"

"Forever. Hopefully." Nico allows a little room for uncertainty, and Gert latches onto it.

"Hopefully. Even you can't be sure."

"Of course I can't be sure. No one can ever be completely sure a relationship is going to work out. But I believe in Karolina. She's not going to run away again."

Gert is silent for several long seconds, and Nico hopes that she has finally gotten through to her. Nico is certain Karolina's not going to break her heart again, and she wishes Gert would believe her. She wishes Gert would just like Karolina because of how much Nico clearly loves her. She understands why she doesn't, of course, but that doesn't stop her from wishing she would.

"I may not have seen the entirety of what happened last time," Gert finally says, "but I saw enough. She destroyed you, Nico, and I don't want to see you go through anything like that ever again. You don't deserve that."

"And Karolina doesn't deserve to be shut out of my life forever because of one mistake. She never meant to hurt me, and she hasn't done anything wrong since she's been back in my life. She just needed time to figure everything out, and I gave that to her. But she didn't realize she wants to be a businesswoman or that she's in love with Chase. She realized she's always wanted to dance with me, that she's in love with _me_. And I don't think she's ever going to let anything stand in the way of that again."

Gert is silent for so long that Nico has to pull her phone away from her ear to make sure the call hasn't been disconnected.

"You have no idea how badly I want that to be true," she says quietly. "I just don't want you to get hurt. And I know it'll be so much worse for you this time if you do."

"What do you mean?" Nico doesn't understand how anything could be worse than what she went through back then. All the uncertainty, all the hurt, all the guilt of having made life more difficult for Karolina, had eaten away at her back then.

"Last time, you got by because of the hope that she would come back, and I don't think you ever completely lost it. You were torn apart because of her father, but this time, she would be the one to end it, and that would make everything more final. If she leaves again… Well, I don't want you to have to deal with that."

"She won't leave again," Nico says with surety. "I know you don't trust Karolina, but I'm not asking you to. I'm only asking you to trust me."

"Okay, Nico," Gert says after a short pause. "I'll trust you."

* * *

Karolina clutches tightly to Nico's hand as she follows her down the path to the lake. Nico suggested they go on a date, namely a picnic in the park beside the lake, and Karolina readily agreed, wanting nothing more than to spend as much time as she can with Nico, but now she can't help but feel nervous. Of course, she knew that a date meant going out in public, but Karolina still isn't used to doing things her dad disapproves of in plain sight.

Now, she feels the way she did at the market, as if everyone is staring at her, and she wonders if maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

"We're not doing anything wrong," Nico says calmly as she places the picnic basket in the grass and spreads a blanket for them to sit on. "We're not dancing. As far as anyone here is concerned, we're just two friends having lunch by the lake."

"But we're not friends." Karolina sits down on the blanket. "What if someone tells my dad I was here with a girl?"

"No one is going to tell your dad anything." Nico sits down beside her. "The people here don't even know your dad, and you know that. If you see anyone you recognize, we can leave."

"Okay." Karolina nods.

Nico is right, of course. The chances of running into anyone who knows Karolina's dad is slim, and the chances of that person actually saying something to him even slimmer. Nico always knows exactly what to say to calm Karolina down, and Karolina loves that. She can already feel her nerves floating away on the water as she looks out over the lake. That is, until Nico reaches over to take her hand again, sending all of her nervousness crashing back over her like a tidal wave.

"Maybe we shouldn't hold hands right now." Karolina tries to pull her hand away, but Nico doesn't let her.

"Relax, Karrie. Nobody is even paying any attention to us. No one cares."

Karolina looks around to see that Nico is right. There's a man jogging down by the shoreline, but he doesn't even spare them a glance. A woman walks by holding the hand of a little girl eating an ice cream cone, but they are too caught up in conversation to pay much attention to what's going on around them. An adolescent boy throws a frisbee for his dog, also not paying Karolina and Nico any mind.

Confidence rises up in Karolina as she turns back to Nico. "You're right. No one here is even looking at us, and if they do, I don't care what they think."

Sure, people might judge them for being two girls on a date, might disapprove the way her dad does, but Karolina doesn't care. These people are not her dad. They have no influence on the way she lives her life.

"You shouldn't." Nico opens up the basket and pulls out a sandwich before handing it to Karolina. "Peanut butter and jelly?"

Karolina laughs. "Are we twelve again?"

Nico gives her a knowing look. "You ate a PB&J almost every day all throughout middle school. Something tells me it's your favorite kind of sandwich."

"When I was in middle school maybe," Karolina protests.

"And now," Nico says easily.

Nico can't possibly know this for sure, and yet somehow she does. Karolina thinks that maybe Nico will always know her in a way that no one else can.

"Fine." Karolina takes the sandwich with a mock pout. "Peanut butter and jelly is still my favorite."

"I thought so," Nico says with a teasing grin.

After passing Karolina a plate and grabbing a plate and a sandwich for herself, Nico shuts the basket for the moment. A comfortable silence settles over them as they each take in the nature around them. Ducks swim on the water, and tiny ripples form on the surface in the wind. Trees sway gently in the breeze. Karolina doesn't think she's ever seen anything so relaxing and serene.

"This place is so beautiful," she breathes out.

"It is," Nico agrees. "That's why I wanted you to come here. Sometimes, when I need inspiration for a new dance, I'll come out here and put some music on and just…envision it."

Karolina understands. It's calm here, quiet, the perfect place to be alone with music and your emotions. Maybe she and Nico can do it together sometime. They'll need to dance to plenty of new songs if they continue to dance at the farmers market each weekend. If yesterday actually happened and Karolina didn't make the whole thing up in her head.

"I can't believe we're going back next weekend," she says.

She doesn't say where, but Nico knows exactly what she means. "I can't believe people actually _want_ us to come back."

"We're really good, aren't we? I mean, people have told us before that we're good, but those were people we were close to. Those people at the market, though? They were complete strangers, and they still thought we were good."

Karolina doesn't think she'll ever get used to it: that feeling of being good at something, that feeling of actually wanting to be good at something. Maybe she's never truly believed she and Nico are as good as people say they are. But now she does. Now she has to.

"We're both great dancers." Nico nods. "But when we come together… I don't know, Karrie. I think, when we come together, we become something extraordinary."

Awe shines in Nico's brown eyes as she speaks, and Karolina believes her. Maybe they truly are extraordinary. Because of the strong emotions that flow between them, the emotions they'll share with the audience every time they dance.

"I think so too," Karolina whispers.

And then she kisses Nico, and everything else fades away. She isn't afraid anymore, doesn't care at all what people might think. Maybe she doesn't have to be afraid anymore if she and Nico are extraordinary. Maybe dancing and Nico are the most important things, and nothing else should matter anymore.

"Can we dance to 'Tightrope' next weekend?" Karolina asks when they pull apart.

"'Tightrope?'" Nico's eyes widen in surprise. "We've never danced to that song before."

"So?" Karolina shrugs.

"You really think we can have it ready in a week?" Nico looks doubtful.

"I think we can have it ready in a day," Karolina responds confidently.

Nico still looks uncertain, and Karolina realizes that she's never done anything like this before. She's never performed in front of an audience without months of practice beforehand. She's used to the formality of shows and recitals. But Karolina isn't worried. She and Nico don't need to choreograph every single part of a dance and memorize it exactly. Their dances are based on emotions, not choreography. Their bodies will know how to react to each other in the moment.

"Extraordinary, remember?" Karolina reminds Nico with a smile.

"You're probably right," Nico concedes, "but why that song?"

"Because…" Karolina takes a moment to formulate a response. "It's exactly how I feel. I _am_ walking a tightrope every time we do something like this, every time we dance together. One wrong move, and I fall. But, after dancing with you at the market yesterday, after finally being with you again, I know it's worth the risk."

"It is worth it." Nico smiles. "It'll be a lot of work. But I think we can do it."

"I know we can," Karolina says before kissing her again.


	19. all that will come in between

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope all of you enjoy the new chapter!

Nico zips up her bag and hurries in the direction of the door. She's already five minutes late for rehearsal with Karolina, and she's trying her best not to freak out about it. They've only been practicing for a day, and Nico's already managing to screw it up. She thought she'd set her alarm when she decided to take a quick nap after class, but it appears she didn't.

Of course, Nico knows that losing five minutes of practice time isn't going to have any effect on the way she and Karolina perform on Saturday. They can even stay five minutes later if they want to. But Nico still hasn't completely convinced herself this is a good idea in the first place. Can they really get an entire dance ready in only a week?

After grabbing her keys from the hook on the wall, Nico opens the door and almost runs right into Gert. For a moment, Gert's eyes widen, clearly not having expected Nico to come barreling through the door before she even had a chance to knock. Then, Gert's brown eyes narrow, and Nico thinks she can detect a hint of disappointment in them.

"Where are you going?" she asks.

"To the museum to dance with Karolina," Nico answers. "What are you doing here? Do you need something? Did something happen?"

"I was just coming over to hang out for a while." Gert sounds exasperated. "You usually don't meet up with Karolina until four."

"Well, yes, but we're practicing a whole new song this week, and we need to have it ready by this weekend, so we're meeting up an hour earlier."

"You're constantly dancing with her, Nico. I feel like I can't get a single minute of time with you anymore."

Nico has to resist the urge to groan. "That's not true, and you know it. We hang out all the time. What's this really about?"

Usually, Nico would humor Gert and keep talking to her until she finally gets to the root of Gert's argument, but she doesn't have time for this today. She's worried and stressed out about the performance this weekend, and she just wants to get this over with so she can _dance_.

"Okay, fine." Gert rolls her eyes. "Maybe I just don't like that you're spending so much time with her."

"Two days ago, you said you trusted me." Nico tries and fails to keep her frustration out of her voice.

"I want to, but it's hard for me to sit back and watch you so blatantly setting yourself up for failure without doing anything about it."

Nico wants to tell Gert that she's not setting herself up for failure, that Karolina truly loves and cares about her, that she wants to dance just as much as Nico does. She wants to tell Gert every single reason she's decided to trust Karolina again, but there isn't time to say it all. She's ten minutes late now, and she's tired of arguing in circles.

"Come on." Nico locks the door behind her and begins walking down the hallway.

"What?" Gert doesn't move an inch.

Nico turns back to her and gestures for her to follow. "Let's go. I'm already late, and you want us to spend time together right this very minute, so you can come and watch me dance."

Gert scoffs. "I'm not going to watch you dance with Karolina."

"Why not?" Nico counters in an instant. "You love watching me dance. You've come to several of my recitals. Why should this time be any different?"

"Because you're only practicing," Gert sputters. "And Karolina isn't even trained. She probably doesn't know the first thing about dancing."

"Nice to know you have so much faith in my teaching abilities," Nico says wryly. "But Karolina _is_ trained. She took ballet classes until she was nine. She was even on her school dance team for a year in high school. She's had plenty of experience with dancing."

"But you've been training all your life, Nico. Her technique can't be nearly as good as yours. Why would you want to dance with someone who can't possibly keep up with you?"

Some of the fire has faded from Gert's tone to make way for curiosity.

"Our dances aren't about technique, Gert," Nico answers after a moment. "They're about emotion. They're about feeling every part of the song and conveying it in the way we dance. And I think that's what makes us good. We want the audience to really _feel_ it."

Gert still looks unsure, as if she wants to believe but something is holding her back. Nico can almost see into Gert's mind, can almost see Gert's version of Karolina warring with the way Nico talks about her.

"You might feel every single part of those songs you dance to," Gert says, "but how can you be so sure that she feels the same way?"

It's not about the things Karolina says or does; it's about the way she dances. That's how Nico knows for sure. She can feel it in the dance just as much as the audience surely can. And that's when Nico realizes it. She can tell Gert all the reasons she trusts Karolina until she's blue in the face, but Gert will never truly believe Karolina cares about Nico until she sees it for herself.

"Come and watch us dance to one song. Just one. And if you still don't think any differently about Karrie by the end of it, then I'll finally start listening to you and stay away from her."

Gert's eyebrows shoot up in surprise. Nico knows it's a risky bargain, but she isn't afraid. It's impossible to watch Karolina dance and not see every single piece of her.

For a moment, Nico thinks Gert is going to argue some more, but instead she just sighs.

"Fine," she mumbles. "I'll go with you."

Nico's only response is to continue down the hallway. She knows Gert only agreed because she sees this as an opportunity to stop Nico from seeing Karolina, but Nico has no doubt that she won't want to anymore after today. Gert is in no way expecting what she's about to see.

She's never seen Nico dance with Karolina before, so she's never truly seen Nico dance.

* * *

Karolina's already been at the museum for five minutes when she receives a text from Nico saying that she will be late today and to go ahead and start warming up without her. As there's no explanation given, Karolina briefly wonders what happened, but she immediately brushes it off. Nico's text didn't come off as distraught, so Karolina figures maybe she got caught up at school.

She begins going through her warmup routine on her own, as Nico told her to. She knows Nico is still nervous about performing this weekend with so little practice, and so she's probably worried right now. Maybe she wants Karolina to start running through the song on her own while she warms up so they don't waste as much time.

Just as Karolina is about to move on from her stretches to practicing her part of the dance, she hears voices, and she freezes. Her first instinct is to bolt. Her father has found her again, and she needs to get out of here before he actually sees her.

It only takes her another second, though, to realize that both the voices are female and that one of them is Nico's. _Who is she talking to?_

"There's no way this is legal," the unfamiliar voice says.

"It's fine," Nico says.

"We literally climbed over a fence surrounding a property with signs everywhere that say, 'No Trespassing.' There were cameras, Nico."

"Would you calm down? The cameras aren't on."

"How can you possibly know that?"

No more than two seconds later, Nico rounds the corner with a very anxious-looking Gert in tow, and Karolina's stomach flips. The last time she saw Gert, the purple-haired girl hated her. Nico told Karolina since that Gert was coming around, but Karolina thinks the unimpressed look in her eyes and the disapproving curl of her lips tell a different story.

"So here she is." Gert claps her hands in a mocking fashion, clearly forgetting all about her argument with Nico at the sight of Karolina. "The great Karolina Dean. Daughter of Frank and Leslie Dean of the Dean Corporation."

"My parents may have made a name for themselves, but I haven't done anything yet." Karolina barely registers Nico going through her own warmup routine behind her. "Don't talk about me like I'm some great businesswoman already. I'm no one."

"You must have a hell of a lot of money for 'no one.'" Gert doesn't miss a beat. "Tell me, how does it feel to have everything you could ever want right at your fingertips?"

That strikes a nerve in Karolina, and a wave of defensiveness surges up inside her. She wishes she had everything she could ever want, but she doesn't think that statement is further from the truth. She'd give away all her money and opportunities with the Dean Corporation to have what Nico and Gert have now. No pressure to pursue anything they aren't passionate about. The love and support from their parents to be exactly who they are. Karolina can't stand for Gert to imply, even for a second, that her life is easy when it's been anything but these past few months, these past few _years_.

"If I truly had everything I wanted, do you really think I'd be dancing with Nico in an abandoned museum, which is illegal by the way, instead of an overly expensive studio?"

Gert opens her mouth, but no sound comes out. Karolina's clearly shocked her with the intensity of her response, but she won't stand here and take unfair criticism when her life has been nothing short of a mess lately.

"Don't mind her, Karrie," Nico says gently. "She mainly hates you because you're rich, and she knows that rich people are usually stuck-up and selfish. That's why I brought her here. To show her once and for all that you're nothing like them."

"Do we really have time for this right now, Nico?" Karolina asks. "We're supposed to be working on 'Tightrope.'"

As much as Karolina would love to talk to Gert and prove to her that she's not like her parents, she wants to make sure she and Nico have plenty of time to dance right now. She wants Nico to feel as prepared as possible for this weekend.

"So let's work on 'Tightrope,'" Nico says. "If watching us dance doesn't change her mind, then we're not doing it properly."

Karolina knows Nico's right. Giving herself over to the raw emotions she feels when she dances will surely change Gert's flawed opinion of her, but she doesn't know if she's ready to do that yet. Not with this song at least. The whole point of dancing to a song experimentally and letting the choreography find them is that no one is watching.

Karolina glances uncertainly at Gert, and Gert glares right back at her. Will Karolina really be able to dance with such open scrutiny? Sure, she danced in front of people without a problem last weekend, but those were people who had no opinions of her and songs that she danced to countless times before. How will she dance in front of someone whose dislike of her is extremely obvious before she's even started moving her feet?

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Karolina asks.

"Extraordinary, remember?" Nico smiles as she repeats Karolina's words from the park back to her.

Karolina can't keep her own lips from turning up at the thought. Maybe it doesn't matter who's watching them as long as they have the music and each other. Maybe the best way to get through this is to keep the talking to a minimum and just dance.

Nico raises a questioning eyebrow, and Karolina nods to her to start the song.

Seconds later, the opening bars fill the ballroom, but instead of instantly falling into the emotions of the music and allowing her body to react, Karolina's mind blanks entirely. She and Nico only started dancing to this song yesterday, so there isn't really much for her to go off of. This is the risk of not sticking to any strict choreography, Karolina thinks.

With Gert's expectant eyes trained on her, Karolina feels as if her feet are glued to the floor.

No more than three seconds have passed when Nico moves in to take the lead, clearly sensing Karolina's discomfort. And suddenly Karolina knows how to move again.

She can still feel Gert's watchful eyes on her, though, as she does, keeping her from fully connecting with the music. It's as if the only other thing in the room is a hovering black cloud threatening to rain down criticism any minute. Karolina does a perfect _sissonne_ , but it doesn't feel perfect at all. It feels as if, no matter how well Karolina dances, Gert is going to pick everything apart.

After a series of _pirouettes_ that feel lazy at best, Karolina turns and crashes right into Nico, grabbing onto her arm to steady her before she falls to the ground. With all her focus on Gert, Karolina forgot she's dancing with a partner, forgot that she needs to be aware of Nico's position at all times, even when doing moves that don't require them to touch, if she wants the dance to work. If she keeps going on like this, all Gert is going to see is one big disaster.

Nico brought Gert here for a reason, to watch her and Karolina dance, and Karolina will be damned if she messes this up.

Shaking her head, she trains her eyes back onto Nico's to see the other girl watching her with a mixture of worry and regret. But she makes no move to stop dancing, nor does she tell Karolina to stop. Regardless of who's watching, Karolina and Nico need to practice this song, so maybe it's time to stop focusing on what Gert is going to think and start focusing once more on what she wants the people at the farmers market this weekend to feel.

Karolina needs to focus on the music, not on the girl leaning against the doorframe. There is no girl leaning against the doorframe. As Nico told Karolina at the market last weekend, it's just Karolina and Nico here. Only Karolina and Nico.

_High in the sky/ we can see the whole world down below._

Karolina does an _arabesque_ in time with the music, and Nico easily supports her from behind. She briefly wonders what Gert is thinking about Nico's hand on Karolina's thigh, but she quickly pushes it away as she brings her leg back down and twirls into Nico. No more distractions.

"I like the _arabesque_ there," Nico comments as they continue to move together. "Keep it for next time?"

"Sure," Karolina responds. It's the first move that has felt right so far today.

This is how they work: allow their bodies to react to the music in whatever way feels most natural, give each other feedback as they go, and work their way up to the perfect baseline choreography. They can easily have this song ready to perform this weekend. But only if they focus.

When the second verse begins and the music picks up, Karolina sheds her last resolve about dancing in front of this important person in Nico's life who doesn't like her very much and completely gives herself over to the dance. Gone are her worries and gone are her fears. All that remains is the music and Nico.

It doesn't matter who likes her and who doesn't, who approves of her choices and who doesn't. She's going to make them anyway because she loves dancing and she loves Nico, and she never wants to let go of either one.

By the time the song ends, Karolina is so wrapped up in the music and Nico that she's forgotten anyone else is even there. She's surprised when she doesn't hear the beginning of the song playing again. Now that she's found her rhythm, she's ready to keep dancing until she's exhausted and her muscles are sore. Instead of the song starting over, though, she hears slow clapping, and her eyes are finally drawn back to the girl with the purple hair.

"That was… Wow." The angry look in Gert's eyes has been completely replaced by awe, and Karolina feels a swell of pride in her chest. "I did not expect you to be even close to that incredible."

"You liked it then?" Nico asks with hopeful eyes.

"Of course I did," Gert breathes out. "Once you both got into it, I felt every part of it."

Karolina immediately lights up at the praise. She almost can't believe it herself. Gert was so vehemently against Karolina before she saw her dance that Karolina thought Gert wasn't even going to give her a chance. Clearly, Karolina and Nico's performance touched Gert in a way she didn't expect it to.

"That's what I've been trying to tell you." Nico smiles. " _That's_ why this is so important to me. We have a real chance, Gert. And Karrie loves dancing just as much as I do."

Gert doesn't answer right away, and Karolina feels her nerves start to creep back in. Of course, it doesn't truly matter whether Gert likes her or not. Nothing will ever change the way Nico feels about her. But Gert is still Nico's best friend, and Karolina can't help but want Gert to like her.

"Okay." Gert rolls her eyes, but a tiny smile breaks out on her face, nonetheless. "So maybe I've misjudged Karolina."

"I understand I've made mistakes in the past," Karolina immediately says, "in the distant one and the not-so-distant one, but I can promise you that I care about Nico. I love her more than anything else in the world."

"I believe you," Gert says, and Karolina isn't sure what to think.

"You do?" Nico is clearly just as surprised.

Gert nods. "She wouldn't have been able to dance with you like that if you weren't everything to her."

That's all the confirmation Karolina needs. Whoever watches her and Nico dance can feel every single thing they feel for each other. But Karolina doesn't feel embarrassed.

She feels extraordinary.


	20. hand in my hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who continues to read this story and leave kudos and comments on it. I love this story and these characters so much, and I'm really happy to see that other people love it too. I hope you all enjoy the new chapter! :)

Nico lags behind Karolina a bit as she follows her through the crowds of the farmers market, feeling a lot less calm this time. Before, they'd only been dancing to one song that they rehearsed a million times, and now they're dancing to a song that they barely rehearsed at all. Now, people know how well they can dance, have expectations of them. Nico's nerves are tearing her stomach to shreds. What if she messes everything up?

If she thinks like this, though, it will only set her up for failure. She knows, deep down, that she and Karolina will perform just as well as they always do, so she tries her best to stop thinking about anything other than the girl walking in front of her and how beautiful she is. Nico concentrates on the way Karolina's blonde ponytail bounces as she walks, the sway of her hips, the swish of her pink skirt. She looks the opposite of Nico, confident and relaxed, and Nico wonders how she transformed so quickly from the nervous and self-conscious girl of last weekend into this.

When the musicians finally come into view, Nico's calming heart rate speeds up again. How can she and Karolina seriously expect to dance a song for a live audience that they've only been practicing for a week? Nico's never done that before, and there's no way she's going to be able to do it now. Sure, she and Karolina are good, but they aren't _that_ good. No one is that good. And with so little planned choreography? This will surely turn out to be nothing short of a nightmare.

The guitarist winks at the two girls when he notices them, and Nico nods to him before surveying the people around her. She wonders if any of them were here last weekend. A few people turn their heads curiously as they walk by, but Nico doesn't know if it's because they recognize her or not. She can't remember a single face from the people that gathered to watch last time. She barely even registered what was happening, too high on the rush of performing.

Nico glances over at Karolina to see her also watching people watch her, and Nico wonders if she's starting to feel nervous again. As worried as Nico is about their performance, she realizes that Karolina might be feeling the same way, and maybe if she tries to calm Karolina down, she can calm her own racing heart in the process.

"We're gonna be fine," Nico says quietly. "We've got this."

"Hey," Karolina says calmly, clearly picking up on the nerves in Nico's voice. "We _have_ got this."

Nico doesn't even notice she's clenched her hands into fists until Karolina grabs one and smooths out her fingers, rubbing her thumb reassuringly over the back of Nico's palm.

"But we've only practiced this song—"

"Plenty of times," Karolina says easily. "All we need is the music, and we have that. We know how to dance to this song, how it feels. The moves will come to us. Just like they always do."

"I know." Nico feels some of the tension drain out of her shoulders at the truth in Karolina's words. "I'm just not used to this, Karrie. I've never performed a song that was this under-rehearsed before."

"You'll get used to it." Karolina smiles. "We don't need rehearsals; we just need each other. We always do our best when we don't rehearse a song to technical perfection."

As unbelievable as it sounds, Nico knows Karolina's right. Their performance today will go off without a hitch because they're able to read each other in a way that's unmatched. If Nico misses a move, Karolina will cover for her. If Nico forgets what to do, Karolina will lead. And Nico will do the same for Karolina. They won't mess this up. It will be nearly impossible for them to mess it up.

"All right now. We're gonna step down for a little lunch break," the guitarist announces to the customers who are shopping around him, "but there's some people here today who would be happy to take our place while we're gone. Give it up for the dancing duo from last week."

Despite knowing that she and Karolina will do fine, Nico can't help but feel uncomfortable as the attention of several people suddenly turns to them. The musicians are vacating their space, pushing their chairs back out of the way to make room for Nico and Karolina to dance, and Nico doesn't think she's ever heard her heart beat so loudly. She's never felt this nervous before a performance, and she tries her best to swallow it down, moving over to fiddle with the stereo to give herself something to do.

Once she's set everything up, though, there's nothing left to do but start the song. So she does.

She moves over to take her starting position beside Karolina, and Karolina grabs her hand, drawing Nico's gaze up to meet hers. She reaches up to gently tuck a stray lock of Nico's hair behind her ear.

"It's only you and me here, remember?" Karolina repeats Nico's words from last weekend.

This will be no different than when they dance alone. The minute they start moving, Nico knows the entire world will disappear.

She nods. "Just you and me."

All Nico's worry and self-consciousness proves unnecessary as she finds out just how easy it is to fall right back into the dance she's been doing all week, how right it feels as her body does all the familiar moves. There is no difference between dancing here and dancing in the museum. She's still dancing to the same song with the same girl, the same strong emotions flowing between them like a tether.

Usually, Nico needs to practice for several weeks to get her technique to perfection and the exact timing of her dance moves down. She needs to practice for weeks because she has to rely on someone else she can't read to perform his or her moves correctly and be able to flawlessly continue on if he or she does not. Partnering has always been more difficult for Nico than dancing alone, but partnering with Karolina is the easiest thing in the world. Not only can she trust her not to mess up her moves, but she can also move along with anything that Karolina does, whether they've practiced it or not.

Karolina does an impromptu _jeté,_ and Nico throws herself into a _fouetté_ beforeholding out her hand to catch Karolina's hand in hers just as her feet hit the ground again. Dancing like this comes naturally to Nico, to Karolina too. This is what dancing is supposed to feel like.

Nico knows she's putting her heart out there by choosing to open herself up to Karolina again and trying to achieve her dreams with her, knows everything could come crashing down at any moment. People could stop paying attention to Nico and Karolina in the next few weeks, ending their fame before it can even begin, or Karolina's dad could find out and try to put a stop to this, but Nico doesn't care. She wants this more than she's ever wanted anything. She wants Karolina more than she's ever wanted anything.

At the end of the song, Nico meets Karolina's triumphant blue gaze as they curtsy in sync. A crowd has gathered to watch again, and Nico thinks she even sees people taking pictures with their phones, as if she and Karolina are some sort of celebrities, but she doesn't pay them any mind. She only has eyes for Karolina, for the ocean of happiness that lies beyond that pink and white mask.

That's when the next song in their playlist begins, and Nico breaks Karolina's gaze to begin the next dance. They perform "Rewrite the Stars" again, as it was such a hit the week before, and close with "Dream of You."

The cheer that goes up for Nico and Karolina hits a lot differently than the cheers of the people at Nico's recitals. Those crowds are mostly made up of friends and family members. These people are complete strangers who are only watching because they like what Karolina and Nico do.

"Thank you again for letting us dance here," Nico says to the musicians as they move in to take their places once more.

"Anytime," the guitarist says. "You kids do really good out there."

Nico immediately shares a look with Karolina and finds bright blue eyes looking back at her over an excited smile. _Anytime_. They can come back anytime. It still doesn't feel quite real.

Grabbing Karolina's hand, Nico starts to lead her back into the crowd, but a woman hurries over to them before they can completely disappear amongst the people. Nico doesn't think this day could get any more surreal.

"I'm Amelia Cullman," she introduces herself. She's wearing a floral-patterned blouse and black pants, auburn hair falling over her shoulders in waves. "I was wondering if I could speak with you for a moment?"

"Sure." Karolina bites her lip. "We're not in trouble, are we?"

"Nothing like that." Amelia lets out a laugh. "I'm an activities director over at Piers Park, and we're looking for someone to perform at our winter festival. The singer we had recently backed out, and I was wondering if there was any chance you would like to perform in his stead. The festival takes place in two weeks' time, and I assure you that you will be paid for your services. Your dances are quite lovely."

Butterflies explode all throughout Nico at the prospect. Amelia isn't just some woman who wants to congratulate Nico and Karolina on their performance, as Nico originally assumed. She's an activities director who's asking Nico and Karolina to perform at her festival. On a stage. In front of many more people than they dance for here, Nico assumes. She doesn't think she's ever been so eager to accept an opportunity before in her life.

Her excitement is soon replaced with concern, though, when she realizes what this will mean for Karolina. She'll have to give her name to Amelia at least, and the park is a much more public place to dance, a place where people will be more likely to recognize her. There's no way she'll agree to this.

For a brief moment, Nico fears that this is it: the moment Karolina pulls away from dancing and from her, the moment Karolina runs away again. She quickly dismisses the idea, though. No matter what Karolina decides to do about this opportunity, Nico has the utmost faith that Karolina's not going to leave her. Not anymore.

And she's right. Karolina doesn't run. Nico is surprised when she also doesn't turn down the offer.

"I think we'd like that," she says instead.

She's excited. She's overjoyed. Not a trace of worry on her face. She's not even thinking about the consequences this time, and Nico thinks she loves her most when she's exactly like this. Confident. Determined. Unafraid. Karrie.

"Yes, we would," Nico easily agrees with her.

"Great," Amelia says. "I'm so excited to have you. I think the people at Piers will love seeing something new. The people here certainly do. Now, may I ask you for your names? What is the best way to get in contact with you?"

A bit of uncertainty slips into Karolina's voice as she answers, "My name is Karolina Dean, and this is Nico Minoru, but I don't want anyone else to know that, if that would be possible. If we're going to do this, I think it has to remain anonymous right now."

Nico thinks she almost certainly must be dreaming, because there is no way that Karolina Dean just gave out her full name to a total stranger. Not to mention, she said she _thinks_ it needs to remain anonymous, almost as if she isn't completely sure she wants it to be anymore, almost as if she briefly considered letting everyone know her name.

Two weeks ago, Karolina was terrified at even the prospect of dancing out in public anywhere, and now she's agreeing to dance at a festival and considering using her real name? Nico doesn't know where it's coming from, but she loves it all the same. This is the Karrie that she remembers.

"That's not a problem at all," Amelia replies. "You'll be doing us a huge favor. It's the least we can do."

"Thank you," Karolina says.

"We can give you our phone numbers," Nico answers the other part of Amelia's question. "That will probably be easiest for all of us."

"Okay. Just enter your contact info then if you don't mind." Amelia hands her phone over to Karolina as she continues speaking, "We do still have a band that will be willing to learn your music for you if you provide them with enough notice beforehand, or we can play your tracks over the speaker system. Whichever you prefer. We'll be looking for a program of about 8-10 songs."

"I think we can do that, ma'am." Nico nods before accepting the phone from Karolina and quickly entering her name and number as well.

"Splendid." Amelia takes the phone back from her and hands her a business card. "My number is on my card. Thank you so much for agreeing to do this. You're truly saving all of us over at the park. Please send me a list of your songs as soon as you can."

"We will," Nico tells her. "Thank _you_ for giving us this opportunity."

Amelia shakes each of their hands, thanking them one more time, before disappearing back amongst the marketgoers, leaving Nico wondering if perhaps she imagined the entire conversation. None of this can possibly be real. Can it?

"Did that really just happen?" she has to ask, turning to Karolina.

"I think it did," Karolina says with a happy gleam in her eyes. "We can't possibly have imagined the same thing, can we?"

"Well, what did you see?" Nico asks.

"I saw a woman who offered us a chance to dance for real. At an actual festival in the goddamn park," Karolina says excitedly.

Excitement rises up inside of Nico as well. "We're gonna dance on a stage."

"Just like we always dreamed of."

"We're actually going somewhere, aren't we?"

For years, Nico buried her hope of ever achieving the dreams that she and Karolina always talked about. But she can't keep that hope back any longer, especially now. Maybe Karolina's finally ready to go after everything they dreamed of again too. Maybe she still wants exactly the same thing Nico does.

"I hope so." Karolina's smile is blinding, and Nico finds she can't look away.

Nico wonders how this same familiar smile will look under theater lighting somewhere far away from here.


	21. i'm ready

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a feeling you guys will like this chapter. Enjoy ;)

She should go home. Karolina knows this, and yet she can't turn Nico down when she invites her upstairs to her apartment. If her dad misses her, Karolina will say she was out studying at the library or working on a project with a classmate. With finals coming up soon, he won't even question it. Lying to her dad is easy and completely worth it. She's starting to wonder if maybe she doesn't need his approval after all as long as she has Nico. What can her dad possibly offer her that could be better than this?

Karolina feels as if she could run around this entire block and not grow even the faintest bit tired. She feels as if her heart might burst from all of the excitement of the day. She and Nico are going to dance at a park's winter festival, somewhere people will come and sit down just to watch them perform. Nothing has ever made her feel this good before. Well, except for maybe Nico.

As Karolina follows Nico up the stairs to her third-floor apartment, all she can think about is how great Nico looks in her black leotard, how it hugs her body in all the right places, and how lucky she is that Nico is hers.

When the two of them enter the apartment, Karolina is surprised to find no one is home. Her parents are always home on the weekends, but maybe Nico's parents are still working.

"They're at work." Nico clearly picks up on Karolina's confusion. "Mom picked up some extra hours, and Dad always works on Saturdays."

"So we have the place all to ourselves?" Karolina looks Nico up and down as she says it.

She and Nico may have never done anything more than make out before in their lives, but things have gotten heated a number of times in the past few days, and Karolina thinks maybe she's ready to take the next step. But is Nico? If Karolina and Nico make out again today, will Nico stop it?

How easy would it be for Karolina to close the distance between them and engulf Nico's lips in a kiss? It seems Nico has other ideas, though, because she doesn't even pick up on the suggestiveness in Karolina's tone.

"Yeah, we do," she answers. "Should we start working on a setlist for Amelia? I'm sure she'd love to receive our songs as soon as possible. I still can't believe she actually wants us to dance for her."

"Me neither," Karolina says. "I still can't believe people actually like us."

Because of her father, Karolina never really considered dancing as a plausible career choice. She didn't fully believe Nico when she said they could still have all their old dreams, because her dad told her those dreams were ridiculous. Of course, Karolina knows people have made real careers out of dancing. She knows there are ballets, but she's never wanted to be a ballerina. She's always wanted to dance in her own way, as she does with Nico, and it's still unbelievable that she's now getting the chance to do exactly that.

"Amelia said she wants us to do between eight and ten songs, so that shouldn't be hard for us. We've got all the songs from _Places_ and most of the tracks from _The Greatest Showman_ , and then there's 'Dream of You' and—"

"Nico." Karolina cuts her off, drawing excited brown eyes up to meet her own. "The show isn't for two weeks. Do you think that maybe we could come up with a setlist tomorrow and take advantage of our time alone right now?"

"Oh?" Nico raises an eyebrow, seemingly catching on to what Karolina's implying. "And what would we do with this alone time?"

"Celebrate."

Karolina presses her lips to Nico's, softly at first, and then Nico turns her head to deepen the kiss. Karolina brings her hand up to grip the back of Nico's neck, pulling her closer, and Nico rises onto her tiptoes, closing the last bit of distance between them. The sensation of their bodies pressed flush against each other sends a wave of desire coursing throughout Karolina's entire body.

She pushes Nico gently backwards, not wanting to stand out in the living room any longer, and Nico falls to the soles of her feet, her hands gripping at Karolina's waist, her lips never leaving Karolina's. Nico squeezes Karolina's hips, and Karolina groans as she starts guiding Nico backwards, not stopping until her back hits the door to her bedroom.

Karolina pulls back for a moment to look at Nico, trying to gauge her reaction, but all she can see in those almost black eyes is want. Nico's panting, hair pulled halfway out of her perfect bun, and Karolina can't keep apart from her any longer, not when she looks like _that._ Pressing her lips to the skin of Nico's neck, Karolina sucks hard on her pulse point. The moan Nico emits shoots straight to Karolina's core, and then she is pushing aside the material of Nico's leotard and kissing every inch of exposed skin along her collarbone. Nico grips the back of Karolina's head, tugging at her hair. She can feel Nico take out her ponytail, blonde curls cascading down around her face, and Karolina is done with the waiting.

Before, when she thought about doing this very thing, she always put a halt to it because she wasn't ready. She didn't want to move too fast. She was afraid of being so vulnerable in front of someone she cared so much about. She felt as if it wouldn't be right to do this with Nico if she wasn't fully committed to dancing. Now, though, Karolina doesn't think those things matter all that much anymore. She and Nico have been in love since they were kids. Karolina knows by now that she never stopped loving Nico during their time apart, and she doesn't think Nico ever really stopped loving her either. She may not be ready to drop out of Harvard and commit to a career of dancing just yet, but she's more than ready to commit to Nico. She's ready to do this.

Only when Karolina starts to reach for the door handle does she worry that maybe this isn't even Nico's room anymore. It's been a long time since Karolina has last been inside Nico's bedroom. What if she moved into Amy's room when Amy went away to college? What if Karolina doesn't remember correctly and this room has never been Nico's at all?

She pauses with her hand halfway to the door handle. She doesn't want to break the moment, but she also knows that leading Nico into her sister's room—or worse, her parents' room—might kill the mood entirely.

"This _is_ your room, right?"

"Yes, Karrie." Nico laughs. "It's mine."

A small part of Karolina wants to take in the room around her when she pushes open the door, see all the ways in which the décor has changed in their time apart, but the larger part of her wins out. The part that can't think about anything other than being as close to Nico as possible.

Nico's leotard is already hanging off one shoulder, and Karolina pushes it further down. Of course, Nico looks damn good in her dance outfit, but right now, Karolina's more interested in how she will look without it. It seems Nico is just as eager because she helps Karolina slide her skirt and leotard off her body before stepping out of it.

For a second, all Karolina can do is let her eyes wander all over Nico's body, taking in every inch of her, the utter perfection, and then she's crashing their lips together again, craving the contact, _needing_ it. She lets out a long whine when Nico pulls away from her kiss without even returning it.

"Not yet." Nico shakes her head, the look in her brown eyes gentle. "I want to see you too."

"Okay," Karolina says, but she can't bring herself to move.

She wants to reach down and strip out of her dance clothes as easily as Nico did for her, but it's as if she's been frozen in place. Maybe she _is_ still a tiny bit scared of being so vulnerable in front of Nico. Will she be able to feel comfortable when she's completely exposed? What if Nico doesn't like the way she looks?

"We don't have to do this if you aren't ready." Nico grabs Karolina's hand, pulling her out of her thoughts.

It's exactly what Karolina needs to be sure of herself.

"No," she says. "I want to do this."

She takes a deep breath as she pulls off her leotard and finds that she can't let it go as Nico's eyes wander over her naked body. There's a soft look in Nico's brown eyes, but Karolina needs to know what it means, needs to hear what Nico thinks of her said aloud. And Nico knows this. Of course Nico knows this.

She brings her eyes back up to meet Karolina's. "You're so beautiful, Karrie."

"I love you." Karolina finally lets out the breath she was holding.

She feels as if she could cry, but she doesn't want to, doesn't need to. All she needs is to feel Nico's skin against her own.

"I love you too," Nico says before reaching up to cup the back of Karolina's head and gently guiding Karolina's lips back to meet her own.

The moment their lips touch, Karolina forgets all her previous insecurities, all her previous thoughts, as her mind goes right back to its track of Nico. She lifts Nico onto the bed as easily as if she were doing a lift for a dance, and Nico eagerly pulls her on top of her. Karolina groans as their skin presses together, euphoria shooting through her at the touch alone, and she has to stop herself from grinding down on Nico's thigh.

She kisses Nico hungrily, and Nico's fingers go right back to tangle in her hair. Karolina finds she isn't even nervous anymore at all. She knows Nico, knows she will tell her if she doesn't like something, knows she will never judge Karolina based on what happens in this room. So Karolina follows her instincts, her desire-clouded mind, and brings her hand down to give Nico's nipple a couple of flicks. She's rewarded by a series of sounds she never even knew Nico could make.

A moment later, Karolina brings her mouth down to suck at Nico's other breast as she begins rolling Nico's nipple between her fingers. Nico pulls Karolina's hair so hard that it hurts, but Karolina doesn't complain. Instead, she feels a sizeable wetness pool between her legs, and she knows that if she moves her hand down lower, she'll find the same is true for Nico.

When Nico begins to whimper with wanting and buck her hips up against Karolina, Karolina finally moves her hand from Nico's breast and trails it down her body. She brings her lips back up to Nico's as she slips one finger inside of her, then another, developing a steady rhythm as their tongues dance passionately together, high on the feeling of Nico's moans vibrating into her mouth.

For years, Karolina wondered what it would be like to do this with Nico. For years, she thought she'd never get to find out. But this moment is better than anything she could've ever imagined. Being here with Nico right now, being completely and utterly _Nico's_ right now, is the best feeling in the world.

She quickens her pace and moves down to nip and suck at Nico's neck, wanting to hear the sounds she's emitting at full volume as she gets closer and closer to climaxing. Nico doesn't seem to mind, doesn't even seem to notice as Karolina brings her thumb up to rub at Nico's clit. A few seconds later, Nico's body shudders, and she lets out a cry that has Karolina shivering with pleasure.

"God, you're amazing." Karolina kisses the corner of Nico's mouth as she helps her ride out her orgasm.

Nico doesn't reply—maybe even can't—as she comes down from her high. Karolina rolls off of her, moaning herself at the sound Nico makes when Karolina slides her fingers out of her.

After taking a few moments to catch her breath, Nico rolls onto her stomach and looks down at Karolina. "You did so good, Karrie."

Karolina feels heat rise to her cheeks at the reassurance, and she can't help herself from leaning up to give Nico another quick kiss. How is it that Nico always knows exactly what she needs to hear?

"My turn?" Nico asks when Karolina pulls away.

In all of the fantasies Karolina's ever had about this moment, she's always pictured that she would be the one to make love to Nico. She's never imagined any further than that. In this moment, though, she finds that she wants nothing more than to feel Nico inside of her. She doesn't think she could stop this if she tried.

She answers by pulling Nico on top of her, and Nico immediately brings their lips together again, her fingers running rampant all over Karolina's body, exploring every inch. Karolina comes alive at the contact. Nico's fingers leave trails of fire behind them that burn all the oxygen out of the room.

Karolina wishes she could always feel this confident, this much herself. She wishes she could suffocate all the parts of her that ever feel fear, that ever tell her she needs to make her family happy. In this moment, Karolina thinks it would be easy to go against her father, to turn her back on business and pursue her dreams for real. What can her dad possibly offer her that could be better than this?


	22. i don't care if they call us crazy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is sort of a filler chapter, so I apologize for that, but there is also some important stuff that happens, so I hope all of you will still enjoy it! Thank you for reading :)

The next morning, Karolina is surprised when she wakes up to find a text from Chase at the top of her phone. She hasn't heard from him since the day they broke up, and she wonders for a moment if she might still be dreaming.

Then she reads the text.

_This is you and Nico, isn't it? Why didn't you tell me?_

There's a link attached to the message, and Karolina wonders if it's an advertisement for the winter festival. How on earth did Chase figure out it was them? She clicks the link and watches in confusion as a YouTube video pops up on the screen instead. Once it starts playing, though, it only takes her about two seconds to realize what it is. Someone recorded her and Nico dancing to "Tightrope" yesterday.

All Karolina can do is watch until the video is completely over. She's never actually seen herself and Nico dance before, and she finds she can't look away.

When the video ends, though, Karolina feels something she hasn't felt in over a week. Panic. How did Chase find this video? Surely it can't have popped up in his YouTube recommended. Which means he must have seen it on social media. But why would a dance video be on Chase's social media? Has someone recognized her? Will that person tell her father about it? If her name gets attached to this video, will her father see it?

_I didn't tell you we were dancing for people because I was trying to give you the space you deserve,_ she texts. _How'd you find the video?_

He answers a few seconds later. _I may have followed some LGBT+ stuff after we split up. Did you see the view count on the video? Are you like kind of famous now?_

Karolina paid no attention to the view count when she watched the video, so she clicks the link to bring it back up. Her heart leaps into her chest when she sees the number. 206,879. Over 200,000 views. The video hasn't even been up for a full 24 hours.

_200,000?! That's so many,_ she types to Chase.

_Hell yeah it is. Congrats, Kar!_

It's clear Chase feels excited for her, but Karolina isn't sure what she feels. On one hand, she feels that excitement right along with him. She and Nico have always wanted people to love their dancing, and this video will get them out there and make it easier for them to pursue dancing as a career. On the other hand, Karolina doesn't want her dad to find out she's dancing again. She isn't 100% sure she wants to dance for a living instead of choosing the safer option, and this video may be making that choice for her.

Then again, she knows it isn't very likely her dad will recognize her. If he does happen to stumble across the video, there's no way he'll actually spend his time watching it. Besides, the people who have watched the video are probably mainly those who identify as LGBT+. Her dad would never be caught dead associating with anyone from that community. Well, anyone other than her.

She deserves to feel happy about this, excited at the prospect that her work is getting out there, and so naturally she needs to call Nico. This is something they should celebrate together, and Karolina doesn't want to wait until 4:00 anymore to see her. She wants to meet up now.

Karolina taps on Nico's name in her contact list, and Nico picks up on the third ring.

"Hello?" she says groggily.

"I'm sorry." Karolina's forgotten that some people like to sleep in past 9 AM on Sundays. "Did I wake you up?"

"You did," Nico says, "but it's okay."

Karolina's original plan was to tell Nico the news over the phone, but suddenly it doesn't feel right. This is too big. She wants to wait until she can tell her in person.

"Can we meet up earlier today? Maybe in an hour or two? There's something I want to tell you."

"Is it a good something or a bad something?" Nico sounds wary.

_That is the question of the morning, isn't it?_ For all the reasons it's a bad thing, though, Karolina thinks there are 20 more reasons why it's good. She's tired of being afraid of going after what she truly wants, and she's trying her best to stop caring about what other people might think of her.

"It's good," she answers.

_Hopefully._

When Karolina arrives at the museum a little over an hour later, she finds Nico sitting on the steps in the lobby waiting for her. She's smiling, and Karolina wonders if maybe she already knows what Karolina's about to tell her.

"Nico," Karolina greets, "did you already see the video?"

"Video?" Nico's brows furrow in confusion. "This isn't about Amelia's text?"

"What text?" Karolina looks at her phone screen, but no new notifications have popped up on her drive over.

"The text she sent us this morning," Nico says.

That's when Karolina remembers. There was a text on her phone this morning from an unknown number, but she was too preoccupied with the subject matter of Chase's text to open it. She completely forgot about it until now.

_Hello, you two,_ it reads. _It's Amelia from Piers Park. I just wanted to thank you again for saving our performance at the winter festival. Would you be interested in taking one of the performance slots at our Christmas show as well? We already have several acts secured, so we'd only be looking for a program of four or five songs, but we would love to have you back._

Excitement bursts throughout Karolina. She and Nico are not only going to pretty much dance their own show at the winter festival, but they are also getting an opportunity to perform at a Christmas show as well? And her dad said she'd never be anything more than a street performer.

"She wants us to dance at a Christmas show?" Karolina has to ask to make sure she's read correctly.

"Yup," Nico says. "What should we tell her?"

"Obviously yes." Karolina is shocked Nico would even ask that question. Is she seriously thinking about saying no? Why?

"Okay, but if you didn't want to tell me about that, then why all the urgency?" Nico asks.

Karolina forgets about the Christmas show entirely as she pulls the video back up on her phone screen before turning it to Nico. "Someone recorded us yesterday, and we've already gotten over 200,000 views."

"200,000 people have seen us dance?!" Nico eyes widen. "This is almost as good as the millions in the theaters."

"I know," Karolina says. "We could have actual fans."

"I think we already do." Nico gestures to the video.

A buzzing sound fills the room, and for a moment, Karolina thinks she's getting a call. Then she realizes that her phone is still playing the video, and Nico's is lighting up with what looks like a FaceTime call.

"It's Amy." Nico turns the phone for Karolina to see the name. "I wanted to talk to her about the Christmas show, and she's just now getting back to me. I can ask her to call later if you want to start working on our setlist."

"You don't have to do that. I'd love to talk to Amy."

It's true. Karolina can already feel the excitement growing inside of her at the prospect of sharing all this new information with Nico's sister. Amy's the one who encouraged them to dance in front of people in the first place, so really they have her to thank for all of this. Besides, maybe Karolina can talk to Amy about the misgivings she was having this morning. Amy has such a clear view of life, and that's what Karolina needs right now.

Nico answers the call, and Amy appears on the screen, her brown eyes curious.

"Hey, Nico. What's up?" Amy's face breaks out into a grin when she sees Karolina standing beside her sister. "And Karolina's there too. Hey, K. Are you guys getting ready to dance?"

"Not quite," Nico answers. "I wanted you to call me because I wanted to talk to you about a text Amelia sent us this morning. She's asked us if we want to dance a short program at the park's Christmas show as well."

"That's awesome," Amy says. "You're going to say yes, right?"

"I don't know." Nico glances at Karolina hesitantly. "Karrie doesn't seem to have any qualms about it, but I'm not sure if we should do it. I mean, we've never danced to Christmas music before."

"Oh, really?" Amy says dryly. "Because I remember two twelve-year-olds who were obsessed with 'All I Want for Christmas is You.' It got to the point where you would even move all of the furniture aside in the living room whenever K was over just so you could dance to it. I must have seen you two dance to that same song at least 20 times that Christmas, and I think I'm actually being pretty generous with that number."

"Shut up." Nico rolls her eyes, and Karolina thinks she can detect a rosy hue to Nico's cheeks. She has to bite back a laugh at the sight. "But that was only one song."

"We can do this, Nico," Karolina says confidently. "We can devote equal time to practicing for the winter festival and practicing for the Christmas show in the next few weeks. There's still a month until Christmas, and she's only looking for four or five songs."

"You better say yes, Nico," Amy says. "Finals will be over by then, so I'll actually be able to come watch you dance at that show."

"Okay, fine," Nico tries to sound annoyed, but a small smile turns up the corners of her lips. "We'll do the damn show. Are you happy now?"

"Very," Amy says with a toothy grin.

"That's not all the good news we have this morning, though," Karolina says. "I also found a video of us dancing on YouTube. Someone must have recorded us yesterday, and guess how many views it already has?"

"Hmmm." Amy tilts her head back and forth as she thinks about it. "80,000?"

"200,000," Nico says excitedly.

Karolina feels every ounce of excitement over this video that Nico does, but she also feels as if something is holding her back, something that doesn't seem to be present in Nico. There's a voice in Karolina's head telling her that this will be her downfall, that this can't possibly last for her. It tells her that, if she goes along with this, she'll be ruining her entire future. The voice sounds exactly like her father.

"Karrie, are you okay?" Nico draws her out of her thoughts.

Both Minoru sisters are staring at Karolina expectantly, and only then does she realize that she completely tuned out of their conversation. Maybe one of them asked her a question, and she didn't even hear it.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Karolina does her best to shrug it off.

"You're having second thoughts about this, aren't you?" Amy ignores Karolina's blatant lie.

"Are they really second thoughts if you've had them from the beginning?" Karolina wants to close her eyes, afraid of what their reactions will be. But she knows she needs to tell the truth. Lying never gets her anywhere.

"What's wrong?" Nico places a hand on Karolina's arm, and Karolina can see the worry in her eyes, along with something else: fear. She's afraid Karolina doesn't want to dance anymore.

"I don't know." Karolina shrugs, trying to compose her thoughts in order to explain what's going on in her head in the clearest way possible. "I guess I just feel like…this video is taking away my chance to choose what I want to do. What if people start wanting us to travel around the country and dance everywhere? What if they make me feel like I have to choose before I'm ready?"

"Even if 200 million people watch your video, you don't have to make a single decision until you're ready to make it," Amy says. "And they can't tell you what to choose. If you want to drop out of Harvard and dance all over the country, then do it. And if you decide you want to work for your dad and dance as a hobby, then you can do that too. Only you can decide who you want to be."

"I know." Karolina sighs. "But what if I don't end up choosing to dance? I'll be letting all those people down."

"Dancing at a farmers market doesn't commit someone to a career of dancing, whether someone records it or not. You won't be letting everyone down if you don't want to dance professionally. Some people may be disappointed, yes, but you're not responsible for everyone's happiness, K. You're only responsible for your own."

Amy's words are a double-edged sword. She's not just talking about the people who watch Karolina and Nico's dance video anymore. She's talking about Karolina's father. Of course Karolina can't be responsible for the happiness of hundreds of thousands of people, so why does she feel as if she's responsible for her parents' happiness?

Her parents are only two people. Would she rather be miserable trying to make them happy, or would she rather make hundreds of thousands of people happy, Nico included, doing what she loves? When she thinks about it that way, she doesn't think it's such a very hard question at all.

"Dancing is what makes me happy," she admits, even though she's sure both girls listening to her already know that.

"Then keep dancing," Amy says. "You should never let anyone stand in the way of your own happiness. Ever."

Of course it's never that black and white, and Karolina is sure Amy knows that. But her encouragement is exactly what Karolina needs to hear. She probably knows that too.

"Okay, Amy," Karolina says. "I'll try my best."

Amy smiles. "That's all I ask."

* * *

After getting off the phone with Amy, Nico and Karolina decide to walk around the large space of the museum, something they haven't done since they've been back here. As they walk, Nico is filled with memories of afternoons spent playing here as a kid. When she and Karolina weren't dancing, that is. Sometimes Amy would even come along with them to play hide and seek. Of course there wasn't really anywhere to hide, so it was more a game of stay away from the person who was 'it' until they spotted you.

For a while, Karolina and Nico just walk around the large rooms, reading comments from their YouTube video. Eventually, though, they find themselves parked on top of the counter in the second-floor gift shop, choosing their songs and putting them in order while looking at all the empty shelves and the same modernist paintings that hung in here since they were kids.

"Should I send it?" Karolina asks now.

Nico looks over the list Karolina's typed up on her phone one more time. "Yep. Looks good."

Karolina presses send and then hops off the counter, extending a hand to Nico. Hopping off the counter herself, Nico takes Karolina's hand, assuming they'll be going back downstairs to the ballroom. Instead, Karolina leads them up to the third floor, and Nico can't help but remember the afternoons she and Karolina spent sledding down these very stairs. It's a wonder they never hurt themselves.

"Maybe we can make a Twitter page to advertise for our performance in the park," Karolina suggests. "We can call ourselves 'The Masked Dancers' or something like that, and we can post a link in the comments section on our video and any other sites that have posted about it."

"Yes," Nico eagerly agrees. "We can make posts about dancing and our rehearsals for the shows to keep people hyped up for our performances. Maybe we can even post dance videos."

"Maybe not any videos." Karolina's smile falls a bit. "Someone might recognize this museum. Technically, it's illegal for us to be here, and we can't risk the cameras being turned on or anything right now."

"Good point," Nico says as they start walking around the third floor.

Chances are low that anyone would recognize this museum and even lower that someone would alert authorities, but Karolina's right. They can't risk anything happening right now. If someone recognized the museum they dance at, Nico knows the cameras being turned on would be the least of her and Karolina's problems. They could be fined or even arrested for being on this property without permission.

After a few moments of walking in silence, Karolina pulls Nico down onto a bench facing the large empty space where an exhibit used to be.

"What do you think used to be there?" Nico points to the space.

They've talked about this several times as children, but it usually ended up turning into a game. Once, when Amy was with them, they made it a point to decide what every exhibit on the third floor used to be. Each of them came up with elaborately detailed descriptions of made-up museum exhibits and even acted them out.

"Vaughn told me the third floor used to have a dinosaur exhibit sometimes over the summer, so maybe some kind of dinosaur?" Karolina says. "That's what Vaughn's dad told him at least."

"Do you remember what we said was here?" Nico can't help but smile as she remembers their childhood antics.

Karolina smiles as well. "You were at the height of your Wicca phase, so of course you said it was a Wiccan exhibit. I said it was outer space, and Amy said it was Egypt."

"Right, I said this particular exhibit was the Staff of One, the most powerful object in the universe," Nico recalls. "I think I still have my old drawings somewhere."

She shakes her head as she remembers how much detail she put into the story of the made-up object. Long story short, the Staff of One was stolen by an evil sorceress and was donated to the museum after a young witch and her blonde girlfriend stopped her from taking over the world with it. So maybe the characters in Nico's story weren't entirely original.

"And I said this was an exhibit about an alien species that glowed rainbow." Karolina laughs. "God, I was so gay."

A species from a planet she called Gibborim. Nico now remembers Karolina's story about one such alien who came to Earth to escape her controlling parents and find her Wiccan soulmate. No wonder Amy stopped wanting to play these kinds of games with them.

"Amy said it was all about Queen Cleopatra, and she won because she was the best storyteller, so we didn't stand a chance," Nico says.

Despite Nico and Karolina telling stories about each other, they loved listening to Amy's captivating tales of Queen Cleopatra's fictional adventures, so they declared her the winner.

"Oh the good old days." Karolina rests her head against Nico's shoulder, and Nico puts her arm around Karolina.

Those were great days, back before Karolina's dad tore them apart, back before all the chaos and the heartbreak.

"Do you ever wish we could go back to those days?" Nico sighs.

"All the time," Karolina says. "At least I used to. But I kind of like where we are now. We're finally trying to achieve those dreams we always talked about. And it's working. So many people watched that video. Who knew people could actually be affected by our dancing?"

"Um, we did," Nico says easily. "It was never a question whether or not people were going to like us."

"I know." Karolina sits up so she can look at Nico. "But it's different now that it's real, isn't it? It's one thing for us to talk about it when we're twelve, but it's another thing for people to actually love us and offer us opportunities to dance."

"Yeah, it is."

Nico's happy to see Karolina so confident, so excited about how far they've already come. Earlier today, she'd been afraid Karolina was going to back out because of the video, but she didn't. She second-guessed herself, but she didn't let that stop her. And maybe she's not going to anymore. Maybe Nico should stop being afraid Karolina's going to leave her the instant she gets a single doubt about dancing. Her father taught her for years that dancing isn't going to get her anywhere, so that's got to be a hard idea for her to drop. Each day, though, Karolina gets a little closer to dropping it.

"It's crazy that people love us so much," Karolina continues. "All those comments? The one about the lesbian whose grandmother loves dance and our video brought them closer together? _We_ did that, Nico. We're just out here doing what we love, and people are finding joy in it. That's crazy, right?"

"Maybe it's completely insane," Nico says, "or maybe it's not crazy at all. Art helps people all the time. I love watching movies and listening to music, so I think it's a little bit like that. The feeling you get when you're watching your favorite movie or listening to your favorite song? That's the feeling people get when they watch us dance."

Karolina is silent for a moment, maybe realizing the truth in Nico's words, and Nico is content to sit beside her.

"This is what career is supposed to be about." A fire alights in Karolina's blue eyes. "It shouldn't be about scamming people into paying the highest prices or—or selling people the things they need for the sole benefit of making money. Doing what you love shouldn't be about the money. It should be about expressing yourself and making others happy in the best way you know how."

Hope stirs in Nico's chest as she listens to Karolina talk. Karolina's comparing herself to her father, seeing all the flaws in the way her father does things and all the ways she can do things differently to be a much better person than he is. Maybe she's finally realizing that it's possible for _her_ to be ashamed of _him_ , that he only has all the power if she gives it to him.

"Exactly." Nico looks right into Karolina's eyes. "That's why it doesn't matter at all what your dad thinks. He doesn't care about making people happy. All he cares about is money and his social status."

"And I want to care about so much more than that," Karolina says.

The anger is gone from her eyes, replaced by fierce determination.

"And you will." Nico takes her hand and squeezes. "You already do."

Karolina smiles so brightly, and Nico loves it when she smiles like this. So happy. So unrestrained. It's as beautiful as the sunrise of a new dawn.


	23. to make you smile

The next several days pass in a blur, and Karolina doesn't think she's ever danced so much in her life. This time, though, she's not just dancing because she loves dancing; she's dancing because she's working toward something she really wants. She works so hard her muscles ache almost all the time, but it's a good ache. It's the ache of doing what she loves.

In addition to practicing for the upcoming winter festival, Karolina and Nico have also been preparing for the Christmas show. Somehow, in between rehearsals, Karolina and Nico have managed to create the Twitter account they talked about, and its follower count soared almost immediately. As did the view count on their video. It's up over a million views now, and Karolina and Nico were even tagged in a message on Twitter from a girl saying she and her friends would be flying in to watch them perform.

Karolina's life has been one continuous cycle of class, dance, homework, and sleep in the past week. As the date grows closer and closer to that of the winter festival, though, dancing easily takes priority. Karolina spends every waking moment dancing or wishing she was. She even told her dad she's been attending study groups so she can spend even more time dancing with Nico. Her schoolwork falls to last place in terms of importance, so she really shouldn't be all that surprised when she scores a D on her first final exam.

Unfortunately for Karolina, her teacher doesn't wait until after this weekend to post the grade. He posts it the very next morning. When she goes down to breakfast, it's clear that her father has noticed the early posting as well.

_Great._

He's sitting at the kitchen table with a newspaper held up in front of his face, but Karolina knows he isn't reading it. He only reads the paper on the weekends. This morning, he's waiting for her to come downstairs.

Usually, Karolina would avoid him until she can't any longer, and she wants to do the same today. She knows any parent would be disappointed in his or her child for scoring such a low grade on a final exam, but her father isn't going to be disappointed in her. He isn't even just going to be angry. He's going to be degrading because he knows that's what hurts Karolina the most. Karolina doesn't want to back down to him, though. Not anymore.

Instead of going back upstairs and pretending she hasn't seen him, Karolina walks right into the kitchen as if nothing is amiss. If he can't love her for who she is, then she doesn't care what he thinks. At least, she's going to pretend she doesn't. _Why do I care what he thinks?_

Walking right past him, Karolina makes her way over to the fridge to look for something to eat. She decides on eggs and toast, so she grabs the eggs and butter from the fridge and the bread from the pantry and starts making breakfast, surprised that newspaper hasn't lowered yet.

After she's cooked her entire meal in silence, she starts to wonder if maybe her dad actually hasn't seen the grade yet. Maybe he really is just sitting there reading the paper. For a moment, she just stands by the stove, plate in hand. She didn't think she'd make it this far. Then she shrugs and moves over to the table, taking the seat across from her father.

As she takes a bite of her eggs, she expects the newspaper to lower right away to reveal the livid man behind it, but it doesn't. He has to be angry, or he would have said something to her by now, so why isn't he yelling? Maybe she's shocked him with her boldness. Maybe he's playing her right back, waiting for her tough exterior to fade away until there's nothing left but the scared girl beneath. Karolina doesn't intend to be scared today, though. She wants to stand up for herself.

Only after she's taken her last bite of food does Frank Dean finally emerge from behind his newspaper shield. "I woke up this morning to the lovely news that you failed your final for Corporate Financial Management. Would you care to explain to me why?"

She wants to point out that a D isn't quite failing, but she knows that won't get her anywhere. Instead, she decides to dodge the question as best she can. She can't exactly tell him the truth. "I don't know, Dad," she says.

"You show up to your classes, do all your homework. You've even been attending several study groups this past week, so I don't understand how this could've possibly happened." His voice sounds eerily calm, and Karolina loathes the moment his cool demeanor breaks.

_Because I didn't study at all. I was too busy preparing for my_ actual _career._

"The test had a lot of confusing questions with similar answer choices," Karolina lies. "I guess I didn't understand the material as well as I thought I did. But I still got a B in the class overall."

Despite knowing it's the wrong thing to say, Karolina says it anyway. She knows a B is a good grade, even if her father doesn't think so.

"A B, huh? You think that's how your mom and I run our company? With B-grade workers?" Karolina shakes her head, lest he's waiting for an answer. "No. That's right. We only hire people who have proven they can do well, people with ambition, something you're clearly lacking right now."

"I have ambition." Defiance rises up in Karolina at the accusation that she doesn't care. "I'm trying a lot harder than you think."

She is. At dancing. And she won't have him sit around accusing her of not caring when she's been working so hard for the career she wants. She's willing to bet she has more ambition than any of the employees who work at her dad's precious company.

"This is you trying hard?" The newspaper crinkles around her father's hands, and Karolina knows what's coming next, but she doesn't back down. Instead, she nods. She tries so hard that it's difficult to get out of bed some mornings because her muscles are so sore. But she does it anyway. Because she cares about dancing.

So much so that it would appear she completely neglected to study for her finals.

"You're not trying at all!" her father yells. "No one who's trying hard gets a D on something as important as a final exam. Just when I start to think you're doing something right, you always find a way to prove to me how worthless you really are."

There's that word again, that word she hates. Is she worthless? Clearly, she's worthless at business, but that's only because she has no real passion for it, right? She's not worthless at dancing, is she? Maybe not yet.

_Damn it._ Her father's gotten into her head again. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to stand up to him. Right now, all she wants is for this conversation to be over.

"I'm sorry, Dad," she says, her earlier fire put out. "I'll do better on the others."

"Yes, you will. If you don't get yourself back on track, you'll be living a life of poverty like these street performers."

He throws the newspaper down on the table and points to a grainy photo of Karolina and Nico dancing at the farmers market. An advertisement for their upcoming performance at the park.

A wave of dizziness washes over her as she stares at the picture in front of her. Does her father know? Is that why he made that comment in the first place? She looks up to meet his eyes again, but she doesn't see any recognition in them. He doesn't know it's her. Thank god the photo is low quality.

"I have another exam today," Karolina tells him, now even more eager to get out of the room. "I'll get a much better score on this one. I promise."

"See to it that you do." Her father's anger fades as he sighs, and he suddenly looks so discouraged and defeated that Karolina wonders if this is how he's actually feeling or if it's all part of the act. "Lately, I'm finding it hard to see any talent in you, Karolina. At this rate, you're never going to amount to anything. You'll never be special."

And that's the worst thing to a Dean. To be ordinary. To live in a world where no one knows your name. What her dad doesn't know is that she plans to live a life where everyone knows her name, to be more extraordinary than he could ever hope to be, and she's been working so hard to get there. But what if that isn't enough?

* * *

" _I finally asked him today." Karolina sniffles as she sits beside Nico on the floor of the ballroom. "I told him I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do with my life and asked if I could start taking dance lessons again."_

_Nico can see the shine of tears in Karolina's eyes, and she can already tell what the outcome of the conversation was. It took a lot of courage for Karolina to tell her father she doesn't want to be a businesswoman, and he probably shut her down immediately. Perfectly in character for the selfish man._

" _And what did he say?" Nico asks anyway. She knows Karolina needs to talk about this, needs to get all of her sorrow and disappointment out to someone, and Nico will always be willing to listen._

" _He told me he'll never waste another dollar on lessons for me to throw my life away." Karolina begins to cry, and Nico instantly pulls her into a tight hug._

_Nico rocks Karolina back and forth as she continues to cry, murmuring soothingly into her ear as she lets all her emotions out. She hates seeing Karolina like this, so sad and broken, and she hates Frank Dean even more for being the cause of so much pain for the young girl. He's her father; he's supposed to love her no matter what, and instead he treats her as if she'll never be good enough for him. Karolina doesn't deserve to be treated so badly by anybody, let alone her own father._

" _It doesn't matter what he says," Nico says after a long while, when Karolina's sobs have finally quieted down. "I will always give you lessons, and they will never be a waste of time."_

" _Thank you, Nico." Karolina sits up to give her a wobbly smile. But Nico doesn't want a wobbly smile. On days like these, Nico's biggest and only goal is to make sure she gets a full smile from Karolina before the end of it._

" _This is better than real dance lessons anyway." Nico nudges Karolina's shoulder playfully with her own. "In real dance lessons, we'd have to dance with other people."_

" _I don't wanna dance with anyone other than you." Karolina's big blue eyes are wide and earnest._

_Nico feels the words resonate in her very core. She doesn't want to dance with anyone other than Karolina either. She's danced with other people in some of her recitals, but it always feels strange, wrong. It always feels as if, no matter how hard she tries, she can't connect with the other dancer. With Karolina, though, she knows every move the blonde girl is going to make before she even makes it, can feel it in the air between them. With Karolina, Nico doesn't have to be perfect._

" _Don't worry about what your dad says." Nico rubs Karolina's arm reassuringly. "You don't have to be a stupid business lady if you don't want to. He's just jealous because you're better than he'll ever be. One day, everyone will know our names, and no one will even remember him."_

" _Really?" Karolina asks hopefully._

_Nico thinks she can detect the hint of a smile in Karolina's eyes. Now, all she has to do is bring it out._

" _Really," Nico says with a definitive nod. "Everyone's gonna love you, Karrie. No one loves your dad."_

" _I'll show him who's throwing her life away." Karolina finally allows her smile to break out on her face, all traces of her previous sadness melting away like icicles in the sunlight._

_In moments like these, it always strikes Nico how unalike father and daughter are. While she's never met Frank Dean, Nico knows he's cruel and manipulative and he doesn't care about anyone other than himself, whereas Karolina is one of the kindest and gentlest people Nico has ever known. It's one of the world's greatest tragedies that such a sweet girl continues to get crushed in the orbit of such a horrible man._

" _You wanna dance?" Nico knows dancing never fails to make Karolina feel even better._

" _I thought you'd never ask." Karolina springs up from the floor, smiling even wider as she extends her hand back down to help Nico up after her._

_Nico takes Karolina's hand and easily gets to her feet as well, smiling herself at the bright smile now adorning Karolina's face. Nico doesn't think she's ever seen anything quite as beautiful as Karolina's full, unrestrained smile. If there's one thing Nico knows for certain, it's that she wants to remain in the constant pull of Karolina's brilliant orbit for the rest of her life._

_Karolina is the sun, and Nico is on fire._

* * *

Karolina tries her best not to end up at Nico's apartment. She spends all day studying for her next final, and she even cancels her dance practice with Nico. She's felt numb all day, but she refuses to cry. She doesn't even want to dance. She doesn't want to do anything. She certainly doesn't want to think about the possibility that her father is right about her.

After taking her exam and scoring much higher than she did yesterday, Karolina tries to go home and take a nap, but her car won't take her in that direction. It only knows one route today.

When Nico opens the door, all the emotions Karolina has been trying to bury bubble up to the surface, and Karolina knows Nico can read them on her face.

"Karrie, what's wrong?" she asks.

And that's all it takes for Karolina to devolve into the sobs she's been holding back all day. One look. Three words. She never stood a chance against Nico.

Nico doesn't hesitate to pull Karolina inside, and Karolina allows her to guide her down onto the couch. She burrows her face against Nico's chest and holds her tight, wishing Nico could hold her like this forever and stand as a barrier between her and the rest of the world. Nico begins running her fingers soothingly through Karolina's long hair, and Karolina won't deny that it feels nice, even if she doesn't feel very nice inside.

Karolina cries for everything that happened this morning, all the things her dad said, the way he made her feel. She cries for the doubt he's sent swirling in her chest yet again. She cries because she can't stop caring about him the way that she so desperately wants to.

Nico doesn't say a word as Karolina lets out all her pent-up frustrations of the day, and that only makes her cry harder. How could she have ever possibly thought that she could be happy without Nico in her life?

"I hate him, Nico. I hate him," Karolina says when she finally gets her sobs under control enough to speak through them.

"What did he do this time?" Nico asks, her voice a mix of sympathetic and angry.

"He told me I'll never be anything special because I got a D on one of my final exams," Karolina explains. "And maybe he's right. I mean, just because I'm a good dancer doesn't make me special. There's plenty of good dancers out there. We're only dancing at two shows in the park. That doesn't make us special."

"Maybe not, but it's a step in the right direction," Nico says calmly. "We've already made some huge accomplishments, and we're only at the start of our careers. How many dancers who are just starting out can say they have over a million views on YouTube?"

"Probably not very many," Karolina admits. "But my dad is going to find out about this eventually. What happens when he does?"

"Then we have a million fans to support us," Nico says easily.

Karolina pulls back to look at her. She admires Nico's optimistic outlook on every situation and wishes she could have that optimism too, that utmost faith in their dancing abilities. She used to have it when she was a kid, so what happened? Did she lose it simply by growing up and gaining a better understanding of the way the world works, or has her dad stolen it away from her by instilling fear inside of her?

"What if we're only a one-time hit?" Karolina asks quietly. "What if, next week, everybody's already moved on to the next big thing?"

"Then we enjoy it while we can. We may not be dancing in a sold-out theater, but we will be dancing on a stage with a live band playing our music and a live audience cheering for us. And that sounds good enough to me."

Karolina has to admit it sounds pretty good to her too.

"If we only have one chance to be stars," Nico continues, "then we deserve to make the most of it."

Maybe they do. Karolina and Nico may not amount to anything in the future, but they amount to something now. And that matters. More than any grade in a lower level business course ever will. No matter what happens in the future, Karolina and Nico are successful right now, and they deserve to be happy and excited about it. Even if they never make it big one day, it won't be from a lack of trying. And maybe that's all that matters. That they try.

"Okay?" Nico asks when Karolina doesn't respond.

"Okay." A smile spreads across Karolina's face when she realizes how silly she was being. She and Nico are amazing at what they do, and she hates that her dad gets inside her head sometimes and makes her think otherwise.

Nico's face breaks out into such a wide grin when she sees Karolina smile that Karolina wonders if maybe Nico has been waiting for her to smile all along.

"Come on." Nico grabs Karolina's hand and pulls her up from the couch. "I want to take you somewhere."

"Where are we going?" Karolina asks.

Nico winks at her and tugs her toward the door. "You'll see."

* * *

The whole car ride to their mystery destination, Karolina tries to figure out where Nico could possibly be taking her. At first, she wonders if they're going to the museum to dance, but Nico doesn't head in that direction, and she won't answer any questions Karolina asks her. Only when Karolina sees the signs for the Boston Conservatory does she realize where they're going. Nico's taking her to dance in a studio.

Excitement explodes throughout Karolina as she turns to Nico. "You're taking me to dance? In a real studio? I haven't danced in a studio since I was eight years old."

"I know." Nico smiles, running her hands over the steering wheel.

The minute Nico parks the car, Karolina is out of it and hurrying over to take Nico's hand before pulling her in the direction of the campus. As if she has any idea where she's going. Nico only laughs, clearly amused at Karolina's excitement.

As they walk, Karolina wonders what it would be like to go here, to be rehearsing final dances right now instead of studying for final exams, to be working toward a diploma she would actually be proud of.

Then again, she doesn't know if she actually wants to go to school for dancing at all. She still feels exactly the same as she did when she was a kid. She doesn't want to dance with anyone other than Nico. She doesn't even know if she can.

When Nico opens the door to one of the practice studios, Karolina stops for a moment to take it all in. A huge space made just for dancing. The barre lining the wall near the door. The floor-to-ceiling mirrors stretched across the wall opposite. There's even a piano in one corner of the room, just like in the museum.

A smile stretches across her face as she steps inside. It's perfect.

"What should we do first?" Karolina turns eagerly to Nico. "Should we practice our setlist for the festival or should we work on our Christmas songs? It's going to be so great to actually be able to see these dances so we can make sure our timing is right."

"We should probably do both of those things before we leave," Nico says, "but that's not why I brought you here. I actually have a specific song in mind for today."

A specific song? The last time Nico had Karolina dance to a specific song, it helped her tremendously, and she hopes this one will do the same.

"Is it as good as 'Anything's Possible?'" she asks.

"I think it will be," Nico says, "but we're going to dance to this one together."

Nico doesn't have her stereo, so she just starts the song on her crappy phone speaker before setting the device down on the piano bench and moving back over to Karolina. Even though the sound isn't as good as she's used to, Karolina instantly recognizes the song and begins to move.

And just like that, all Karolina's worries and fears of the day disappear. Nico was right. It doesn't matter what happens in the future; the two of them have so much to be excited about right now, and they deserve to be happy about it.

Even though Karolina didn't want to dance earlier, it turns out dancing is exactly what she needs. She needs to lose herself in the music, in the feel of Nico against her, and she knows it doesn't matter whether she makes it big or not. It doesn't matter if a million people want to watch Karolina and Nico dance or if no one wants to watch them at all. Karolina wants nothing more than to keep dancing. Every day for the rest of her life.

She and Nico definitely have the skills to dance for an audience, though. Someone, somewhere, is going to like the way they perform. They're good at what they do. Karolina can see it in the mirror, in the way they move together. Karolina and Nico have never danced to this song before, so of course it's a little rough, but they still move effortlessly in sync with one another. If people were watching this dance right now, they would probably think Karolina and Nico had rehearsed it multiple times already or, at least, choreographed it.

Karolina watches as she flies in time with the music, and Nico flies right along with her. She likes being able to see herself and Nico in the mirrors as they dance. They truly do look as if they're flying. They look even better when Nico pulls Karolina against her. She admires the placement of her hand against Nico's hip, Nico's hand clasped in hers as she twirls her around. Karolina is so grateful to Nico for bringing her here. Somehow, Nico still knows exactly what to do to cheer her up.

Finally, Karolina is free again as she dances, and she knows nothing will ever compare to this. Every problem she's ever had seems small and insignificant; the only things that matter now are her emotional response to the music and her awareness of Nico's position. It's as if she enters a completely different land whenever she dances, and she wishes she would never have to leave. Is this what life would be like if she started over with Nico somewhere new? Would she be able to live in this better world forever? Isn't that worth anything?

_And we stand together facing a war / And our love is gonna conquer it all_

Yet again, Nico has chosen the perfect song for Karolina's current internal struggle. If her dad finds out she's dancing again, Karolina and Nico will surely face a world of troubles, but their love is stronger than anything her father can possibly throw at them. Such a deep passion and love exists between the two of them that Karolina thinks they can get through anything. They can run away one day and be long gone before her father even realizes it, never staying in one place long enough for him to ever find them. They'll be untouchable.

Of course, Karolina knows deep down that it's a silly idea. She and Nico can't just drop out of school and leave their families behind, can't spend their entire lives running, but when she's dancing, anything is possible. When she's dancing, Karolina feels as if she's already worlds away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Nico and Karolina danced to in this chapter is "Lionheart" by Demi Lovato. I hope you enjoyed the new update!


	24. it was hopeless after all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big things happening in this chapter! I hope you guys don't hate me too much after this one...

On the day of the winter festival, Nico is sure she's never felt such a mixture of nervousness and excitement before. She knows she doesn't need to be nervous. She and Karolina have practiced these songs so many times in the past two weeks alone that Nico is sure she could dance them in her sleep at this point, but she still worries all the same. This is their first real show. What if she messes up the steps? What if she falls? Or what if she and Karolina are absolutely perfect?

And this is why Nico's excitement outweighs her nervousness. She knows deep down that she and Karolina will do fine, but even if they don't, it won't be the end of the world. They can always try again, as many times as it takes. No matter what happens on that stage today, Nico has Karolina. She and Karolina are in this together, and Nico thinks that is the most refreshing thing about dancing. The dream was never to be perfect. The dream was always just to dance.

As she and Karolina wait backstage, Nico wants to peer out at the crowd to see how many people have gathered to watch, but she doesn't dare. She's just chased her nervousness away, and she knows that seeing all those people out there will only make it flare up again. Instead, she busies herself with smoothing down her skirt and readjusting her mask. Karolina bounces on the soles of her feet beside her.

"Excited, huh?" Nico asks her.

"A little nervous too," Karolina admits, "but mostly excited."

Nico takes reassurance in the fact that she's not the only one feeling nervous, but she can feel her worries drifting away at the sight of Karolina's excited smile.

"I still can't believe any of this is real." Nico allows herself to be swept up for a moment in the utter impossibility of it all. "Our first performance on a stage. People are actually going to _know_ about us."

"People already know about us." Karolina laughs. "Over a million views, remember?"

"You know what I mean." Nico knocks her shoulder playfully against Karolina's. "Performing like this? I don't know. It just makes everything more real."

"I know." Karolina shifts from foot to foot, a bit of her worry showing through.

"You don't have to be nervous." Nico draws on the confidence she's been building up in herself. "We'll do amazing out there. You wanna know how I know?"

"How?" A grin breaks out on Karolina's face, and Nico knows she doesn't have to say anything else. She's already chased away Karolina's small bout of fear.

"Because we have each other." Nico winks at Karolina, causing her face to turn the same shade of pink as her mask. "And that's all we need. It won't be hard to dance to these songs with you when I mean every word of them."

"We're gonna kill this, aren't we?" Karolina's grin grows impossibly wider. She doesn't have to say anything more for Nico to understand that she feels the same way.

"Of course we are," Nico says with a teasing smirk. "We are the best dancers in the world after all."

"Of course we are," Karolina repeats.

Nico stands on her tiptoes to kiss Karolina, and every last ounce of worry leaves her body at once. Their masks brush awkwardly together, but Nico doesn't care. She feels so strong and confident when she kisses Karolina, and she knows that she and Karolina truly have no reason to worry at all.

When Karolina finally breaks the kiss, Nico turns her attention back out onto the stage where she can see Amelia standing with a microphone, speaking to the crowd about the happenings of the festival and promoting any booths that are helping to sponsor the event. Any moment now, she will announce Nico and Karolina as the masked dancers from the farmers market, and they will finally be performing the songs they've been rehearsing for weeks, months even.

The minute they hear the announcement, they walk out onto the stage, Nico clutching Karolina's hand and Karolina returning the tight grip. As she finally turns her eyes out to the crowd, Nico barely notices Amelia exiting the stage because, wow, there are so many people here to watch her and Karolina perform. She expected a crowd of a hundred people at most, but she thinks there might be more than two hundred people here today. She didn't realize so many people actually went to winter festivals.

People are already cheering, and Nico shares a surprised glance with Karolina. Some members of the audience must recognize them from the farmers market or maybe even their online video, and Nico is shocked she and Karolina have become worthy of applause before even having done anything yet. She has never felt a stronger urge to dance.

She and Karolina are going to kill this.

The band begins playing "Anything's Possible," and suddenly the band members, the audience, and everything else fades away until it is just Nico, Karolina, and the music. Nico grabs Karolina's hand as she goes into her first turn, and she knows that nothing can ever truly hurt her as long as she has this.

They dance to song after song, just like they always do, but this time, people are cheering in between every one. When she was a kid, Nico wanted to be famous so she could become even more wealthy and powerful than Karolina's dad, so she and Karolina could keep doing what they love for the rest of their lives. Now, though, she just wants to make a difference in as many people's lives as possible. If her dancing can help people as much as certain songs helped her in the difficult times of her life, then dancing means more to her now than it ever did.

At the end of the final song of their setlist, the crowd roars so loud that Nico thinks her ears will be ringing for days. She shares an ecstatic smile with Karolina as they curtsy. They did this. These people are screaming for them.

There's such an excited look in Karolina's eyes that Nico has the urge to kiss her right there in the middle of the stage, but she doesn't. She knows kissing the way she wants to kiss Karolina right now would be sloppy and unprofessional, so she supposes she can wait a few seconds.

As they walk offstage, Karolina lingers a bit, almost as if she doesn't want to leave, as if she wants to stay drunk on this feeling forever, but Nico pulls her along. The more they perform, the more people love watching them, the more confident Nico feels that they will have plenty more opportunities like this, that they aren't just a one-time hit as Karolina had been afraid they were at the start of the week. That future Nico and Karolina dreamed of as kids? It's only just beginning.

* * *

After finishing their cool down stretches, Karolina and Nico emerge from backstage, and Karolina is surprised to see that some members of the audience have decided to stick around. She thought everyone would have gone back to the festival games and food stands by now, but it seems some people would rather talk to Karolina and Nico. It's amazing and baffling, and Karolina can't keep the smile off her face.

Her smile only grows when she recognizes three teenage girls from the front row who had waved a giant pride flag throughout the performance.

"Will you sign our flag?" a tall redhead asks. "We have Sharpies."

"Of course." Nico takes one of the Sharpies the girl holds out and begins to scrawl a short message.

"Thank you so much for dancing together," a girl with frizzy brown hair says. "I'm a dancer too, and you have no idea how helpful it is to see that people like me can have their own shows."

"It's really hard to find lesbian dancers, so yes, thank you," the third girl, a girl with dark skin and an awestruck smile, says.

"We love dancing so much, but we never thought it would have this much of an effect on people." Karolina takes the marker when Nico hands it to her and begins to write a message of her own. "We didn't even know if people would like us at all."

"Are you kidding me?" the redhead says in disbelief. "You guys are amazing!"

"Can I ask you a question?" the brunette asks shyly, not giving Karolina or Nico a chance to respond to her friend.

"Sure," Karolina says.

"How did you ever get the courage to come out? I'm ready to come out to my family, but I'm afraid. They make homophobic comments all the time, and I'm scared they're going to kick me out if I tell them the truth."

Karolina's slightly taken aback at the way this girl is asking them about their sexualities as if they've already confirmed them themselves. Nowhere on their Twitter account did they establish that they are actually a couple, although they've certainly received many messages asking. It will never cease to amaze Karolina how evident her and Nico's love for each other is in the way they dance.

"I came out to my family when I was twelve and I got my first girlfriend," Nico says. "I told my sister before anyone else. I remember being so scared to say anything to her, and when I finally did, all she said was that she knew my best friend and I were too close to be just friends, and all she did was ruffle my hair. I cried. Obviously. But that was really it. My parents and my best friend later in high school were just as supportive. I know I was lucky, though. It might not be as easy for you and your parents, but they also might surprise you with just how much they care about you and how willing they might be to work through this."

When Nico finishes speaking and the young girl turns to Karolina, she starts to feel a bit shy herself. Her home life isn't nearly as good as Nico's, and she's hesitant to share personal details with complete strangers. But maybe that's exactly what she needs, to be able to talk to people who don't know her name, people who already love her for exactly who she is.

"Honestly? I haven't come out yet," Karolina admits. "My dad has a very specific path laid out for me in life and being a lesbian dancer doesn't lie anywhere on it. My dad found out I had a girlfriend when I was thirteen years old, and he forced her out of my life. He also refused to let me dance anymore after third grade. For a long time, I believed he was doing the things he did because he was trying to help me, but just recently, I've been slowly finding my way back to myself again."

All three girls look shocked, even the girl who asked the question in the first place, and that's all Karolina needs to realize that these girls' parents would never tell them what career paths they can or can't take in life, not even the homophobic parents. It's only Karolina whose dad will ruin her life and possibly the life of the girl she loves if she doesn't do exactly what he wants her to do. And even if any of these girls' parents don't approve of the paths they take in life, they don't have the power and resources to stop them anyway. Not the way that Karolina's dad does. These girls are freer than Karolina will ever be, and she envies them for it. She also wants them to know it.

"The best advice I can give you is that you deserve to be yourself, no matter what other people think," Karolina continues. "You have to live your life for you more than anyone else, or you'll risk losing yourself entirely. If you're ready to come out, then do it. I know you love your parents, but anyone who doesn't accept and love you for the person you are doesn't deserve to be in your life anyway."

As Karolina speaks to the brunette, she watches the confidence grow in her eyes as she listens intently to the advice from one of her newfound idols. When Karolina finishes, the brunette girl nods. "I think you might be right. I'll be leaving for college in a year and a half. If my parents can't accept me, then maybe I won't come back once I'm gone. Thank you."

"You're welcome." Karolina realizes she's still holding onto the pride flag, and she hands it back to the girls. "Thank you for coming to talk to us. Have a great rest of your day."

Only when the girls walk away does Karolina turn back to Nico to find her smiling at her.

"That was really nice," Nico tells her, "what you said to that girl."

"It's all true." Karolina sighs. "I don't want her to waste any more of her life pretending to be someone she's not."

"Maybe it's time for you to stop pretending then too," Nico suggests.

She says it as if it would be easy, as if Karolina's father would ever let her get away with it. That other girl's parents won't have the power to stop her. Karolina's dad is a lot crueler than other parents and a lot more determined to get what he wants. If he finds out about this, he'll never stop until Karolina is doing exactly what he wants her to again. She doesn't have a choice the way other people do.

Before Karolina can say any of this to Nico, though, a woman who looks to be in her late twenties with dark hair and glasses approaches them, and Karolina turns her attention to the next member of their audience.

"You're even more talented in person than you are online," the woman says in lieu of greeting.

"Thank you." Karolina's smile returns. "We're happy you liked our performance."

"I loved it," the woman says excitedly. "That's why I drove up here. I'm Becca Turner. I work at The Joyce Theater in New York City, and I haven't been able to get you two out of my head since I came across your dance video. We're looking for new contemporary dance acts this winter, and usually we would have auditions to pick an act, but I showed you to my superiors, and we are all in agreement that we would love for you two to have the newest show. Is that something you'd be interested in?"

"I'd love to," Nico answers right away.

She doesn't even think about it for a single second. That's how sure she is, and Karolina envies her in this moment more than she envied the three girls earlier. Nico is so devoted to dance that she'll drop everything immediately and move to New York for it. And no one is even going to try to stop her.

Performing at a theater in New York, dancing their own show, is a dream come true, but Karolina doesn't know if it will ever be possible. What will she tell her father? That she's accepted a business opportunity in New York? It won't take him long to figure out that lie, and then what? He'll threaten her, and she'll still refuse to move back home, and so he'll ruin her. He'll do to her what he threatened to do to Nico's parents all those years ago. Nico might be able to take this opportunity, but it will never be possible for Karolina. She'll never be able to dance outside of Massachusetts.

"When would we start?" Karolina finally manages to say. She knows she can't accept this offer, but she also can't tell Becca that without talking to Nico about it first.

"As soon as you can." Becca gestures energetically with her hands as she speaks. "We know it's a bit soon, but we'd love for you to move in about a week from now, so we can get you all set up. We'll provide you with housing for the first six months, and we have great instructors who will work alongside you if you ever feel you need help with technique or choreography. I'm really excited to get you on board."

Karolina holds her breath as Nico opens her mouth to reply, hoping she won't agree to move so quickly without thought as well. They need some time to think this through. More importantly, Karolina needs a chance to tell Nico she can never do this.

"As much as I want to, we've already agreed to perform at the Christmas show here in two weeks' time," Nico says. "After that, though, we don't have to accept any further opportunities here, and we could move to New York after the holidays."

"We don't need to start a new act until February, so that shouldn't make a difference. I just get so enthusiastic about recruiting new acts," Becca says with a wide smile. "It's perfectly normal for you to want some time to think things over. I'll tell you what. I'll drive back up for your Christmas show, and you can give me your answer then. In the meantime, feel free to call or text me with any questions you might have."

"That sounds amazing." Nico eagerly accepts the business card Becca procures, grinning wider than Karolina thinks she's ever seen.

She knows that grin will fall the minute she tells Nico that she herself can't take the offer, that Nico will have to take it without her, but she also knows she can't avoid saying it. She can try for as long as she wants, but she has to tell Nico today. Before they leave the park.

Nico and Karolina interact with several more fans after Becca leaves, but Karolina doesn't feel an ounce of her earlier excitement. All she feels is the dread of having all her dreams come to an end in two weeks. Nico will go on to dance without her, and Karolina will be left alone here for the rest of her life, either dancing with mediocre partners or working a job she hates. Can she really live her life that way? Won't it be better to just risk taking the opportunity in the hopes that the worst her dad will do is disown her?

"This is great," Nico says when she and Karolina are finally alone, on their way out of the park. "We could have our very own show by January. In New York!"

"Which is everything we've ever wanted, I know." Karolina feels sick as she says it, sick at the situation she was born into. "But how can you be so sure this is the right move for us? You're really going to drop out of school after this semester?"

"This is a real opportunity for us," Nico says earnestly. "Graduating school isn't going to guarantee me a job, but Becca already offered us one. If we accept this, we've gotten as good a job as any schooling will bring me."

"What about your family?" Karolina counters. "You'd really leave them all just like that?"

"Yes," Nico answers immediately. "This is the career I want, Karrie. My family will understand."

Karolina knows Nico isn't bragging by saying that, but jealousy still explodes throughout her at the mention of the biggest difference between Nico's family and her own. All the Minorus want is for Nico to be successful. All the Deans want is for their daughter to be exactly like them. She can dance around the truth all she wants, but Karolina knows she needs to tell Nico she can't take the opportunity. She has to.

"Well, my family will never let me go. My dad will always find some way to keep me here."

"Karolina, you're nineteen years old, almost twenty." Nico stops walking when they reach her car, taking Karolina's hands in hers. "Your dad doesn't control your life anymore. If he disowns you, you don't go to foster care; you move to New York and make your own honest living. What you told that girl today is true. If your dad can't accept that you're a lesbian and that you want to be a dancer, then he doesn't deserve to be in your life anymore."

"Nico, listen." Karolina tries to sound as serious as she can. "I may have told that girl the truth, but it's only true for her because her parents aren't millionaires. I want to be a dancer, but I can't move all the way to New York to do it. That isn't possible for me."

And maybe it isn't possible for Nico either, if Karolina is with her. If Karolina's father will take her down for going against him, then what's to stop him from taking Nico down with her? That's when she knows the answer to her previous question. It won't be better to risk taking the opportunity in the hopes that the worst her dad does is disown her, because Nico could end up suffering as well. Karolina may be willing to risk her own future to go after what she wants, but she would never even think about risking Nico's.

"What do you mean, it isn't possible?" There's a glint in Nico's eyes that looks like anger, and Karolina knows she's struck a chord. She has to explain this to Nico in the most truthful way she can. All of it.

"I know I'm not a kid anymore, but my dad will have power over me until the day he dies," Karolina says. "If I choose dancing over him, he'll ruin me and maybe you too, and I can't let that happen. I won't let my dad do anything to hurt you."

"What are you even talking about right now?" Nico looks more confused than Karolina has ever seen her, and Karolina knows she needs to finally tell her the truth about what happened the night her dad tore them apart.

"You think that I stayed away from you all these years because I was afraid my dad would kick me out or I loved him too much to ever want to disappoint him, but that's not entirely true." Karolina can feel the tears forming in her eyes, but she does nothing to blink them away. "He threatened me that night. He told me, if he ever caught me with you again, he'd have hardcore drugs planted in your parents' apartment and have them sent to jail. You and Amy would be put into foster care, and I'd never see you again. What's to stop him from doing the same thing to us now? Planting drugs in our new apartment and having us sent to jail, I mean."

"Oh, Karrie." Nico's anger and frustration is completely gone. She wipes a tear away from Karolina's cheek. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"I didn't want you to think that dancing with me was dangerous and stop wanting to," Karolina sniffles.

"I know dancing with you is dangerous." Nico doesn't even hesitate. "That will never stop me from wanting to."

"And it's fine if we do it here. I can tell my dad I'm at school or the library or over at a friend's house. But I don't have any excuse to move to New York, and even if I think of one, it won't take him long to see right through my lie and ruin my life. So I can dance here at the park, but I can't go to New York."

"Then we won't go to New York."

Nico says this as surely as she told Becca she would love to dance in New York, without even taking a moment to think about it. Karolina saw the certainty in Nico's eyes when she was talking to Becca, heard it in her voice when Karolina questioned her only moments ago. She wants to take this opportunity. Yet she wants Karolina more. Karolina won't let Nico pass up an opportunity like this for her, though. She won't let Nico give up the one thing she wants most just because Karolina can't go with her.

She knows what she needs to do.

"No." Karolina shakes her head with finality. "You're not giving this up because of me. I may never be able to dance because of the family I was born into, but you have nothing holding you back, Nico. You can take this opportunity, and you're going to. You'll go to New York and take the theater opening yourself. You'll dance there, and everyone will love you, and you'll be a star, just like you always dreamed of. I have no doubt of it. And I will always be proud of you."

"What?"

For the first time today, it seems Nico doesn't know how to respond. But Karolina does.

"I'm out, Nico. I'm done dancing."

Nico shakes her head, clearly not having expected any of this, but she should know by now that Karolina would rather die than hold Nico back from anything. And maybe a part of her always believed that her dad was right, that they would never make it big, so she would never have to worry about letting Nico go, but the bigger part of her knew this day would come eventually. She just didn't think it would be so soon. She thought she would have a lot more time to figure this out.

"But the Christmas show," Nico protests.

"You'll dance it yourself." Karolina tries her best to swallow the lump in her throat. "We've practiced those songs plenty of times already."

"But I can't dance without you." Nico is crying now too, and Karolina thinks this is one of the only times she's seen Nico do so.

"Yes, you can." Karolina wipes at some of the tears running down Nico's face. "I know you can."

"Okay, fine," Nico relents. "But I don't _want_ to."

"Yes, you do," Karolina says softly. "If there's one thing I'm most sure of, it's that you'll always want to dance, Nico."

_So will I_ , she thinks, but she doesn't dare say it aloud. She can't. Not now.

Nico is quiet for a long time, and Karolina is afraid she's going to keep arguing with her, that she'll refuse to take the opportunity no matter what Karolina does so Karolina will keep dancing with her, stay with her. But Karolina knows it will never feel right after this. She knows both she and Nico will always feel as if she's holding Nico back, always keeping her from taking those bigger opportunities that she deserves to take. And Nico knows it too.

"So this is it?" Nico finally asks. "What are you saying here, Karrie?"

Karolina doesn't want to go through with this. She wants to throw herself into Nico's arms and tell her that she was just kidding, that she wants them to stay together no matter what, that neither one of them needs anything else as long as she has the other. But Karolina doesn't think that's entirely true. Not anymore. Nico deserves to be a dancer. And who is Karolina to stand in her way?

"I'm saying goodbye."

She hesitates for a moment before pulling Nico in for a kiss, wanting to feel Nico's lips against hers one last time. To her surprise, Nico doesn't resist or push her away; she returns the kiss with a passion that has Karolina rethinking her decision already. And that's why she can't stay here. She has to leave now.

When Karolina pulls away, she tries to memorize every inch of Nico's face, even though she knows she doesn't need to. She's had Nico committed to memory for a long, long time now. Nico reaches for her hand, but Karolina evades the grip. She won't allow Nico to hold herself back for her.

Nico deserves the world, and Karolina understands now that she'll never be able to give it to her.

She turns away before Nico has a chance to say anything else, before Karolina herself can lose her nerve and change her mind. She did the right thing. She's doing the right thing. That doesn't stop her from gripping the steering wheel so hard the whole way home that her fingernails leave indentations in the leather.


	25. just one more time

Karolina hangs up the phone after completing her fifth sale of the day, trying her best to feel some sense of pride at her accomplishments. Her parents were surprised, to say the least, when she told them she wanted to take on a full-time job at the company during her month-long winter break, and she's happy to be earning back her father's pride and faith in her. But it doesn't feel as good as it once did.

Now that dancing is behind her, though, this is the next best thing that Karolina can do. This will make her a great living, and she is good at it. No matter what, she wants to put her energy toward something worthwhile, and working this job will impress her parents, even if it means little to her.

When Karolina's lunch break arrives, she is eager to stop working for while, a strong juxtaposition to the way she feels while dancing. But that life is over now. She's been repeating that to herself for days in the hopes that maybe she'll start to believe it again.

She eats the sandwich and fruit she brought from home in the empty conference room and then heads back across the building to her desk. Every time she breaks for lunch, she walks by Mr. Kaye's office, and every time, she finds herself wanting to go inside, to talk to him about his son, the friend she lost all those years ago.

This time is no different. She feels that invisible thread pulling her into that office, pulling her back to her past just as Nico had in Timely the day she saw her again. And just like all those other times, Karolina knows it's a bad idea, that she needs to keep the past in the past if she ever wants to move on from it. Or maybe she needs to open this one last door, because this is another one she never fully closed.

"How are you, Mr. Kaye?" Karolina leans against the doorframe.

"Karolina, what a pleasant surprise," the older man says with a kind smile. "I haven't seen you in ages. What brings you by the office this morning?"

"I'm working here during my winter break from school," Karolina tells him. "I'm really sorry about what happened with Vaughn when I was a kid. I never meant for him to lose his job, and it was all my fault that he did."

This is the first time Karolina has ever apologized for playing a hand in Vaughn's being fired, and it feels good to finally get it off her chest. Her dad deleted his number from her phone years ago, and she hasn't been on this level of the company building much before now.

"It wasn't your fault, dear," Mr. Kaye says easily. "If the job was really that important to Vaughn, then he wouldn't have gone against Mr. Dean's orders in the first place."

"So…you're not mad?" Karolina draws her eyes up from the floor.

"Of course not." Mr. Kaye laughs. "My boy was old enough to make his own choices, and that was never going to be a permanent job for him anyway. It was only a way for him to make money as he went through school."

"Yeah, I know." Karolina nods. "That never stopped me from feeling bad about it." _Or from missing him._ "How is he now?"

"He's doing great." Mr. Kaye's eyes twinkle with pride. "He's a priest now, just like he's always wanted to be. Moved to California two years ago. Trust me, Karolina, you didn't hurt him in any way. He still got exactly where he wanted to go."

Karolina can't help but feel bittersweet at the news. She's overjoyed to hear that Vaughn has successfully become what he's always wanted to, but she's also jealous of the way his father talks about him, wishes her own father's eyes would twinkle with pride when he talks about her dance achievements. She at least wishes she didn't have to keep said dance achievements a secret from him.

She knows she should turn around and walk away right now. She came in here to ask about Vaughn and apologize for her part in what happened years ago, and she's done that, so why is she still standing here? Before Nico came back into her life, Karolina was so good at avoiding the D word, but now she feels as if she can't leave this room without bringing it up.

"That's great," Karolina says honestly. "And how about your niece? Is she still dancing?"

"Nah." He waves a hand dismissively. "She quit after eighth grade. She's going to school for art now. Just completed her first semester. And I hear you're going to school for business."

"Yes," Karolina says.

It's all she can say. If she says anything else, everything will all come pouring out, and she does not need to be having that conversation with Vaughn's dad right now. She doesn't need to be having it with anyone. There's really no point to it anymore.

"A damn shame." Mr. Kaye shakes his head, and Karolina is surprised at his disappointment. "Vaughn was sure you'd win out against that father of yours eventually. The way he talked about you and that little partner of yours, you were already on the path to stardom."

"We were, I think." Karolina has to stop herself from using the present tense. "It never would've worked out, though. It was an unrealistic dream."

"No dream is ever unrealistic." Mr. Kaye's gentle smile falls away, his eyes earnest, tone serious. "It's what I taught both of my kids, and it's what every parent should teach. If you want something bad enough, you'll find a way to make it happen."

In that moment, Karolina experiences a pang of longing so strong, she almost doesn't respond. She wishes her father were like this, that he would encourage her to go after whatever dream she wants to, no matter how crazy. All children deserve parents who will lift them up instead of tearing them down, but Karolina knows that isn't the case for so many.

"I wish it were that easy, Mr. Kaye." It's out before she can stop herself, and she doesn't miss the confused frown that settles on his face. "I really do need to get back to work, though."

"Okay. You take care of yourself now." He smiles again. "And do come back in and see me whenever you have the time."

"I will."

In that moment, Karolina is overcome with an intense pang of missing Vaughn, and she has the urge to ask his dad for his number. When she was in middle school, Vaughn was her biggest support system. Her parents didn't want her to have anything more to do with dancing, but Vaughn knew she loved it, so he made sure she got to go see his niece's recitals whenever possible, to dance in the abandoned museum every day after school with Nico. He believed in her more than anyone else.

But she can't talk to Vaughn anymore. He knows the person she was, not the person she's trying to become. He'll encourage her to do the exact thing that isn't possible anymore. Would he be disappointed in her for choosing the safe option? What would he say if he could see her now?

Once she sits back down in her own office, she tries her best to feel some sort of accomplishment. This is _her_ desk. She's finally getting the chance to take on more responsibility in the company, and she's been doing really well so far. If she had the courage to ask for this six months ago, she would have been ecstatic at how much progress she's been making. Now, though, all she feels is emptiness.

This life may have mattered to her once, but it doesn't anymore.

* * *

Everything feels wrong. It shouldn't feel wrong. It's never felt wrong before. But something is different today. Something is off.

Regardless of how she feels, Nico knows she needs to finish this dance. She and Alex are in the middle of their final performance for their classical ballet class, and she can't throw away both of their grades because of what happened last weekend. She and Alex have been working on this dance all semester, and Nico knows they will do well on it, but that doesn't stop her from noticing all the ways that a dance that once seemed perfect to her isn't actually perfect at all.

Nico wants to be able to power through this performance, to save her and Alex's final grade, but all she can seem to focus on is how completely and utterly _wrong it feels_. No matter what Alex does, Nico can't stop thinking about what Karolina would have done differently, how much more passion Karolina would have for the dance. Nico's brain critiques Alex's every move, and she knows it must be affecting the quality of her dancing.

_Karolina would have lifted me higher. Karolina would have set me down more gently. Karolina would have pulled us closer. Karolina would be looking at me in a way that you can't even hope to replicate._

Nico is trapped in her head, trapped in this class, and she wants nothing more than to be as far away from it as possible. Karolina is wrong. Nico doesn't want to dance without her. Not anymore.

The thought terrifies her the instant it passes through her mind. Nico has never lost her passion for dancing before. Never in her life has she felt as if her heart wasn't in a dance, not even during all the dances where she had to act to create chemistry between her and her partner. She can't act today, though. She feels as if she can't even breathe.

So she does the unthinkable. She stops right in the middle of the dance. Alex nearly crashes into her, but she barely even registers it. All she can feel is an immense amount of relief at finally putting an end to something so incredibly wrong.

"Nico, you okay?" Alex eyes her with genuine concern. She's surprised he doesn't look the slightest bit upset with her for probably ruining their final grade.

She shakes her head, but she doesn't respond verbally. She can't, not here, not in front of an entire class that is now watching her with shock-filled eyes. She can't talk about what happened with Karolina, and she can't talk about how she can't even bear to dance anymore. She doesn't even want to think about it.

Mrs. Romanovsky frowns at Nico disapprovingly. "Are you not feeling well, Ms. Minoru? Do we need to reschedule your final dance for another time?"

"It wasn't a dance," Nico answers. "It was all wrong. My heart wasn't in it, so I deserve to fail."

"You were doing just fine," Mrs. Romanovsky insists. "Your performance would have scored high marks had you finished it. There was little difference between the way you danced today and the way you always dance."

_That's because you've never seen me dance with Karrie._

The thought runs through her head before she can stop it. She needs to get out of here. The walls are closing in on her, and nothing was different about her dancing today at all. She was doing fine, but she didn't feel fine. She doesn't feel fine.

She needs to get out of here.

"The difference is that today I don't want to be dancing," Nico answers truthfully.

She walks out of the studio.

* * *

Nico knocks softly on the door in front of her, hoping it will be loud enough, because she can't muster up the strength to knock any harder.

For a minute, nothing happens, and then Gert opens the door, and Nico doesn't think she's ever seen her friend look so concerned before.

"What the hell happened?" she asks as she pulls Nico inside.

"I stopped right in the middle of my final dance for classical," Nico says quietly, staring at a black speck on the hardwood floor, "and then I walked out."

"What?" Gert's eyebrows shoot up, voice layered with disbelief. "Why?"

Nico's only response is to sit gently on the couch, and Gert lets her. Nico knows Gert isn't some nameless, faceless girl in her dance class. She knows she can talk to her. But she doesn't want to. She doesn't want to voice her pain into existence, doesn't want her horrible thoughts to be true. She wants to bury everything deep down inside of her in the hopes that she will never have to think about anything ever again. But she knows that can't last forever.

Gert sits down next to her and begins poking at her side, and Nico knows she needs to either say something or leave. She doesn't want to leave.

"I don't want to dance without Karolina." She just says it. Plain and simple. She doesn't skirt around the truth. She doesn't try to put some positive spin on it. She tells Gert exactly what she's been thinking, and she hates the way her heart crumples when she says it.

Gert pulls Nico in for a hug, and Nico sinks into the embrace, grateful for her best friend's quiet reassurance.

"Yes, you do," she says after a few moments. "Maybe not right now, or anytime soon, but you will want to dance again, Nico."

A laugh bubbles up through Nico's sadness at the familiar words. "She said the same thing." Nico's small smile falls away, though, as she remembers her experience in dance class today. "I've never felt this way before, Gert, not even after I lost Karrie the first time. This is much, much worse."

"One girl won't ruin your passion for dancing." Gert gives Nico's arm a gentle squeeze. "You love it way too much to have to worry about that."

Nico doesn't want to feel like this, as if dancing will never be the same again if Karolina's not the person she's dancing with. She felt similarly when she was younger but never to this extent. Back then, she was still figuring things out, herself included. She wasn't even completely positive she actually wanted to pursue a career in dancing yet, let alone with Karolina. Now, though, she knows exactly what she wants and exactly what has been missing from her life for the past six years. Now, she knows exactly what dancing is supposed to feel like.

She's been trying so hard to keep her negative thoughts at bay, but she finds she can't hold them back any longer. For a moment, she hates Karolina. If she didn't come back into Nico's life again, then Nico would still want to dance just as much as she always has. She would feel as if something is missing from her life sometimes, but at least it wouldn't be everything. At least she wouldn't feel so lost right now. How is it possible for one girl to come between her and the one thing she's always loved the most?

She fears she knows the answer. Because, despite years of trying to prove it isn't true, she'll always love Karolina a little bit more.

"She's not just any girl," Nico says. "She's Karolina, and you were probably right months ago. I should've never asked her to dance again in the first place."

"I'm not so sure about that anymore," Gert says.

"What do you mean?" Nico pulls back to look at her in surprise. "She broke my heart. Just like you said she would."

"Not just like I said she would." Gert shakes her head. "I thought she would break your heart because she would never care about you the way you care about her. But I was wrong, Nico. I was so, so wrong. She cares about you more than I ever would've thought possible. So much so that she broke things off with you just so her dad wouldn't do anything to hurt you, no matter how much it hurt _her_ to do it. She gave up her dreams so you could live out yours. Don't let her sacrifice go to waste."

In all her heartbreak and grief, Nico hasn't looked past the what to see the why. Karolina broke up with her, yes, but it's only because she knows Nico's dreams will never be possible as long as she's in Nico's life. It's so selfless, so Karrie, and Nico only falls more in love with her at the thought. And maybe that will be okay. Maybe if she can't dance with Karolina, she can dance _for_ Karolina. She can still work her love for the blonde into the way she dances.

"I thought you hated Karrie." Nico searches Gert's face for traces of dishonesty, but she doesn't find any.

"I did," Gert says easily, "but I was wrong about her. I always thought she was some selfish, stuck-up rich kid, but I understand now that couldn't be farther from the truth. I've seen how much she cares about you. She loves you so much more than she loves herself."

"I never thought I'd hear you say that." Nico wants to laugh and cry at the same time.

"I really wish things could have been different for you," Gert adds. "You two would've made an amazing dance team."

At that, Nico can't hold back her frustration and sorrow anymore, and she finally allows the tears that have been building up inside of her since she entered that dance studio to break free. Gert's right. Karolina didn't do any of this to hurt Nico. She's doing it to keep Nico from being hurt. So Nico has to keep dancing. She can't bear the thought of Karolina having sacrificed everything for nothing.

"It's just not fair," Nico says through her tears, slumping back into Gert's arms when her friend pulls her into them.

"I know," Gert murmurs soothingly as Nico cries. "I know."

* * *

As Karolina drives home that evening, she finds that she still feels hollow after her talk with Mr. Kaye, even after hours of working. When will she ever learn that opening doors to the past will only ever serve to cause her pain and set her back? Her father will never be like Mr. Kaye, so why is she wasting her time being upset that he's not?

She wants to cry, but she can't muster a single tear, wants to feel something but can't feel anything at all.

All she can do is let the songs on the radio flow through her while she barely even pays attention to the words. Until she realizes what the particular song that is playing right now is about. Dancing. The singer is told to dance for people endlessly, it seems, and Karolina thinks it sounds both tiring and glorious all at the same time. Pressure is never a good thing, but Karolina would feel relieved to be pressured to dance. She would rather her parents push her to be perfect at something she cares about than something she has no interest in at all.

Her parents keep telling her to work for them, but she wishes they would tell her to dance for them instead.

The song makes her feel things, things she's been trying her hardest not to feel all day, all week really. She wants to switch it off, but she can't. Her hands stay firmly gripped around the steering wheel, refusing to move even an inch.

She doesn't even realize she's turned the car around until the song is over.

* * *

Karolina's first thought when she enters the ballroom is that she's grateful Nico's stereo is still here. The music always sounds much better through the stereo than through a phone. Her second thought is that Nico might still be using this place to practice for the Christmas show, that she might walk in at any moment, but Karolina doesn't care. All she wants right now is to dance to the song she heard in the car, even if it's the last song she ever dances to in her life.

It only takes her a few seconds to find out what the song is called, and then it is playing, and Karolina is dancing. She feels the same way as the singer, only for her, it is about business. Her parents keep wanting her to work harder and harder. They continue to force her into something she doesn't want, and they never want her to stop. But in this museum, she allows the real world to fall away as it always does. In this museum, she allows herself to pretend.

Now, Karolina's parents are telling her to dance. They force her to keep working at it as hard as she can. They expect her to dance without stopping, to dance flawlessly, and so she does. She dances to the best of her ability, and she doesn't allow herself to take a single break, not even when her throat screams for water, not even when her lungs burn for more air.

The whole world wants Karolina to dance, so she does. She dances and dances and dances, giving it her all in a way that she never has by herself before. She jumps and spins, and she is flawless. She is extraordinary all on her own. She dances until she can't even remember the way she felt when she heard the song, until she's as thoughtless as a monkey, dancing to the same rhythm over and over and over again. Unable to stop.

Day turns to night, and Karolina keeps on dancing, not even bothering to light any candles. She doesn't need to be able to see to dance.

She dances until she physically cannot dance anymore, until her legs give out from under her and she finally collapses to the ground.

She tries to get up and continue her routine, continue dancing until she doesn't feel the need to anymore, but she can't move. All her limbs feel like jelly, and she finds it a strain to even lift her head right now. So she finally gives in. She just lies there in the dark, breaths slowing down, song playing endlessly, and wishes she'll never have to get back up. She wishes she could find a way to stop existing entirely, to be free, become one with the soil beneath this floor for eternity. But she's figured out the truth by now. She will never be free.

_And when you're done, I'll make you do it all again._

_All again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for all the pain and angst this week, guys. 
> 
> The song Karolina dances to at the end is Dance Monkey by Tones and I.


	26. it's now or it's never

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for continuing to read this story! I appreciate each and every one of you <3

_Damn it_. Nico stumbles out of another jump she would have landed perfectly on any other day.

It's the day of the Christmas show, and Nico is practicing in an area that's been cleared out for her backstage. Needless to say, it isn't going quite as well as she hoped.

Despite another week having passed, Nico still hasn't found it much easier to dance without Karolina. No matter how hard she's tried. She wants to dance again, has tried everything in her power to get dancing to feel like it used to, but she hasn't been able to come close. She's tried dancing to the setlist she and Karolina came up with together, dancing to songs that express exactly how she's been feeling and songs she has no personal connection with at all. The end result is always the same. Every dance feels wrong, incomplete, without Karolina in it.

Regardless of how she feels about dancing, Nico knows she needs to give this performance her all today. These people are expecting her to dance well, phenomenally even, and the last thing she wants is to disappoint them. Amelia deserves an act that will dazzle her audience just as Nico and Karolina do when they dance together. Not to mention, this is the first time Amy will get to see her dance to her own program, so she wants to do well for her sister most of all.

According to Amy, dancing for an audience will be good for Nico. Once she hears the awestruck cheers of the fans fawning over her performance, she'll realize she doesn't need Karolina to be extraordinary. But Nico already knows that. She knows she can make a future for herself without Karolina. It just isn't a future she wants anymore.

"How's my remaining dancer doing?" Amelia makes her way behind the curtain. "Are you ready to go on today?"

"Of course I am." Nico nods, despite her self-doubt. "I've been practicing these songs all month."

"Good, good." Amelia hums. "Still no word from your girlfriend?"

Nico is so taken aback by the question that she almost forgets to answer it. "No."

Why does Amelia think Karolina will still show up today? She backed out weeks ago, and Nico hasn't heard from her since. She's not coming. Of course she's not coming. Is she?

Then again, all Amelia knows is that Karolina decided to give up dancing in favor of a business opportunity. Nico didn't tell her they'd split up as well. Is it really that surprising for Amelia to have an optimistic outlook when she doesn't know a thing about Karolina's situation?

"I'll try to give her as much time as I can to change her mind," Amelia says. "I'll even expand the intermission a bit."

"You don't have to do that," Nico assures her. "She's not coming."

"You never know. This wouldn't be the first time I've seen someone back out of a performance only to make an appearance at the last second. That girl certainly has the potential to be one of those people."

Nico hasn't allowed herself to hope for Karolina to come back at all this time, and she doesn't want to start now, knows it's futile to do so, but there it is all the same.

A tiny blossom unfurling in her chest.

* * *

Karolina knows what today is. Of course she does. She knows what today is, and she knows where Nico is and where she herself is not.

Ever since her final dance, it's been easier for her to wrap the subject up in a box and tie it with a neat little bow. She hasn't felt the urge to dance since, hasn't felt the urge to reach out to Nico. She's started to accept her life for what it is, what it has to be. Until this morning.

When she woke up, she found it hard not to reach out to Nico, at least to wish her luck. But she can't. If she opens that door again, there's no way she'll ever be able to close it. So she throws herself into her work. She answers the phone the minute she hears it ring, asks the other employees questions she doesn't really need to ask, makes sure to spend all of her time constantly doing something. Anything to keep her mind from wandering to places it shouldn't.

She's determined to keep her focus on her job from now on.

The phone rings again, and Karolina is on it immediately. "Thank you for calling the Dean Corporation. This is Karolina. How may I help you?"

"You're one of the girls from that 'Tightrope' dance video online, aren't you? I'm obsessed with it. I must have seen it like 50 times already."

A wave of panic washes over Karolina, leaving her dazed for a moment. Someone knows it's her. How does this girl know it's her?

"I'm sorry, ma'am," Karolina says when she finds her voice again. "I don't know what you're talking about. You must have me confused with someone else."

"I know it's you." The girl sounds sure of herself, even though Karolina's voice never wavered in her response. "I go to Harvard too, and I'm in your English class. I noticed the similarities when we took our final exam, and I was freaking out. But I was too embarrassed to talk to you about it."

Karolina's blood runs cold for a moment. What is this girl going to do? Tell the school? Tell her father? She immediately shakes it off, though. This girl is only a fan. She's not going to blackmail Karolina.

Unsure how to answer, Karolina doesn't say anything, instead waiting for her classmate to explain why she decided to call her at work. For a second, Karolina wishes the girl had approached her during finals week to talk to her about her dance video, back when she was still dancing and she thought all of this would work out. It wouldn't have made a difference, though. Karolina can't dance anymore. That's just the way it is.

"I just want to tell you how much your performance means to me," the caller continues when Karolina doesn't respond. "The love between you and your girlfriend is so beautiful, and I've never seen anyone dance the way you two do. You're truly amazing. Are you going to upload any more videos?"

Again, Karolina doesn't know what to say. Should she just hang up? Should she tell this girl the truth? If she does, she knows her classmate will take her side through everything and will probably be enraged at Karolina's father's treatment of her, but that isn't what Karolina wants.

No matter how many people defend her, nothing will change. Karolina's dad still won't allow her to leave the company, the state, and become a dancer. Telling this random stranger everything will only serve to get Karolina's hopes up for something that will never be possible.

"No, we won't be uploading any more videos," Karolina decides to say. "I quit."

"What?" Karolina is surprised at how shocked her classmate sounds. "Why?"

Karolina has the strong urge to tell this girl everything just to say it all out loud. She can't make a future of dancing with Nico without her father doing horrible things to her, so she gets to stay here and work for him so Nico can have that happy life she deserves. But she can't say any of it. She doesn't know this girl, and this girl doesn't know her. She wouldn't even know where to begin.

"I'm working here now." Karolina knows it's a lame response, but it's also the only one she feels able to give. "I need to focus on my career."

"You can make a career out of dancing, you know," the girl tells her. "Is that not something you want? Are your parents pressuring you to work for them?"

"No one made this decision for me. I made it myself."

It's the truth. No matter what the extenuating circumstances, Karolina decided to start working at the Dean Corporation all on her own. No one forced her to give up dancing this time. No one forced her to break up with Nico. She chose to for a lot of very good reasons, and she's not going to go back on that decision now.

"Why?" the caller asks again. "Sorry. I guess I'm just confused. I mean, I've only seen the one video, but I can tell how much you love dancing. I can see your passion for it in the way you move. Either you're a really good actress or you really want to dance. So why would you give that up?"

"It's a long story, and I can't get into it right now." Karolina runs a hand through her hair. "I'm at work."

"Right. I'm sorry," the girl apologizes again. "I can go. I just… What does your girlfriend have to say about all this?"

_She's probably devastated. Heartbroken. Disappointed in me._

"I don't know." Karolina doesn't say any of those things. "We're not together anymore."

"I'm sorry." The girl sounds truly, deeply upset over it. "I know I need to let you get back to work. But I want to tell you something first. You should never give up on the love you have with your girlfriend. I'm not sure because I don't know you, but I think, after watching you dance with her, that it's that rare kind of love that I hope I can find one day, the kind that only comes around once in a lifetime. And I think you have that same kind of love for dancing. Look, I don't know if you want to be a businesswoman for the pay or because someone talked you into it, but I can promise you that no amount of money is worth working a job you don't really want for the rest of your life. And no one person is ever worth compromising yourself."

"I really appreciate you saying all of that." Karolina sighs. "But it doesn't change anything."

She hangs up before the girl on the other end of the line can say anything else.

It's a lie. Karolina knows it's a lie. What her Harvard classmate just told her changes everything. The familiar feelings are already rising up inside of her, the ones she hasn't felt in full force since her childhood, the ones that tell her it doesn't matter what anyone else wants as long as she is staying true to herself. And maybe it's selfish, to go to New York with Nico and take the risk of dooming them both when Nico has a promising chance at a happy life without Karolina. But maybe Karolina is finally ready to be selfish for once.

The droll world of business will never compare to the passion and liveliness Karolina feels when she dances. And no world is worth living her life without Nico by her side.

Nico, who looks at Karolina as if she's the most beautiful girl in the world, who listens to Karolina as if she's never heard anything more important, who touches Karolina as if she never wants to let go, who says Karolina's name as if it's the only word in the universe that will ever hold any worth.

Karrie. Not Karolina. Never Karolina. She is always Karrie when she's with Nico. And that's exactly who she wants to be, exactly who she is. She's tried running from Karrie before, and she failed to fully become someone else. Why does she think this time will be any different?

The decision Karolina made two weeks ago affected both her and Nico, so it's a choice they should have made together. Yet Karolina cut Nico out of the decision-making process entirely, and now she knows why. Because she already knew what Nico would choose, and she was afraid to face it. Nico will take the theater opening in New York without giving it a second thought, Frank Dean be damned. She already did. Maybe it's time for Karolina to be brave enough to take chances too.

Checking her watch, Karolina notices that it's only thirty minutes until Nico will be up onstage in the park. If she leaves right now, she may still be able to make it. And maybe it's crazy, to leave her job at the company behind to pursue a dream that will risk both hers and Nico's safety. The more days that pass, though, Karolina thinks it might be even crazier not to.

Karolina is out the door and in her car in a matter of seconds.

* * *

"We've waited as long as we can." Amelia appears backstage with a sigh. "I guess it's time for us to accept that she isn't coming."

_I had accepted that. Until you got my hopes up._

Nico knows there's no reason to be accusatory. Amelia didn't mean anything by it. So why does Nico feel the sting of tears in the corners of her eyes?

Amelia gives her a sympathetic look before heading back out onstage, and Nico rapidly blinks the tiny beginnings of her tears away. This is a Christmas show. There's no room for crying here.

As efficient as she is at stopping her tears, though, Nico can't stop the disappointment from spreading all throughout her body. She feels crushed, even though she has no real reason to. She's known for weeks that Karolina wouldn't be coming today. How can one tiny glimmer of hope that she only had for less than two hours be so painful? Maybe she's been hoping all along, somewhere deep down where her conscious thoughts can't reach.

Even now, as Amelia announces Nico onstage, by her name this time, Nico hopes Karolina will run up behind her in her gorgeous white leotard and ask if it's too late for her to join.

She doesn't.

Nico makes her way out onto the stage with the first notes of "Carol of the Bells" and scans the crowd. Amy is sitting in the front row, giving her a thumbs-up. Nico shoots her sister a small smile, and then she begins to move.

As she falls easily into her usual routine, Nico is surprised when she feels better than she has since Karolina left. This is the dance she and Karolina planned to tell the story of their relationship, and Nico hasn't realized how badly she's been longing to tell it. Today, she can share her emotions with all the people in the crowd instead of bottling them up inside, and she thinks this might be the missing piece of the puzzle she's been trying so hard to find. She may have been dancing endlessly for weeks, but she hasn't been sharing it with anyone.

The winter wind nips at Nico's barely clothed skin, but she doesn't even feel it anymore. Amy's right in a way. Dancing for an audience will help to boost Nico's mood, although instead of their cheers and approvals, Nico craves the chance to tell these people a story using only her body and the music. She's back in her element now. For the first time in two weeks, Nico finally starts to believe she can do this.

That's the moment the music picks up, and the dance truly begins.

It's also the moment Karolina emerges from behind the curtain.


	27. throw cares away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nico and Karolina's "Carol of the Bells" dance at the beginning of the chapter is to the Lindsey Stirling version of the song. If you haven't ever heard it (and don't mind listening to Christmas music in May), I encourage you to check it out! Enjoy :D

When Karolina reaches the stage, the music is already playing, but it's only the beginning of the song. She can still make her entrance look natural. As she waits for the perfect moment, she pushes down all her thoughts about Nico and how she will react to Karolina's return. Then the violin starts playing, and Karolina jumps out from behind the curtain to enter the dance.

Nico notices her right away, but she doesn't fall out of her turn. She doesn't even falter at all. She allows Karolina back beside her as if she never left, just the way they practiced. She doesn't even shoot her a questioning look. She is completely one with the dance, and so Karolina allows herself to ease into the music and familiar routine as well.

As the music intensifies, Nico throws herself into Karolina's arms, and Karolina spins her around a few times before setting her gently down once more. She is thirteen again, lost in another one of her fantasies about dancing on a stage. It is only she and Nico in the world, and they are invincible. Nothing will stand in their way. She isn't Karolina Dean here. She is only Karrie, a girl who wants nothing more than to dance with Nico forever.

When the music slows, Karolina and Nico fall to the ground, thrown apart by Karolina's father. The pain of losing Nico is almost too much for Karolina to rise up from the stage again. She remembers it vividly, how lost she felt in the days directly afterward, how much it ached as she tried her best to rewrite her life without Nico in it. Even when she thought the worst of it was over, even when her life seemed completely stitched back together again, there was always a little piece missing, a little gap the stitches could never quite close.

Onstage, Nico and Karolina find their way back to each other. Nico tries to dance with Karolina like they used to, but Karolina twirls away from her, always out of reach, Nico dancing one step behind her, always one step too late. So Nico gives up and moves to dance centerstage, leaving Karolina in the background. And Karolina can't resist anymore.

The music crescendos, and Karolina runs to Nico, leaping into the air in perfect time with the music. Nico's hands come up to grip Karolina's waist, guiding her gently down, and Karolina notices the tiny smile of satisfaction that curls the corner of Nico's lips. She was nervous about this part when they practiced, as she had to get the timing exactly right, but she pulled it off flawlessly. As Karolina knew she would.

It's the most intense part of the song, and Karolina feels it in every fiber of her being. She doesn't care anymore. She doesn't care what her parents want for her. She doesn't care if she never makes a lot of money. She doesn't care what anyone else will think of her. All she cares about is doing what she loves and being with Nico, who loves her for exactly the person she is. She doesn't want to be Karolina Dean the businesswoman anymore; she only wants to be Karrie the dancer. So that's exactly who she finally allows herself to be.

She's free of all her worries, finally ready to take that leap of faith she and Nico always talked about as kids. She's going to New York, and she won't let anything, or anyone, stand in her way this time. She's finally making a choice for no one other than herself.

As the end of the song nears, Karolina lifts Nico and spins her around and around, Nico moving her legs as if she were running in time with the run of the song. Then Karolina throws Nico forward, and Nico uses that momentum to carry herself away, to go off and dance on her own. But Karolina stops her before she can. She grabs Nico's arm and pulls her back against her, the two of them entering their final position in perfect time with the final note of the song.

Applause thunders around them, maybe more applause than they've ever gotten before, but Karolina doesn't really hear it, doesn't even know how many people have gathered to watch. In her mind, it could be a million as well as it could be a hundred. The thudding of Karolina's own heart is all she can hear as she realizes how close her lips are to Nico's. All she has to do is lean down a fraction of an inch, and they will be kissing. And she wants to. Oh God how she wants to.

Before she can move, though, Nico pulls her down into a hug, and Karolina holds her tightly. She thinks this might be just as good.

"I thought you weren't coming," Nico whispers into Karolina's ear.

"I wasn't," Karolina admits.

"You were wrong." Nico pulls back to look Karolina in the eyes, tone serious, as if this is the most important thing she has to say before anything can come between them again. "I don't want to dance without you. Not anymore."

The words ring in Karolina's ears, and she understands them, understands now that this is the reason she thought she was over dancing before Nico came back into her life, why it never felt quite right to her in high school. Karolina hasn't wanted to dance without Nico since the day she met her.

"You won't have to," Karolina assures her.

"What's your plan, Karrie?" Nico looks skeptical, as if she doesn't want to believe Karolina might be choosing her, as if she won't let herself. "Why did you show up here?"

"Because I'm going to New York," Karolina says as the music of the next song begins. "I'm done being afraid."

Nico nods, unable to keep a smile from spreading across her face, and Karolina knows she believes her. And for the first time, she doesn't feel even an ounce of guilt. There's nothing holding her back anymore. She truly wants the same things Nico does.

* * *

"You guys were awesome!" Amy appears backstage seconds after the show ends. "I can't believe you got all of that ready so quickly. I wish I'd been able to see your other show."

"You'll be able to see plenty of our shows when we dance in New York," Karolina promises, and she doesn't miss the way Nico smiles at the confirmation of her earlier words.

"So you're back then? For good?" Amy looks slightly wary, and Karolina understands. She's worried about her sister.

"Yes." Karolina nods, no doubt in her voice.

"What made you change your mind?" Nico asks before Amy can continue to question her.

"Myself mainly," Karolina says. "I got a call while I was at work. Some fan of ours. She figured out it was me, and she knew I wanted to be a dancer, even when I told her I didn't. I mean, she only saw us dance in that one video online, but somehow she knew. And she's right. The girl everyone sees up on that stage is who I am. I can't spend my entire life being afraid of what will happen if I stop hiding and just let everyone see her. I want everyone to see her."

"I've always seen her," Nico says sincerely, and Karolina thinks she can detect a faint glimmer of tears in her eyes.

"I know you have," Karolina says immediately. "You're the one who always finds her in the first place."

"I'm so proud of you, K." Amy pulls Karolina in for a hug with a wide smile.

"Thanks, Amy." Karolina easily returns it.

And maybe it doesn't have to be only her and Nico now that she's choosing dance. There can be plenty of other people who care about her. Maybe there already are.

All too soon, Amelia pops backstage and encourages Karolina and Nico to go out and mingle with people who have stayed behind to talk to those who were in the show, and so they follow her back out into the space beside the amphitheater.

After talking to several excited fans, their hands intertwined the entire time, they finally get a chance to talk to Becca. Karolina's head spins as they approach her. She's actually here, and she's been waiting. She's serious about her offer.

"Your dances were outstanding today," she greets them.

"Thank you," Karolina says shyly.

Now that she's faced with the woman herself, everything feels so much more real. But that doesn't change what she wants to do about it.

"I'm assuming you've reached a decision on the offer I made to you," she says with a friendly smile.

Nico looks to Karolina, judging her expression. She's trying to make sure Karolina is still okay with this, even though she's said so twice already, and Karolina knows, in that moment, she's making the right decision. Her father will never care about what she wants the way Nico does. If she has to cut ties with one of them, it should be him.

Karolina squeezes Nico's hand and nods in answer to her silent question.

"We want to do it," Nico says confidently.

"Excellent." Becca bounces slightly with barely concealed excitement. "We'd love to fly you out right after New Year's and get you on a tight practice schedule. We should be ready to open your new show in February."

It will be a lot, to get an entire show ready in a month, but Karolina knows she and Nico can do it. Karolina has a lot of determination and drive, just like her father, even if he can't see it. Besides, there's no place she'd rather be than rehearsing a dance show by Nico's side.

"That sounds perfect," Karolina tells her.

"Great." Becca clasps her hands together with a pleased smile. "We'll assign you one of our practice studios, and we'll set you up with our team to help you perfect your performances. Does that sound good?"

As much as Karolina prefers to work only with Nico, she knows her technique could still stand to be improved upon, and having a professional choreographer screen each of their dances before they go onstage will help to quell some of the nervousness they'll probably feel about performing.

"That sounds amazing." Karolina doesn't think she's ever been more excited about anything in her entire life.

This is what she and Nico have always talked about, what they've always wanted. And now it's actually happening. All the things that weren't possible for them at thirteen years old are possible now.

Becca continues to talk about the arrangements of the offer—where they'll be staying, what they can expect from the shows, how much money they can expect to make starting out—but Karolina can barely even hear a word over her wild thoughts bouncing around in her head.

She and Nico are going to live together, dance together in front of hundreds of people. They'll be making money doing something Karolina's dad told her she'd never make a penny at, and most of all, Karolina will finally be leaving her parents behind. She'll finally be leaving behind that version of herself she created to please them. Maybe she already has.

"Is this really happening?" Nico asks when Becca walks away, maybe even before she is out of earshot, and Karolina can't help a squeal from escaping her when she realizes the answer to that question.

"It's happening. We're getting our own show. And maybe it won't sell out every night, and maybe there won't be millions of people there to watch us. But this is only the beginning."

"I don't care if I never dance in front of a single person ever again as long as I'm dancing with you."

The truth in Nico's eyes as she speaks is overwhelming, and Karolina feels every ounce of it within herself as well. A surge of happiness flows through her, and she wants to tell Nico she feels the same, but she doesn't know if she can find the words. So she shows her instead.

Karolina leans down to kiss Nico, but it isn't a frenzied kiss. It's a slow kiss full of all the love and emotions Karolina is feeling right now. Nico bites at Karolina's bottom lip, and Karolina has to stop herself from moaning in pleasure. She grips the back of Nico's neck to pull her closer, wanting to stay in this moment for all eternity. She can't believe she actually considered letting all of this go.

"Hey, lovebirds." Karolina pulls away from Nico to find Amy staring at them with an amused smile. "I'm heading out with Jacie for an early dinner. You still want to tag along, Nico?"

"Yeah," Nico tells her. "You can go now if you want, though, get a head start. I'll be right behind you."

"Sure," Amy says with a teasing smirk, but she doesn't push her sister any further. Instead, she waves as she heads in the direction of her car. "Maybe I'll see you later then. I hope I'll be seeing you again soon, K."

"Wanna go back to my place?" Nico winks at Karolina. "I can blow Amy off this one night."

Karolina's entire body floods with heat, but she knows she shouldn't give into it. "I would love that. You know I would. But I did leave right in the middle of a workday without telling anyone, so I should probably head back there and try to explain myself. It's best not to raise my dad's suspicions before we've even left the state."

"You're probably right." Nico looks disappointed but only for a second. "I should spend time with my sister anyway."

"Absolutely," Karolina agrees. "Besides, it's only one more week. Then we'll be living together, and we won't have to deal with my dad ever again. Hopefully."

"Okay, Karrie," Nico says with a smile. "I'll see you later."

Karolina watches Nico go, wishes she could be climbing in the car beside her, that they could be going to meet Amy and her high school friend for dinner together or back to Nico's apartment like she wanted to, but Karolina knows it's best to play it safe for now.

One more week. Only one more week, and then she'll finally be able to do anything she wants to. She'll finally be able to stop holding herself back.

When she turns in the direction of her own car, though, a firm hand clamps down on her arm before she can even make it more than a few feet. Did someone see her and Nico kissing a few minutes ago and think it inappropriate? Is she about to get berated by some homophobic member of the crowd?

"You have a lot of explaining to do."

Karolina goes from afraid to terrified in a single second.

It's her father.


	28. like a tornado

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to apologize in advance for the cliffhanger on this one, especially because I don't think I'm going to get a chance to update next week. I don't have a draft yet for my next chapter, and Tuesday, the day I usually get the majority of my writing done, is my sister's birthday, so I won't be able to write at all next Tuesday. That being said, I certainly won't be abandoning this story, and I promise that I will have the next update up two weeks from now. So sorry for the delay. Enjoy the new chapter!

_"What the hell have you been thinking, Karolina? A young woman like you should know better. You're not a little girl anymore. I've never been more disappointed in you."_

_He knows. Karolina doesn't think she's stopped crying since her dad showed up at her and Nico's museum, because he knows she's been dancing again. Now he's disappointed in her, and maybe he won't ever love her again. She can't believe she's been so stupid. Did she really think he would never find out?_

_"It was nothing serious, I promise." Karolina lies to try to diffuse the situation. "I was just having fun."_

_"Deans don't have time for fun," her father snarls. "Fun is for people who want to be mediocre at what they do. You need to be the best."_

_"Yes, Father," Karolina says sullenly._

_"I'm disgusted that you would even think to waste your talent on something as pointless as dancing when you could be devoting time and effort to something worthwhile. You've brought disgrace on the family name."_

_She feels each word like a stab through the heart. She's never been more ashamed of herself._

_"How long has this been going on?" he asks._

_Karolina's first instinct is to lie, and it scares her. She's been lying and withholding information from her dad for so long that it's almost second nature to her now. When did she become this person who lies to her father?_

_In this situation, though, Karolina doesn't think lying is going to help her much. Her dad has obviously already spoken to Vaughn, so he most likely already knows the truth. He's testing her._

_"Like two years," she mumbles._

_"Two years?!" Her dad is furious. Karolina flinches when he raises his hand up and slams it back down against the desk. "You're almost fourteen years old, Karolina. I have never been more embarrassed by you."_

_"I wanna talk to Mom," Karolina cries. She knows her mom is probably just as angry, but she never loses her temper like this._

_"Mom doesn't even want to see you right now." Her dad shakes his head. "And I'm not done talking to you. Who is that girl you've been dancing with? Is she a friend from school?"_

_Karolina shakes her head. "I met her at one of Vaughn's cousin's dance recitals."_

_"Well, you can rest assured you'll never be dancing again. And I don't ever want to see you with that girl again either."_

_Dread shoots all throughout Karolina. She's known her dancing days are over since the minute she saw her dad's face appear in the ballroom doorway, but she never thought he would want to keep her away from Nico. It makes sense; he'll never be ale to be sure she's not dancing anytime she's with Nico. But to Karolina, it doesn't matter how much sense it makes. All that matters is that she finds a way to keep Nico in her life._

_"No, Dad. I won't dance anymore. I swear it." Another wave of tears pours from Karolina's eyes. "But you have to let me see her again."_

_Her dad stands from his chair, towering over her. "I don't have to do anything. If I tell you you'll never see her again, then that's what you will do. Have I made myself clear?"_

_Karolina knows this is the part where she needs to back down, but she can't, and the words are out before she can stop them. "I'll do anything you want if you just let me see her one more time to say goodbye. I need to see her. I love her."_

_"What did you just say?" her dad asks, his voice eerily calm._

_"I said I love her." Karolina's voice is small._

_He raises a hand again, and for a moment, Karolina thinks he's going to hit her. Then he laces his fingers together to keep from lashing out, and he explodes. "I have had_ enough _of your shit today, Karolina! You are not to be a dancer, and you are not to tarnish the Dean name by choosing to be a lesbian. You will be a businesswoman, and you will marry a hardworking businessman. If I ever catch you with that girl again, she will be the one to suffer the consequences."_

_"What do you mean?" Karolina tries to stop herself from trembling, but this has easily been the worst night of her life, and she can't stop herself from crying._

_"I have the money and resources to send her parents to jail for drug possession and unfit parenting, and then your precious girl will be placed into foster care. I also have the power to make sure she's sent far away from here and that she's absolutely miserable."_

_"You can't do that, can you? You don't even know her name." He's bluffing. He has to be. Karolina needs to see Nico at least one last time, to hold her one last time, kiss her one last time._

_"I have connections everywhere. But if you don't believe me, why don't you test it out for yourself? Go meet up with her and see if anything happens."_

_He wants her to do it, she can tell. Nothing would please him more than to destroy Nico's life for the time she's spent with his daughter. But she won't do it. If it was only her life and future on the line, she would risk anything to see Nico one more time. She would go to her apartment in a heartbeat, walk if she had to, and suffer any consequences her dad might think up for her when she got home. But she would never put Nico at risk, and she thinks her father probably knows that._

_"Yes, sir." Karolina hangs her head. "I won't see her again."_

_"That's my girl." Her dad shoots her a tiny smile for the first time that night, and Karolina hates the way it makes her feel a little bit better._

* * *

"Oh, Dad, hey." Karolina forces a smile onto her face, trying her best to look and sound completely innocent. "I'm sorry I didn't tell anyone I was leaving the office. I went for lunch in the park, and then I ended up staying to watch the Christmas show. I know I shouldn't—"

"Save it, Karolina." Her dad cuts her off. "I know exactly what you were doing. I followed you here, and I saw everything."

For a few seconds, she's thirteen again, and her father is yelling at her in his office with disgust in his eyes. Karolina quickly shakes off the memory, though. She's an adult now. She doesn't have to be afraid of her father. She can stand up to him and finally tell him exactly what she's thinking.

"Fine. So I left work so I could dance in the Christmas show. Maybe I was actually on my way back to the office right now to tell you that I've been offered my own show at a theater in New York City, so I don't need your stupid business job anymore. I quit."

"This is why you broke up with Chase, isn't it?" He goes on as if he hasn't heard her.

"Yes," Karolina answers confidently, "because I'm not in love with him, and I'm tired of _lying_ to myself."

"I told you what would happen if I ever saw you with that girl again." Her dad's voice is calm.

Karolina is done allowing him to intimidate her.

"Go ahead," she says. "Get her parents arrested when they didn't even do anything wrong. She's too old to go into the system now anyway."

"Yes. Now that she's old enough, I can ruin her instead. I don't recall at what point in my threat I led you to believe I would revoke anything I said when she turned eighteen."

Anger has been building inside Karolina since the very first time he threatened her, and she's tired of having to push it down and find ways to make it go away. She's done giving her father any sort of power over her, and she can't stop all that pent-up anger from exploding out of her now like a supernova.

"You know what? I'm sick of your empty threats and poorly disguised attempts to control me. You may want a daughter who listens to everything you say and wants the same things you do, but I am never going to be that girl. I don't give a fuck about what you think anymore, so go ahead and do your worst. Whatever happens, Nico and I will get through it together. Even if you completely destroy every good thing about my life, it'll still be worth it because I'll finally be able to be myself."

"Get in the car," he says.

Karolina is surprised he doesn't respond to her shouting by yelling back. She's never raised her voice at him before in her life, but he barely even responds to it. Maybe he's waiting to yell at her at home, but she doesn't intend on ever going back there.

"I'm not going anywhere with you." Karolina's voice never wavers. "Ever again."

She turns away from her father for what she hopes will be the last time, walks in the direction of her car, the direction of Nico and dance and love, the direction of freedom. She's going to choose the right person this time.

Her father grabs her wrist before she can walk more than a couple feet.

"I said. Get. In. The. Car. Now." His grip tightens with every word.

"Let go." She tries to shake him off, but he keeps his hold on her, causing her to yelp in pain. "You're hurting me."

"What a damn shame that is." There's something in her father's eyes that Karolina has never seen before. He's beyond angry. He's even beyond full-blown rage. This is something different, something darker.

"I'm actually afraid you're going to break my wrist right now." Her dad has never been physically abusive with her, but what if this is the day he starts? He won't hurt her in a public parking lot, though, will he?

"And that would mean you won't be able to do anymore of those fancy twirls with your girl." He starts to twist, and her eyes begin to water. "So maybe you should get in the car."

She wants to keep up her new confident, unwavering attitude. If he breaks her wrist right here, someone is bound to see it, and he'll go to jail. But at what cost? She can't dance with a broken wrist, and she'll have to give up her opportunity at the Joyce Theater. She can't risk it. She has to get in the car.

"I guess I do still need to pack up my things," she relents.

He doesn't say anything, and she gasps in relief the moment he lets go. She hates herself for it, hates herself for the tiny smile of satisfaction it brings to his lips, hates herself for ever having loved this man in the first place. It's never been clearer to her than it is in this moment that he's never loved her.

The ride back to the house is tense and quiet. Karolina doesn't say a word to her father, and he doesn't say a word to her. She refuses to even sit up in the front of the car with him, so she sits in the back like the scolded child her dad is making her out to be.

When she gets back to the house, Karolina storms upstairs and slams the door. She's surprised her father doesn't follow her, but that surprise is quickly swamped by her all-encompassing anger. All she wants is to get as far away from this goddamn house as she can.

After pulling her suitcase from the back of her closet, she shoves in as much of her stuff as will fit and decides to leave the rest. All this stuff is part of a life she hates anyway, so why does it matter? All she really wants are her dance things, and she's wearing them.

She doesn't know where she's going to go or what she's going to do, but she knows she wants to do it with Nico. She may not have anything left of her old life, but she will always have Nico, and she thinks the new life she builds with her will be better than anything her parents can offer anyway.

Karolina zips up her suitcase and makes her way down the stairs, letting it bang loudly against the wood with each step. She doesn't care if her dad knows she's leaving. She wants him to know. Just let him try and stop her.

Her car is still in the parking lot at Piers Park, so she grabs her mom's keys from the table in the hallway. She hesitates. Maybe she should say goodbye to her mom. Sure, her mom is probably just as upset and disappointed with her life choices as her dad is, but she has never threatened Karolina the way her dad has, and Karolina doesn't think she would ever force her to be someone she's not.

She leaves her suitcase by the door and turns to make her way back through the house. This may be the last chance she ever gets to see her mom, and she'll be damned if she lets her anger at her father prevent her from taking it.

As she's passing the closed door of her dad's study, Karolina hears voices coming from within, and she stops in her tracks. It would be just her luck if her mother is inside. She may want to say goodbye to her mom before she leaves forever but not bad enough to have another confrontation with her dad. She presses her ear to the door to listen, but the only voice she hears is her father's. He must be on the phone.

She's just about to continue down the hall in search of her mom when she hears her dad say, "Make sure you take care of the girl."

An icy panic shoots through Karolina's heart at the words, and she knows her dad is talking about Nico. Is he already making his move? Is he going to try to ruin Nico before she even has a chance to leave the state, before Karolina even has a chance to warn her?

So her dad's threats aren't as empty as she hoped, and his words sounded a lot more ominous than Karolina would have liked. Is he going to get Nico arrested, or is he going to do something even worse? Maybe stage an accident so Nico can never dance again? Karolina has no idea where Nico even is right now, but does her father?

She has no idea what he's planning, but she'll never let him go through with it. She'll sit here and make sure he never leaves this fucking house again if she has to.

"Dad!" Karolina starts banging on the wood. "Open this goddamn fucking door right now!"

The only response she gets is a menacing chuckle from her father before he continues talking in a hushed voice, much too quiet for Karolina to make out any more words.

* * *

Nico sighs as she heads up the elevator, ready for some much-needed relaxation time after the emotional events of the day. She had a great time out with Amy and her friend, but she politely declined their invitation to join them for some bar hopping. Nico is much too tired for that right now. She's just ready to finally get out of her leotard, take a shower, and get into something more comfortable.

When she reaches the door, she turns her key to find the door already unlocked. Have her parents gotten off work early? Has Gert dropped by to see her after today's performance?

Nico quickly brushes both thoughts away, though. Her parents are rarely home at this time, and Gert's babysitting for her neighbor today. More likely, Nico forgot to lock the door when she left, too caught up in all the emotions surrounding her performance today. She hopes nothing is stolen. Her mom will kill her if the place has been ransacked because of Nico's carelessness.

"Mom? Dad? Anyone home?" Nico calls out when she opens the door, but no one answers.

A wave of dizziness washes over her when she realizes she must have left the door unlocked for several hours. She runs into her parents' room, yanking open the drawers she knows house their cash envelope and both their laptops, and she sighs in relief when she sees all three items still right where her parents left them.

Wait a second. Is the TV still out there?

Nico hurries back out into the living room with sweaty palms to see the TV still on its stand in the middle of the entertainment center. She puts a hand over her racing heart, trying to slow her quick breathing. Nothing's been stolen. She hasn't cost her parents anything, and she's not going to be in an exorbitant amount of trouble when they come home. She can go to her room, get ready for her shower, and forget any of this ever happened.

The second she turns in the direction of her bedroom, though, she hears a scuffling sound coming from the kitchen area. Maybe one of her parents has gotten off work early after all. She's ready to kill her mom or dad for leaving the door unlocked behind them and sending her into such a panic. But the man who steps out of the kitchen isn't her dad. He's an unfamiliar man with buzzed hair wearing a leather jacket.

Fear shoots through Nico again at the sight. Someone has broken in. And he's standing right in between her and the front door.

"What the hell are you doing in my apartment?" she asks, sounding a lot braver than she feels.

"I'm the lucky guy chosen to make you disappear."


	29. there's a place for us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the last chapter of this story (next chapter will be an epilogue), and I can't believe it's is coming to a close. I've been working on this one for over a year now, and I love these characters more than any others I've ever written, so I'll be sad to see this story go. That being said, I think it's going to be another two week wait between this and the epilogue, and I'm sorry about that. I'm really busy with work right now, so I don't know how much time I'll be able to devote to writing next week, and I want to give this story the ending it deserves.
> 
> As always, thank you to everyone who continues to read and comment on this story. I really appreciate all of you, and your comments mean the world to me! I can't wait to hear what you think of the last chapter!

After a few minutes of incessant banging, Karolina finally gives up and slides to the floor. Her father isn't going to let her into his office, but that doesn't mean she has to let him out of it. Whatever he's planning to do to Nico, Karolina's never going to let him go through with it. She'll sit here all night.

After what has to be close to an hour, the door finally opens, and Karolina reaches out a hand to stop herself from tumbling over. She's afraid, but she's determined not to let it show as she springs to her feet. Her father doesn't look surprised to see in her in the slightest, but she doesn't flinch away from his annoyed gaze. She gives him a steely look of her own.

"You're not going anywhere." She stands in his way.

"Oh, cut the bullshit, Karolina." He waves a dismissive hand at her. "Go back to your room."

A different Karolina would have backed down immediately, would have already been ashamed enough at the irritation in her father's voice. But she's not the same Karolina she once was. She's Karrie now.

"No way." Karolina remains in the doorway, blocking her father's way out. "I'm not letting you leave this house."

"Ever again?" Her dad has an amused look in his eyes now, and Karolina doesn't like the flutter of anxiety it sends swirling through her stomach. "What do you think it is that I'm going to do?"

"I don't know what exactly, but I know you're planning on doing something to Nico." Karolina doesn't even hesitate to accuse him. "I heard you talking about it on the phone."

She's surprised at how easy it is for her to stand up to her father, how right it feels not to care about his reactions or his feelings at all anymore. Her younger self would be so proud of her, so in awe of her. Nico would be proud of her too.

" _I'm_ not going to do anything." Her father scowls. "Who do you think I am, Karolina? Some lackey? This kind of work is well beneath my status."

"What kind of work?" Karolina's blood runs cold at the thought of what her father might be planning.

"The kind of work that gets things done. For good."

_For good? He can't mean—_

"Let's just say there's been a change of plans," he continues. "It looks like it won't be necessary for you to go to New York after all."

"What do you mean?" Karolina's throat is so dry she almost can't get the words out.

"I mean that your little partner, _Nico_ ," he sneers when he says her name, "won't be accompanying you."

"Why not?" Karolina asks, though she fears she already knows the answer.

Her dad only emits a menacing chuckle in response, the same as he had when Karolina first started banging on his office door. She simultaneously needs to know the answer to her question immediately and never wants to hear the words spoken into existence.

" _Why not?_ " she repeats.

"Because she'll be dead within the hour."

For a few seconds, all Karolina can do is stare. Her father looks so pleased with himself Karolina wants to vomit, but she's paralyzed with shock. She's always known her father to be capable of terrible things, but she's never thought him capable of murder. How can she ever have loved this man? How can she ever have wanted to create a miserable future for herself just to make him happy?

Karolina backs away slowly, shaking her head at the man she once admired. She has to get out of here. She doesn't know exactly what her father has done, but she knows enough. She needs to get to Nico's apartment before it's too late.

An icy shard of fear pierces Karolina's heart straight through at the thought of what she might find. But she also might get there in time to save Nico.

Karolina will be damned if she fails Nico again.

She turns on her heel without another word and hurries back the way she came.

"You'll be too late," her father calls after her, but she doesn't turn back.

She doesn't even grab her suitcase.

* * *

Time slows down as the strange man in Nico's apartment reaches behind him, presumably for a weapon, but Nico's legs are frozen in fear. She urges herself to run away, to get as far from this man as she can before he pulls out whatever is behind his back, but she can't move an inch. Besides, where will she even go? The only way out of her apartment is through the door this man is now standing in front of.

When the stranger starts bringing his arm back out from behind him, though, Nico's legs finally kick into gear, and she races into the nearest room, her bedroom. She immediately slams the door behind her, heart hammering in her chest, and locks it to buy herself some time.

Nico feels as if she might pass out as she quickly scans the room, looking for any possible means of escape. She could climb out the window, but her apartment is on the third floor; a fall from this high would probably have the same result as going back out into the living room.

There's no way out.

Nico clenches and unclenches her hands as she looks for something, anything, she can use to defend herself. Her eyes zero in on the reading lamp on her desk.

The minute she moves toward it, though, shots ring out from behind her, and she immediately dives to the ground. For a moment, her mind blanks with panic.

_I'm going to die._

She takes a deep breath, trying her best to clear her head so she can think the situation through. So the man has a gun, and he's shooting at her through the door. The best thing for her to do would be to get out of the line of fire. She quickly slides under her bed and presses herself as close to the wall as she can get.

_He won't be able to hit me here. He'll have to break in to find me._

That's when the doorknob starts to jiggle, followed by a loud banging noise.

Nico never thought her biggest regret would be turning down her sister's offer to go bar hopping.

* * *

_Hurry. Hurry. Hurry._

It's the only thing Karolina can think as she races her mom's silver Mercedes faster than she's ever driven any car before in her life. She doesn't stop for cars in front of her that slow down, instead quickly weaving around them, and she doesn't stop for red lights if she can help it. She doesn't care if there are cops around. All she knows is that she can't slow down.

She pictures it now, walking into Nico's apartment to find her body already crumpled to the floor, lifeless eyes staring up at the ceiling, limbs never to dance again, never to move in that way that has Karolina aching to move with them.

She quickly shakes the thought away.

No. Nico can't die.

Karolina will take the hit man out herself before she allows that to happen. She'll jump in front of the bullet and let it kill her instead. She'll tear down the moon and the stars and the sky if she has to. She'll destroy the entire world around her until she and Nico are the only things left.

* * *

The banging on the door is deafening, and Nico knows the man outside is breaking it down. He's coming in, and there's nothing she can do to stop him.

Another bubble of fear rises up inside her, but she pushes it away. She has two options: she can stay underneath this bed until the man inevitably finds her or she can get out and try to reason with him. She knows which option she has to choose.

As the door begins to give way, Nico slides out from under her bed, the beginnings of a plan already formulating in her mind. She grabs her phone and sets it to record before sliding it underneath the sheets. If she's going down, the least she can do is take this man down with her.

After making sure her phone isn't visible, she makes a mad dash for the lamp on her desk, wanting to at least have a weapon ready so she has a fighting chance, but it's too late. The man yells for her to freeze before she can take more than two steps.

For a moment, she considers finally putting her karate lessons to use, but she doesn't want to chance getting shot dead immediately. Instead, she turns around slowly, raising her hands in surrender as she comes face-to-face with the barrel of a gun.

* * *

Karolina zooms into the parking lot in front of Nico's apartment building, tires screeching as her car takes up two spaces. She doesn't have time to fix her positioning, though. She only has time to hop out of the car and hurry into the building.

After running through the lobby, she presses the button for the elevator, but she can't stand still. It's as if tiny ants are crawling through her skin, urging her to move, move, move. So she does. She races away from the elevator doors and into the stairwell.

She takes the stairs two at a time, heart pounding loudly in her ears.

* * *

There is a gun aimed at her face. There's a gun aimed at her face, and Nico thinks none of this can possibly be real. What reason would anyone have to want her dead? The only plausible solution is that she must be dreaming. She certainly isn't going to test it, though.

"What do you want?" she asks before the man has a chance to say or do anything. "Money?"

He laughs. "Mr. Dean's offered me more money than your family makes in a year, little girl."

The words go through Nico like an electric shock. _Mr. Dean_. There are plenty of reasons why he would want Nico dead. He must have somehow figured out Karolina's been dancing again. And if he has, then he surely knows she and Nico are together romantically again as well.

Determination explodes through Nico's veins, and she grits her teeth. She refuses to die because of that vile man.

"So Mr. Dean sent you," she repeats, wanting to make sure her phone picks it up.

The hit man looks taken aback for a moment, and Nico knows he can see the change in her demeanor. She's still afraid, certainly, but she won't give into it.

"I'm on very good terms with his daughter," Nico continues, "and I know she'd be willing to pay you as much money as you want to let me go. Just name your price, and it's yours."

"His daughter, huh?" He seems to be considering Nico's offer, but she doesn't dare let herself hope. "Doesn't matter. You can offer me all the money in the world, and I won't be safe from Mr. Dean. If I don't do exactly what he says, you won't be the only person he wants dead."

Nico's fear returns tenfold when she hears his response, and she tries her best to blink away the tears that are forming in her eyes. She's all out of options.

This man is going to kill her.

She's going to die here, and her only thought is that Karolina will be devastated. Nico hopes Karolina will at least be able to find Nico's phone so she can turn her dad in and finally be free of him. It's not ideal, but it's certainly better than nothing.

"Can I please call my mom?" Nico struggles to stop her hands from shaking. "To say goodbye?"

The man looks conflicted for a moment, his aim wavering, but just when Nico thinks he's going to lower the gun, his eyes harden again. "Don't make this any harder than it already is," he says. "You think I want to do this? No. I just want to get it over with."

He steadies his gun and aims it at Nico's head.

She instinctively closes her eyes as terror washes over her in dizzying waves. She hears a sob that doesn't sound like her own, but she knows it must be. She's going to die.

The gunshot goes off, and it's over. Nico doesn't feel any impact, doesn't feel herself fall to the ground. It's over so fast, and she's surprised she didn't feel even a single ounce of pain.

In fact, she doesn't feel any differently at all.

Blinking open her eyes, she realizes she's still standing in exactly the same place. Her eyes fall to the unconscious man on the floor before rising to find Karolina standing over him with the lamp from the living room clutched tightly in her hands.

Nico isn't dead.

Karolina saved her.

For a moment, they simply stare at each other—Karolina has angry red marks around her wrist, but other than that, she looks unharmed—then they are colliding together, holding each other so tightly Nico briefly fears for her life again.

"Karrie," Nico sobs into her chest, shaking uncontrollably as she finally allows herself to feel the full effects of what almost happened.

"Shhh, it's okay," Karolina says as she rubs Nico's back, and Nico can hear it in her voice that she's crying too. "You're safe now."

Nico wants to respond, but she can't. This has simultaneously been the saddest, happiest, and scariest day of her life, and she feels as if she has emotional whiplash from the intensity of it all.

She can't say anything, and Karolina can't say anything, and it's enough to just exist together in that moment, to just stay in each other's arms and take the time to breathe.

"Are you okay?" Karolina finally asks.

"I think so." Nico can't stop the tiny tremors still running through her body, but she's done crying at least. "What about you? What happened to your wrist?"

"My dad happened," Karolina says, and it's explanation enough for both of them. "I'm so sorry, Nico. It was selfish of me to show up today. This is all my fault."

"None of this is your fault." Nico pulls out of Karolina's hold to look her in the eye. "You didn't ask your dad to hire a hit man. This is entirely _his_ fault."

"You're right," Karolina says, and Nico's surprised she's able to see the truth so easily, "but I'm still sorry."

"We need to call the police." Nico moves over to her bed.

"I already did," Karolina says. "They should be here any minute now."

"Good." Nico reaches under the sheets, pulls out her phone, and stops the recording, both proud of herself and relieved at the same time. "Because I can prove your dad was behind this."

"How?" Hope swirls through Karolina's eyes, and Nico thinks it's beautiful.

She gestures to the unconscious man on the ground. "He admitted it, and I have it on video. Or audio, I guess."

"We have proof?" Karolina's eyes are shimmering with unbridled happiness, but there's still a hint of hesitation in her response, as if she can't bring herself to fully believe it.

Nico understands. Karolina's dad has controlled her life since the day she was born. Of course she's reluctant to believe she can ever be free of him. Frank Dean is a rich and powerful man. Surely he'll be able to find some way around this. But Nico doesn't ever intend to let him. She'll make sure everyone knows the truth.

"We have proof." Nico nods. "And I'm going to hand it over to the police the minute they show up here. Right after I send it to you."

"So we have backup?" Karolina asks as Nico pulls up her name in her messaging app and sends her the video.

"So we can post it on our Twitter page." Nico smiles. "And on his."

Understanding dawns in Karolina's eyes. "Everyone will know he did it. He won't ever be able to come after us again without being the prime suspect."

"He won't risk it." Nico can't be one hundred percent certain of her statement, but she is certain she's finally bested the man who's been her enemy since she met Karolina the summer before sixth grade. And it feels so incredibly glorious.

"He won't risk it," Karolina confirms, and Nico's smile grows.

Karolina's smile amplifies to match Nico's, and Nico is caught in the vibrant spotlight for a few seconds before Karolina pulls her in for a kiss. Nico's eyes fall closed. They're both smiling so widely that it can barely even be called a kiss, but Nico doesn't care. It's perfect.

"It's over," Karolina says when she pulls away. "I can't believe it's finally over."

She sounds happier than Nico ever remembers hearing her, and Nico can't help but beam.

"It's over, and we're going to New York," she adds.

A small part of her still finds it hard to believe they're going to have their own dance show at a theater in New York City. It feels too good to be true, as if it's only a figment of her wildest imagination.

Karolina presses a kiss to Nico's cheek. "It's over, and we're going to be free."


	30. for we are glorious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everyone! We've reached the end of this story, and I feel so happy and sad all at the same time. I truly love this world and these characters, and I will miss them so much now that the story is over. But I'm also very proud of the work I've done on this one, and I'm so happy that I've been able to bring joy to all of you with my writing! A huge thanks to everyone who has stuck with this story for the seven months I've been writing it, and thank you for every kudos and comment I have received. I appreciate every single one of you, and I hope you enjoy the ending of never let go <3

"Karrie, you know that jump is perfect, right?" Nico asks from where she's leaning against the barre as Karolina lands yet another jump completely wrong.

But Nico wouldn't lie to her. Maybe the landing only feels wrong. Karolina feels as if wild creatures have burrowed inside of her, tearing her stomach to shreds, but she knows it has more to do with the fact that she and Nico are about to go onstage for the opening night of their show than it does with the way she is dancing.

"One more time," Karolina concedes.

"That's what you said the last two times." Nico laughs.

"Fine." Karolina sighs. "So maybe I'm nervous."

Nico shoots Karolina a knowing look. "This is about your mom, isn't it?"

When Karolina's mom told her she was divorcing her father, Karolina wasn't surprised after everything that happened. What surprised her was her mother's insistence on supporting Karolina in her dance career. Karolina knows her mom is out there right now, and while anyone else would be excited, Karolina can't help but feel as if she'll never be good enough.

"I just don't know what she's going to think." Karolina doesn't even try to argue, her stomach flipping at the mention of her mother. "I mean, she hasn't seen me dance since I was eight. And this isn't classical ballet. What if she thinks I'm terrible?"

"No one can watch you dance and think you're terrible." Nico steps closer, gently tucking a strand of hair that's fallen loose from Karolina's ponytail back behind her ear. "I promise."

At the confident and admiring look in Nico's eyes, Karolina's nerves begin to vanish like mist in the sunlight. "Especially when I'm dancing with you," she says.

"Exactly." Nico nods, smiling widely. "Like you told me when I was nervous about performing 'Tightrope' after only a week of practice, we always do our best when we don't rehearse our dances to technical perfection. That hasn't changed."

Karolina doesn't think it ever will. Trying to force the jump she's been practicing with no music and no Nico isn't going to do anything to enhance her performance. She knows as well as Nico does that when the time for the jump arrives in the dance, it will come as naturally to Karolina as breathing, and she won't even have to think about the way she does it.

As nervous as Karolina is, she's also more happy and excited than she can ever remember being, and she feels as if she'll fly away the moment her body takes another leap. She can't resist pressing a quick kiss to Nico's lips for luck.

"Five minutes until you go on." Becca peeks her head around the door of the studio the minute Karolina pulls away. "Are you ready?"

Karolina's chest tightens and her throat feels dry at the prospect of performing her first show in a theater, but she manages to nod along with Nico's "Yes."

As Karolina and Nico follow Becca down the hallway from their studio to the wings of the theater stage, Nico grabs Karolina's hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze.

Karolina glances over to meet Nico's eyes, heart rate calming a bit at the excitement inside them. Nico's right. She and Karolina can do this. They've performed in front of people multiple times before. Being in a theater with Karolina's mom watching isn't actually going to change anything.

When they reach the wings, Karolina lets go of Nico's hand and takes a deep breath, mentally preparing herself to go out onstage. She barely even notices as Becca slips out onto the stage before them, barely even hears her begin talking. She's too busy trying to block out everything around her and focus on herself.

Then Becca introduces them, and Karolina's finally brought back into the present. Karrie and Nico. She can't help but smile. Nothing has ever sounded so right.

The music begins, and Karolina feels the tension drain out of her body as everything disappears when she and Nico take the stage, the lights, the theater, and the people in the audience fading away until it is only Karolina and Nico left in the world. Just like it always is.

Karolina relaxes even further as she begins to move with Nico, allowing her body to react to the lyrics of the song and the girl beside her in the way that will always come most naturally to her. She and Nico are a team, one unit, and Karolina knows she's a fool for ever having considered sacrificing dancing, the thing that makes her feel the most human and the furthest from human all at the same time, to make her impossible-to-please father happy.

He's wrong. Every minute she's spent dancing, every minute she's spent dancing with _Nico_ , she's been devoting all her hard work and effort to something so worthwhile. Only when she was working toward a career in business was she wasting her talent. Her dad will never be able to understand how strongly she feels when she dances.

Up on this stage, Karolina is completely herself for the first time in her life, no pressure on her to be anyone else. She's free in the purest sense of the word. No voices in her head are trying to pull her back to reality, because this _is_ reality. And it feels so, so glorious.

Applause erupts the minute the song ends, and Karolina finally sees her mother sitting exactly where Becca told her she'd be. Instead of the upset or disappointed look Karolina feared she'd see on her face, though, her mom is smiling wider than Karolina can ever remember as she claps and cheers along with everyone else.

Karolina has to stop her mouth from dropping open in shock. Is her mom proud of her? For dancing?

Warmth explodes throughout Karolina as she meets her mom's eyes. Maybe her mom is finally getting the chance to be herself too. Karolina bounces on the soles of her feet, eager to find out who that is.

As the time draws on without any hint of the next song starting up, the band presumably giving the audience time to settle down before they begin playing again, Karolina looks over at Nico to find Nico already watching her with a wide smile on her face. So much love is shining in her eyes, and Karolina knows it's reflected in her own.

They've done it. She and Nico have performed on a stage in a sold-out theater, and even though there are only 472 people here instead of a million, Karolina feels as if she could burst from all the happiness, excitement, and pride swirling inside of her.

For a split second, Karolina fears this is all in her head, that she and Nico have only gotten caught up in one of their fantasies again, and any minute now, the lights of the theater and the people in the audience will turn back into the red and gold walls of the old ballroom Karolina thought she left behind in Massachusetts.

But seconds go by, and that doesn't happen. The crowd and the stage don't fade away around them. Karolina is still looking into Nico's eyes on the stage of a theater in New York City, two hundred miles from Boston, two hundred miles further than Karolina ever thought she'd get.

When the first notes of the next song finally begin to play, Karolina's body tingles in anticipation. All her life, she's been dreaming of a moment that would never come, but now, somehow, against all odds, that moment is here.

Adrenaline rushes through her as she pulls Nico against her.

She's more awake than she's ever been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Karrie and Nico dance to in this chapter is "This is Me" from The Greatest Showman, specifically the version sung by Kesha.


End file.
